Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Your Marriage Shouldn't Drive You Insane

I feel so thankful to God, not that I have everything working for me. As a matter of fact there is so much that I am still trusting God for, so much that I need him to do for me, but still I feel very grateful. It is so very easy to grumble and be resentful when it looks like the tides are blowing fiercely and God is nowhere to be found to still the raging storm of our lives. But in the middle of the storm is God fighting some unseen battles for us that we just never knew was taking place.

Recently I was going through one of those personal struggles too. Believe me, it felt like God didn't just care about me. Then one night I saw a bat flying in my house just a few minutes to midnight. My husband was out of town so I was home alone with my four young children. I live in the heart of town with no bushy surroundings, so just like me, you are wondering where the bats could be coming from and how it gained access into my house when my windows are permanently closed and the doors are always closed too. Then after I recovered from my shock, the Lord told me that these are the behind the scene battles that He engages in on my behalf that I never know of.

So you see why I say that it's easy to grumble at God when everything isn't going out as planned, yet God is working behind the scene to clear out the major obstacles of our lives in order for Him to solve the lighter ones later. I am learning to trust God rather than grumble even when I don't understand how and when He will make things happen for my good. It's just the only thing that will work for our good and silence the enemies of our souls.

I have heard it said over or over again that a lot of women are currently undergoing psychiatric treatment owing to the tough challenges they are facing in their marriages. Though I have not carried out any research to authenticate this claim, but going by the different sources I heard this information from and the confidence with which the claim was made, I have no doubt that in truth there a large portion of wives undergoing psychiatric treatment owing to marital pressure. Going by the economic challenges of the world today, it's not surprising that there will be it's ripple effect on marriages and other aspect of our individual lives. I have just gone through a bout of mind struggles myself too.

I am in no position to judge anyone who has allowed his/her spouse to drive him/her insane or to a point of imbalanced sanity. And I pray that the healing balm of God will flow through everyone having a problem such as this.

In my last post I made a discovery which I shared, and that discovery reveals that marriage is a work engagement. Marriage is not just for fun, sex, procreation or companionship as we sometimes limit it to. Marriage though includes all of these things, is bigger in scope than just these things that I listed. Marriage is you surrendering to God to be a vessel in His hands to make the life of the person you are getting married to better. Marriage is a call to service in the life of your spouse. The knowledge of this fact will better prepare those going into marriage, and better inform those already in marriage to know how to handle their marriage situation.

I totally agree to the fact that some spouse are very difficult to cope with, some do not understand or accept that they are one with their spouse both in flesh and spirit, some see their spouses as agents of their failure or downfall, some see their spouses as a mere possession that is of little value, some see their spouses just as money bags and ATM machines. I can continue to highlight the so many fault in the orientation and mindset of many individuals in marriage, but if just one of the pair can have a change of mindset then the healing of that marriage has began.

I want to now address the women who have allowed their husbands drive them insane or almost insane by first revisiting Genesis 2:18 where the Lord said it is not good for the man to be alone. Please understand that your husband is not a perfect being, if he was God would have told us so. He is a man with so many flaws and shortfalls. He is a man needing help and you are God's assigned helper for his life. You are on assignment for God to help take his life from just mere good to better and best with the help of the living God who has assigned you the job. Rather than allow your husband turn you from being a helper to being the one helped, you need to put a tight rein on your emotions, create a wall around the tantrums of your husband, look up to God for strength and grace and begin the assignment for which God created you and placed you in that marriage; which is to help your husband and not to be the one needing help as the case looks presently.

If you dare ask that can you really do this, I will confidently tell you Yes you can. True I am not married to your husband and I don't know what it is to be married to him, but I have had my own share of troubles in marriage and at that time you would have prayed not to be in my shoes. But with the help of my God through prayers, patience, submission and self-control God turned the situation around for me. I didn't divorce, same husband, same marriage but a better result.

