The Marriage Series (7)

I am thanking God for a beautiful day and another glorious opportunity to share the truth of the word of God. And like I promised in my last post, we will be looking at the issue of sex in marriage in this episode seven of the marriage series. I am positive it has been a very interesting and enlightening series so far, and believe me if I say that I have also learned a lot with what is being shared in this series despite the fact that I have been God’s vessel in putting this message across to those He loves.

1 Corinthian 7:3-5

 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:15-19

Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public square?

Let them be your alone, never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.

When discussing marriage and sex these are the Bible passages I always love to refer to. Sex I have discovered is among the leading course of dispute in marriages, and even though a lot of couples having this problem do not own up to it but rather disguise and then attribute the course of their problems to other irrelevant issues, still this is something that needs to be discussed and resolved for a marriage to be interesting and successful.

The first thing that I think we need to be sure of is why God infused sex in marriages. It is important to note that sex between married couples is not just for procreation; the ultimate goal for engaging in sex for married couples is not just to make babies. Sex is as essential to the existence of man as sleep and urinating. It is a natural urge that requires adequate attention. Medically it is advised that regular sex between married couples helps reduce the incidence of breast cancer and prostate cancer.

In the Bible God has repeated over and over again that a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to or be united with his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This saying is so true and evident in the act of sex between married couples. When two lie down together they keep warm as Solomon has said in Ecclesiastes 4:11 and this is also possible in the act of sex between married couples. The best communication between married couples happens during the time of sex. It is a period of special and quality bonding between married couples in an ideal situation. So sex plays very important and vital role in marriages and absence of it is not always desirable.

Some truth we need to know about sex in marriage is that Paul calls it a marital duty from a husband to his wife and from a wife to her husband. He also said that a husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, and a wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. Again we are reminded that a woman was made from the bone taken out of the man, so this justifies Paul declaration that a husband’s body does not belong to him alone and a wife’s body does not belong to her alone.

So sex is present in marriage for all the existing reasons; it’s there for warmth and togetherness, it’s there for bonding, it’s a physical expression of love, it’s a relaxation therapy for married couples, it’s nature’s call, and interestingly, it is a marital duty from a husband to his wife, and vice versa. So we can see the very many functions of sex in marriage far above a means of procreation and having babies.

There are some practical stuff that I think we should discuss on the issue of sex in marriage that I believe will help a lot of those silently have trouble with their sex life in marriage. What I want us to look at now before I conclude on this is what I call “the habits that promotes a healthy sex life in marriage.”

First I want us to look at the Bible passages above on the issue of sex in marriage, the Bible never specified a heaven approved style of sex between married couples. When it comes to sex between married couples there is no evil or holy kind of sex as long as it is between a man and a woman that are duly and legally married. We need to correct the notion that there is any kind of sex that is evil and another that is holy. What God tells us through Paul is that the husband’s body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife and the wife’s body does not belong to her alone but to her husband. And the wife should not deprive her husband and likewise the husband should not deprive his wife. As long as the method or style of sex is approved by both parties, I am yet to see a Bible passage that rules any kind of sex as evil. But the freedom we speak of in marital sex does not include any fun that will jeopardize the health of either spouse. Sex is for pleasure and not for pain

What I read in the Bible as evil is sex between humans and animals, sex between a man and another man, sex between a woman and another woman, sex between unmarried couples, sex between close relatives. Any kind of sex within this listed categories are incest before God, they are abomination in the sight of God. As long as both parties consent to whatever style of sex that they engage in, I am yet to see where the Bible rules it as evil. In this light, I will encourage married couples to remove any restrictions from their mind and enjoy each other’s bodies as the Lord has blessed them to.

Secondly, personal hygiene is a very essential habit that promotes a healthy sex life in marriage. I can tell you for free that nobody resist good aroma, when a thing smells good it attracts. Maintaining good body and mouth odor does not only enhance a healthy sex life in marriage, it promotes self-esteem and self-confidence. I will encourage every married couple to invest in good body and mouth hygiene. Regular body bath especially after a hectic work activity and sweat is important. Maintaining a good breathe is also very important. It’s important for couples to invest in deodorants and perfumes, mouth wash and anything that will promote fresh breathe from the mouth like mint gums and peppermint when it is required. And for the ladies it’s important that you ensure your hair does not overstay to the point of oozing out offensive odor.

Thirdly, sex and stress are not compatible in the lives of many people. When a woman is tired, sex is the last thing she is thinking of or looking forward to, and when a man is stressed out, whether mentally or physically sex will also not readily come to mind. So it’s important that the married couples help each other relax in order to encourage a healthy sex. When you feel like having sex with your spouse and he/she complains of being tired, rather than get angry, it’s important to help him/her to relax well before introducing sex. This relaxation period might take a while but it should be worth the wait. 

A healthy sex is one that is not selfish. Each spouse should always look out for the satisfaction of the other above themselves. When you do this, you will not just be having sex but you two will be making love. It pays to try out new sex act and make effort to know what sex activities excite your spouse and encourage same.

Genesis 2:25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Sex in marriage is not a thing to be shy of, it is not unholy and it is not a shameful act. There is no one defined style of sex between married couples so make effort to enjoy your spouse’s body because it belongs to you. Like I mentioned earlier, always try something new and exciting when making love with your spouse. Having just one approach in the issue of sex with your spouse becomes boring and unexciting after a period of time, so it pays to try something new so as not to bore each other out. And lastly make sure you are not the only one getting satisfied in what you two should be getting satisfaction from; make sure your spouse is carried along and he/she is happy. And if you are a married person who naturally does not enjoy sex or it does not appeal to you to the point that it is affecting your marriage, please feel free to pray about it and ask for God to put in you the desire for sex such that it will bring about joy and love in your marriage. I can assure you that it is worth praying about, and the Lord will surely hear and answer you.

So we have come to the end of episode 7 of the marriage series. With the help of the living God, I am having more courage to talk about sex in marriage. I wasn’t this bold and blunt writing about sex between married couples a few years back. I hope a lot of lessons have been learned in today’s post and I pray and believe God that a lot of issues in many marriages will be resolved by what is learned from this post in Jesus name.

Still we continue on the marriage series and we will look at how to handle disputes between married couples. Who should forgive when an argument or a quarrel breaks out in a marriage? Is it the husband or the wife? Please just stay with me on this blog and God bless you.