Thursday, 23 June 2016

After The Betrayal, What Next?

I just enjoy writing about marriage, the mere joy of being able to bless a life and heal a home through what I share inspired by the Spirit of God through His word is food for my soul. So I write and again I pray that lives are blessed and homes are healed to the glory of the living God.
A couple of days I got a message from someone who had been trying to reconcile a ‘about to be broken’ marriage. The message didn’t furnish me with specifics of what went wrong in the marriage just that the wife has made up her mind to end the marriage and will not entertain any attempt to dissuade her from doing what she has made up her mind to do. The person who sent me the message is of the thought that the husband’s adultery is the root cause of the problem.
On another occasion I was having a friendly conversation with a lady I met at my neighbor’s house and she said and I quote, “I can never allow my husband make-love to me again if I ever find out he is sleeping with another woman.” And my response to her is that it goes beyond what she is saying. It is better imagined than experienced. In such a case as that, to talk is much more easier than to experience.
If we take an honest survey of one million marriages, I am so convinced that 80% if not the entire 100% have had to tackle betrayal at some point in their marriage. And a good number of that betrayal will have to do with infidelity, adultery. Then we can have other forms of betrayal in areas of money, family relations, children upkeep etc. So when the betrayal happens what next? What should be the reaction of the one who is betrayed in the interest of her personal emotions and the good of the relationship? This is the question that I trust God to help us answer through this blog post.
It is often said that once trust is lost it can never be regained. In as much as I will not fight or contest that saying, we can then conclude based on this saying that trust is lost forever in this world. If we can’t live without trust as human beings then I will tell you for free that trust lost can be regained if the will to do so is available. But I have discovered a better way to handle the issue of betrayal/trust in my everyday life including my marriage and it has works wonders for me and it’s guaranteeing me peace of mind and the grace to deal positively with the people around me in spite of whatever it is they do to me or do not do to me.
The book of Jeremiah 10:5-10, tell us how to handle the issue of trust in any situation. It says, cursed is the one who trusts in man and depends on flesh for strength, and then went on to say that blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. Now what this passage has done for me is that it has helped me to trust God to direct the heart of those who I am supposed to trust to do that which they should do that will help me handle them with the respect that I should.
Now in as much as we do not want to own up to this fact, people will betray us sometimes. Those in whom we have invested our trust will backstab us; those so close and dear to us will exhibit selfishness at some point and will do those things that we least expect them to do; those things that will hurt us badly. Your husband will betray your trust in him and your wife will engage in activities that will disappoint you to the marrow of your bones. It is just natural. A man whose strength depends on the trust he has in the man or woman next to him is a cursed man as the Bible has revealed to us in Jeremiah 17:5.
What this revelation what is the next step? First, the fact that the Bible says cursed is the one who trust in man and depends on flesh for his strength does not translate to you suspecting everyone you see of wrong doing or see everyone around you as a potential backstabber; please don’t get me wrong. But the revelation of God’s word here is to enable us handle our emotions right. It is supposed to help us understand that no matter how much a person loves you, they are still prone to being used by the devil to get at you. Even the Bible says let him to stand take heed lest he falls.
Your husband might betray you, your wife might take you for granted and make mincemeat of your love and sacrifice for her, yet that does not necessarily translate to the fact that he/she does not love you. It only tells you that they are human and they can fall at any time. But more than what they have done to you, your own reaction to the issue is what is important to you. God will not judge you or condemn you for being betrayed, but the way you react to the betrayal is what God will hold you responsible for and so it is important that you don’t make spontaneous moves and react without thinking properly of the consequences of your reaction. Two wrongs never arrive at a right.
Like I said earlier, I have found a better way to handle the issue of trust in my everyday life such that I can live positively with people around me and not have to keep looking at my back to watch out for possible backstabbers. That way is Jesus Christ. Like Paul said, I believe that Jesus is able to take care of everything that I entrust in His hands. So rather than trust people to the point of them being able to betray me and turn me into an emotional wreck, I trust God instead. I search for the word of God over every situation and I apply it. And I am confident that God will come through.
For example, if I am thinking that my husband could be making friends with a woman in a manner that I am uncomfortable with (though this just an illustration, it is not the situation in my marriage), I pray. I know my husband is susceptible to falling if care in not taken, but I am positive that God is not susceptible to fall. And God is available to wade into the brewing friendship before it get into something that can’t be handled. So with God I am sure my husband will not betray me, not that by himself he can’t or he won’t but because I have put my trust in God over my marriage, He will not make that happen for me. So I trust God to watch over my husband and prevent him from doing that which will affect the love I have for him. So I trust my husband through my trust in God.
In Genesis 20:7, we will see God displaying what I am trying to get across in this message. God told Abimelech that it was He the Lord who prevented Abimelech from going near Sarah even after he had taken her as his wife, because Sarah was the wife of a prophet. If God would prevent Abimelech from going near Sarah then He will also prevent adulterous women from coming near my husband because I put my trust in Him.
Now this is a better approach because it is only God that can and prevent any occurrence of evil that can cause an indelible scare on your marriage forever. If you apply this approach in your everyday life like I am doing then you will enjoy unending peace like a river as God as promised. So can you trust someone who has once betrayed you again? For me the answer is yes; not because you know they won’t repeat the act given the same scenario, but because you put your trust in God who is able to prevent it from happening again.

