Thursday 20 November 2014

The Joy Of A Housewife

Going through my  blogger dashboard, I realized that it's been over five weeks since I last shared a post on my blog, and I sincerely apologize for the unintended break. But even during the break, I am still actively working for God. And I bless God for the lives of all those who take out time to read my post.
My post today will be on the joy of being a housewife. A couple of days ago I went for the Parents-Teachers Association meeting in my daughter's school. It was the first of such meeting I was attending because she is new in the school. While at the meeting the parents were asked to introduce themselves for recognition, as there was scheduled to be an election for the new PTA executives. So when it was my turn to introduce myself I gave my name, and my occupation as HOUSEWIFE. Those were the information we were asked to give.
When I introduced myself as a housewife, everyone in the hall cheered. There was clapping of hands by almost everyone in the hall. The side talk being, "what a boldness to introduce oneself as a housewife." I could have introduced myself as a businesswoman, because I get to do some petty trading when the opportunity presents itself. I could have introduced myself as an Indie Author, cause I have about six books I am working on at the moment. Trying to edit them and make sure they are friendly to read. I could have introduced myself as someone who blogs, that's what I am doing at the moment and people make loads of money blogging, although I am not yet doing that.
But I chose to introduce myself as a housewife, because that's why I reap a large chunk of my satisfaction from. Being a mother and a wife is my first assignment from God and it's what gives me the most joy. Unlike what quite a number of people believe, it is the most tedious of all task a woman can ever be faced with, if she has to deliver very good products that the larger community will benefit from. If you want to have a home that gives your husband joy and the willingness to always return to after each day of work, then you will have your hands very busy from the very early hours of the day, till late night.
So that you'll appreciate what I am trying to put across, let me give you a rundown of my typical day. My alarm wakes me up by 5a.m, I then say my prayers and wake my daughter up to prepare for school. Her school bus picks her up by 6a.m, and by then I would have ensured that she is ready for school and has taken a slit breakfast. Once she leaves, I do a little chores, like clean left over dishes, air the cloths that has been washed in the washing machine over the night and then wake my other two boys up to prepare them for school. I'll drive them to school by 7.45a.m and by then I would have ensured that my husband has all that he needs to get ready for work which includes his morning tea.
When I return from taking my two boys to school, it's time to take care of my 7months old baby. I'll feed him, give him a bath, when dressed, he is ready for another round of morning sleep. I get done with this by about 10a.m, and to my relieve, my house keeper resumes work. You'll probably think that with the presence of a housekeeper I'll rest, but not so fast. That is the time to power on my computer and either write a blog or edit a book. In between, I am on the phone solving extended family issues and running errands for my husband as I double as his personal assistant. My mother calls or she wants me to do something for her urgently. The demand never ends. I run this course till about 3p.m and then it's time to pick the children from school. Once that is done everything else slows down cause my attention is required by all four children almost at the same time. We run through their school's homework, make sure they take lunch and I then have settle pockets of fight between them. If I am lucky, I get about an hour of sleep in between. Then it's time to make dinner. Dinner cooked, and it's time for the daily Bible study. I ensure they take their night bath and its time for bed. Before now my husband would have been back from work so I'll need to be available to hear the rundown of how his day went at work. So by the time we are through with our discussion and I have taken care of all four children including my 7months old baby, it's about 10p.m. I try make out another hour or two for my blog and books and so I get to sleep at about 12midnight. 5days out of the 7days of the week this is how my time is spent.
I am so sorry to bore you with the breakdown of my typical day activities, but in truth, this explains why I cannot feel ashamed to tell the world that I am a housewife. It is my duty to ensure that my children are up and well. To know about any happening in their lives and ensure that they grow well by the grace of God. It is my duty to know about a cut on their skin and treat it, observing it till it heals, to make sure their flu is treated and they see the doctor when the need arise. My duty still to ensure that they grow with the right values and Christ is impressed in their lives. My duty still to be a wife to my husband, a shoulder to lean on for him, a listening hear to his complains, share his joys and pains with him, share his worries with him. My duty to pray and fast for him and my children.
It is my duty to ensure that there is ample supply of what we need in the house: food, drinks, cereal, milk, beverages, toiletries etc. Then I am to know that all the pipes are working well and that a broken pimp is fixed. Not necessarily by me, but I need to be sure that every aspect of my home is running well.
One beautiful thing about my job as a housewife is that I am never on vacation. My children take breaks from school, my husband takes leave from work to rest, but I am never on leave, neither am I on holiday even though my work can be stressful and demanding.
But there is a big joy in what I do. The satisfaction that I can watch my children grow well under my care and that I am striving towards giving the society quality citizens that will impact the lives of others positively is a joy to me. That I can share my wisdom with my husband and share in his wisdom such that it is impacting on his work life positively is big joy to me. And will there be a reward for the big task that I engage in? Yes there will be. The Lord who sees what I do in secret will surely reward me in the open.
My husband often passes a comment, he says "Derin, a lot of people see you glow and say your husband is taking care of you. If only they know that you take care of me the more, cause I am who I am today because of the strength with which you support me." This is my joy for being a housewife. This is what keeps me going, it is what makes me want to do more than I am doing at the moment.
The Proverbs 31:10-31 wife is not a joke at all, it is not for lazy hands. But the Lord has truly built the wife of noble character to be all that. When you learn to draw strength from God, you will surely put that strength to work in your life and home and you will in no time be called by the name "a wife of noble character." Then you will not be ashamed to tell the world that you are a housewife with your head held up high.    
In closing I wish to go on a holiday too. Trusting God for that, and yes I was made an executive member of the Parents-Teacher Association in my children's school just as I am a housewife with joy.

