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Tuesday, 17 October 2017

A Lineage Characterized By Broken Marriages

Hello wonderful people, I am positive that by the special grace of God, you are doing very well. So am I and mine too and so for all I give thanks to God. 
I so excited so announce that you can listen and download the voice version of today's blog just by clicking on this https://soundcloud.com/aderinsola-obasa/a-lineage-of-broken-marriages. Yes this is how passionate and burdened God has made me about your marital success. God is so very interested in making sure that your marriage succeed and you have it good in every other area of your life too.  
Today I want to share a story with you that really got me thinking. This story is a wakeup call for all, and it shows the need to be very careful about the decisions we make in marriage, it’s not just about us, its about generations to come after us.
A few days ago I went to the salon to get my hair done and while there, one of the apprentice learning how to make hair was being scolded by the owner of the salon, my hairdresser who was making my hair at the time. Out of respect she asked me to join her in scolding the girl and her offense was that at age 17, she was already sleeping with men in their late twenties and early thirties. And on this day, the boss and hacked her phone and intercepted a call coming from one of her male friends who was trying to introduce her to another male friend who was on his way to see her in the salon. The boss had pretended to be this young girl and gotten all the information on the arranged meeting.
But I just didn’t want to scold this young girl, I wanted to know the root of her waywardness and so I began to question her. I asked her about her parents and grandparents and found that her mother is aged 35years which tells me she must have had this young at the age of 18years. Her parents are no longer together and her mother is currently living with another man. Her father used to beat her mum because she keeps late night partying and sometimes does not come home till the next day when she leaves for parties. Her mother built the house she currently lives in with her new lover which is the same house her children are living in with her and her lover. Her father is a driver and has no roof over his head. He sleeps in his commercial vehicle. His grandfather is late, but before he died he was already separated from his grandmother.
And when I asked what caused her parents separation, she told me that her dad was unable to give her mother money for her mother’s father’s burial (her grandfather’s burial) and so he didn’t help her mum for the burial party’s expenses and it was at that point that the father moved out of the house and the mother also moved into the house she built.
I don’t know how you feel reading this narration but I am heartbroken. Broken marriages and careless life style is becoming a thing that parents pass on to their children. I told the boss that I didn’t feel strong about scolding the girl because those to put her on the right path are actually the ones derailing her. She is practicing what she is learning from home. It has become a trend from grandparents to parents and invariably to the child if care is not taken and this is not a case in isolation. I have heard of cases similar to this one too many times.
Now what moral justification does this woman have to correct her child? How can she train her child to be all that God has destined her to be when she has not adequately trained herself? Can one give what one does not have? It’s so important that we understand that when we make marriage decisions, we need to put our children in consideration. Even Jesus says that its better to hang a milestone round your neck and drown than to cause the little ones who believe in Him to sin (Matthew 18:6) let alone your children that you gave birth to and are assigned to train and bring up in the way of the Lord.
Some wives would say they got a divorce and were still able to raise their children well. To those who remained unmarried and committed the rest of their lives to training their children I doff my hat for them in respect but there still remains one thing; if your daughter is married to a man like your husband and faced with similar problems in marriage as you were faced with, would you advise she does the same as you did, leave the marriage and remain single?
I do not subscribe to any wife managing or enduring her marriage because in truth I am not managing mine. I am having a time of my life with the man of my life and we have been married for close to 14years. But we didn’t get to this point of comfort by chance. It was hard work, it took a lot of sacrifice, I learnt obedience and I learnt submission. I sowed my seed in marriage and today I am reaping the fruits of my labor. And that is what the Lord has been using me to open the eyes of many to see and understand.
And I am totally against and condemn in strong terms that a man should beat his wife for any and every reason, but as a wife and a home maker, why would you provoke your husband to anger? Which well mannered wife will leave her husband and children at home and go to a party and not come back till the next day and expect her husband not to get angry. I don't have anything going to parties, but I have everything against being irresponsible about it.  
God has not called any into marriage to make them suffer, but we need to know that marriage is a threefold relationship between the man, his wife and God. The man has been instructed to love his wife unconditionally and as himself in the manner in which Christ loves the church. And the wife has been instructed to submit to her husband as unto the Lord (whether he is a believing husband or not) and God sits on the throne to judge the activities of the two who are united together.
We need to understand that marriage stops to become marriage when any of those in it default in their assignment in the union. The moment the wife stops to submit to her husband, then there is bound to be a problem and the moment the husband stops to love his wife there is a problem. The only constant in this threefold relationship is God. God never changes.
As a wife if you want your marriage to be sweet, please stay within the scope of your instruction. Submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Don’t try to be the judge of your husband’s character for his contribution to the union. Let God handle that, that is His assignment to perform. And as a husband, your assignment is to love your wife irrespective of her many shortfalls. Jesus loves you despite your many sins and He wants you to follow that same pattern in loving your wife. Don’t go beyond scope by judging her character, that assignment is for God, so let Him handle it.
What I have found to be most true is that when you keep at your assignment and you do so in prayers with God in focus, you will please God in the process and you will eventually motivate your spouse to action in performing their own instructions too.
And back to the story of the young girl, like I said earlier I couldn’t do much of scolding because this bad habit happens to be a family norm that needs dealing with from its root. But just that we may learn I will say to parents so that you might deposit good values in the lives of your children for your benefit in old age and for the good of the society at large, try to sow good seeds in your marriage and make it work. When you invest right in your marriage, you will get very good returns on your investment.      
If you have been blessed by this post, I will encourage you to visit My Book Store, it's an online book store that contains all the life changing books that have been written by me and inspired by the Holy Spirit and are based solely on the truth of the Bible. These books have blessed my life and the lives of many who have read them greatly and I guarantee they will bless yours too. 
When you buy a book from My Book Store you are getting very blessed by the value of the content in the book you have bought which is beyond it's money value, and you help us generate income to be able to reach more lives and touch more marriages. You help us generate income to meet up with advert cost and subscription cost for some of our paid platforms. You sow a seed into someone's marriage for the better and the Lord God Almighty will watch over your seed and cause it to germinate and produce fruits for you in multiples of what you have sown in Jesus name.


