Wednesday 16 August 2017

Here is the Story of a Wife Whose Husband Has Three Wives

I am grateful to be alive and I thank God. It’s just so easy for us to take the breath of life that we possess for granted, but with a heart of gratitude I thank God for mine, and that of  my family and for the lives that are been touched by this blog.
Today I want to share a story about a wife whose husband has two other wives and we are still counting. This strong young man does not look like he is ready to stop his wife acquisition activities. I was introduced to the first wife of this man just when her husband took the second wife and she was in a state of depression. And she was asked to speak with me and that I might probably counsel her in order to help her marriage get better.
But one problem that I had with this wife which is synonymous with many other wives was that she wasn’t ready to bend. She wasn’t ready to work through the situation she was in and make it better. She was very hurt which is very understandable and she felt really betrayed which also is expected. But to counsel a person who seemed to have made up her mind to sit on her hurt and fan the emotions of betrayal, is quite difficult. It's easy to help someone who wants to be helped than to force help on someone who isn't really looking for it but just wants your sympathy. 
Till I write this piece to you, this lady is yet to get her marriage back; as a matter of fact the husband has taken the third wife and only God knows if that would be the last or we are still counting.
Naturally this has affected these two people negatively in no small measure. The husband who is just a salary earner with limited income cannot afford to cater for the needs of three wives and six children and himself inclusive. He is heavily in debt and his life is messed up literally. Because of his dysfunctional home, he is unstable on his job and he is just still employed due to the mercy of his boss who is aware of his predicament of self-orchestrated destruction.
But the wife is not spared too. She is just a teacher and we know that teachers don’t earn much in Nigeria but just a few of them. She has three children to take care of with her constrained income and there are unending bills to pay; children’s school fees, house rent, feeding, transport, just to mention a few, with the husband contributing close to nothing to the upkeep of this wife and her children. Whenever he has money, he settles the need of the second and third wife and leaves his first wife to fend for herself and her children. He has tagged her a witch and claimed she is the reason his life is messed up. How convenient!
There are many stories like this, in fact too many of them like this one. And so many of them just never recover. The wife is so bruised she never wants to have anything to do with the man anymore, and till the husband goes to his grave he will resolve in his heart that his wife is the one behind his troubled life because that is the convenient conclusion for him to arrive at. He would not want to own up to his errors or convict himself of any wrong doing in the matter. The man is never wrong.
This situation like many others like it appears to defy solution. But God said two are better than one; success in life is closely related to success in marriage. And believe me, a messed up marriage will surely reflect in other areas of the lives of individual spouses in the marriage.
I will address the wife in this post, and when I mean the wife, I am referring to the first wife, the wife of the man’s youth.  Not because she is guilty of any wrong doing but because she failed to do everything within her power to safe her marriage. True she is not responsible for her husband’s sins and wrong doings but she is responsible for her reactions to her husband’s action. She is not accountable for the challenges she is faced with in her marriage, but she is responsible for the way she reacted to the challenges. Now whether she will be victorious over that challenge or she will be swept over by the challenge all depends on how she reacts to the challenge. I have often mentioned on this blog that it is not advisable to make decisions on marriage issues, trials and challenges based on emotions but on divine wisdom. When you allow emotions to rule over wisdom in your marriage, the outcome of your reaction may not be desirable.
To the wife of this man in the story above and to many other wives who might be going through similar issues in their marriage; her mistake is that she failed to win her husband over basically because she allowed her emotions control her decision making. She allowed the emotions of hurt and hate arising from betrayal and abuse of trust from her husband to overshadow her need to apply wisdom and fight for her marriage. It is okay to feel hurt, but more okay to work past the hurt, heal and do the needful.
The responsibility to build the home rest solely on the wife as we read in Proverbs 14:1. The success of any home and marriage primarily rest on the wife because the Lord knows that based on the ability He built in her she can pull things through with His help and succeed. The home is not built on emotional sentiment, it is not built on the feelings of the wife or on the reactions of her husband towards her. But a successful home is built on wisdom, knowledge and understanding as found in Proverbs 24:3-4. A woman who would build a successful home will move beyond emotion and face the task with divine wisdom and prayer.
If you would ask me if I blame the wife for what her husband has done, I will answer a big No. But despite the careless lust of her husband and his total disregard of the sanctity of his marriage, the wife should not tow the same line of action; two wrongs never make a right.
When God looks at this erring man, the wife He recognizes with him is the wife of his youth; his first wife (Malachi 2:13-15). As the first wife to this adulterous man, you are his suitable helper from God. You are the favor career in the life of his man, and so you are not just any woman in his life neither are you just any wife to him, but by God’s standard, you are his suitable helper from God on assignment in his life to help him be better than he was when you met him and better than he is now in his adulterous state, and the Lord is willing to help you succeed in this assignment. The success of this assignment is not subject to your husband’s actions, love towards you or lack of love for you. This assignment is a God given one and the assessment is done by God and the reward is received from God and not your husband. Wisdom and prayers are the major keys to success in this assignment.
After all the hurt (which is acceptable and understandable), it’s important to let go of the emotions, apply wisdom and fight for your marriage. That may sound tough, but the end reward is a sweet marriage that people around you would be envious of.
When I talk about fighting for your marriage, I do not mean that you start to pick fights with your husband and his other wives, but that you pray over your marriage and pray for your husband. You need to pray God into his life until he becomes a totally changed and repentant man. Then you support your prayer with actions. The actions that are required of you is such that you will positively occupy your husband’s life to the point that he forgets that he was ever married to other women but you.
Ensure that your sex life with your husband is fantastic, satisfy your husband sexually and in that regard do not give him room to have any complain. Also ensure that you keep your home clean and welcoming, make sure you give your husband good food. Ensure you remember the special dates in your marriage and celebrate them with time. Send him daily prayerful text messages, let him know you are praying for him. If you can afford it get him gifts on his birthdays and on other special days of your marriage, please do so. All these are actions that will help you win back your husband and then rebuild your marriage. Those who stole him from you did just that, beat them to their game. 
If he does not respond initially, please don't stop. Continue to sow the seed because in due season they will germinate and produce fruits for you. With consistency and perseverance you will get the desired outcome. 
Given the fact that in the story above the wife appears to be the victim, yet she is the savior of her marriage. A lot of people might think it’s foolish to fight for her marriage in the manner that I have proposed, but that foolishness is the wisdom that has saved a lot of marriages from total collapse including mine. And a lot of happy homes that we see and envy today were birth from the foolishness that has yielded sweet results.

