I Cheated on my Wife and She is the Cause

I am thanking God for another month ending on a praise note. With the gift of live comes also the gift of hope. So as long as we are still breathing God is not finished with us yet.

So tonight I will share another story and a very interesting one too. I pray that this story does not just bless us with information, but with lessons that will help us be better spouses in our marriage to the glory of God.

The Story

A wonderful young wife discovered after several years of waiting on God for the fruit of the womb that she cannot conceive due to some medical issues that has affected her womb. This devastated her a great deal but for whatever reason she chose not to share this with her husband of several years. Rather than open up to her husband, she concealed the information and recoiled to herself and became a zombie wife literarily. She would not communicate with her husband and always had several reasons and excuses to avoid sex with him. Though she became close to God, yet estranged from her husband. 

The husband on his part noticed the drastic change in his wife and several entreaties to make her open up on what was wrong with her fell on deaf ears. Soon they became two complete strangers living under the same roof with absolutely no attachment between them. And months after, the husband stopped eating at home and the wife just didn’t mind, yet she will cook his food and the husband will not eat and she won’t even persuade him to.

With days running into months and no light seem to be at the end of the tunnel of their marriage, the husband began an extra marital affair. Though he loved his wife very much and would want to know what was eating her up, yet he needed a companion; he needed to be loved too. So there was this lady offering herself to him effortlessly and even with his initial rejection, she wouldn't give up and there is his wife on whom he is hocked but who seem not to bother about his feeling at all. So he succumbed to pressure and started an affair with this lady and got all the attention he needed, but still his love remained with his wife.

On this faithful night the wife was out of the home on an outing they were supposed to be attending together but which the husband missed out on carelessly. Noting that he had hurt his wife’s feelings by not attending the function with her, he decided to impress her by cleaning the house in a manner he knew would impress her. In the course of his cleaning he discovered his wife’s medical report, read the doctor's diagnosis and then realized why she had been estranged from him for close to a year. Rather than get angry, he felt relieved that finally he knows what the big issue was.

On the wife’s return he sat her down and asked her why she kept such vital and sensitive information from him. It was a matter that concerns them both and it was a mutual problem that he should have been a part of from the onset. He made his wife realize that he didn’t marry her just for babies and there is still a God who make impossible possible. That night they made up and the husband began his search for a cure or any possible solutions to his wife’s ailment. He searched on the internet to know more on the diagnosis of his wife and it became more of his problem than that of his wife.

But there remains the outside mistress. Now that the internal problem between the husband and the wife has been resolved; the husband arranged a final meeting with the outside mistress to dissolve the relationship between them. But the mistress will hear nothing of such. She is now threatening to reveal their affair to the wife and later came up with pregnancy report stating that she is pregnant for the husband.

The dilemma in this story is that the husband does not want any shocks on his marriage again. He is scared to open up to his wife about his sins (his extra marital affair) to his wife knowing fully well that she will not be so forgiving. He is also aware that before he got married to his wife, she once had her heart broken by a guy she dated and that affected her health a great deal, so he is scared what effect this revelation might have on her. Now he does not know what to do.

My Take on This Story

In as much as I feel like excusing this husband for cheating on his wife, I will say that it’s unacceptable. Yes, he loves his wife and has tried so hard to understand the cause of the rift in their marriage and make amends, yet this story didn’t indicate that he prayed and fasted for God’s intervention in his dying marriage of which he didn’t even know its disease. Rather than pray he feel prey of the vultures in the desert waiting for a lifeless marriage to feast on.

Coming to the wife, I am still finding it hard to comprehend why she kept such information from her husband and then choose to react negatively to him instead. Was she blaming him for her predicament or was she trying to push him away? I still don’t get it. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one and if one should fall his friend will lift him up. In all of her going to church and serving God, didn’t she learn this? I understand that fear of the unknown and not being able to determine what the husband’s reaction can be might make her hold up such a thing to herself for some time, but that should not be for too long, and she should not have sent her husband packing out of her emotional life for a thing that isn’t his fault.

But after all said and done, the first solution to the matter at hand is for both of them to go back to God in prayer. Forgive each other on misjudgment they have made and sins committed. The husband needs to prayer and seek God as he makes up his mind to approach his wife. We learned in Proverbs 21:1 that the hearts of kings and princes are in the hands of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases. So the Lord will direct the heart of your wife to forgive you when you have pray to God about this situation. You then take the next important step of telling your wife about your sins yourself. Trust me, it safer she hears from you in a sober mood and with a repentant presentation than for her to hear it from someone else. When you quickly cross that huddle you can face the major task ahead which is the diagnosis of the doctors on your wife's fertility.

I strongly believe in the recovery of this marriage and I pray that the enemy will not have room to steal their joy again.