Wednesday, 27 April 2016

More To Know On Unity In Marriage

Its always a wonderful thing to be able to share the truth of the word of God with God’s wonderful people. In all of it I am positive that God is taking over in many homes and turning things around to the glory of His holy name.
I promised in my last post that there is more to learn on the issue of unity in marriage, and I will say with confidence in Christ that we are yet to appreciate and understand the importance of unity in the home and between couples. I am trusting God that through this blog post the Lord will open up our minds to the importance of having a united marriage. 

Genesis 11:6
The Lord said, “If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.

Matthew 18:19
“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 

These two scriptures hold very important truth about unity in the home. Genesis 11:6 used a phrase that really got me thinking, and it says “if as one people” the word people shows that we have more than one individual involved. There are probably two or more individuals fused together to form one people with the bond of unity firmly holding them together. God then testifies to the fact that these group of individuals who have come together to form one people are indestructible because whatever they plan to do as one people will definitely be possible for them to do. So as one people (bind together by the cord of unity) nothing shall be impossible for them.
The only way the word impossibility can exist within the rank of this one people is if the bond of unity is destroyed. But as long as they are united as one people nothing shall be impossible for them to do. With this we have a better understanding of why God made the man and his wife one rather than two. Because if as one in flesh and spirit as God originally designed it, then nothing they plan to do shall be impossible for them. With this understanding it important that the husband and wife realizes that fighting each other and working against one another rather than working for one another only destroys the bond of unity holding them together and orchestrates impossibility into their individual lives. So as one flesh with the bond of unity holding the two together to form one, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them. But as separate entities, impossibility will definitely have its free play.
Again, Jesus says, if two agree about anything and they ask for same in prayer it shall be done for them by our Father in heaven. So we understand that two getting to agree and then praying is a vital key to success. I am now discovering here that unity and prosperity go hand in hand. Where you find unity of two in goal and purpose there also you find success and prosperity.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” I am also discovering and I believe you are too that unity precedes victory. So if you desire victory over the challenges of your life, then first mend the bond of unity between you and your spouse. Jesus said a house that is divided against itself cannot stand.
It is true your wife is not perfect, and it is very true that she has so many shortfalls that you have to cope with. But if you must succeed on all your assignments assigned to you by God and have victory over the challenges of life that will come your way, its important you make that woman your best friend and do all that is needful to ensure that she is one people with you and you both are speaking the same language.
That husband of yours may not be as loving as you wished him to be, he may not even be as kind as you would think you deserve for a husband, but you need to be one with him in flesh and spirit to have your destiny fulfilled and your life balanced. The impossibilities of your life will go away if you start to work on the bond of unity between you and your husband rather than work against it. 

1 Samuel 25:2-3
A certain man in Maon, who had property there at Carmel, was very wealthy. He had a thousand goats and three thousand sheep, which he was shearing in Carmel. His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings – he was a Calebite.  

Above is the description of a couple and I would like to round off with this. These two people are entirely different in composition, the wife was intelligent and beautiful while the husband was surly and mean yet they were a very wealthy couple basically because they were one people. The wife knowing who her husband was (character wise), was always readily on hand to cover up his mess. If we read through the whole story in 1 Samuel 25, we will observe how Abigail hastily corrected her husband’s wrong before king David. But irrespective of Nabal’s attitude, he had a wife who was one with him in flesh and spirit and so he succeeded and was a very wealthy man.  
From the revelation of the word of word God I will conclude that the by-products of unity are success, victory, prosperity and peace. So a united marriage is one that will be successful, victorious, peaceful and prosperous. It is also important to note that unity in the home is a thing that couples have to consciously work at developing and attaining. Unity will not just appear in the marriage, it is sought after and worked towards by both spouses in the marriage with an attainable goal as a focus. Quarrels and misunderstandings will come up in the marriage, issues that will threaten the unity of the marriage will always come up every now and then, but each spouse in the marriage will consciously ensure that they remove any and everything that will remove their focus from the goal ahead which is unity in order to enjoy the benefits that comes with it. Fights in the marriage should be settled quickly, misunderstandings should be handled with wisdom and promptly not allowed to linger so that the eyes of the couple is allowed to stay fixed on the goal (unity) in order to enjoy its reward. Each spouse should have absolute control over their emotions, not allowing the negative emotions over-run its bound and eroding the focus off the goal of unity. One of the big secret to success for the married couple in that one word called unity. Where there is unity there surely will be prosperity and peace. May the Lord bless our marriage.


