Communicate But Not Rebuke

I really appreciate the responses I got from my last post and one of those responses prompted my post today. And so I will share the response I got and then give a comment on it. I hope to bless someone with this in Jesus name.

Ummmmmm! I don’t know, I have some trepidation about this article. Surely, a woman hath to be able to correct her husband, upon seeing his decision is incorrect. Now the manner in which the correction is made, that is a whole different matter. I don’t think that being submissive to one’s husband exclude correction if there is correction to be made. After all she is his helpmate. Being helpmate involves more than taking care of the children, household chores, waiting on one’s husband hands and feet. One hath to be able to have an input in the decisions that are made, but the husband, the last say. Now if after you have addressed the mistake that he has made or about to make, whether purposely or not, and he makes no attempt to adjust, that is when the helpmate goes to the Lord. In case of Michal, pride was her downfall and we know that pride comes with baggages, one being jealousy! Just my view. God bless you always.

My Comment

I appreciate constructive responses such as this, because just like this one, it’s give us more reason to discuss and something meaningful to have a discussion on.

The first thing I want us to understand as Christian wives is that God did not place you in the life of your husband as a zombie or a robot; you have a functioning brain so that it might be used constructively. And your assignment in the life of your husband and your marriage is to add value to the life of that man who is your husband in order that he might be a better person than he was before the Lord placed you in his life.

With that said, you should understand that you have ideas and opinions for a reason. Abigail the Bible said was an intelligent wife (1 Samuel 25:3) and that was for a reason; your intelligence as a wife serves a purpose. The fact that you cannot correct your husband does not mean you cannot communicate with him, but there is a big difference between communication and rebuking or correcting your husband. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones,” when you apply this in your marriage you are communicating with your husband. When you apply the method of pleasant words that are like honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones, you can be sure that your opinions will count and communication will take place effectively.

But the dictionary defines rebuke as “to express sharp, stern disapproval of; reprove; reprimand,” and the dictionary also defines correction as "punishment intended to reform, improve, or rehabilitate; chastisement; reproof." With these definitions of correction and rebuke, which of them do you think falls within the role of a wife to her husband? As a matter of fact it is not proper for a wife to speak rudely to her husband. So with this, you will agree with me that communication and correction are two different things all together and the wife can communicate with her husband; call his attention to an error in judgment he might be making (and doing so politely), but never rebuke or chastise her husband. That is way beyond her scope of assignment. If you correct your husband by politely pointing out his errors to him, that can be acceptable. But when this goes beyond politely pointing out errors to rebuking then you are stepping out of your boundary lines. It is not in your place as wife to lord anything over your husband and you cannot force your views on him. Pray and communicate and let God handle the rest. 

Another misconception we have as women is that we have reframed the phrase help meet to help mate. A help meet is a suitable or a fitting help; so to say that it is a help that meets the purpose for which it is required. While a help mate is that both of you are on equal standing helping each other; so to say that you are mates and you are helping each other.

I have searched the KJV, NIV, NKJV, NLT versions of the Bible and I have not come across a place where God says He will make a help mate for the man. What I have seen in Genesis 2:18 is God saying He will make a help meet, a suitable helper, a helper who is just right, a complementary helper for the man. So a wife is a helper who meets the needs in the life of her husband. But the wife and her husband are not equal or mates in marriage. Ephesians 5:23 says the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church and 1 Corinthians 11:3 reads, “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man and the head of Christ is God". So we need to know that the head of the wife/woman is her husband/man, so it is out of place for a woman to attempt to rebuke or chastise her head.

And lastly, I believe it is safer to pray about an issue before taking action. When you pray, the Lord directs you on what to do and then prepares the situation to respond favorably to whatever action you will take. But when you act first and things get out of hand before praying it will be like one taking medication after death. I agree that there is no situation that God can’t handle; He can bring back to life from the grave, but you would have tasted a grave which could have been avoided if you had prayed before acting.

I decided to share this response because I am positive that it makes a good line of discussion and a lot of lessons are available to learn from it. And I pray that lives have been blessed to the glory of God. Amen