One news that keeps coming to me in forms such as a prayer request for a woman in a violent marriage or a woman experiencing some form of mental disorder as a result of the challenges in her marriage. Just yesterday I read the story of a woman who was allegedly butchered by her husband and the picture of her decapitated body posted online was terribly graphic. Even though I have shared several messages on this blog with regards to handling disputes in marriages, I can’t but seek the face of God again on the matter most especially with the fact that God has stated over and over again that He hates divorce. By human standard it will just be okay to say that the victim in the marriage runs out of the marriage and out of harm’s way just to keep safe and maintain some level of sanity, but the word of God does not change and if we will please God, then it is important to trust Him wholly with regards this marriage issue.
I will appreciate that those who read this message will drop a comment on what they truly feel on the issue of violence in marriage, yet I will drop my own thought on the matter too. I wish to learn from those reading this as much as I would want to share my own thought with them too. I will be sharing a few scriptures mostly from the book of Proverbs to help us get a better understanding into this issue.
Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 12:23
A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly.
Proverbs 17:9
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 20:3
It is to a man’s honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.
Proverbs 18:2
A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions
Proverbs 18:6
A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.
Proverbs 15:14, 18
Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
Proverbs 16:32
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
I can go on searching and digging out from the word of God the underlying cause of violence in the home. A friend once shared that for those yet to be married, a man should avoid marrying a woman who cannot control her tongue and the woman should avoid a man who cannot control his temper. This cannot be more true. When the temper and the tongue are properly checked and put under proper control such a marriage will enjoy good peace and harmony.
The true strength of a man is not in the weight of his punches or the hardness of his slaps, nor is it in his ability to use the whip but in his ability to put his temper in check and handle his situations with maturity and wisdom. Unlike what most people believe, the Bible is telling us that it more honourable to avoid strife than to be quick to quarrel. It is better to be patient than to be a warrior. It is equally better to control ones temper than to take a city. When you engage in a fight and overpower your opponent, you have this temporary sense of pride, but how long does it last when by so doing you have gained for yourself an enemy that is unnecessary. More so when this enemy is one that should be closest to you and one whom the Lord has asked you to love like you love yourself.
A lot of times you console yourself that life is better off without her, but deep within you is that truly the case? Haven’t you allowed pride create in you an unneeded vacuum that is unnecessary for you and might also lead you away from the presence and goodness of God?
And for the wife; Is that talk and the pouring out of the venom in your heart through your mouth worth the beating and mutilation of your body that might possible ensue? Will keeping quiet even when your husband keeps nagging disfigure your face or body? In my opinion, sometimes it is the woman’s mouth that actually inflicted on her the beatings rather than the punches of her husband. Rather than air your opinion and cause for yourself the trouble that might follow, I will say please share that opinion with God. Let God see reason with you and act accordingly on your behalf. Proverbs 16:14 says “A king’s wrath is a message of death, but a wise man will appease it.” So if an earthly king’s wrath is a message of death what can we say of the wrath of the King of all kings. The God of the heavens and the earth. Just think about. Can you fight your battles better than God can fight it for you? God says “It is His to avenge and He will repay.”(Deuteronomy 32:35) And then Paul says give room for God’s wrath (Romans 12:19).
Do you know that when you keep quiet rather than talk it is more dangerous for the offender because by so doing you are leaving room for God’s wrath which is a message of death for the person who is offending you? I didn’t say it, but that is what the Bible says. So rather than speak whether you are right or wrong and fetch beatings and bodily harm for yourself wouldn’t you just be quiet and pray and let God handle it for you.
When we do these things we will seldom have cases of disputes in the home not to talk of quarrels or fight that invariably births violence. What we see and hear of quarrels, beatings, fights in marriages are avoidable issues that the hardness of our hearts and pride have brought to bear in our homes.
On last thing I have noticed with us women is that submission to our husbands has been an instruction we find hard to obey. An average woman will respect her husband 100% but will only obey his instruction 50%. That is not what God has asked us to do. Ephesians 5:24 says we should submit to our husbands in everything, just as the church submits to Christ. You and I constitute the church so we understand submission to Christ. Is it possible for a wife to see her husband and reverence him in the manner with which she reverence Christ? If we must know that is what God has asked us to do. Nothing less is acceptable to God.
To submit according to the dictionary is to “yield oneself to the power or authority of another.” So God is saying you should yield yourself to the power or authority of your husband. When you yield yourself to the power or authority of your husband you will not argue with, you will not challenge his instructions and orders even when in your view they are not right. When you do this you will avoid quarrels in your home. When he maltreats you and does not show you respect as the Lord has asked him too, let God in the know of the situation in prayer and continue to obey. In due time the Lord will avenge. Your been quiet is not a sign of your weakness, rather it is you giving room for God’s wrath which is a message of death for those who do not repent.
Now you ask, is this doable? I say with confidence that it is doable, it has worked for many and it will work for you if you don’t habour hatred in your heart for your spouse.
So I close by saying, for the man you possess a shameful strength if what you do with it is to bully your wife. And for the woman I will say, if you cannot put your tongue in check and be the wife that improves her husband irrespective of……., then you are not fulfilling destiny. Do not let your tongue and bad attitude drive you to an early grave.
As mentioned earlier, I look hearing from me what this issue. May God bless our homes.
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God bless you for your messages that has continuously imparted positively into the lives of many people. When I hear that husband beat up his wife I begin to imagine if such could had happened in the days when they were courting but the answer is always in the negative, am sure, in those days they felt so much love for each other and every offence was quickly overlooked but now married, so many waters had passed, the love is inactive and so every offence is magnified. I watched a Christian film sometime ago about a couple who were always quarrelling and the husband's father was able to preach to him and one thing he told him was that, you cannot give what you don't have, if you don't have God who is love, you cannot give love, in my opinion, a couple who is in right relationship with God cannot be boxing themselves, also, if a man loves his wife as himself or as Christ loves the church, he cannot be beating his wife. In summary, my response is centered on growing love for each other and for God.
ReplyDeleteThanks for contributing to this. I will add to what you have said, a lot of people don't understand what marriage is all about when entering into the union. Two people fall in love, or so they think, and then heads for marriage. The flame of love blows out and then they want out and start to get irritate by each other. When truthfully God is the center of the marriage union and allowed to remain the center, then the story is different and sweet.
DeleteMany women have died from the pray and keep submitting while getting beaten advice. Please if a man is beating a woman, she should give him the space to seek anger management counseling before she returns. A man who is abusive does not need words to trigger him. Even silence does the trick. Our Lord is not a God of chaos. He does not hate the divorcee, if a woman decides she will leave because of abuse of any kind...it is usually to save her life and not because she has given up. The woman who stays and is resentful can not worship God in her home. I have not seen a woman enduring battering and praying. The Church is killing more women than it is helping by telling people the Bible is against divorce, what solution is the Church giving apart from asking women to be more submissive. Marriage counseling in the church is so biased. The men are not taught much of anything but the woman is encouraged to submit. The men are not told that they are first instructed to love as Christ loved.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this write up. In as much as I hate divorce, I will never encourage a woman to stay in any type of abusive marriage. The bible is easy to preach than practice, It is so easy to stand and say God hate divorce, it is only someone that had gone through abused process that can explain better. I am a victim and still hurt, but I am alive with my life. Never raise a finger or judge a divorced person because you don't know their story, you don't know what they had gone through in life. It is better settle between them and God.
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