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.


Friday, 22 April 2016

The Essence Of Unity In Marriage



It’s another gracious day, a day the Lord has made and we are destined to rejoice and be glad in it. It’s a beautiful day with a beautiful opportunity again to share the glorious word of God. The feedbacks have been very good, and I am positive that new and beautiful things are beginning to happen in many homes to the glory of God.
I have been hit several times by messages about the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ, I pray that when He does return, we will be ready to go with Him.
So we continue on our marriage talks and the next important component of a successful marriage that I want to discuss again is the power of unity. Unity in goal, unity in purpose, unity in pursuit, unity in objective, unity in achievement are all important for the success of the couple as a unit and then the success of the individual component that makes the unit. Jesus Christ said that "the house that is divided in itself cannot stand." There is no gainsaying that when married couples see themselves as competitors rather than a joint force with one common goal, that marriage will end in a misery. It’s either the husband is struggling to outdo the wife or the wife is aiming so very hard to be better than her husband. God did not institute marriage for this purpose at all.
Marriage is about a man lacking in some things and the Lord blesses him with a wife to fill in all the missing links in his life and so Solomon says in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife finds what is good, and receives favour from the Lord."The woman is in the life of the man to complement him and not to compete with him, sharing the same goals, having the same focus and joining forces to wage war against the challenges of life that are lined up their path in life.
It’s important that we know some basic truth about marriage and then re-engineer our thoughts with regards to marriage in line with this truth. And the first fact about marriage is that the institution of marriage is bigger than any individual component of the institution. Yes, I form an important part of my marriage yet my marriage is bigger than me or my emotional feelings. My marriage is an institution established and ordained by God for a purpose that is far bigger than me. I am on assignment for God and as such God placed me in that marriage to fulfill a purpose for him.
In Genesis 2:18 God declared that it is not good for my husband to be alone and decided to make me as a suitable helper for him. It is true that I am in my husband’s life to help him and he is capable of coming up with various attitudes and characters that might upset me, but still I didn’t place myself in the life of my husband, God did. He is also watching me on how I am fairing on my assignment. So yes, there is my husband’s factor in marriage but there is the bigger picture of who sent me on assignment in the life of my husband. So there is a purpose and aim that God desires to achieve through me as He sends me on that assignment in my husband’s life. And this illustration explains why I have said that marriage is bigger than any individual component on the institution.
Also a man in marriage is not just in that marriage because he wishes to alone, in fact he has a lot more responsibility and more to report to God for. He has various duties that the Lord has lines up for him, one of such is to care for all that God created (Genesis 2:15), and he has also been given a suitable helper on that assignment who he has been asked to love and care for as himself, cleansing her by washing with water and the word (Ephesians 5:25-26). On these assignments the husband is answerable to God who is watching how he is handling the assignments. So you will appreciate that marriage is bigger than how we feel or what we think individually as spouses.
God has many aims and objectives he wishes to achieve through our marriages and so the fact that we have found ourselves together as husbands and wives is beyond what we see it to be. God allowed the union because we have assignments to fulfill for Him together. One of such assignment is found in Malachi 2:15, God in desiring godly offspring, brought the man and woman together as husband and wife to raise godly offspring for him.
In the coming together to two entirely different people, it’s inevitable that differences will surface in their union every now and then, this is because in truth they are different but only when these two different and uniquely wonder individuals come together to form a bond can they achieve for God what He desires to achieve through their them as one unit, and in so doing also have their own collective and individual goals and desires achieved. Because as they join forces to do for God what He wants done, then they can also be sure that as they please God, He is also making relentless efforts and meeting not just their needs but also their wants.
In marriage what is usually the case is that the weakness of one spouse is the strength of the other. I always tell wives that if their husbands were perfect then they don’t have a role playing in his life. The shortfall of your husband’s life is the reason you are his wife. If the husband is perfect the Lord will have no need forming a wife for him as his suitable helper. So capitalizing on your husband’s shortcomings as a reason to disdain him amounts to you not fulfilling your purpose in his life. In the same way as a husband you need to understand that you are not perfect and your wife is that God assigned helper to complete you. She is also not perfect, but she fits well into the missing link of your life. If you then, knowing that you are not perfect, will be wrong demanding perfection from your wife. But one truth is that the woman God has placed in your life possess all that is required by you to be all that God has destined you to be. You need to realize that you can also successfully be all that God has called you to be with the help of the suitable helper He has provided for you who is your wife. You will enjoy the full benefit of what God has provided for you in your wife when you learn to treat her well with unconditional love and care.
It also natural that as couples, you step on each other’s toes once in a while, it’s not unheard of that a husband will betray the trust of his wife, cheat on her and vice versa. It’s also natural that when that happens emotions will run wild and these emotions will be expressed strongly. But it’s very important to know when to run past the emotions of betrayal, let go of the hurting feelings and return your focus to the bigger picture of the purpose of your union and continue to make God the ultimate focus of your marriage. It is only then can you achieve much from and for your marriage, for God and for yourselves together as a couple and as individual component of the marriage.    


