Application Of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (1)

Esther 1:10-12

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirit from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him – Mehuman , Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Carcas – to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendant delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come.  

Esther 4:9-11, 15-16

Hathach went back and reported to Estther what Mordecai had said. Then she instructed him to say to Mordecai, “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law; that he be put to death. The only exception to this is for the king to extend the gold scepter to him and spare his life.” 

Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: Go, gather all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” 

Esther 5:1-2

On the third day Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the palace, in front of the king’s hall. The king was sitting on his royal throne in the hall, facing the entrance. When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold sceptre that was in his hand. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the sceptre.

In my last post I noted that wisdom in marriage is very vital, in fact it is with wisdom that a matrimonial house is successfully built based on the revelation of the word of God in Proverbs 24:3-4 and Proverbs 14:1. So we continue in that line of thought and find from the same Bible the application of wisdom by godly wives of old. I am so very confident that with the application of wisdom many marital issues will be a thing of history and marital life will be a beautiful thing rather than an enduring experience.

In the theme scriptures for this post, we see two queens married to the same king approach marital issues differential and as would be expected got different results. The difference between the approach of Vashti and that of Esther is simply the application of wisdom. One queen lacked wisdom and thus lost her throne as queen and the other applied wisdom and got what she wanted from her king.

Lets us totally remove the fact that Vashti’s removal as queen had the hand of God in it as could easily be concluded, but I will choose to hold on to the fact that if only she had been wise enough to obey her husband’s command, her throne would have been established in all the provinces of Susa. And this is the lesson of wisdom that I hold on to and share. Obedience to the word of God is great wisdom. If the word of God then says submit to your husband as the church submits to Christ then obedience to that word coming from the throne of God is great wisdom. Selective obedience to the word of God is no obedience at all. If you will obey the word of God that calls you into a leadership role in your church then why is that same word of God that instructs you to submit to your husband difficult to obey. Probably because you have assumed that your husband is not worth submitting to. But what you do not understand is that submission to your husband precedes your call to that leadership role that you covet so badly because if you have not handled your home-front properly and with care, then you cannot handle the church of God. If you have not been faithful with little, God will not commit bigger things into your care.

So we see Vashti who by virtue of been the queen was the woman leader in all the 127provinces under the control of her husband been demoted and sent off her highly exalted throne because of her unfaithfulness with the micro assignment of her home in the area of submission.

But yet there is another queen with a different approach to things. Esther was not just beautiful but she added to her beauty humility which is a very important component of wisdom. Esther was not just humble, she maintained her boundaries, she understood what her husband wanted and she didn’t go against his instruction. Personally I still wonder what stopped Esther from approaching her husband and laying down her grievance to him, at least he was her husband. But she humbled herself and followed through with his instruction. If king Xerxes does not want anyone coming before him without being summoned then as far as Esther was concerned she was not an exception, even though that instruction should be with the exception of the queen, but yet she obeyed.

So I ask a lot of women, how many times have you considered that your husband’s instruction is not worth following through with and you just throw such instruction into the trash of cannot be obeyed list of items. I totally agree that some of our men’s instructions are totally off, but still the Lord instruct that we must obey. In as much as I don’t and will not encourage slavery in the name of marriage, I will preach to the wonderful women of God reading this post that if your husband has expressed his likes and dislikes to you, and you know his dos and don’ts then it will do you a lot of good and it’s just plain wisdom to abide by his rules in order to enjoy peace of mind in your marriage.

One important thing we should notice in Esther marital conduct was the way and manner by which she contravened her husband’s instruction. First she prayed and fasted for three days. She had placed the matter before God, and by this she handed the situation at hand for which she was contravening her husband’s command before the Lord. In doing so she applied wisdom, and I am sure a lot of women would agree with me on that.

Then she didn’t not just pray, she ensured that she put her best foot forward as she approached her husband in a manner he ordinarily would not approve of. She dressed well, and walked towards where she knew she would be easily noticed by her husband. So in the bid to do what she knew her husband would not approve of, first she prayed, and then she prepared her appearance before walking towards where he would see her. With all of this done by Esther is it then possible to say that she will not have a peaceful home? Here is a woman who is handling her marital issues with utmost care and wisdom, yet to some she will be regarded as foolish. But while being foolish to some, she carries the wisdom of God in her with which she is building her home. No wonder her story is recorded in the Bible.  

So coming back to the application of Esther’s approach in our today’s world; first it is important that as a wife, you carry out your husband’s instruction to the least detail. If for any reason you need to work against his instruction, you need to be careful in doing so, and it is also very important to place the matter before God before you act. When you have prayed before acting, then you can be sure that if what you are about to do is what God approves of He will prepare your husband’s heart ahead to be favorably disposed to you and he’ll willing bend the rules for you. 

These lessons may appear as hard teaching, but when you seek the peace of your marriage and you let go of pride these lessons will be good for you. It’s the pride of life and the hardness of heart that makes a wife not to submit to her husband, but to obey ones husband is great wisdom displayed as you pursue building a successful marital house and in the event that you have to go against your husband’s instruction please do as Esther has done, pray well before taking action and tread carefully. In doing so you cannot go wrong. Such attitude as this is what the Lord seeks from a godly wife in order to win her husband unbelieving husband to Himself. May the Lord bless our homes. 

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