If you then ask me what happens to the other wives the adulterous man has foolishly married, I will ask you what happened to Hagar in the story of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar that we find in the Bible. The other wives are not the focus here, the wife of his youth is the one that owns the marriage and she needs to fight for her marriage.  


Marriage is a very beautiful thing though with many soar stories about it and with the advent of social media, it’s fast becoming an undesirable institution.
A lot of people have entered into marriage completely unprepared and in truth love does not sustain marriage, otherwise we won’t have high divorce rate and violence in marriage as we do today. And I dare to tell you that even our parents don't know exactly what it means to be married.
While they are still struggling with their own marriage and merely managing to keep it together, they have little or no idea on how to help you keeps yours. It’s a race you need to run on your own and find your own balance and haven in marriage.
With the exposure in the world today, wives of this generation cannot endure what their mothers endured in marriage, and husbands have become less men than their fathers were. This has in no small measure affected the marriage institution.
Now get a glimpse of it:
“Marriage is you swearing to God before all men present that you are willing and ready to pour out all of yourself in making your spouse a better person, all the days of your life so help you God.” This is not subject to how good or bad your spouse is, it’s a venture that only the grace of God is all your need to see you through. And it’s God who assess and rewards your performance.
Now how do you intend to pull this through? How would you accomplish that which you have sworn to do before God and man?
When you understand the basics of marriage and you have the willingness and temperament for it, you will make a success of it. “The Marriage Handbook” is very handy to help you through it.


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Thursday 10 August 2017

Love Shouldn't Make You Weak

Genesis 3:1-6, 9
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
“You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desiring for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.  

But the Lord called to the man, “Where are you?”