Tuesday 14 October 2014

A Polygamous Life

My blog today is based on the story of a man with two wives. In the part of the world where I come from polygamy is no strange phenomenon, it's just part of the culture that a man can marry more than one wife at any given time. But the state of the home that such a marriage will produce leaves much to be desired.
So, this man from Nigeria is married to two wives and it has been so for well over 30years. But when he sits and recounts the events of his life, the greatest regret he says he has is entering into the polygamous life style.
As it is impossible to love both women equally and also impossible to love both women as himself unconditionally as the Lord has commanded the husband to do, his home is hanging imbalanced. Naturally he feels a little more affection for the second wife above the first, yet the first wife tends to hold him in high esteem and treat him with more respect and love more than the second wife.
In the Nigerian culture, with the older generation, there is rarely the case of divorce. We find divorce been heard of more with the younger generations but not with the older ones who have been married for upward of 30-40years. So this man is not thinking of divorcing any of his wives, he is unable to bring the two women together as one entity, and so his marital life is in a way, a big mess.
However, one thing I discovered in this marriage situation is that God has favoured the first wife above the second. Her own children are doing better in life as adults than the children of the second wife. The success rate of the children of the first wife is higher than that of the second wife. And who is it that does not want to be identified with success? So this man in question wants to be known as the father of the children of the first wife more than the children of the second wife, yet he loves his second wife more than his first.
In all of this I see God's unsearchable wisdom, He has decided to be fair to the unloved wife and then bless her with successful children who will love and care for her in old age. But I always ask myself this question, is the pleasure of having two wives worth the trouble of having to cope with the strife, malice, jealousy, and even hatred associated with polygamy?
From the days of the Bible, going by the examples of polygamy found in the Bible to this present generation, it is common knowledge that polygamy is usually characterized by things like malice, strife, jealousy and hatred. It will take the grace of God for a polygamous home to enjoy as much peace, love and harmony as that of a home built on one man and one wife marriage.
In as much as God has not spoken against polygamy directly, and a polygamous man is still opened to receiving grace and favour from God such as one received by Jacob and David, yet Paul says a polygamous man is not allowed to hold a position of leadership among the congregation of the men of God.