Marriage is not designed by God to produce negativity in the lives of His people, and it's not a situation of some being luckier than others to have a marriage that shines. It is just that some are working harder and in the right direction to make their marriage work. Some might say they are working hard and yet they are not arriving at the desired result. Well if you are in that category I first want you to check the direction of your hard work and pray to God to know if you are working hard in the right direction. Then I want you to check your expectations, your demands might be out of place, so you might need to work on yourself. Don't compare your spouse or situation to the person next to you. It's a different race for everybody, but if you run your race you will get to your destination victoriously.

I have a good marriage, not because I am better than those who don't but because the grave of God is made available to be me as I work hard with determination that my marriage must be successful. I am still working at it as I write. Everyday I tap into God's wisdom for the next challenge that comes. That grace and wisdom is available for you too. It cost nothing at all, just a heart that is willing to pray and obey God's leading and a heart that is determined to have a successful marriage. May God bless our homes.

Friday, 15 July 2016

Let's Talk About Divorce

It's another beautiful day, and it's a huge blessing to be alive today. Those in the grave would want to be in your shoes, another chance we have to repent of sins and do the will of God. A little bit of positivity from everyone will add up to give us the positive environment we all need to thrive. May God help us all in Jesus name.

Today, I want to share a bit about divorce, that big word that seem to be the only human solution to every faulty marriage, yet it's the virus that God hates and He tells us in so many places in the Bible how much He hates divorce. I wonder what will become of us if Christ has to divorce us for our continuous unrepentant attitude in our union with Him. Yet as children of God we are called to have the mind of Christ Jesus.

It's interesting that even among Christian leaders, who are called to shepherd the flock of God, they have been found not to be able to resolve their marital issues through the power of God who they claimed called them to service but would rather adopted the divorce option like the non believer and still stand to proclaim to have the power of God to help those in need. Without being judgmental, I am wondering why the same power was not applied to solve their own marital problems? Why didn't the power of God supersede the desire of their flesh to do only that which God approves in the matter of their homes?

So now that the leaders are doing it, the followers believe it's alright. Once that marriage is slightly tending towards a direction the couples didn't prepare for, they file for a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Everyone goes their way and marry again and the same thing happens and the whole cycle is repeated. So we have a woman getting married to two or more husbands in her lifetime and at the age of 60, if I will be generous enough, she is living alone and a single mother of three children from three husbands. The society call her names, she carries on a stigma, but can she really be blamed when those who are leading the church and proclaiming the name and power of God are doing just the same thing. So this is a situation of "follow the leader."

Before I go on sounding harsh, let's check on what the Bible says about divorce and check out the position of God on the issue of divorce.

Deuteronomy 24:1
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house. 

Malachi 2:16
"I hate divorce" says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. 

Matthew 5:31-32
"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. 

Matthew 19:3-9
Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female', and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
 "Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife , except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

I would have loved to explore more Bible verses, but because of the device I am typing it, I'll stop here. From what I am understanding in all that God is saying through these scriptures, God didn't plan divorce for marriage. It was not part of His agenda, neither is it a God's idea of a corrective measure for assumed marital problems. As a matter of  fact God hates divorce. So anyone who divorces his or her spouse does what God hates no matter how spiritually gifted you are.

Jesus said Moses permitted divorce because the heart of men were hard. Obviously if the heart of men were soft as it should be, then there will be no need to divorce. Before you conclude on the divorce proceedings, pause to think, "you have probably resolved that this is the only way to resolve that marital crisis because your heart is hard." Otherwise there are other possible means of resolution to the problem that will not require divorce and first on the list is prayers, followed by forgiveness, love, patience, tolerance and then love again. That its God approach to the problem and not divorce.

For those in marriage or about to marry please note this: Marriage is a call to service, it is you volunteering yourself to God as a tool in His hands to bring about the best in the life of the man or woman you are getting married to. Marriage is not a bed of roses, it is a place of active and continuous work with the help of God in digging out the good values in your spouse and causing him or her to shine bright and impact your life too positively.