God expects you to hold on tenaciously to your marriage and in doing so He has made Himself available to you to supply you with the strength and grace to carry on if only you will call on Him and not try to handle your situations by yourself with your limited wisdom. For those who have been betrayed by loved ones, it’s time to shake of the emotional hurt, embrace forgiveness, look up to God for a refreshing and make a bold and new beginning. Yes, you can do it.

I will understand if you don't like to read, but when God says "My people perish for lack of knowledge," then you need to know that to seek knowledge is great gain. Now is time to seek knowledge and live.
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Tuesday, 21 June 2016

It's Time To Gist With The Fathers

It’s a beautifully rainy morning in my part of the world and I am so enjoying the coolness of the weather. And also thanking God for another glorious opportunity to share His word again on this blog. It’s always fulfilling speaking about the goodness of God.
I have grown to have huge respect for the male gender; for some reasons that I cannot explain but do not have apologies for, I respect men a lot. This has greatly helped me in my marriage to be able to submit to my husband as the Lord instructs us women to do. Not that I don’t respect women, in fact I love being a woman and I thank God for making me a woman. I feel empowered being a woman and I love to encourage women to be the best that they can be. And yes, I respect women a lot. But maybe because I am a woman and I know and understand how women are wired, what it takes to be a woman and the dos and don’ts of being a woman, so being a woman is not strange to me. I love me, and I also love women like me.
But for the men, they sometimes still appear as a misery. They think differently, approach issues differently, they have ego that must be rubbed, what interest us as women does not interest them and there are new things to discover about the man each and every passing day. So in this season of celebrating the men, I will take permission to speak to the men again through my post today. It is father’s day celebration season so I humbly would want to take a glimpse at some fathers in the Bible and see how they fared as fathers maybe our present day fathers would learn a thing or two from them.

Job 1:1-5
In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil. He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among the people of the East.
His sons used to take turns holding feast in their homes, and they would invite their sisters to eat and drink with them. When the period of feasting had run its course, Job would send and have them purified. Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for each of them, thinking, “Perhaps my children have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” This was Job’s regular custom.

The first father I want us to take a look at is that very wealthy man who was the greatest man among the men of the East in his time called Job. One beautiful lesson that I would like to highlight in the story of Job is that: First he was a very wealthy man, and so it will not be wrong to assume that Job was a very busy man. For him to be so wealthy that heaven recognized him as the greatest among the men of the East in his time requires a lot of brain work on the part of Job. He was overseeing great wealth and so he will be burdened with several meetings, several people will be flocking around him for favors, the leadership of his community will reckon with him and require his counsel in running the community. So to say that Job was a very busy man. But he was never too busy to father his children. In all of his wealth and affluence, Job made it a regular custom to gather his children to purify them should in case they had sinned against the Lord in their hearts.
Job was not just concerned about his children sinning openly against God, I want to believe that he was confident that with the training he had impressed on them they dare not sin against God in the sight of anybody. But he was even worried about the sin his children may have committed against God in their hearts where no-one but them alone can reach. That was how far Job took the training of his children. That was how important God meant to him. So we are not surprised that God will say to satan concerning Job that “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no-one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” We are also not surprised that God has blessed Job so much in his lifetime.
These qualities of Job are the qualities God is looking for in the lives of fathers today; fathers who will produce for Him the godly offspring that He seeks. And that is why God instructed through Moses that fathers should impress the commandments of God on their children. This goes beyond just teaching the children, but ensuring that the word of God is deeply fixed on the mind and memory of their children such that it is retained in them and becomes their living code of practice. This is what God requires of the fathers.

