Where Did I Go Wrong

Hello beautiful people of God, I trust we had a very restful weekend, and I pray that we will have a prosperously blessed week to the glory of God alone in Jesus name.

Today’s blog will be another gist day, and I will be sharing a story again that I believe by the grace of God will bless your lives and marriages.

Issue

I had a fiancé who we had both agreed to marry. We loved each other so much that we appeared a perfect fit. We understood each other well and for me life could not be better. Then we began our wedding plans and problem started. His parents objected to our union on the grounds that my family were not on the same social class with them. They stated that they had arranged a wife for their son from among the daughters of their friends and nothing would change that.

My fiancé stood by me and stood his grounds against his parents but the pressure didn’t stop and soon there was a rift between him and his entire family because of me. After a while he came to plead with me to understand his position and allow him marry the girl his parents had picked for him, and marry me also as a second wife.

In the course of time I became pregnant and my fiancé rented an apartment for me and the unborn baby and took care of us very well. We lacked nothing at all. Not too long after that, my fiancé got married to the lady his parents picked out for him, but that didn’t change his feelings and attention for me and his unborn baby.

Months later I had a baby for him and still nothing changed, but I began to feel used. I began to feel like a second fiddle in his life. The thought that he would have to leave me to go home to be with another woman was a thought I couldn’t cope with and I began to think of calling it quite with the relationship.

My fiancé was beginning to start the wedding plans with me also when I decided to end the madness and end the relationship. I thought that was at least the most honorable thing to do, more so that I could not earn the approval of his family. I didn’t want to be seen and one who pulls family members apart. My fiancé felt I was being stupid and that after hanging on for so long, why I would want to quite just when we were about to seal our love. He begged me and pleaded with me, but that was not the happy ending I had wished for. When he could not talk me out of my decision to end the relationship, he let me have my way with a promise to ensure he pays the bills for his son and be responsible for his child's upkeep.

I eventually got married to another man and that was the beginning of my nightmare marriage. My husband is a far cry from my ex-fiancé. He is not caring and he is violent. I have become a punching bag to him and sincerely I don’t know what I have done to deserve a life like this one.

Response

In as much as I would say that you must have gone through a huge heartbreak, you never mentioned praying through these problems and asking for God’s intervention and direction. You have tried to solve your problems with your limited ability and that ability isn’t guaranteed to solve these problems. So first of all, I will encourage you to invite God into this situation. There is no time too late to invite God into any situation and have Him make the big and positive difference that only He can make.

On the issue of your former fiancé, I will say that what is past is past and its important to let it remain in the past. Any attempt to rejuvenate that affair amounts to a great sin before the Lord. Doing that means committing adultery and it is a sin.

The only godly option you have is to work with and on your marriage and make it work. I have always advised that what you sow in your marriage determines what you reap from it. In order for your marriage to yield positive fruits for you, then you need to sow positive values in it.

The fact that your ex-fiancé pampered you when you were with him does not translate to the fact that your husband now has to pamper you. As a matter of fact marriage is hard work that yields positive result and have loads of reward attached to it, but its never a bed of roses from the onset.

You can bring the best out of your husband by being prayerfully submissive to him. Pray for him always and obey him. If you desire any change in your husband then you can only pray that change to effect, but you cannot force it out. You can’t change your husband; only God can. And for you to have God work for you, you need to follow His instructions and obey His rules for your life and marriage.

A relationship with God is all you need to have a wonderful marital life. When you have Jesus in your life and His words reside in you then you can ask Him for anything and be confident that He will do it for you and that includes a wonderful marital life with your husband.

You should not hate your husband, and believe me; you don’t have any basis of comparing him with your former fiancé. This will just compound your problems and lead you to nowhere.  A divorce will also not solve your problem because there are better options for you that will yield better results.

I pray the Lord gives you rest on all sides in Jesus name.