1 Timothy 3:1-4
Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

It is important to know and appreciate that one quality the Lord looks at as He picks a shepherd over His people is that such a shepherd is not married to more than one wife. Such a leader is suppose to be one that leads by good example even as it entails the issue of marriage and the home. This is so because a leader is unable to lead effective in an atmosphere of hatred, malice, chaos which are major attributes of polygamy.
When God observed that it was not good for a man to be alone, from the ribs of the man, He formed a wife for him. It was okay by God's design that a man can afford a missing rib out of which a wife was made for him. But there will be an imbalance in the bone structure of the man if God had to take more than one rib, thus taking two or more ribs to form wives.
If only the men can understand and appreciate that they carry more weight than they are designed by God to carry when they marry more than one wife. Based on God's plan for the man, there is room for just one wife as it is just one rib missing in him. If for any reason more than one rib was extracted by God from the man, there will be a bigger vacuum in the man's life where more than one wife will be required to fill. But God who created man and who knows what lies ahead for the man He created has made room in his life to accommodate just one wife and the only wife needed to make the man complete and fulfilled.
My little word for the man is this, just as it is important for the woman to seek and obtain the approval and leading of God before accepting a marriage proposal, so is it important for the man to seek the face of God and allow the Lord lead them to the woman He has made for them. When you let God make and present a wife to you just as He did for Adam and also for Isaac, the need to take a second wife will not arise, because the Lord will present to you the exact match of you in your wife noting that the God who created her made her from the rib He took out of your body.
When we consider the polygamous stories of the Bible we will notice that those who went into the polygamous style of marriage where those who did not seek God before picking a wife for themselves. There is no marriage crisis that is beyond the reach of God to solve when we are wise enough to hand over the situation to him. But when because of the lust of the flesh a man decides to take a second wife for himself, he is tending towards over-stuffing the vacuum in his life that most probably will lead to more chaos than he originally bargained for.
In order to avoid polygamy that culminate in marital crisis, its important that a man seeks the face of God before making a marriage covenant with any woman. As for you woman I will advise this, a man who has a wife in his life and home is not God's best for you to marry. There is a man from whose ribs God formed you. Seek God's face for that one man and marry him. May the Lord help us.

Wednesday 1 October 2014

Sex and Marriage

I shared a post on this topic sometimes last year and to date, it remains my post with the highest page views. In truth, there is the need to speak and speak again on the issue of sex and marriage. And just like I wrote in my last post, if there is adequate knowledge on the issue of sex and marriage, a lot of marriage issues will be solved.
Sex and communication in marriage go hand in hand, and just like someone quoted, we can't expect a beautiful sex life in a marriage that is lacking in love and good communication. In fact, for some couples, sex is a way of showing love and appreciation for each other. So it is just common knowledge to say that sex and love go hand in hand.

1 Corinthian 7:2-5 (NIV)
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

From the passage above we are able to understand the mind of God with regards to the issue of sex in marriage. There is another view on the topic of sex in marriage been highlighted in this passage. Paul is regarding sex between couples as a duty they both have to fulfill towards each other. Although it is an act closely related to the love a man and his wife feel for each other, yet it is a duty that they have to fulfill towards each other in marriage. 
What this tells me and I will like to share is that even when for any reason you are angry with your spouse and/or you fall out of love with your spouse, you still owe him/her the duty of sex. And for no reason is a man allowed to deprive his wife access to his body and likewise, the wife is not allowed to deprive her husband her body as the Bible says the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to the husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to the wife. 
One interesting thing I have found to be true is that even when couples are having misunderstandings or any form of quarrel and yet do not deprive themselves of sex, it's the easiest way to make up and end the quarrel without having to go through the stress of settling matters verbally. And when I realized this, I acknowledge how deep the wisdom of God is when through Paul the Lord said the husband and his wife should not deprive each other of sex.
Looking at it critically, it's almost impossible for the husband and his wife to carry on with their fight much longer after they have shared each other's bodies. So we can rightly conclude that sex is also a means of restoring love in a marriage.
There are quite a number of functions sex play in marriage, it keeps warm, it produces a sense of love and togetherness in marriage and it yields a fruit that outlives the couples in the children they birth forth. But there are some issues that cannot be overlooked as I summon the courage to share this post on sex in marriage. The issue is this: Is it possible to have a functional sex life with your spouse after you have discovered he/she cheated on you?
Once I was talking to a lady about life's experiences and how it is so very possible to reconcile and move on with marriage after an episode of someone discovering that he/her spouse has cheated on them. The first thing she said was, "If I ever find out that my husband is cheating on me I don't think that marriage can continue because even if I forgive him, I can't give my body to him again." I totally agreed with her, because other than the sense of betrayal one feels, there is also irritation that can follow at the mere thought of knowing that your husband or wife has offered his/her bare body to someone else.
But this is where the grace of God comes in, this is where having a mind of Christ comes in. Mere love does not solve a problem such as this, it takes a mind that has been rejuvenated by Christ Jesus not just to forgive a cheating spouse, but also to be able to continue to carry on with the obedience to the word of God, noting that God said the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, He did not give an exception to the rule. So in fulfilling God's purpose for your marriage, you need to bear in mind that whether your husband cheated on you or not still your body belongs to him and God says do not deprive him of that body. And the same goes for the husband, whether your wife cheated on you or not, your body belongs to her and you should not deprive her of what belongs to her. After all, Christ gave himself for us all body, soul, and spirit while we were yet sinners.
Now to know if this is actually possible in reality because many will think it easy to write this than actually practice it. Well by the grace of God I am a witness to what I write. It was not easy but I am here, past my troubled years in marriage and now a happily married woman. I didn't have to change husbands, but I let God work in my husband to bring the desired change in his life and mine.
By this post I do not encourage cheating in marriage, it breeds betrayal and a lack of trust that is so very hard to store, but by the grace of God what I aim to achieve, is help a marriage restore love and the need to rejuvenate the sex function back into the marriage after the discovery of a cheating spouse. 