Hello people, I hope I have not been gone too long. In today’s post I want to share something from the Bible. I hope that the Lord will breathe on today’s post and cause it to make a big impact in your life and marriage in Jesus name.
There are huge lessons to learn from the story of the fall in Genesis 3 and it’s common to think that Eve caused the fall of mankind. Looking at this story from face value one would conclude that it was all the fault of Eve that man began to sin, but one question that comes to mind is that “what did Adam do to prevent the fall?” I have shared on this Bible passage before and my outlook to this scripture hasn't changed much.
I have seen a handful of marriages where the husband and the wife act independently of each other. But the truth of the matter is that the consequences of each action whether by the wife or husband impacts on both lives. When God said that they are no longer two, but one, in flesh and spirit, He was not making an erroneous declaration. For example, there is no way a man can commit adultery and it will not have its negative impact on his wife and in the same vein, there is no way a wife can default in her role as a wife that its impact will not be felt by the husband.
Going back to the story of the fall, the first marriage on earth; when the serpent was going to approach the marriage unit, he entered through the rear, he spoke to the wife rather than the husband who was the head. Satan knew the order of things, he understood that the man was the head and if there was anyone to meet on matters that has to do with the two, it should be the husband. But he went through the wife; the wife who was designed to be the support but totally disregarded the fact that she was the support.
When God gave his instruction, He spoke to Adam even before Eve came into the scene. All that she knew of the instructions of God to man was told to her by her husband Adam. Now an intruder coming to make enquiries on what she only had second hand information on should have earned a response like “Go meet my husband, he knows better than I do on this,” but instead she assumed the lead without full conviction on the matter at hand and we all know the end result of that.
But the bigger picture in this story is “What did Adam do to prevent the fall?” The Bible tells us that Adam was with Eve when the serpent came to speak to her. The whole scene play out before him and he did absolutely nothing. “Eve gave Adam of the fruit and he also ate of it,” is what the Bible records. So while Adam who was the custodian of the instructions from God was observing, Eve was taking the lead and he did nothing. When people say sin came into the world as a result of the sins of Eve, I say that sin came into the world as a result of the weakness of Adam.
The fact that a man loves his wife does not translate to the fact that he should stand by and watch while she makes mistakes; it does not translate to the fact that she is allowed to be the head of the home. As a man you should love your wife sacrificially and unconditionally yet be firm as the head over your wife. Love and weakness are not synonymous to each other.
I love the part of the story where God comes into the garden; when the Lord approached the couples He didn’t call Eve to account, but the Bible tells us in Genesis 3:9 that God called to the man. It was the man that God held accountable. It was the man who was the custodian of the instruction and the head over his wife that God called to account.
As couples and intending couples we need to have some issues properly placed in our minds. First, as a wife when you are going wrong bear in mind that your husband will call you to order, that does not mean he doesn’t love you but he is accountable to God over the issues of your home and marriage. He is the head and responsible for the wellbeing of his family. As a wife I understand that it hurts when your husband scolds you, but it’s good to be positive about it rather than proving points that are not healthy for your marriage union.  
As a husband please note that loving your wife is key to the success of your marriage, God’s rules to the husband in marriage is to love his wife as himself and as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-30), but love shouldn’t make you weak. Love should make you call wrong right and then call right wrong. You are the first line of accountability when it comes to the issues and affairs of your home and marriage. I implore you to love but yet be firm and disciplined and please don't abuse your wife in the process.  



Thursday 3 August 2017

Some Challenges in Marriage Can Be Overwhelming II

So what does she do when she has already been thrown out of his life for several years, and have prayed all manner of prayers?...........Talking from practical experience.

Good day wonderful people, I trust you are doing very great. So am I, and I bless God for us all in Jesus name.
I woke this morning to notice the comment above on my last post waiting for moderation. I had thought it was just a comment to be published but noticed that it was also a question to be responded to. So rather than just respond to the comment personally to the one who asked, I decided to share it as a post so that many would be able to benefit from the response. May the Lord God Almighty uphold us to have a wonderful marital life here on earth in Jesus name.