There will have the continuation of this topic in my next post and then I will try to dig up examples of marriages in the Bible on how unity in marriage has helped bring about success for God and for the individual component of the union in my next couple of posts.


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues (3)

It’s another glorious opportunity to share the truth of the word of God with the wonderful people of God. Your responses have been encouraging I must say and you are well appreciated.
Still continuing in discussing practical issues in marriage and here is an issue that has affected a lot of married women, most especially those without helping hands or maids in the home. The economic climate we are in, in this present day and time is such that unless by the grace of God, it is almost impossible for both spouses not to get into income generating activities. As it is, both the husband and the wife have to work and earn income to be able to financially sustain the family.
With that said, the wife in addition to her income generating activity or work which in most cases take the priority on the list of the activities that struggles for her time, she has to take care of the children, cook for them, monitor their hygiene which might include bathing them, doing their laundry, ensuring nails are cut, hair well-kept etc. Then she still has other house chores to do which will also include house cleaning, toilet washing, dish washing, taking care of the kitchen and so on. Then not to forget children’s education support activities, school’s home-work, class projects etc for each child at different level of education. I hope as you read this, you try to use your imagination to figure out the picture I am trying to present to you.
Then in some cases you have the wife who has all these of the above listed burdens to carry still being the breadwinner of the home. The husband is unable to make much in terms of financial income though it might be a temporary situation or an effort not yet yielding the expected returns, but still cannot and would not put a helping hand in the upkeep of the home and family because he has concluded that it is not his responsibility to do that. In some other cases it may be the husband’s ego in action, or so that people or family/relatives will not see him doing a woman’s stuff in the house thereby terming him a weakling (which is predominant in our culture). And in still other cases it may be share laziness on the husband’s part.
I can’t imagine why and how a woman should not be expected to age early and wear-out fast if she has all of these on her to do list on a daily basis without any form of help. You might conclude that she employs a helping hand, but remember she is the breadwinner, and that is an additional monthly expenses that she has to bear with no addition to the current income generation.
I have always written on this blog that the woman holds the responsibility to build her home, this is an assignment given to her by God and she will report to God on how she has feared on this task. But this same wonderful God has instructed the husband to love his wife as himself in the order with which Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25-30). If the husband will be fulfilling this call of God on his life and obeying carefully this instruction he has been given by God then he will not sit and watch his wife burn herself out in order to be his wife. It is highly insensitive for any man not to make any meaningful contribution to the growth of the home and family. As a man there should be something weighty that you as the head of the home in contributing to the growth of the home otherwise you are as good as an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 says “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We have always termed the providing mentioned in this scripture to mean money or related it solely to financial provision, but thank God the Bible did not say “provide financially”, it only said provide. So the provide can come in the form of support, care, love, money, helping hand, encouragement, watchfulness and many other provides that there can be to make the home comfortable for those that God has given to you to care for as head of the home. So if the man will be true to obeying this instruction of God on his life, then there are more provides required of him than just financial provision.
If he is unable to provide financially for his family then he should be able to provide encouragement, support, helping hands, love and many other forms of provision that will foster the growth of the family and make him truly the head that God has called him to be. 
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says “Two are better that one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up.” It interesting what the Bible says about a man who has no-one to help him when he falls, such is the case of the wife who has been left to carry all the burdens of the home all alone. In no time at all this beautiful wife will completely fade out if care is not taken. If a man would claim that his wife is his suitable helper and so should be there to help him if and when he needs help and in whatever way or form he needs the help, then such a man should be reminded that the beautiful helper also requires ample love and care which the husband has been instructed by God to give to her unconditionally and without limit. As a man you would do yourself a whole lot of God when you learn to care for, love and encourage your wife because in so doing, you can be sure she’ll serve you well.   
Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.
 