Proverbs 5:18-20
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 
A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. 
Why, my son, be captivated with another man's wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

It truth there is no perfect marriage and no perfect couple, but you can work towards perfection and enjoy all that God has in store for you in marriage and learn each day more about making your marriage a success and strife continuously to make every moment of your marriage life a beautiful one. No stranger can work your marriage out for you. It's your marriage and so the effort will have to come from you. May God help us as we follow after Him. 
 


Monday 29 September 2014

What Are You Looking For In A Spouse.

I have heard of women who have mentally drafted a list of what their ideal husband should and should not be. If for any reason a suitor seeking their hand marriage falls short by one point of what their ideal husband should be, he is most definitely going to be turned down or rejected. Such people in the process of being to selective of their choice of spouse end up turning down God's ideal choice for them.
This explains why we have a considerable number of woman who are still unmarried when they are gradually crawling past their marriage age. And for those who are lucky enough to find their ideal husbands or wives are quick to run out of the marriage if for any reason their spouse no longer meets up with their set standard of a spouse to be married to.
Such people do not give room for the mind of God in making a choice of a life partner, neither do they look in the mirror at their own selves to see if they are fit and good enough for the selection they are trying to make. As time passes by, they become miserable and frustrated as no man will be willing to marry them in their old state.
In order to help these category of people, and those who are still in the business of setting high standard for their choice of spouse, I will trust God to use this post in revealing His mind on the ideal and best way to make a choice of a life partner.

Genesis 2:18, 22
The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The passages above shows God's pattern of how a man and a woman should come together and be united in marriage. For a woman seeking peace and comfort in marriage rather than myopic ideals that might not last, its important that such a woman seek the face of God realistically and objectively without any form of bias before going ahead to accept or refuse a marriage proposal.
I have come across quite a number of women in their 50s that are yet to be married and at that age, are not enjoying the loneliness that has accompanied their state of life. It will be rather wrong to say that all single ladies gradually crawling past their marriage age are still single due to their high handedness with suitors in their earlier years, or high standard set for an ideal husband. But for those who have fallen victim of singleness as a result of their own making, I am sure they will look back and wish they had not set those unrealistic high standard for a prospective husband.
I have come across a number of women who will not marry a man who is not rich or at least have a good paying job. One of the deciding factor for parental consent when someone close to me was seeking his parent's consent to marry the lady he loves was whether he was financially capable of taking care of the woman he wanted to marry.
I totally agree to the need to be financially prepared for marriage, but that should never be a major reason for a man or woman to marry. I have come across couples in which the husband was very well financially stable and rich enough to take care of and provide for the needs of the wife he is about to get married to just before they got married. But a few years down into the marriage the story changed and what seemed more than enough became barely enough for one person not to talk of two and with a marriage that has produced children then we speak of more persons to care for.
Yet in another story I have come across a man with close to nothing in his pocket before getting married, yet a few years into the marriage his fortunes changed and the Lord had mercy on him and birth him in favour such that he is not only able to financially provide for the needs of his family, but also their wants.
So if one of the major reasons why you have decided to marry that man was the weight of his bank account, or his physical build and facial appearance then in that marriage their are no guarantees. At anytime the tables may turn and then what becomes of that marriage? And if this person decides to walk out the marriage for yet another money bag or handsome man and still the tables turn, one will then wonder how many husbands such a woman will have to give herself to before hitting the grave. And what lessons of life will she teach the children she has birth into the world?
But when you look beyond your ideal standard, and let God make you and place you in the life of the fitting husband He has created you for, then you are guaranteed of peace and comfort in that marriage. Once I came across the picture of my husband 19years ago when we first met, I looked at the picture and then looked at a more recent picture of his and wondered how he has evolved from the less than appealing man he was then, to the very handsome man he has grown to become. A lot of ladies have made advances at my husband in the recent past years, and I wondered if they would have done the same 19years ago.
But for me, it was not the money he had, because he didn't have much at the time we met up till the time we married. But I prayed to God because I didn't want to make a mistake in marriage. I never had any set standard for a prospective husband, I just wanted what God wants for me and someone who will make me happy. But with time, in that same one man, I have a husband who now can financially provide for me and our children and who is also good looking physically. All these because I allowed God direct my steps to His choice for me. At that time he didn't seem like one who is an ideal husband for many with high standard, but a lot of ladies see him now and wish they had been married to him.
There is never a time too late for God to shine down on someone reading this, and bless such a person with a loving husband. But you might just miss the choice of God for your life if you allow yourself get blinded by unnecessary setting of standards that you also might never be able to meet using the other persons yardstick. A perfect loving husband, or a perfect loving wife is attainable only with the help of God and not by human standard.