When God created man, He saw the man He created and concluded that he was good not perfect. On a reassessment, God said it was not good that man should be alone. So God provided a compliment for the man to make him better and if possible perfect. Two as one is most definitely better than one as one. When you see that man or woman you like and you go to God in prayer over your desire to marry such a person, what you are doing is telling God you are ready to be of service to Him in making the life of the man or woman you desire to marry better. You are volunteering to be a part of and a tool of accomplishment in the success story of your spouse and whatever it takes you are willing to give, so help you God.

This is what marriage is all about. If that was not your intention when you got married to that man or woman, I am sorry to announce to you that, that is what God understands His own marriage to be, so you better put yourself together and get to work. And if you are not yet married, I tell think very well and understand that your spouse success story should not be complete without the mention of your name. Are you ready for the job? What it entails goes beyond love, it is hardworking that comes with various degrees of resistance and valleys and steep mountains that must be climbed. Are you really ready for the job? The thing about this is that once the letter has been issued and agreement is signed and sealed there is no going back. U cannot resign on this particular job, so are you ready?

When we understand the above about marriage, we will appreciate why God hates divorce. We have divorce in marriages when we have it built on a wrong mindset and have faulty preconceptions above the institution. When God instituted marriage, it was about two people helping each other get better and not two disjointed people living together, pulling each other down, living as rivals and competitors. These are the attributes we find in marriage that leads to divorce. Solomon said TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE, and that is a worthy saying even today.  May God bless our homes.


Monday, 11 July 2016

Some Truth About Marriage

Thanking God for the grace of another day and another time of sharing interesting stuff about marriage. I pray and I am positive that homes are positively changing and beautiful renewals are happening in the marital lives of many to the glory of God.

It's no new or strange thing to learn or hear about gross unfaithfulness in a lot of marriages. It's not new to hear of a husband cheating on his wife by having adulterous affairs with other woman, neither is it something unheard of that a woman who is the pride and crown of her husband's life and the heartbeat of her marriage sneaking secretly to have a love affair with another man who is not her husband while she is carry the honorary status of being married. Even among pastors and pastors wives this sacrilege is happening..

In as much we I agree totally that everyone is susceptible to falling and no one is above temptation, I will say with all humility that God didn't promise us a temptation free walk with Him. God will not judge any man for being tempted, but a man will be judged based on his reaction to temptation. And as such it's important to pray at all times and be on the guard against the enticement of evil.

I once read a write-up posted on my whatsapp chat forum that says: you will always find someone who has more money than your spouse, you will always find someone who is more good looking than your spouse, you will always find someone who is more kindhearted than your spouse, you will always find someone who is more fashion conscious than your spouse, you will always find someone who is funnier or more pleasant or more sensitive than your spouse, but the true value of marriage is to stay committed to what your vows, appreciate him/her that you have as spouse and make the best of what God has blessed you with in your spouse. If you desire a change, you can make it happen in love through prayers and the right attitude.

It is a one too many occurrence that you find a wife in a deprive marriage who has been starved of love, respect and the dignity of being a wife running into the arms of a male lover to obtain what she couldn't get from her husband. It's assumed a way of getting back at her husband who is assumed to be cheating on her too.

To begin with, two wrongs has never added up to arrive at a right, and trying to solve a problem by creating another problem has never made the situation better but worse. First as a wife, God loves you too much to watch you suffer or be maltreated by any man in the name of a husband. There are several portions of the Bible (Malachi 2:13, 1Peter 3:7) where God shows His support for the woman in marriage.

One truth that we need to understand is that there is no challenge in marriage that we can solve by ourselves based on our understanding or limited wisdom. And such is the case of trying to get back at a cheating husband by cheating on him too, or trying to exert control over a wife by using force and violence. The most assuring way that is guaranteed of yielding a lasting positive result is by handing the situation to God and letting Him fix it.

When you have an equipment that is malfunctioning it's just logical that you take it back to its manufacturer to fix the fault and hand it back to you when done. And also teach you how to operate the equipment such that it will not go bad again. So when you have a problem with your spouse the ideal thing to do is pray to God, committing your spouse and the unpleasant situation between the two of you to God in prayers. When you pray and the Lord speaks to you on how to act in the situation, please follow his voice even when what He has asked you to do isn't the way you think it should be. Because if you obey you will surely reap peace and love in your marriage far above what you would have experienced if you did it your way.