Malachi 2:13-14
Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

By the grace and will of God, I will begin to answer this question from the scripture above. I hope all women will have a deep understanding of this scripture.
The fact that your husband has already thrown you out of his life does not mean you have stopped to be his wife. Remember it is only death that annuls a marriage covenant before God (Romans 7:2-3). And that is why we noticed in Genesis 21:8-12 when Sarah insisted that Hagar and his son must be sent away from Abraham’s home and life, God supported that position because it was Sarah God recognized and accepted as Abraham’s wife. That is still God’s position till date, because He is not a God that changing like shifting shadows. God is not standing as a witness between the man and his wife or wives, but between the man and the wife of his youth (his first wife).
In the world today, it is not unheard of that couples who have been separated for up to 30years have come back together and renewed their marriage vows and picked up their marriage covenant from where they dropped it off to finish off together. But in Jesus name I pray that yours will not take that long.
The fact that you have not had your prayers answered does not mean that God accepts your separation with your husband as final. Because if He says he hates divorce He means He hates divorce. He is not a God to say a thing and do otherwise. God honors His word more than His name. He will not speak and act contrary to His word or permit that His children act contrary to His word.
If this is the nature of God, then I will say that you who are praying, needs to consider the content of your prayer if it is in line with the will of God. What do you harbor in your heart as you pray and above all, what is your relationship with the God that you are praying to? The Bible tells us that the prayer of a sinner is an abomination to God. Do you have that intimate relationship with God that gives you confidence to approach His throne and be sure of answers? One of the things we need to check well when we want to go to God is if we even have what it takes to approach him. Are you obedient to His word enough to make you a woman after the heart of God? This needs to be worked on. It is vital for effective and result oriented prayers.
Then the next thing that is important to attend to in this situation is what you carry in your heart when you pray. It is so natural and understandable that with what your husband has done to you, to have huge hatred towards him and all those who have part-took in the matter. I do not stand to judge you for being angry even to the point of hatred, but that hatred will not get the job done. You don’t win battles in hatred, most especially if it has to do with spiritual battles. Forgive your husband and pray for him with all sincerity of heart and in love. Pray that God will grant you grace to love your husband despite all he has done and pray sincerely that God will open his eyes of understanding and restore your marriage.
Then fight for your marriage whether you are in the home or outside the home. Be a wife to your husband in prayers and deeds. On special occasions, send him lovely gifts if you can afford them. Daily send him prayerful messages and lovely notes. Let you husband know that you are still his wife and you are praying for him. Though you are out of his home, but you are still his wife. When you send him messages of prayers every day, you are registering it in his subconscious that you are still his wife and you are praying for him. These are seeds that God will cause to germinate and produce fruits for you. Sometimes you don’t just pray and do nothing. You pray and seek God for actions to take to support your prayers. A good morning text message, with a blessing for each day to your husband, sent daily to his phone will do far more than you can imagine. And a sleep well note every night praying that he gets a good night rest covered in the blood of Jesus and under the canopy of the Love of God sent every night to his phone will yield results far more than you can imagine. 
Initially he might not acknowledge those messages, but when you continue and don’t stop he will soon begin to look forward to hearing from you every morning and every night. When this happens, and with God involved in your seed, I am yet to see the demon capable of stopping what God will bring about in your marriage. Soon you will find your husband looking for you and wanting to reconcile with you, most especially when he is noticing that his life is having better meaning as a result of your prayers from afar. At that time he would be the one begging that you come back and take your rightful place in his life.
You don’t just pray and do nothing, when you pray, it’s important to seek God for the actions to take in the direction of your prayers, and the Lord will show you what to do that will work. He has never stopped being in the business of answering prayers and you will not be an exception. Your case is not a puzzle for God, you just need to pay attention to His leading and act in the direction in which He leads.  


Wednesday 2 August 2017

Some Challenges in Marriage Can Be Overwhelming

I bless the Lord for the grace to see another month. It can only be God who has helped us this far and we trust Him to see us through to the end, believing that He who began a good work in us is faithful to complete it in Jesus name.
I got a message concerning a wife in a troubled marriage and was asked to advice on how she can handle those challenges in her marriage. I am actually sharing this on the blog because I have read a similar story on a social media group that I belong to and I think it’s a situation that we can learn from. This is not a situation peculiar to just one person and for those facing similar challenges I pray you find strength for victory.

Ma, I keep seeing my mum’s elder sister in the dream. My husband told me that I am fighting a blood battle and that they are willing to kill or destroy who tries to help me. He says he can help me, though he does not want to help me because he is not ready to go or pray extra-mile to help me. He said he can’t sacrifice that. He also said if not that he likes me he would have sent me packing a long time ago because he doesn't want problems because of me. He said he cannot tell me all that it entails but I have to cut off everybody in my family except my twin brother that we are to fight the battle together. He said I have made a covenant unknowingly. He said there are lots of things he sees and knows but can’t tell me that they are deep. My husband’s mother knows everything about it and was encouraging her son not to do anything with me because the prophet told them that the only solution for them is to send me packing, so if they frustrate my life I will leave. They told my husband not to pray with me. All these things my mother-in-law knows that is why she changed her attitude towards me. He tells his mum everything he does. The prophet told his mum that unless he divorces me there is no solution and that is why he is behaving that way to me. But I know that I will conquer because there is nothing God can’t do. Ma, please in this situation, what can I do? Now I can’t sit in his car or stay around him. He is running from me because his prophet told him if he wants his life he should avoid everything about me. All these things his mum is aware of because she is the one reporting the messages to him and they also go together while the prophet tells them all sorts of negative things about me. Ma, my husband and his family are running from me.