Friday 19 September 2014

There Shall Be None Barren In The Land

There are many things I have experienced in life, and a handful of them in my marriage. So that explains my passion for marriages to work as God has planned it to. But one area of life where I lack experience is in the issue of barrenness, as God has blessed me with four wonderful children as a gift in my life. But tonight my heart goes to those who are trusting God for the gift of the womb. It might appear as though I lack experience in this matter, but there is the truth of God over this issue that will never fail if we are wise enough to exercise enough faith to move the hand of God.

Deuteronomy 7:14
You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young. 

Roman 4:18-21
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Just as it is required of us as children of God to have faith in order to receive and retain the blessings and promises of God, so is it required to have faith to receive the promise of the gift of childbirth. So I hope and pray that the Lord will through this post ignite the faith of someone still waiting on God for the gift of children in his/her life and marriage.
If you are yet to be aware of this, in the promised land of God for His children, none of God's men or women should be barren. This is not just a promise from God, but a verdict directly from the throne of God. And so the fact that you are yet to have children is not the expected situation or circumstance in the promised land of God for his children.
Now if God has given a verdict that in the land which He is giving his children as inheritance none of the men or women there shall be barren, then no circumstance or situation can upturn that verdict. And so the only thing stopping you from having that verdict operative in your life and situation is your inability to believe God through to your miracle.
I do not mean to sound insensitive to what those who are in this situation might be going through, but I want us to learn some lessons from what Paul revealed of the situation of Abraham in the book of Roman 4:18-21. I might not have experienced the situation in my life, but there it is in the Bible. One important fact that Abraham did not deny was that his body was dead and his wife's womb was equally dead. But there was something that was not dead in Abraham's case and that was his faith in the promise he had received from God.
Abraham knew one truth which kept him going as he waited on God for the gift that was promised to him. And that truth is: God has the power to do what he has promised. Just as Abraham knew that truth about God, so will I encourage all those who are waiting on God for the same gift as Abraham was, to have the same truth at the center of their mind; that for God to give a verdict that no man or woman shall be without a child in the land, He the Lord has the power to fulfill that verdict.

Number 23:19
God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?

The passage above was the basis with which Abraham believed. He knew that God will not promise what He will not fulfil and neither will God speak when He does not intend to act. And so Abraham against all hope believed in God. He understood the facts on ground yet he knew he had a truth that far outweighs the fact about him. He had a promise from God that will never fail, because the God who had promised had the power to make good His promise.
There are some fact that might have been revealed to you about the conditions surrounding your inability to bear children. Those facts cannot and will not be denied, but there is also a truth contained in the verdict of God that there shall be none barren in the land. One thing is very sure in this matter, the truth far outweighs the facts, but until you believe that truth and hold on to that truth you will not receive the gains of that truth. Abraham believed and so became the father of many nations, and so if you dare to believe you will have your quiver full of arrows as sons will also be born to you in your youth.