In marriage, the popular way is not necessarily the right way. Because someone you know is doing it wrong in her/his marriage and getting away with it does not mean you will get away following the same route. Make sure in all you do, you work at it with your relationship with God intact. If you compromise everything, never compromise your walk with God.


There are more materials available for you to read and be blessed with written through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, available to impact knowledge in you that you need for that life changing experience that you have been praying for. My people perish for lack of knowledge is what the Lord God Almighty says. The most high God has revealed some deep knowledge through the pages of these books and by His grace your life will be enlightened by the power of God through Jesus Christ as you get copies for yourself, read them and allow the truth contained in them make a meaningful difference in your life.

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Friday, 8 July 2016

In Response to Your Question

Thanking God for the gift of another day and another opportunity to share the word of God today. It's a very good thing to be of service to God, it's very rewarding to enter into a business venture with God, no business is as profitable. And when you have God Almighty as your direct boss, then you have a highly paying job with no prerequisite qualifications. As long as you give your whole heart to what you have been assigned to do. It just pays to be in God's camp.

My post on the issue of betrayal in marriage and handling same with forgiveness had a comment in form of a question that I was supposed to respond to, but because of the break due to my faulty computer and the slight fever, I couldn't answer the question earlier but in today's post, the Lord will by His special grace give us His word in answer to the question.

There is the true story of a woman who married as a virgin and never had any sexual intercourse with any man in her 35years of marriage. She was diagnosed with HIV aids. Her husband contacted and gave her! She and her husband have been on retrovir drugs for a while now. How does she handle this forgiveness you talked about in her case?

It's such a heart retching story here and before I write anything, I will first say that my heart goes to the couple and I pray for grace for them to stay strong for each other. But I want to put a question to everyone who reads this that after all the cursing and getting angry and hating, what next?

There are times we need to forgive people the wrong they do to us, not necessarily because we are not on the right, or that we are stupid, or that we weaklings, or that we don't feel the hurting pain caused by the action of the other party, but that we will be losing a very vital part of our existence just by carry on the burden of the wrong done to us. You will be loosing your eternity, you will loose your communion with God and your salvation will be greatly questioned just because you allowed someone else's action and your unforgiveness take some goodness out of you. Now my question is: Is what you will be loosing for choosing not to forgive over forgiveness worth the cost.

This is a painful occurrence but the wife will live by the consequences of her reaction just as the husband will live by the consequences of his. Now you can say that the husband is getting what he deserves as a result of times unfaithfulness to his wife, and you are okay to think that way. But it could be a test of faith to the wife too. On the day she took her vows it was a "for better for worse, in sickness and in health" vow she agreed to and she signed the oath binding them together till death and now the oath is put too test, heaven awaits her reaction.

If she chooses the path of love and forgiveness she proves to God and man that truly she is a child of God (Matthew 5:43-48). Then when she not only forgives her husband, but hold his hands and help him heal just as she heals, there is no condemnation as direct yet in love as that. The guilt such a man will feel cannot be quantified. Then God in His faithfulness who sees the pureness of her actions and the love she exhibits even in such a dare situation visits her with a miracle and she visits the doctor and a test is carried out and she test negative to the HIV virus. We all know there is nothing impossible for God to do. So she is crown on earth and her treasure in heaven is increased just because she made the difficult but right choice.

The Bible says there is a way that seem right to a man but in the end leads to destruction. it's very easy to break down, fall apart, and be hateful in a situation such as this, but when you hate the man and leave, where are you leaving to? Who do you think will love you enough to marry you and the disease you now carry even though it's not your fault. Don't you think the burden of loneliness and hate will encourage the disease to eat you up faster than it should? So why encourage the disease when you can fight it?

Ultimately it is a question of choice. I have tried to put the cards on the table, so it's time to choose. What will your choice be?