Saturday, 16 April 2016

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues (2)

Hello beautiful people of God, I bless God for another wonderful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word with you. I thank God that the seed of His word in our lives and homes is germinating and producing fruits of a beautiful marriage to the glory of His holy name.
In today’s post I am trusting God to teach us to be able to handle right some practical issues in marriage. The first of such practical issues is handling a cheating husband. The issue a husband cheating on his wife is one that so many wives have found quite unbearable and has led to a lot of marriage break-ups more so that Jesus has given infidelity as an excuse for a marriage to break-up. I once spoke to a lady who at that time just got married and we were talking on marriage matters and she told me that she can never give her body to her husband any longer once she finds out he has cheated on her. In as much as I won’t blame this lady for making such a conclusion, I will say that the reality can be a little different.
In the part of the world where I come from, it is assumed that it’s a man’s world and it’s okay if a man cheats on his wife or at least it more understandable when it's the husband doing the cheating than when it's the wife who is unfaithful to her husband. So it is totally unacceptable for a wife to cheat on her husband. While I am also totally against a woman cheating on her husband for any reason at all, I am wondering if a woman has blue blood rather than red for her not to get furious with anger if ever she discovers her husband is cheating on her. So just as a man would flip out if he discovers his wife is cheating on him, so should a wife also be expected to flip out if and when she discovers her husband is cheating on her.
But what happens after you discovered your spouse cheated on you or is cheating on you and you have gotten furious and angry. Is it possible to forgive him and move on and act as if nothing happened or you allow the anger to remain and possibly lead to the break-up of the union? This question has come up in my head so many times, and it has been a topic of debate on a private chat group that I belong to. Some women like the one I mentioned earlier will find it hard to live beyond the hurt that arouse from the betrayal, but in truth it’s a choice that we have to make.
If ever I find myself in that situation I have resolved to only one choice and that is to look the other way, forgive and move on with my marriage. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but I know someone whose been there before and that was her choice and till date she doesn't regret it. Because she still has her marriage intact, she has a repentant spouse and her home is at peace. Rather than remain angry and habour resentment for her spouse, she was awakened to the need to pray for him. She came to the realization that there must be a problem for that to happen and since she was his suitable helper assigned to him by God, she knew that rather than prolong the anger, she needed to help him overcome the problem.
So she began to pray. she prayed for him that God would deliver him from the sin of adultery. With the help of the Holy-Spirit she also made some improvement on herself to appear more attractive to him as his wife, she tried to put better efforts to her activities in the home, beginning with the food, his personal care and that of the children and with the help of God her home is a lot better now.
But what if she had walked out of the marriage in anger, although she will not be committing any sin by getting a divorce on the grounds of infidelity, but that leaves her with only one action next and that is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband (1 Corinthians 7). So it all falls back to the same thing she is trying to run away from. If then she can’t take another husband, she had better help her husband become a better husband that she can be proud of since that is what God has called me to be in his life (a helper).
So I will say these to all ladies struggling with infidelity in their marriage, its okay to express you’re hurt. It’s okay to cry and feel betrayed, but after all said and done, its important to let go off the hurt and look to heaven to help you help your husband become a better husband. That is the role you are in his life to play and with God on your side he will surely become a better person to the glory of God alone. 

