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Monday, 22 May 2017

The Gains of Submission

I am so sorry for the break in delivery, the major reason for that is the book presented at the end of this post. It has kept me preoccupied for a while now and even though I am still on it I decided not to keep mute for too long.
Today I want to write something about the gains of submission. It’s more about my personal life experience in marriage and why I so much believe in the possibility of a troubled marriage getting better without a divorce and the truth about the possibility of having a violent free marriage. When the Bible spoke of Jesus in Hebrews 5:8 that “although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him,” God sure knew what He was talking about. For me to be a vessel in the hands of God in delivering marriage post to you as I do, I will tell you with all humility that in marriage I learned obedience the very hard way. Quite a number of people always tell me that it’s easy to write all these but the practical aspect is tough and I totally agree with them.
For God to use me to do what He is currently using me to write, He had watched me burn, He watched me burn off those things that were not useful for my assignment and He helped me heal and now I am happy, full of joy and gratitude and I have a very wonderful husband who loves me sacrificially like Jesus does. But I didn’t get here by chance, it was hard work, it was tough to the point that I contemplated suicide more than once. It was so tough that I asked God many questions and would spend hours crying alone. But I didn’t change husband, I didn’t commit suicide and I didn’t give up even though I wanted to, almost every hour for close to seven years of marriage. And now I am like a mother who has totally forgotten the pains of labor and birth just because of the beauty that God has made of my life.
When I got married I was earning like 10times what my husband was earning as income. I was the breadwinner of my marriage and because I was thought to respect my husband, I never allowed the money that I was making get into my head. I honored my husband all the same and whatever I made was our money and I allowed him the control of how the money was spent. I didn’t query his spendings and didn’t complain when he spent money in a way I didn’t approve of.
About 15months into our marriage, I lost my job and that was the beginning of my issue in marriage. I had to now depend on my husband for the things we needed in the house. When I lost my job, I didn’t have any savings but my payoff package was a sizeable amount of money at that time to start a trade with (12years ago). My husband requested for half my payoff package to purchase a landed property with and even though I didn’t like the idea, I had to let go of the money as the issue was beginning to cause arguments between us.
To try summarize my gist, the next six years after I lost my job was a living hell for me. I had three children that I had to take care of, my husband wasn’t there for us, I had no job and no one to run to for help and I had a huge debt hanging on my head with no means of paying back. With the downturn of my marriage was the downturn of my financial life. My husband was only making stipends available for me and the children and off he went. I was left alone to worry myself to death.
But in the midst of all these I ran to Jesus and the first thing I kept praying for was death. I couldn’t hold things together anymore. I had grown to love God and so I felt committing suicide wouldn’t get me to heaven but I was tired of living and I would always pray that God would take my life. But rather than God taking my life, He kept speaking to my heart to go and submit to my husband. I didn’t like the sound of it, but I had read the Bible well enough to know that that was the rule for me in my marriage. But this husband that God was talking about is the husband who does not care about me or our children. He was never there for us. He never bothered how I was doing. It was constant war in the house and nothing I did seemed good enough for him. All I saw in my husband’s eyes for me was disdain and hatred, even though I had shown him love and respect the best way I knew to and all my efforts where just like a huge waste.
So I told God that in truth I don’t know how else to handle my husband and I have submitted to him like I know how to, but if the Lord would say submit, then He would have to submit through me. That honest prayer of that day was the beginning of God remolding my life. Then I learnt to sit when my husband says sit and learnt to stand when he says stand. I learnt to do things exactly the way my husband says he wants them done irrespective of whether I felt it was the right way or not. It got so interesting that when I try to deviate from obeying, the Holy Spirit will point it to me that I was deviating from the course, and if I insist on my way, I always get to regret my action.
I must tell you that it was tough going through this process more so when I knew my husband was not born-again. So obeying a husband who is not born-again while I have been enjoying a wonderful time with God was a tough one. I always just wanted to shout and say this is all so wrong when I feel my husband isn't making sense, but the Spirit of God in me would just tell me to be quiet and do as I have been told. I had to carrying on like this for more than a year before I understood what God was putting me through.
I can’t tell whether my husband was noticing the change in me or that it was God working it out behind the scene, but one fateful day my husband walked up to me and knelt before me in our bedroom with tears in his eyes and he apologized for what he had put he through for the seven years of our marriage. I was numb, I didn’t know what to make out of his apology, why the apology or what to respond. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I wanted to ask him why he had been so unloving and uncaring to me and our children for so many years but the words couldn’t just come out.
Eventually when he begged that I say something I told to stand up and that I had forgiven him. He promised to make it up to me and he would live he remaining days of his life righting his wrongs. It’s over six years after that fateful day and he has not gone back on his words. And he has been spending every second of our marital life righting his wrongs. And I have not stopped submitting. The first time my husband told me he loved me after that apology, it felt very strange. I had to pinch myself to be sure I was hearing right. As a matter of fact I had to remind him that he was talking to me and he said he knew and today he tells me he loves me almost every day. Yes we still argue once in a while but we handle our arguments a lot better now and love rules for us.
The bigger beauty of my marriage story is that my husband began to get promoted as he had just gotten a new job just before the apology came. Today my husband is earning more than 10times what I was earning when I was the breadwinner and today I am still jobless. And he meets my needs and even wants. He takes care of the children to the point that I am beginning to worry that they are getting over pampered. The more my husband pours into our lives the more he gets replenished.
And then it occurred to me that the times belong to God. If I had been mean to my husband when I was the one earning the big money, he would be justified to be mean to me now that he earns the bigger money. And that is why I encourage a wife to be submissive in all things even with her income.
This is my story as Mrs. Aderinsola Obasa. And so you see why I am so passionate about marriage. I guess this is why God finds me an ideal vessel to carry on His message of hope for the marriage institution. If God can turn my own horrible situation into a glorious one, then He is available and ready and willing to touch as many marriages as are brought truly before Him for a positive change. If you don’t harden your heart to God, I will say with every confidence in Christ Jesus that you are the change that your marriage needs. God will heal your marriage through you.

So I am putting together all the blog posts on marriage from the year 2013 till February this year 2017 in one book titled “The Marriage Handbook.” I guess this is long overdue. You can always have this book as a personal guide for your marriage, a counseling material for Christian marriages, a gift for a friend needing it, or something to give to someone you know with marriage issues that you need to reach out to but you don’t know how to speak to them. This is a book with over 550pages as I am still counting and reading through all the posts in order to edit for typo errors has really been a huge blessing even to me.
Please pray for this book to reach the hands of those who truly need it. Please note that the blog will still remain live and posting on the blog will continue. As long as Blogger is remaining live. May the Lord bless the word of our hands.  

2 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for sharing. I wish those contemplating divorce will have access to read it. It is well.

    ReplyDelete