There are more materials available for you to read and be blessed with written through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, available to impact knowledge in you that you need for that life changing experience that you have been praying for. My people perish for lack of knowledge is what the Lord God Almighty says. The most high God has revealed some deep knowledge through the pages of these books and by His grace your life will be enlightened by the power of God through Jesus Christ as you get copies for yourself, read them and allow the truth contained in them make a meaningful difference in your life.

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Monday, 4 July 2016

The Burden of In-Laws

I must apologize for the long break, it was not in any way intentional. I am having issues with my computer, and also was down with a little fever. To the glory of God my health is back, but my computer is yet to come alive. But still the word of God must be shared, and home shall be healed whether the devil likes it or not.

I am in a very thankful mood I must say. Things are not particularly working the way I want them to, but yet, I am where I am not by my strength or the things I know how to do so well, not by my ability or expertise, just by the divine special grace of God. I have to appreciate God for the battles He fights and wins for me that I always never even get to know about. There are so many blessings that we take for granted as though it's our right to have it all working for us. So when I hear of happenings in the lives of others that are not so pleasant I thank God for what I have and take for granted. So when you sometimes feel unfilled don't take it out on God, He is doing much more for you behind the scene than you can ever imagine.

I heard a story of a young lady feeling frustrated and humiliated in her marriage just because her home is dominated by her husband's mother. It gets so bad to the point that she is not allowed into her own kitchen when her mother-in-law comes around. The woman insist she is the one that must cook for her son and that her son can't take the rubbish food cooked by his wife. And when she is leaving, she prepares large quantities of soups for her son and freezes them for him. At some point she openly scolded her son for not taking permission from her before buying his wife a new care. It was the timely intervention of the other siblings of the husband that saved the day. They were the ones who rebuked their mum that she is taking things too far and becoming overbearing. The husband has absolutely no clue on how to handle the situation. He can't stand up to his mum, and can't call her bluff. So all he does is play along and act the script as written by his mum. Now the wife has had enough of the madness and wants out of the union. As far as she is concerned her husband is better off married to his mother.

The story above is real and it's happening not just to the marriage in question, but to many other marriages. And again it brings me to the subject of leaving and cleaving as the Lord has instructed at the onset of every success marriage. In Genesis 2:24 Adam said "for this reason a man will leave father and mother and cleave to his wife," also in Matthew 19:5 Jesus repeated the same thing and Paul gave us a reminder in Ephesians 5:31 of the same saying. It is because of cases like this that God had to keep reminding us of how it should be done in marriage for it to be peaceful, successful and joyful.

What the mother-in-law is doing is what I like to term as over stepping boundaries. If the Lord says it is not good for the man to be alone and made a suitable helper for the man in his wife, it's because God knows that the mother is not fitting to be suitable to her son. But rather to her own husband. A mother is to counsel her children based on her wealth of experience and not to dominate their personal lives when they are of age to be able to take control of their own lives.

For the wife I salute you for your patience and endurance, but going for a divorce is not the way to go. This is not a good enough reason for you to fail God on His assignment for your life as a suitable helper to your husband. Paul says in Romans 13:7-8 that you should give everyone what you owe him; if you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then pay revenue; if respect, then respect; if honour then honour. Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellow-man fulfilled the law. So you owe your mother-in-law respect, honour and love. This the Lord will grant you grace and strength to pay despite the harshness of hers towards you.

But in your closet, you need to pray very hard and remind God of His words which says for "for this reason a man will leave father and mother and cleave to his wife," Pray that the Lord will break every unhealthy hold or attachment that your husband's mother has over him that is affecting the peace of your home and marriage. You need not get confrontational with your husband or his mother over the matter. The Lord who made you a suitable helper to him will fight for you and you will hold your peace. Be sure the Lord will fight for you, just keep your peace and never stop praying.

This scenario is also applicable to the husbands too. There are cases where the wife's mother moves in and runs the home of her daughter as though she is the wife. In such a case, I will encourage the man to be man enough to politely walk his mother-in-law out of his home. He married the daughter not the mother. Young husbands and wives should be allowed to discover themselves and allow God lead them to the land of milk and honey called marriage without the burden of extra luggage called in-laws.