Judges 13:8-10
Then Manoah prayed to the Lord; “O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.”
God heard Manoah, and the angel of God came again to the woman while she was out in the field; but her husband Manoah was not with her. The woman hurried to tell her husband, “He’s here! The man who appeared to me the other day!”

Another father that caught my attention in the Bible is the man called Manoah, the father of Samson. He had been trusting God for a child and then all of a sudden an angel appeared to his wife and told her she will be giving birth to a Nazrite who was destined to deliver his people from the hands of their oppressors. She was given some rules to follow as she prepares for the arrival of their special son. But I specially appreciate what her husband did when his wife brought the news of the angel’s visitation to him. The Bible said Manoah prayed and asked the Lord to send the angel again to teach them how to bring up the child.
Manoah did not doubt what his wife had told him; he did not assume that he knew what it takes to raise a child and so he was well prepared. He didn’t conclude that since the angel had given the instructions to his wife, then she should just do as she had been told. But rather he knew that it was his responsibility to bring up the boy to be born and so he prayed. He asked the Lord to show him and teach him what to do in order not to fail on the job and God heard and answered him.
Are fathers still praying to God to teach them how to bring up godly offspring for the Lord or they are assuming they know what to do? In humility I confess that I am not so vast in the Bible, but still in the little I know, I am yet to come across a portion of the Bible where the mother is held responsible for the misconduct of her children, yet the fathers have been chastised by God for not training their children in the of the Lord. So fathers, Manoah prayed and God heard and answered him, wouldn’t you do the same in order to please God in the godly offspring that you produce for him?

1 Samuel 2:22-26
Now Eli, who was very old, heard about everything his sons were doing to all Israel and how they slept with the women who served at the entrance of the Tent of Meeting. So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. No, my sons; it is not good report that I hear spreading among the Lord’s people. If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the Lord who will intercede for him?” His sons, however, did not listen to their father’s rebuke, for it was the Lord’s will to put them to death.
And the boy Samuel continued to grow in stature and in favor with the Lord and with men.

1 Samuel 3:11-13
And the Lord said to Samuel: See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it to tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family – from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family for ever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.

The story of Prophet Eli is the last of all the father stories that I want us to consider; not that we have exhausted the father examples in the Bible, but so that the post isn’t stretched too long we will stop at the story of Eli.
What beats me about Eli is that Samuel grew under his watch yet the Bible says he grew in stature and favor with the Lord and with men, yet his own sons, born by him where the error in his walk with the Lord. They became the cause of his death and the curse on his lineage for ever. What we need to understand is that Eli taught his children about the Lord, he rebuked them at old age when he heard what they were doing wrong, but what he failed to do was to impress the commands of God, the fear of God in their hearts.
The word impress means to 1.) To affect deeply or strongly in mind or feeling; influence in opinion, 2.) To fix deeply or firmly on the mind or memory, as ideas or facts. So what God requires of the fathers which Eli failed to do was to fix the word of God deeply in the hearts of his children. This goes beyond mere teaching. It is ensuring that what is taught stays permanently on the minds and hearts of those who are taught and never to be erased. It requires a minute by minute, second by second monitoring that is to be done prayerfully with the help of the Holy Spirit. It is only by so doing that can we produce the godly offspring that God seeks for him.
Again when we wives begin to wonder, “what are the roles of men in marriage”, here is another a huge assignment for the men in marriage, to train the generals of the Lord. May the Lord God Almighty bless the fathers and teach them to bring up their children in the way of the Lord as the Lord pleases in Jesus name.