Tuesday 16 September 2014

The Wife And Her Unmotivated Husband

The Lord God said that it is not good for the man to be alone, and so He made a fitting/suitable help for the man in the person of a woman and then brought her to the man to be his wife (Genesis 2:18-25). Since I began to understand the full meaning of this passage, I knew that I had a very important role to play in the life of my husband and an assignment to fulfill for God in my husband's life.
Noting that God did not specify the aspects of a man's life where the wife would be required to come in and help, then it means that in every area of a man's life where help is required, the suitable/fitting help that God has made and provided for him in the person of his wife is to come in and help in accordance to the plan and purpose of God for marriage.
But then for the purpose of this blog post, how is a wife expected to handle and deal with a lazy or better put, an unmotivated husband? Mindful of the fact that the wife is suppose to help her husband but definitely not to assume his responsibilities as her. Some men who understand their roles and responsibilities as the head of the home, who have been assigned by God to lead the family unit and shepherd the family unit in every way, are self-motivated and as such strife to meet up with what God has assigned them to do for their family.
But not all are self-motivated. As a matter of fact some men take comfort in the fact that if they do not carry out their assignment, their wives will take up these roles. This happens the most in cases of financing for the home. Quite a handful of men rest on this particular responsibility on their lives due to the fact that they know that their wives have good jobs, or earn good income and as such they do not have to strife just as hard to make money for the family as the money required for the home is already provided for by their wives.

1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 

2 Thessalonians 3:7-10
For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, labouring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 

The passage above shows the expectations of God from the shepherd of God over a family unit. Looking up the meaning of the word shepherd from the dictionary, I found this meaning that really relates to what this blog post is all about.One of the definitions of the word shepherd says "a person who protects, guides or watches over a person or group of people." So if the man is regarded as the shepherd of the family unit, that confers on him the responsibility of the one who protects, guides or watches over the family. In the course of doing all these, he needs to be the one who provides for the family too. So it is not strange when Paul said in 1 Timothy 5:8 that a man who does not provide for his relatives, especially his immediate family has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Such a man is not working or operating according to the plan of God for the family. He is deliberately running away from his God given assignment.
But even to this man described above, a wife has been assigned to him as a suitable help. What role is the wife to play in the life of this man? Is she to assume his role of the shepherd of the family or try to motivate him to assume his God assigned responsibility?
These questions are what I trust God to help us answer through this blog post. 1). The wife is a helpmeet and not the original burden carrier. She to assist the man in fulfilling his responsibility and not to assume the responsibility herself. 2). She cannot neglect the identified problem in her husband's life as one who lacks motivation and the will to fulfill his God given assignment as one who provides for his family. 3). She can try to motivate her husband, but for a hardened man who is not willing to change, she will be seen as one who nags rather than one who is wanting to help. So the wife can be seen as one who is at a loose at what to do.
But there is one option that cannot fail the wife who has been saddled with the responsibility to help this man as described above. That one very sure option is prayer. There is no problem that bets the reach of God. And there is no problem that is above God's solution. When a wife is fervent in prayer and holding firmly to God night and day over the identified problem in the life of her husband, it is just a matter of time for God to create an urgency in the life of that man that will awaken him from his slumber and trigger in him the need to raise up and begin to work in fulfilling his God given assignment.
There is no need for you as a wife to loose heart at your husband's nonchalant attitude to life and his responsibility. When you have learnt to pray heard for him, God will awaken in him the need to do that which he is required to do as the head of the family and the shepherd of your home. But while waiting on God, you are also needed to help take care of the needs in the home so that the problems in your family is not visible to the outside world. 
I will want to emphasize at this point that if the husband is genuinely making effort and striving hard to provide for his family but is having some bottlenecks in his effort that it is just ideal for the wife to come into the picture and render support. If she temporarily becomes the sole provider for the family it is okay as long as its still a support role. May the Lord uphold our homes to the glory of His holy name. 