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Getting Practical With Marriage Issues

Good day beautiful people of God, its always a wonderful and fulfilling opportunity to share the truth of God’s word again in this blog. And I pray his word will bring light to every day area of our marriage and home in Jesus name.
Today I want to share a story that happened to someone I know well. This story is not peculiar to my friend, but it’s a story I have heard happen to a lot of women and I trust the Lord to help women having such issue to heal and find fulfillment in life again.

Issue
I have never felt so used and dejected by someone I loved and trusted so much; my husband of 28years. When I was still active in work, based on the position I held and the opportunities that came with my job I had the opportunity to make good extra wealth outside of my salary. I met my husband as a struggling man while I had very wealthy parents and because of the love I had for him I didn’t consider him low in status than I was, despite some objections I married him anyway. I helped my husband climbed the ladder of wealth and affluence in life. As a result of the opportunities afforded me on my job, I invested all my extra wealth on my husband. We had a lot of joint businesses that I ran and grew while all he did was just to sign the cheques. The inflows in the business accounts were all my efforts but the outflows where all his efforts. I didn’t foresee any problem coming up in future between us with regards to money, the love I had for him superseded any suspicion in my marriage. I wanted to make my marriage work by all means possible and so getting suspicious was not what a allowed to play host in my mind. Even when I heard stories of my husband’s escapades with other women I still didn’t see it affecting our business life. I managed both the business and the home front to the best of my ability with the business and career taking the forefront of my focus. Raising my children suffered though, but I managed to give them the best that money can buy. They all schooled abroad and enjoyed the luxuries of life. Now I am out of paid employment, and just when I thought I could cash-in on all my investment in my joint business with my husband and start another business that I can run on my own, my husband did a U-turn on me. He had removed my name and signature from all that we owned together, he removed my name as his next-of-kin and now all I do is just sit at home and wait on him while he goes about in the luxury of the wealth I worked for and he just gives me stipends when he deems it necessary. Another issue that I also have to battle with is my health. I have a very big battle with my health that keeps me in the hospital for months at the stretch. I am coming to terms with my fate and trust God to accept my soul if I die in this struggle. I am still married to my husband and I am sure everyone will reap just what they have sown. I pray and hope my children will learn from my mistakes. My only regret in life is that I should have taken time to be a better mother to my children and bring them up properly rather chase wealth that a man who is not worth it will eventually take over. The little strength I have left now is to give my children the mothering I didn't give them when they were young. Now they are in their twenties with lack of properly discipline evident in their character which is what I am now struggling to correct as the Lord still spares my life.

Response
This narration is very touching I must say and when things like this happen it is very easy to blame God and ask where was God when all these was happening. I feel so touched that I am tempted to be a bit biased in what I have to share in response to this, but at this time I will trust God to speak to you through me and not just to you, but to as many as have found themselves in a situation such as this. First I need to ask if you prayed and sought the face of God before getting married to your husband? I understand and know that God’s instruction to the wife in marriage is to submit to her husband in everything as to the Lord, but I would want to ask if you prayed to God before investing your wealth in the life of your husband? You are his suitable helper that God has placed in his life to help him fulfill his destiny, but not assigned to work and put all your life’s saving in your husband’s bank account to spend or a joint account which you don't have control over. I am most certain that if you did pray before getting married, you will still have very little hitches in the marriage, but not as grievous as this. And if you had consulted with God before putting all your wealth in your husband’s account the story would have been a little different. If your husband needed financial support you are required by God’s instruction to give him that support, but God did not ask us as wives to make our husbands our retirement plan. But nonetheless, you are still the suitable helper the Lord has provided for your husband to help him be a better person. Do not let material wealth prevent you from the assignment God has assigned you to do in his life. This is a typical example of what God says that “Cursed is the man who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength,” (Jeremiah 17:5-9) your husband is just being a typical man. You will surely find it hard to trust him again, but that’s okay. Just trust God alone and put all your strength in focusing on God. When you do, the following things will happen: 1) He will right all the wrongs in your life, 2) He will bring you out of the sick bed, 3) He will teach your hands to make wealth again such that all that has been lost shall be recovered in an increased measure, 4) He will turn the lives of your children around for good, 5) He will heal your marriage and make your husband a better Christian. He will breathe life again into your marriage and as you are following in His instructions for your life and home, you will be able to be the suitable helper for your husband again and fulfill your mandate in his life once again. In doing all this, the glory of the latter you will surely surpass that of the former. In fact you will totally forget this period of your life as God will make you forget all that you have gone through if only you can carelessly unburden yourself at the feet of Jesus and raise your head in focus on Him alone. There is nothing you do or nothing anybody can do that can give you a refreshing and positive exit from all these troubles outside of what God can do. Don’t resign yourself to the fate of what you are going through as the will of God because it is not. God didn’t create us to suffer and die in our sufferings. The challenges of life are there to train us to be better people and not to break us. His will for is perfectly good to give us hope and bring us to an expected end. You have made your mistakes and though you have suffered for it, now is the time to walk out of those mistakes and their consequences and let God replace the bad with good. You will have a refreshing start again in Jesus name.