I will understand if you don't like to read, but when God says "My people perish for lack of knowledge," then you need to know that to seek knowledge is great gain. Now is time to seek knowledge and live.
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Monday, 20 June 2016

What Men Do In Marriage

It’s that period of the year when we celebrate fathers and every father figure in our lives and so it will be just ideal that we give the fathers a reawakening even as we celebrate them for what God is using them to do and what He desires to use them to do in our lives. So my post today is going to be for the fathers.
A lot of times we have heard women complain bitterly about having to put in their all in marriages and it appears as if the husbands have been assigned no responsibility at all in the marriage. The wife is to help the husband even when she is the one being hurt and at the receiving end of whatever the husband has to offer good or bad. She is burdened with the role of a home keeping, caring for the children, cooking for the family and even in some exceptional cases providing for the family when the father is financially down. So when you sum all these together you are tempted to wonder what the role of the man is in the home. So in today’s post we search the word of God to know what God requires of the man in marriage, who is also the husband and father.
Ephesians 5:23, 25-30
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands out to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body.
1 Timothy 3:2-4
Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.
In the scriptures above we find details of what God expects from the man in marriage. These scriptures detail out the roles and expectations of God on the man in marriage. In Ephesians 5:23 Paul says the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church his body. So the husband and wife are of one body with the husband as the head.
Figuratively speaking, we all know that on a human body, the head houses the eyes, nose, ears, mouth and also consist of some part of the skin; so to say that all the sense organs of the body reside on the head. To crown up the responsibilities of head is the fact that the brain that controls the function of the entire body reside in the head. With all of these functions residing in the head, we will understand that the head has a huge role to play for the body.
This analogy explains what role the husband has to play in any marriage. But looking at the role of the husband from the point of view of God’s instruction to the man, a husband is to love his wife in the manner in which Christ loves the church. Breaking it down to small bits, we know that Christ loves the church to the point of giving himself up for her; Christ loves the church despite the rejection and betrayal that the church rewards him with; Christ loves the church and as such instructs and trains her; Christ loves the church and protects her from evil and harm; Christ loves the church and fights her battles for her; Christ loves the church and is advocating for her before the Father in heaven continually. The love of Christ for the church is so strong that it cannot be comprehended, quantified, understood. It is the height of unconditional love. This strong unconditional love is what God demands and requires of the husband to his wife. Despite all the shortfalls in the life of a wife, the Lord still demands that her husband loves her unconditionally in the manner with which Christ loves the church.
This unconditional love of a husband to his wife will enable him sacrifice all for his wife just as Christ did for the church. It will move him to protect and care for her just as his own body. This same unconditional love will cause the husband to defend his wife and fight for her come what may. A man who loves his wife as God has instructed him to will not watch his wife overwork herself just to be his wife while he sits idle playing boss. Jesus didn’t just sit as the head and issue commands and send his disciples on errands while he sat and did nothing, but rather Jesus lead by example. He taught His disciples the servant leader approach of leadership. It was a leadership of “do as I do,” and not just “do as I say.” And that is the manner of leadership and headship that God demands from the husband to his wife.
The late Myles Munroe once said that God did not give the men heavy muscles and huge biceps so they can play bullies to their wives and beat her to obedience, but rather they have those huge muscles as a tool to protect, defend and fight for their family. I cannot agree more to that saying. The men have been built so by God to be a shield over those whom the Lord has kept under their care. The man is not built with muscles to bully his wife and enforce lordship over his family, but rather a father who is a servant leader in the manner with which Christ loved and led the church will lead his family by example. He will earn the love and respect of his wife and children by the way and manner in which he loves and sacrifice for them, training them in the way and manner of the Lord. He is a firm yet loving father.
A husband who has the deep unconditional love like that of Christ for his wife will be a husband who will take the pains to provide for his family at all cost. He will be a husband who eagerly directs his household in a right and godly manner. These are the things men do and always have to do in marriage. So when a wife is required to do so much in marriage, the husbands are required to do even more.
When the wives are doing so much for the success of their marriage and the husbands are doing even more for the success of the same marriage, then it is impossible for that marriage to fail. Any storm that attempts to steal the joy of such marriage is only proceeding on a venture that has failed even before it started. So wives don’t feel God is unfair by requiring so much from you because in truth He requires even more from your husbands.
In closing I wish all the husbands/fathers meeting up with God’s requirement on their lives for their marriages and homes a Happy Father’s Day. May the good Lord uphold and strengthen you for the task before you in Jesus name.