I wasn’t in the position to meet the lady with this issue in person, but the one to counsel her wanted us to discuss this together first. But like I mentioned earlier this is a situation not in isolation, there are a lot of marriages that have either been ruined or on the verge of being ruined not by the fault of the wife or even the husband but as a result of external influences that have been given room to dominate the marriage which they have absolutely no business with.
When God instituted marriage at the beginning in Genesis 2:24 the word of God says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” So the first problem I see in this narration is that rather than the husband leaving father and mother and cleaving to his wife, he has left his wife to cleave to his mother. In whatever way we walk against the divine pattern of God we are invariably walking into trouble. When God said a man should leave father and mother and cleave to his wife, the Lord was not dumb neither was He foolish. The wisdom of the Almighty God is matchless. When you follow stupidly the pattern of God you are walking into victory and success no matter how foolish the world sees you.
The father and mother have the assignment of their own marriage to work on daily till death do them part. If for any reason they begin to dominate the marriage of their children rather than just play advisory roles, then they have shifted focus from what should be paramount to them which is their own marriage, to things that do not concern them. They are operating outside the boundaries of their assignment while leaving their primary assignment unattended to.
But I sense something fishy in this narration; this wife says that her husband has been advised not to pray with her any longer and what that tells me is that unlike what she has been made to believe in this situation that she is the victim, I am of the belief that the husband is actually the victim. It is the husband that is the target for destruction in this situation whereas the wife is the hindrance in making the evil plan against him possible. And in ignorance the man is foolishly dancing into the gallery. 
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” But I like the way it is put in the NLT Bible translation, it says, “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” So what these adversaries of your husband are trying to achieve is to ensure that he is standing alone when they strike, because when he is alone he can easily be defeated. 
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him." So what this prophet has convinced the husband to do is to erode himself of help that he will need when he falls. Note that the Bible didn't say that if one falls his mother or father can help him up, but that his friend, that suitable helper whom the Lord has provided for him ahead of any fall, can help him up when he falls. So when a prophet tells you to stay away from your wife and not to pray with her, what he is doing to you is removing that God given help from your life who has been positioned strategically in your life to help you when you fall. 
Doesn't it bother you that they say he should not even pray with you? It because they know that with God you have formed a triple-braided cord which is even better and cannot easily be broken. All those ugly tales you have been told about having to fight a blood battle and entering into a covenant unknowingly are just stories to make you loss focus from the main battle. Any prophet that tells you that divorce is the only solution to the challenge of your life is a false prophet. He is not of God. Jesus said in Matthew 19:5 that “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” God was not on vacation when you and your husband got married to each other. His presence was there bearing witness to the covenant being entered into by you and your husband as an everlasting covenant till death do you two part. Would a prophet now say that God made a mistake by permitting that marriage to take place such that He now had to change his mind to permit a divorce?
Heaven and earth will pass, but the word of God never changes and that word of God in Malachi 2:16 reads, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel, ‘and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the Lord Almighty.” A true prophet of God will not tell a man that to divorce his wife is the only solution to his problem when in truth God says He hates divorce.
So now that we have been able to identify some underlining issues in this situation and you have an idea of the truth about your challenges, I will advise wives going through this sort of challenge in their marriage to begin to pray. They will align with God in battle through prayer. They will not see their husbands as their enemy but as a man needing help whom the Lord has assigned to help as wife and suitable helper. They will wage war against the true enemy of their husband, their peace and their marriage.
In this warfare, know that the Bible says in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle (warfare) is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. So your warfare is not physical but spiritual. Not against your husband or even your mother-in-law, but against the forces of evil who are against your peace in marriage. And the weapons you are fighting with is not your tongue, as a matter of fact those weapons are not of this world. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:4 says, these weapons have divine power to demolish strongholds. That is your weapon of prayers. The kind of weapon you fight with when you put on the whole armor of God as stated in Ephesians 6:13-19.

While at war with the true enemy of your marriage, you need to be of good behavior in your home. Perform your wifely duties with all diligence. Prayerfully submit to your husband as unto the Lord, reverence and respect him while you still pray. Do not be harsh to your mother-in-law. Battles are not won in hatred but in love. You owe her respect and honor as your mother-in-law so pray for grace from God to pay that which you owe. Remember God said we should honor our father and mother, and your mother-in-law fails within that category since you are one with your husband in flesh and spirit. But you need to call on God to keep her busy so she doesn't have spare time to interfere with your marriage which is truth is not a business. Obey the word of God for your marriage and let God handle the rest on your behalf. It is well with you in Jesus name.   

Wednesday 26 July 2017

Fights Never Get the Job Done

I hope that I am not having to keep you waiting for too long to hear from me. By the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, I will resume fully soon and we can keep enjoying each other’s company.
I got this interesting message that I want to share. On this marriage issue, we are all learning and I believe we can learn big from this hilarious marriage story too.