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Wednesday, 11 October 2017

I Want To Keep My Husband From Cheating, What Do I Do?

I am really sorry for my break, my device had a problem and that stopped me from being able to circulate the post. But I thank God all has been fixed. 
So in my last post we started a topic on how to prevent our husbands from cheating on us and I shared with you my own approach that has given me peace and has helped me to trust my husband to be faithful to me. But there are a little more that needs to be done in this regard, so we will look more and find out more in today’s post.
One important thing we should realize is that all things being equal, without any external influence (one very prominent external influence being peer pressure and extended family influence), once you have secured your husband’s love, you will secure along with it his commitment to your marriage. When he is committed to the marriage, he will most likely be faithful to your marriage. I don’t subscribe to the fact that most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, that is so against common sense reasoning, and I have seen and heard of husbands who ill-treat their wives just because there is another woman somewhere who has so captured their love and attention that they begin to disdain their wives and she becomes an irritant to them.
So I know for sure that when you secure the love of your husband you give him less reason to be unfaithful to you. If you believe that to be true like I do, then securing your husband’s love for you is something to consider and work towards for the peace and health of your marriage. And when you add prayers to your effort, you are guaranteed of a perfect mix.
Though I am not a man and I have heard of men who say they truly love their wives and still cheat on them (still thinking on that though), but most issues of infidelity in cases like this happen due to peer pressure and the association of friends these husbands keep. They go overboard just to level up with their male friends and fit in to expectations among their friends. But when peer pressure is removed these men act right. In as much as you cannot determine the friends your husband keep, you can at least commit that aspect of his life to God and let God do in the life of your husband what you cannot do in his life (this also I have found to be very effective). If you can trust God with your ability to wake up everyday then you can as well trust Him with your marriage and the friends your husband keep. 
But when you remove external influence from a marriage situation, another reason a man can cheat on his wife is when he loses his love for her or probably is not getting the desired satisfaction from being married to her and there is another woman doing a better job for him than his wife. This is where the wife needs to up her game. Rather than throw blames and call her husband names and fight him thereby worsening the already bad situation why not find out how you can make him love you/more.
In doing this you don’t just do things based on assumption, don’t even attempt to think you know what to do or how to do it, because you will be surprised that the least thing that could come to your mind would be what tickles your husband’s fancy. You need God to teach you what to do to draw your husband’s attention and love. What turns Mr. A on in marriage might be very irrelevant to Mr. B. So what to do to draw your husband’s love and attention cannot be generalized and that is why we need God to show us what is peculiar to each husband’s likes that makes him want to love is wife. When you keep trying things out and you are not hitting the nail on the head, there is the tendency that you get frustrated and give up. So don't waste effort, rather pray that God will direct your effort and lead you to the secret that will dig out your husband's love for you and begin to act on it. 
Some men love stay home wives, some want their wives domesticated, some love their wives to have a career and some men love their wives fat, while some love them slim, so the likes wildly varies. But know for sure that money can’t buy love so don’t think spending your life’s savings on your husband will get the job done.
I once shared the story of a man who cheated on his wife just because she was always too busy when he felted like talking to her and needing someone to talk to. Each time he is burdened and wants to just pour his heart out to someone, his wife is never there. In as much as it appears as a trivial excuse to a lot of women and even some men, that was a big issue for this man and it should be looked into by his wife if she wants her husband to be faithful to her. And this is why I say again that in knowing what to do to keep fidelity and trust intact in your marriage and secure the love of your husband you need the leading of God. A woman who will be successful in every area of her life is a woman who has and is maintaining a strong relationship with God. No self-help can do the job right for you.  
But generally speaking, from what I read in the Bible, a wife is required by God to submit to her husband and from my personal life in following this instruction, I realized that submitting to my husband has helped build my marriage is no small measure. But understand that submitting alone might make you appear weak as we have seen in one of the posts I shared some time ago of a husband who felt his wife was too timid and does just what he says like a zombie. So when you submit to your husband, please do so prayerfully. 
Then let God be your focus of submission, submit to your husband as unto God. If God is not your focus of submission in marriage, I tell you one truth that submission can be a huge burden most especially when it appears initially that your husband isn’t reciprocating with love. And on your own you cannot please your husband no matter how hard you try. Humans are irrational beings, what he likes today mighty not be what he will like tomorrow. With time you will wear yourself out trying to please him. But when you let God be the focus of your submission and you are submitting to your husband to please God, know for sure that you cannot please God without your husband getting pleased. God created your husband, so causing him to love you is no issue for God to handle. And never shy away from the fact that you will be pushed to talk back sometimes, but never let that be all the time. Tame your emotions and keep a rein on your anger.