I will understand if you don't like to read, but when God says "My people perish for lack of knowledge," then you need to know that to seek knowledge is great gain. Now is time to seek knowledge and live.
Below are some life changing reading materials guaranteed to enrich your life much more than what you have experienced on the blog. They are sure to add value to your life based on the truth of the word of God. All books are life on http://www.konga.com/rinmoe-books 

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Thursday, 16 June 2016

What Roles Are In-Laws To Play In Our Marriages?

It’s another beautiful day and another glorious time to share the truth of the word of God on this blog. I am really feeling blessed to be a vessel in God’s hand I must say and as always I bless God for the lives and homes that are blessed and touch by the truth of God’s word on this blog.
In today’s blog I will be making good my second promise, so in this post we will be looking at the role of in-laws in our marriages. What assignment do our parents, parents in-law, siblings and siblings in-law have to play in our marriage based on the design of God at the beginning?

Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 19:4-6
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’, and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Ephesians 5:31
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Genesis 12:1
The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.”

These passages above will be the focus point of this blog message. At the beginning when God instituted marriage, it was about the man leaving and then cleaving. So every successful marriage working according to the plan and purpose of God for marriage begins with a leaving and then proceeds with a uniting/cleaving. So based on God’s design for marriage a man should leave his father and mother and cleave/unite with his wife and the two will become one flesh. But before the wife feels she does not have to do the leaving, the man is required to be united to his wife alone and not the wife and her parents, siblings, uncles or aunties. So what that means is that for a marriage to actively and successfully kick off, both the man and his wife are required to leave their fathers and mothers and cleave to one another to become one flesh.
What this tells us is that based on God’s design for marriage, at the point where the wife’s parents hand their daughter over to her husband, they have relinquished control of her life over to her husband. Paul said in Ephesians 5:23 that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Once marriage commences, the influence and control that parents have over their married daughter drops and the husband takes up the mantle of leadership over her life.
The important question that will easily come to mind is that why would God require that a man and his wife leave father and mother and cleave/unite with each other? And what the Lord opened up my mind to in answer to this question is the fact that the provisions of marriage is mainly for the husband and the wife. Any addition to the combination of the husband and wife will translate to extra strain and burden on what God has provided for the man and his wife. The bringing in of father, mother, sisters and brother into your marriage is so to say bringing extra luggage into what God originally planned for two. Now it is not God that will have to increase the supply to fit your desire but that you trim your desire to suit the provisions of God for your marriage.
I am always moved to liken the call of God on the life of a man to that call God made on Abraham. When God called Abram in Genesis 12:1, He gave the same instructions as He gave to the man in marriage and that was to leave is father’s household and go with his wife to a place only God knew. Abraham obeyed but then he didn’t leave his father’s household behind. He went in the company of his nephew Lot. But reading through to chapter 13 of the book of Genesis, verse 6 tells us that the land could no longer support Abraham and Lot staying together, and quarrelling began to arose between Lot’s herdsmen and Abraham’s herdsmen. And this went on until they both realized they had to part ways.
This is what plays out in marriage when the husband and wife refuses to leave their father’s household behind before cleaving to each other. They enter into marriage with unrequired and unnecessary extra luggage that eventually brings about quarrels and fights in marriage which in turn rubs them off the joy and peace of marriage.
When God realized that it was not good for the man to be alone, He had the option of providing the man's mother for him as a helper, but He did not do that. Rather the Lord formed a suitable helper for the man from within the man as his wife. Every man should be able to differentiate the place for mother and wife in their lives and not try to compare or swap roles. A man should take care of his parents and ensure they very well provided for. But carrying them along into his marriage will only result in the same scenario as we read of Abraham and Lot. The issue of the husband’s mother living in her son’s house with his wife is like having two bosses occupying the same space and having the same roles; there will always be clashes and fights with peace farfetched.
In the same manner the wife’s mother has no business living with her daughter when the daughter is married. She has her own home to watch over. When the mother has been able to train her child in the right direction then she has no reason to worry over her once she is married. Any other issue arising should only be taken care of in prayers and godly counsel.
I have heard of a husband beaten up silly by the siblings of his wife for not providing financially for their sister. What beats me in this is that when the siblings knew they could provide for their sister why didn’t they marry her? The fact that the woman can still say she is married to the man after he had been beaten silly by her siblings is what I am fining hard to comprehend, but this is a true life story.
Marriage is about a man and his wife and not a man and his wife and his brothers, parents, sibling. Neither is marriage about a man and his wife and his wife’s parents and siblings. When a man is not man enough to marry, it is okay that he remains unmarried rather than marry and allow another man run his home for him. In the same manner, when a woman is not matured enough to marry, she is better off remaining under her parent’s watch than marrying and having to run back home to get a response for all her husband’s requests and complains. May the Lord bless our homes.