Monday, 11 April 2016

Responding to Your Questions

Hello God’s people, it’s a beautiful day again and it is the day the Lord has made and we will rejoice and be glad in it. I personally thank God for His mercies and grace on my life, on my husband, on my children and on you who take the time to read the messages on this blog and I pray that the blessings of the Lord will forever remain on our lives and not just that, but we will be sources of joy and blessings to those we encounter in our life’s journey in Jesus name.
Sometime back I shared a post about a man I met while waiting in the lobby of a game’s room for my husband and while waiting I got talking to this man. Below is the excerpt of the blog and I wish to revisit that discussion so as to share some responses that I got, and also to give my won conclusion on the matter. So below is a recap of the post and the responses that came afterwards. 

I had almost closed the topic of communication in marriage, believing that enough had been said on that issue. But yesterday I met a man; I had never seen this man before and in fact I don’t know his name. I was seated with in a lobby while waiting for my husband to get done with his game. I sat there watching a Nigerian movie on the T.V screen in the lobby with this total stranger and the story line of the film ignited a conversation between us. Our discussion centered on marriage and reason why couples cheat on each other. I told the man that based on my opinion, for any part of a couple to cheat on his/her partner then such a person lacks self-control and personal discipline.
He agreed with me, but made a confession that invariably prompted me to realize that there is still more to be said and shared on the issue of communication in marriage. This man told me he’d been married for close to 11years and he opened up to me that he once cheated on his wife. He said whenever he sees a lady he is tempted to lust over, the first thing he searches for is if the lady has a quality about her that his wife does not have. Probably to give himself a kind of personal justification for doing what he should not do. He went on to say that the lady he had the extra-marital affair with a lady who was not better than his wife in any way, but she was someone he felt comfortable talking to. She was always available to talk to and she gives him intelligent advises on issues bothering him. That was his main attraction and attachment to the lady. When he realized that was the singular additive that this lady possessed that was lacking in his wife, he tried to bring that side of his wife out, and was always trying to engage her in conversations outside the usual home issues, but up till yesterday that we spoke he has not made much progress in getting from his wife that value added that his girlfriend/mistress provided for him. According to him each time he tries to talk to her, she always complains of being tired and needing to rest. This is the story as was told to me, if the man is still seeing this other lady I don’t know.
From the discussion I was able to gather that this man’s wife is an account and she does the tedious 8am-5pm work and so in her defense I tried to give the excuse that maybe its work pressure that is responsible for her always being too tired for some off the regular play discussions/chats with her husband. But this man responded that even his mistress/girlfriend does the tedious 8am-5pm job and yet she finds time out to discuss with him.
In as much as I do have a word or two for this man and his wife, I need a word from you on this matter. Is the wife getting too comfortable and careless with her marriage? Is the husband right for seeking outside what he desires so badly but can’t get from his wife? What more could the husband have done to get his wife to be what he wants her to be? I am begging everyone to please drop their thought on this matter and let’s rob minds together. 