SHE WROTE::: Good day ma. Thanks for being there for me. I will appreciate if you can share my experience on the group. I promise myself to share if the drama works. This is just to fulfill my promise ma
 VC asked me to act sick end of April. She said I should get Cardigan, aboliki (Chinese Balm), anti-malaria, panadol and scarf as my costume. I couldn't do as she advised because my boss didn't allow me go on leave as planned till end of May. Fast forward to first week in June, I didn't tell my hubby I was on leave. I only told him I was down with fever and won't be going to work. He forced me to eat breakfast and I removed first dose of anti-malaria, flushed it in the toilet and went back to sleep. It was on a Friday, hubby left for work, kids left for school and I began to watch TV, ate good food till around 7p.m when I carry my costume begin dey sleep again like person wey truly get malaria. I told him I won't be able to go to the market to shop for food stuff + grocery as the malaria still dey worry me. He left for the market Saturday morning with the list I gave him. He came back complaining that things are too expensive. Did I tell you he used to give me 35k as monthly feeding allowance for family of 5? Yes, that was my cross, we would fight, insult each other still he refused to add to the money. I got tired of fighting and decided to get EGS involved. That is how this drama tin start o. I watched my husband complaining bitterly about yam and tomatoes. He kept warning our first child not to waste food. My daughter told him milk has finished just 3 days after he bought 400g can. Hubby started shouting 'is this how these children eat?' I just sit down on the bed in my Cardigan watching them. I responded 'that is why I begged you to increase the feeding allowance but you think I wanted to pocket your money, you never say thank you when I told you I spent about 100k on feeding every month' He said, ha! I can never imagine tomato is now #80 per one, 5 balls for #400. 
I acted sick for one week. It wasn't easy but I just had to do it to get my freedom. Only God knows how much he spent taking care of the home front in that one week. He credited my account with 50k and gave me 70k for the month of July. The most interesting part is, he gave me the money with so much humility. He said 'my dear, please manage this 70k, I will keep adding to it by God's grace,’ to be submissive is no longer hard for me. I love him better and no more fight. I also appreciate how Arewas always come out en masse to talk sense into whoever needs it. I truly appreciate EGS. What I tried to achieve for years with so much bitterness is now a thing of the past.


This message didn’t originate from me, and so there are a lot of acronyms there that I don’t really know its full meaning, like EGS and VC. But I sincerely find this as a very hilarious and practical way of getting issues resolved between a wife and her husband on the finances of their home. I am so glad this woman was able to apply this approach that didn’t entail force, fighting or quarreling. I just wish women will understand that force and fighting really don’t get the job done.
In as much as I don’t encourage deceit in marriage, but I am trying to understand how much of fights this woman must have had to put up with before being introduced to this wise approach that has fetched for her in marriage what the many fights could not fetch.
Just before settling down to write this piece, I called one of my friends who rushed to me some months back to seek help on her troubled marriage. She had read my story on my blog and she desperately wanted to talk to me. We sat down to talk and one of the truths that I shared with her was the fact that fights don’t solve the problem. They never do. Today when I called her to wish her a belated Happy Birthday, she was telling me how things are turning around in her marriage. She sounded happy and hopeful. That was not the case some months back when we first spoke, but now the story is changing. She is not fighting anymore, she is doing other things that are yielding better results for her. It's called godly wisdom

I know that not all can apply the method of this woman whose story is shared above successfully. Not every husband can react the way the husband in the story above reacted. It's not a stereotyped approach and men are different and should be handled differently. But when you truthfully seek God’s intervention in your marriage He will show you that method that will work for your peculiar situation in marriage. God never runs out of ideas that work, but fights never get the job done.  

Thursday 20 July 2017

Don't Seek The Demon in Your Wife


Hello people, it’s been about a month since I posted on this blog. I haven’t been anywhere, just occupied with writing books. Once done with the book in which I compiled previous marriage posts from this blog, I began writing another. In due season, you will have them to read in Jesus name.