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Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Talking About Sex In Marriage

Its another time again to discuss marriage issues. You can’t just imagine how glorious life can be when you are in a thriving and peaceful marriage. You might not have all the money in the world, but you have a kind of peace and joy that money can't buy.
I had promised to write my next post on the topic of sex in marriage and by the special grace of God I will be making good that promise in this post. So I will be trusting God in this post to teach us on the use and purpose of sex in marriage. What did God have in mind when He infused sex into marriage? Is it mainly for procreation purpose or for other purposes? These are areas I am praying the Lord will through this post speak to many married couples.
In many marriages, based on human minds, sex has served as various tools in various marriages. Some couples have used sex as a unifying tool in their marriages, some have used sex as a dispute mender/settler, some have used sex as a hunting or avenging tool, some see it as immoral and dirty and should not be mentioned in open space, and the unimaginable aspect of it is that some even see it as a means of inflicting punishment on their spouses. Interestingly I can go on and on highlighting the various uses to which married couples have put sex in their marriages. But in order to get things right and strengthen out some crocked line of thinking we need to understand why God decided to build in sex in the nature of man and woman in marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to payer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:15-20
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in public squares?
Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bossom of another man’s wife?

The book of Songs of Solomon speaks so beautifully about that love that should exist between a man and his wife. The deep love spoken of here is one that generates affection, love, warmth, protection and many more beautiful things between married couples. It is a deep love that precedes sex in marriage. It is this deep love that creates a longing between a man and his wife that makes them to always want to be close to each other; it generates the chemical reaction in couples that often times make them want to have sex. So from this analysis we can conclude that sex is not dirty or an immoral act between married couples as some have grown to see it as.
Something that we need to also understand about sex is that it is a duty that must be fulfilled in marriage. Paul said that a wife does not own her body alone, but her husband is also a part owner of the body that houses her soul and spirit. And in like manner the husband is not a sole owner of his body but that his wife is also a part owner of that body he calls his own. So if this is the case, Paul said couples should not deprive each other access to that body that they co-own. So from here we know and understand that using sex as a tool of punishment, hurt or revenge in marriage is absolutely wrong and unacceptable by God based on what the Bible is revealing as the use of sex in marriage.  
In Genesis 2:24 Adam said “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Then Malachi 2:15 stated that God has made the man and his wife one in flesh and spirit. This oneness in flesh and spirit is made manifest in the sexual activity that takes place between the man and his wife. God built in sex in marriage in order to foster oneness between the man and his wife so that the wife who was originally formed from her husband can be one again with him and they both remain one with each other for their life time.
So if we sum up what we have discovered from the word of God so far, we can conclude that sex in marriage is a beautiful thing that is birth from the love and affection that exist between a man and his wife. Then moving on we have also discovered that sex in marriage is a marital duty that must be fulfilled by both couples in the marriage. Based on this revelation, the man is to know that his body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, so it will be totally wrong for a man to deprive his wife of what rightfully belongs to her which is his body. And same applies to the wife, she is to know and understand with all clarity that her body does not belong to her alone but is co-owned by her husband so it is wrong for her to deprive her husband of what rightfully belongs to him for whatever reason she may have.
Then we are also realizing that sex in marriage in God’s way of bringing about oneness in marriage in fulfilling His word that He has made the man and his wife one in flesh and spirit. These are the very wonderful and beautiful reasons why God infused sex in our marriages and not for the hurtful purposes that sex has been used for in this generation.  
Quite a lot of people have questions about the kind of sex styles that are acceptable in a Christian marriage, and a lot of people have considered that some sexual activities are immoral and unacceptable. But I will say this; the important thing about sex in marriage is that the husband and wife do not deprive one another. As long as both parties enjoy the pleasure of each other’s bodies and are happy, they are not committing any sin.
Also important to note is that sex in marriage is between the man and his wife. Solomon says the husband should rejoice in the wife of his youth and may her breast satisfy him always and that he be captivated by her love always and not that of an adulteress. So sex is strictly for the man and the wife of his youth, anything outside of this is a sin.