In marriage, you need to show some level of intelligence. Abigail in the book of 1 Samuel 25 was the intelligent of the two couples. When you act as if you lack any sense of direction outside of your husband, then you appear weak and unappealing. You are suppose to be your husband's suitable helper, you cannot fulfill that on an empty brain. Always ensure that you feed your brain and let your husband know that you are not an empty brain. Make intelligent suggestions to him, render intelligent help to him, wow your husband with the things that you know. In marriage your intelligent contribution is highly required. Your husband needs your intelligent help to be all that God has called him to be. You two should be able to have some intelligent discussions that would make you earn your husband’s respect. So make the most of every opportunity to show your husband how intelligent and a problem solver you can be. But never force your opinion on him, never insist on your way. If you show him what you know and he rejects it please don't argue, drop the issue and let God take up the matter from there. Resolve the rest on your knees in prayer. 
I am sure some would expect that I mention sex as one of the ways of keeping a man from cheating on his wife, well I will say that even though lack of sex in marriage can drive either of the couples into infidelity, excellent sex life in marriage does not guarantee faithfulness either. But that is not to say that excellent sex is not essential in marriage. Sex in marriage should not be overlooked, it is important and it should be given adequate priority.
Then other issues like being domesticated have also been forms of excuses for men to cheat on their wives but just like the case of sex, being a super cook or house manager does not translate to the husband or wife being faithful to each other, but this is also an essentials in marriage that cannot be swept under the carpet of irrelevance. It is important that a wife is able to manage her home well.
And lastly, lack of communication in marriage; this is another marriage killer that should not be allowed in any marriage. Husbands and wives do not have any business keeping malice with each other. And just like the two points above, even though perfect communication is not a guarantee of faithfulness in marriage, lack of it also destroys marriage and it does so fast. Never allow any bridge of communication in your marriage. Unity in your marriage is a must and so you need to do all that you can to keep it sacred.
So with this, I hope we are well informed on what to do in keeping our husbands faithful to us. If you have been blessed by this, and you have learned much from this eye opening marriage write up, you might want to check more books inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by me on My Book Store here. These are books written based on the truth of the Bible, and are guaranteed to make a huge and positive difference in every area of your life. They are worth more than their money value and they will bless your life greatly. If you buy now, you will enjoy great discounts on purchase. But nevertheless, you will always have a seasoned word from God on this blog that will bless your life absolutely for free.

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

How Can One Prevent Her Husband From Cheating

Hello wonderful people, I trust you are doing great, with God I expect nothing less for you all in Jesus name. So we will try to find something interesting to gist about in today’s post and I find one question coming from most women very interesting to discuss on, I think we should look at that question in today’s post. And the questions says “How can wives stop their husbands from cheating?”
Before I pen down anything on this topic let me first of all show you something I found on one of my social media groups and then I can begin to write.

A lady posted this. She's been married for over 25 years and in her mid 50's..
**BITTER TRUTH ABOUT MEN GENERALLY**
1). Most men cannot have sex exclusively with just one woman, for the rest of their lives.
2). Men are created with varied sexual appetite, some men can do without sex for a year, others cannot do without sex for 2 days.
3). A man who's madly in love with one woman may still have sex with other women but still love his 'woman'.
4). Some of the best husbands have concubines or mistresses. Their extra marital affairs play a role in keeping the man sane and free of sexual tensions, especially during mid-life crises.
5). If your man is just having sex with some sweet sexy teen or babe, DO NOT WORRY. It's part of the game.
6). Before you choose your man, ensure he believes in AIDs, STDs and protected sex. That way, chances are that he will not bring HIV and other STDs into your life.
7). Most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly have extra marital affairs.
😎. Most 'extra' loving husbands have concubines, these concubines keep the man abreast on new ways of making women happy.
9). Your man's mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby's phone. She and your hubby just have a sexual understanding or partnership which helps both deal with peculiar individual issues.
10). As a woman, if you go all out in a bid to catch your husband red-handed cheating, you WILL succeed. Then what next? If you listen hard to your domestic servants in their private discussions, you will certainly hear them insult you, so why listen?
11). Judge your man by his responsibilities towards you and the kids, and NOT by who he's giving 'Sexual style' to outside
12) A man who will cheat will cheat irrespective of what you do! Stop checking his phone, don't go through his mailbox! Stay away from it.
Enjoy a most rewarding week, Friends!!!!!