I got this from my younger sister. She knows that I am very passionate about marriage and she often pops up some marriage puzzles for me to solve and most of them I have shared on this blog in form of true life stories because those puzzles are always true life situations that we can learn from. So we have this puzzle again to look into and by the grace of God share some lessons from.
The man in this story says he loves his wife but she acts like a zombie. Some other men have hyperactive wives and its also a problem, because with time you won’t know who is the boss in the home between the wife and the husband, and we begin to talk of domestic violence when the wife gets too outspoken.
First I give my 100% respect to this wife; to do what her husband says she does really takes a lot of humility and effort. No matter how down and low a woman is, for her to know that her husband is cheating on her and still apologizes, tells me such a woman has something up her sleeves. We woman would tolerate about anything from a man, but that our husbands are not faithful to us and we will still smile and accept it, is almost impossible except there is something else attached to the situation.
If a man cheated on his wife once or in the past and he is repentant and sober with signs to show that he is truly sober, then forgiving is very possible and easy. But when a woman knows that her husband is cheating on her and is still not reacting, I will say that the husband is more of a fool than he thinks he is. That wife of his wouldn’t be so humble in that circumstance if there is nothing making her so humble. By the time her bottled up resentment explodes, the husband would wish by his life that he never meddled with her emotions ever.
But what if this woman was a praying wife; a godly wife who is so submissive not because her husband is so nice and faithful, but because she is doing so in obedience to the word of God, like I have always preached on this blog. What this woman is doing in essence is that she is heaping coals of fire on her husband’s head as we read in Romans 12:17-20. This woman loves her peace more than anything else in the world, much more than the foolishness and drama of her unwise husband, recognizing that she would be worse off retaliating or avenging the wrongs her husband is doing to her and this husband is foolish enough not to know it.
No matter how this wife wants to avenge what her husband is doing to her, she cannot beat God to it. What God will do on her behalf far exceeds what she would do by herself and this is what the husband needs to be afraid of rather than make a boast of his stupidity.
I have always asked woman who have complained to me about their husbands infidelity or maltreatment how the financial state of their family/husband is, and the general answer that I get is that, it’s not as good as it was when love and peace was reigning in their marriage. Nothing drains wealth and value in a man’s life more than adultery and maltreating of a wife by her husband.
We learnt in Proverbs 18:22 that a man who finds a wife has found what is good and obtained favor from God. So to say that a wife is favor personified in the life of a man. Proverbs 31:11 also teaches us that a man who is married to a wife of noble character has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. So we can correctly conclude that a wife of noble character pours value into the life of her husband.
Now picture that you have been blessed with a wife such as the one described by her husband in the snap shot above, you automatically have what the Bible calls a wife of noble character who pours value into her husband's life; a wife who is favor personified in the life of her husband; a wife who works for the peace of her home. Then you will rightly conclude with me that not giving this wife the honor, love, esteem and respect that is due to her is like shortchanging her for her hard work and you would be answerable to God for that. So rather than appreciate the goodness in his wife, this man seeks a wolf he is most likely unable to tame when it turns up. So I seek the permission of my readers to call this man foolish. In no time this man would receive the reward of his foolishness.
I mentioned earlier that nothing drains wealth and prosperity from the life of a man who is married more than adultery and maltreatment of his wife and family. The Bible tells us in Luke 16:10 that “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” Now consider this very carefully: if God has blessed and prospered you and rather than take care of the wife and family that God has entrusted to your care, you spend God’s wealth in your possession on careless living and adultery you have just proven to God that you cannot be trusted with very little. That blessing in your hands that looks so much to you, yet the Bible calls it very little, will be withdrawn because God does not waste His resources. There are so many people still seeking the resources which you waste. When your finances aren’t looking like it used to, before calling your wife a witch and the bad luck in your life, check how you have managed what was entrusted to you by God. 
God said in Malachi 2:13-14 that you flood the Lord’s altar with tears, you weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands simply because you have broken faith with the wife of your youth. A man from whom God has withdrawn His attention is a man from whom God has withdrawn His blessings. So when you break faith with the wife of your youth, you have God’s attention and blessings withdrawn from you. Your wife is not the witch or bad luck, you are simply the architect of your own misfortune.
Proverbs 3:9-10 says, “Honour the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine.” When you give the firstfruits of your income, you pay that into the house of God, but when you honor God with your wealth, you spend your blessings in a manner that pleases God. If the Lord has asked a man to provide for his relatives, especially his immediately family (1 Timothy 5:8), and a man does just that, he honors the Lord with his wealth. For such a man, his barns will be filled to overflowing and his vats will always brim with new wine. That man is proving to God that he is faithful with very little and as much shows God his readiness for bigger blessings.
From all of these scriptural revelations that we have, we can see and understand the foolishness of a man who stands to disdain the honor and respect his wife shows him by saying sorry at all times and to all things. This woman that seems to be foolish in the sight of the world is rather wise in the things of God and her reward will not be delayed.

It is okay to seek a vibrant wife, but never seek the demon in your wife because when that demon is unleashed you won’t be able to curtail it. When you want the best from your wife, give her the best. Engage your wife in constructive discussions and you will be amazed at her level of intelligence. When you want to know what your wife is capable of, give her task to handle and I can assure you she will surpass your imagination. It is only in love that you can get the best from the gift of favor that the Lord has placed in your life in the person of your wife.    

Friday 23 June 2017

Rape & Marriage

Lately I have read some articles about sex in marriage on my social media timeline and sincerely I have learned quite a lot from them. But I also came across a post where a young woman was asking for help on the note that she was raped by her husband. I had waited a while to see if someone would comment on that particular post cause it was on a group forum, but when none was forthcoming I decided to drop my thought. That same thought is what I will be sharing with you on today’s post by the special grace of God.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayers. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of lack of self-control. 