I have been greatly blessed writing this, God has opened some truths about that very discrete topic we find hard to discuss in marriage. I pray that a lot of questions in the minds of people have been answered. In case there are still more to ask, you can please drop your questions as a comment on the blog and we will prayerfully seek God for clarification on what you need clarity on. May the Lord bless our homes.

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Wednesday, 8 June 2016

A Really Tough Issue In Marriage


A very good evening to the wonderful people of God who take the time to read posts on this blog, I can't and will never stop thanking God for your lives and homes and trusting Him to always do a new thing in your lives and homes through what is shared on this blog.
There are some very difficult or should I say assumed difficult situations we face in marriage and sometimes it appears that God has totally taken His attention off the person involved in that situation. I was chatting with a friend last weekend and we were discussing one of these assumed difficult situations in marriage and this is the line of our gist: We were discussing about ladies who ignorantly got married to gay husbands. I sited a case I had heard of and she also mentioned a similar situation that happened in her church. Unfortunately, both cases happened with very diligent church people who are known to the world as born-again Christians.
This by every sense of human reasoning is a case that adequately qualifies for a divorce. I will not oppose to a divorce in a case like this more so that Jesus permits divorce in cases of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9) and this is not just sexual immorality in the natural sense, it is the obscene kind of sexual immorality. So in such a case I might not do much of Bible quoting.
But the next question I will probably want answered is why would God watch and allow this kind of marriage take place in the first instance, why didn’t He prevent it from happening and as such prevent His precious daughters from going through the emotional torture of being married to a gay spouse. Well just as faithful as God is, He has provided an answer for me and this I would like to share.
In Genesis 2:18 God said it is not good that the man should be alone and He decided to make a suitable helper for him and that helper happens to be a woman, and not just any woman, a wife for the man who God knows and see needs help. I am very sure you will agree with me that a gay man is a man who desperately needs help. So God who knows the strength He made the woman with and capabilities she possess is sure she can help this gay husband become normal again. It’s a huge task, but with the help of God, she can finish well. God knowing this, didn’t prevent the marriage from taking place but rather waiting to be called upon to wade into the situation. If only the blessed wife will put her emotions on hold and listen to the voice of God on how to handle the situation, the Lord will direct her and work with her till she overcomes the challenge in the life of her spouse and both of them are better off. Is this possible, I will say Yes with every sense of conviction because there is no impossibility with God.
Another question that came to mind that I want to ask God is: Why does God need a woman in order to help a man? Well He has also given me an answer to that and I am going to share it. It is because God made the woman from the man so that she will be the person closest to him. In the design of God there should be no one closer to the man than his wife. And if God will work in the life of a man and will not have to physically leave His throne in heaven to get the work done, He will work through the closest person to the man who should be the woman whom He formed from the rib of the man.
So by the grace of God I will conclude this by saying that in this kind of extreme case of marriage challenge that is tangled with sexual immorality that involves homosexuality, I will not frowned at the mention of divorce. But if the wife is able to look beyond her husband and his mighty shortfall and look to Jesus to uphold her and help me bring about a glorious change in the life of her husband she will be doing God a great service and winning a precious soul into God’s kingdom. 

In the coming post I will be discussing issues bothering on sex in marriage and dealing with external interference in marriage so please be on the lookout.