Monday 8 September 2014

Marriage Investment

The main aim of making investment is to earn profit when considering it in monetary terms. But not all investments are done in monetary form. Parents invest in their children with the hope that the values invested in them will make them better people in future and thus produce for the parents children that can take care of them in their old age or at least give them some form of peace and less to worry about when they are old and grey. Also people ought to invest in marriage, and these investments are bound to yield returns for the one who has made the investment. The important truth is that no investment made is useless, because even the so-called bad investments have lessons attached to them that should be learnt to prevent future mistakes and makes the investor wiser.
But in this blog post I want us to look at Marriage Investment. What you put into your marriage determines what you get from it, and also the amount of investment you put into your marriage determines the value of reward or returns it yields to you. So to say that if you invest little into your marriage, you should not expect a bountiful harvest from it. And also if you have not made any investment at all into your marriage, then you should not complain when are not receiving the dividends of marriage. What you put in is what comes back to you.
First I want the women to consider this issue of marriage investment, the instruction that God gave to the woman is to be a suitable helper to the husband. The help that is required, suitable, fitting and ideal for the man in all of his life's challenges is what the Lord has called the wife to be in the life of her husband. The woman has not been called into marriage to sit as a beauty queen and expect to be waited upon. Rather in addition to the fact that she is to help her husband overcome the challenges of his life, she is also assigned by God to build her home. These are the investment the Lord expects the wife to put into her marriage for which she is to be and should expect to be rewarded.

Proverbs 31:10-31
10A wife of noble character who can find? she is worth far more than rubies.  11Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from from afar. 15She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16She considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vineyard. 17She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19In her hands she holds the distaff and grasp the spindle with her fingers.
20She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seats among the elders of the land. 24She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29"Many do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


Proverbs 10:10-31 the passage above, detailed out the expectations from the wife of noble character, these are some of the investments expected to be made by the woman into her marriage. And for these investments made, the Bible says she is to receive the well deserved reward that she has earned.

Ephesians 5:22
22Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1-2
1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of their lives.


Colossians 3:18
18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

The instruction of God in the passages above, commanding the wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord is another form of investment in marriage that deserves a reward and for which reward is earned. Obedience to any and every command of God is an investment made, and no investment made in the things of God goes without it's reward/profit in whatever way we wish to view it.
Been a suitable helper to your husband as the Lord has designed marriage to be at the beginning is an investment made into marriage. It is the fulfilling of God's command that will surely be rewarded when done truly and in accordance to God's will and purpose.
It's not just the woman that is expected to make investments in marriage. Though I always discuss marriage issues mostly in the direction of what is expected of the wives, but the husbands also have big roles to play in the matter. The man who is expecting to reap the dividends of marriage should know for sure that he needs to invest something. And just as it is with the wives so it is with the husbands. The quantity and quality of what you should expect out of your marriage depends on the quality and quantity of what you have invested in it. If you have put little into your marriage, then you should expect little in return. And if you have invested much in that marriage it is just natural that you should expect much from it.

Ephesians 5:25-28
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Colossians 3:19
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.


1 Peter 3:7
7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.


In these passages are some of the investments that God expects of a man in marriage. He has been instructed to love, be considerate and treat with respect the wife that God has blessed his life with. One important thing for the men to note is that the love referred to here is not just ordinary love, it is the unconditional love that overlooks all wrongs, forgives unconditionally and one that makes the man ready to die for his wife just in the manner in which Christ loves the church. That is the love we are talking about here, that is the investment that God expects the man to make in his marriage.
Investments are like seed sown, for them to germinate they need to be nurtured, water, and cared for to grow. When a farmer plants a seed, he just does not abandon it, but he watches over his seed, he waters the plant, and tries to remove the unwanted weeds that are growing alongside his plant. So also we need to watch over our marriage investment so as not to labour in vain. We need to pray heaven down into our homes and marriages alongside the investments made. We need to invite and retain the Presence of God in our homes and marriages.
When making your investments, don't grumble when your spouse isn't responding favourably at the beginning. Seeds take time to grow and investments takes time to yield results. Beware of negative thoughts within you and also watch and war against external influences that might want to grow and crush the seed of your investments before the harvest is ripe.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. An institution that is worth investing in. No man should be alone, and no man should live in misery of marriage, but you should be ready to invest in marriage to be able appreciate and enjoy the full joy of marriage. I just saw a quote on google by Amy Grant that says "The more you invest in marriage, the more valuable it becomes." With this I totally agree, and I believe you share the same agreement too.

Why Do We Worship God

Many people feel like they should only praise God when they have received a blessing from God. Honestly, I was in that category too, so I am...