My first thought to this grave allegation of this wonderful wife is, what is her definition of rape? From what the dictionary says, rape is simply defined as "unlawful sexual intercourse." Can one then say that because a man who makes love or has sexual intercourse with his lawfully wedded wife without her consent has raped her? This is an issue that can be debated, but here is my own line of argument on it.
From what I have read in the scripture above, a man’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, and in the same manner, a woman’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. Now for a man taking hold of his wife’s body which also belongs to him as her lawfully wedded husband without her consent, can we then call that rape based on the revelation of the word of God in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. Now, is it possible to steal what you own because rape can actually be likened to theft. This is one of my reasons for questioning this woman’s grievous allegation from a wife to a husband and others like it.
Then we find again in 1 Corinthian 7:3-5 that a wife should not deprive her husband; neither should a husband deprive his wife except for mutual consent. From my own understanding of the word of God, what the Bible says requires consent is the abstinence from sex between a husband and his wife and not a wife requiring consent before she can have sex with her husband or a husband requiring consent in order to have sex with his wife. So this allegation is a bit ambiguous for me to accept. The Bible says a spouse must seek consent before abstinence of sex and the world system says a spouse must seek consent before sex takes place. If this issue of consent before sex is required between two adults that are not married then I will agree with it in totality. But when they are married, its a different ball game entirely going by the discovery made in the Bible. We should bear in mind that sex outside of marriage is forbidden by God. 
Now some of the comments that came after I posted my comment, argued contrary to my opinion, and the general consensus was that a man who loves his wife would not rape her or forcefully have sex with her. There are a lot of write ups posted from other websites that showed that marital rape is actually possible and it was also associated with domestic violence, and to men who lack respect and regard for women.
I don’t disagree with whatever ideology and logic given to the explanation of domestic rape, but I have based all of my life on the Bible approach and God’s interpretation has made more sense to me than anything else. A man who longs to have sex with his wife is a man who loves his wife enough to share his body with her and likewise a woman who seeks sex with her husband must love him enough to want to share her body with him unreservedly. It is when love is lacking that a man or woman will require consent from their spouse before they can engage in sex with them.  This man or woman could as well have shared his/her body with another woman/man outside of the marriage but choose his wife or her husband above all and I believe this gesture should appreciated and reciprocated. And going by what I am reading in the Bible a man or woman does not need the consent of their spouses for sex to take place. I do not mean to sound cruel, but this is what the Bible says.
But I need to add more to this so we can have a better understanding of the matter. Sex should be a show of love between married couples. Sex is the physical expression of the emotion of love between a husband and his wife. But sex is also a duty for married couples as we can understand from scripture above. So as a husband or wife you should to be up to your duty on all issues in your union including sex, in obedience to the will of God for your marriage. When you lack interest in this aspect of your duty or you lack motivation, it’s a thing worth praying to God about.
I was once in that phase in my marriage where I detested sex. But the moment I read the scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 and realized that sex is a duty I owed my husband and lacked motivation in, I began to pray. I asked God for help and in His faithfulness God heard me and helped me and that aspect of my marital life is not lacking anymore. Because I made up my mind to always please my husband not because he deserved it or not, but because pleasing my husband means pleasing God who has asked me to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. Now I have overcome my dislike for sex. 
I appreciate that sometimes a woman or man may be stressed up either physically or emotionally and as such might not be inclined to sex at that time. But this should be for just a short period of time. The body needs rest in truth but its still not an excuse based on the Bible to abstain from sex. But if both agree to a short break to overcome fatigue, I believe there is nothing wrong with that.
But it is ungodly for a woman or man to use sex as a punitive tool in marriage. Prolonged abstinence from sex in marriage as a means to punish each other or for any other reason at all is not godly. For a woman or man to say that because he/she is upset or angry with her/his spouse and so they won’t make love with each other is absolutely wrong. Deal with your anger, pray that the Lord would help you manage your anger and then get together with your spouse. Jesus said you should not allow dawn to meet you angry with anyone at all least of all your spouse.
At the moment of sexual pleasure between married couples, all negative emotions are eroded; anger and hatred fades away at the point of intimacy and God in His wisdom says you two should not deprive one another that opportunity of reconciliation without verbal apology. He knows how sex can help your marriage grow, He put it there for a purpose and so He says do not deprive one another.    
Some others have put forward the fact that marital rape is associated with domestic violence. I have always maintained that domestic violence is an avoidable phenomenon in a marriage where God and wisdom is allowed to have free-play in. When a woman is submitting to her husband as unto the Lord in obedience to the word of God, she pleases God and pleases her husband too (and that is the hidden truth). By pleasing her husband she is attracting her husband’s love and when she is attracting her husband’s love, he will make her a priority in his life. When she is a priority in his life, he is caring for her and loving her and so he is pleasing her in return. When this is what plays out in your marriage, then domestic violence has no business in your union. Rape and disrespect for your woman dignity will have no place in your union. These are simple things that we have made so complicated due to pride of life, ignorance, lack of contentment, greed and hardness of heart. Otherwise this should not be. 

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