What you are reading above was not written by me, I just stumbled on it and I think it makes a very interesting discussion point. As a matter of fact these are the kind of posts that are widely circulated for young women to base their marriages on and invariably be miserable for the rest of their lives.
These are the kind of post that you read and it makes you feel like a slave in marriage and then you are advised to resign to fate and endure the marriage far above enjoying it. Now the age of the writer of this post and her number of years in marriage tells us a lot on the fact that it’s not how long you’ve been married or how old you are in age that tells how best you will be able to handle your marriage issues.
A woman who has been told that her husband was made and designed by God to cheat on her and there is nothing she can do but live with it is ultimately told that God hates her so to say. The Bible tells us that our God is a jealous God, and the Bible also tells us that we are made in the image and likeness of God so what that tells me as a person is that it is not a sin to be jealous. In fact we find in the book of Songs of song 8:6-7 that deep love and jealousy are closely related. So if you tell a woman not to be jealous over her husband then you are invariably telling her to kill her love for her husband, if that happens permit me to say that that marriage is dead. If you are a man and your wife stops to be jealous when you do some certain things that ordinarily should arouse her jealousy, then you can as well conclude in your heart that you wife is no longer in love with you. Her heart no longer belongs to you.
I can remember days when I used to have issues with my husband over his late nights, we quarreled over that one too many times and I realized nothing I did made any difference. So I made up my mind not to fight with my mouth but on my knees in prayer. You know there is absolutely nothing too small to pray about. And the Lord gave me peace and told me He would handle it for me, so I stopped fighting my husband on that issue. Then one day he went out and I was so busy writing blog posts that I didn’t even check the time to realize it was already very late into the night. So he called me at about midnight and sounded quite upset that I didn’t bother to call him to come home as he didn’t realize it was already midnight. He told me it must mean that I didn’t love him anymore since I had stopped caring how long he stayed out. I couldn't help but laugh and I just simply told him in a very funny tone that if he loved me, he would not wait for me to call him to come home. And that ended the issue.
That said I will chip it in that as a wife, what you do with your emotions of jealousy is very important. You have control over all your emotions so I will advise that you handle them right. When you suspect your husband is not been faithful to you, physical fight will not make him change, abuses (whether verbal or otherwise) will not make him change, so we will look at how to keep your husband faithful to you and you alone.
I have shared my findings on this topic many times on this blog and I am going to share it again that trusting your husband will not fetch you the peace and confidence you seek in marriage, yet trust is so very vital for a marriage to attain success. The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:5-10 that cursed is one who puts his trust in flesh, and this is because flesh will fail. But God never fails and God has the ability to watch over that which you have entrusted to Him and God has the ability to direct the steps of any man to do His will (He literally had to force Jonah to do His bidding, so making your husband do His bidding is not a task for Him) . So if we know all these to be true about God then commit your husband into the hands of God, tell the Lord to help you cause your husband to be faithful to you, then trust God to do for you what you have prayed for and sit rest assured that God will help you keep your husband so occupied that he wouldn’t have the time or resources to be unfaithful to you. And with God you can watch your marriage grow in love, peace, wealth and harmony.
If you ask me if its that simple, I will say yes. And if you ask me if it is doable, well in truth that is what I am practicing in my marriage and I have peace in my life and when I think my husband might be deviating I don’t bother to investigate if my suspicion is right or wrong, I simply return to God to whom I have entrusted my husband and marriage to and ask if indeed I have a reason to doubt. Believe me the devil will bring so many silly ideas into your head and will play with your mind in no small measure but when you know the God you serve you will stand your ground that your marriage is secured in the hands of God and if everything else fails, God never fails. 
If you have been blessed by this, and you have learned much from this eye opening marriage write up, you might want to check more books inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by me on My Book Store here. These are books written based on the truth of the Bible, and are guaranteed to make a huge and positive difference in every area of your life. They are worth more than their money value and they will bless your life greatly. If you buy now, you will enjoy great discounts on purchase. But nevertheless, you will always have a seasoned word from God on this blog that will bless your life absolutely for free.


www.thewordthatsuits.com