Response 1
Dear Derin, happy celebration of the Easter once again, I read your message and I have this to say: Many times we tend to find fault in our partner when in truth the answer lies with us. As this for man, it is possible that the wife’s reaction to communication with him might be as a result of some unresolved issues. We have different ways in which we handle issues. For every action there is a reaction. In this case, maybe in time past when they both have discussions, he always puts the wife down and treat her like a senseless idiot and this can be one big hurt in the heart of his wife. Her not talking to him may be a tool of defense to protect herself. I have been there before, I know how it feels. No wife wants her husband to look down on her, it can rid her of her self-worth and self-esteem. It is easy to talk to another person and feel she fills in the gap, but in truth he should truthfully ask himself where he has missed it and make amends instead of creating another issue of concern. Many men treat their wives as slaves other than a wife and what they get is the response of a slave. Men need to get it right. 1 Peter 3:7 is a command not an advise. Thanks.

Response 2
Did he talk to his wife about the issue before he chose to have extramarital affair? If yes, did he involve people who are close to the wife and can intervene? There are two sides to every story, I as a woman and a Christian will not support his action.

Response 3
Babes Aderinsola, I want to first appreciate your previous post on your blog, they are indeed inspired by God. More grace in Jesus name. Now about the cheating husband and insensitive wife, I want to believe the husband still got is wrong by cheating on his wife. He just has to still try hard to make her talk. There are reasons everyday one of the spouses can hold in order to justify why he/she went overboard but no reason is good enough for extra-marital affairs. The communication should be worked on. If he wants to justify the lack of effective communication as the reason, then when that is solved another might surface.

Response 4
People always make excuses for being unfaithful.

Above are responses to the blog post and I am so very grateful for these responses, I sincerely hope and pray that a lot of men will read this post, most especially the responses and begin to sit up and do the needful in their marriages. I pray that God will raise a man that will take up the task of touching the hearts of his fellow men to be better husbands. I have read a lot on the cry of women for the need for more committed husbands. We as women have the capacity to grow and multiple the seed sown in us, so if only our husbands will take the time to sow the right seeds, it is just a matter of time for them to begin to reap bountiful harvest of love, care, respect and every other thing they desire from a wife as they sow the seeds in us.
I totally agree with all of these responses, and I am also of the same view that no matter the situation on ground there is no excuse for extra-marital affairs. It is so very true that people will always make an excuse for being unfaithful but as a wife you need to be very sensitive with your marriage so as not to be an excuse for your husband to be unfaithful to you. 
Going back to the issue at hand, this man never mentioned that he prayed about the situation. We remember that in the book of Genesis Isaac prayed to God for the need in the life of his wife. It was Isaac who prayed out the barrenness of Rebekah, something his father Abraham never did for his wife Sarah. Rather than men seeking the short cut to issues in their marriage, like Isaac its important that they pray hard and persevere over the challenges in their marriage in order to avoid making mistakes they will end up regretting.
One of the responses raised an issue that I think is worth pondering on, she said probably the wife was reacting to a previous hurt she experienced. She said probably in previous conversions the husband puts the wife down in her contribution and treats her like a senseless idiot. This is an area I am sure a lot of women have experienced hurt from their husbands. Now this is a very wrong way to treat a woman. I have heard it said and I agree with that school of thought, that women always multiple what you give to them. If you sow good seeds in your wife, she will multiple the good seed and produce more good for you in return. And if you sow bad seeds in her, she will multiple it and in same manner produce more trouble for you. In that case, divorcing her or cheating on her does not make you a good man, you only deepen your problems with acts that comes with severe negative after effect. It is simply a case of you reaping what you have sown and the only remedy is to change your seed to good ones that you might reap good that multiples from what you have sown.
You can't bring out the best in your wife by treating her like a piece of rubbish. When your wife is handled like a glorified housemaid, you should not expect anything more from her than a housemaid reaction. When you treat your wife like a queen, that automatically makes you the king of her life, so when you want to feel like a king and enjoy royalty in your home, just start by treating your wife like a queen and the kingship is yours for the taking. May the Lord bless our homes.