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Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Let's Discuss This

Hello beautiful people, I thank God that we are all still alive to experience the joyous celebration of the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one and only reason we are called Christians, and loved dearly by God. The reason we are adopted as children of the Most High King; the Maker of the Universe. Words are always not enough to explain and express the uncomprehendable love of God displayed in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Indeed He is our salvation. I say Happy Easter celebration to all the wonderful people of God.
I had almost closed the topic of communication in marriage, believing that enough had been said on that issue. But yesterday I met a man; I had never seen this man before and in fact I don’t know his name. I was seated with in a lobby while waiting for my husband to get done with his game. I sat there watching a Nigerian movie on the T.V screen in the lobby with this total stranger and the story line of the film ignited a conversation between us. Our discussion centered on marriage and reason why couples cheat on each other. I told the man that based on my opinion, for any part of a couple to cheat on his/her partner then such a person lacks self-control and personal discipline.
He agreed with me, but made a confession that invariably prompted me to realize that there is still more to be said and shared on the issue of communication in marriage. This man told me he’d been married for close to 11years and he opened up to me that he once cheated on his wife. He said whenever he sees a lady he is tempted to lust over, the first thing he searches for is if the lady has a quality about her that his wife does not have. Probably to give himself a kind of personal justification for doing what he should not do. He went on to say that the lady he had the extra-marital affair with a lady who was not better than his wife in any way, but she was someone he felt comfortable talking to. She was always available to talk to and she gives him intelligent advises on issues bothering him. That was his main attraction and attachment to the lady. When he realized that was the singular additive that this lady possessed that was lacking in his wife, he tried to bring that side of his wife out, and was always trying to engage her in conversations outside the usual home issues, but up till yesterday that we spoke he has not made much progress in getting from his wife that value added that his girlfriend/mistress provided for him. According to him each time he tries to talk to her, she always complains of being tired and needing to rest. This is the story as was told to me, if the man is still seeing this other lady I don’t know.
From the discussion I was able to gather that this man’s wife is an account and she does the tedious 8am-5pm work and so in her defense I tried to give the excuse that maybe its work pressure that is responsible for her always being too tired for some off the regular play discussions/chats with her husband. But this man responded that even his mistress/girlfriend does the tedious 8am-5pm job and yet she finds time out to discuss with him.
In as much as I do have a word or two for this man and his wife, I need a word from you on this matter. Is the wife getting too comfortable and careless with her marriage? Is the husband right for seeking outside what he desires so badly but can’t get from his wife? What more could the husband have done to get his wife to be what he wants her to be? I am begging everyone to please drop their thought on this matter and let’s rob minds together. 


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Friday, 25 March 2016

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage (2)

Like I always begin my post, it’s a beautiful day and a beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word on this blog and I pray that by the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, lives and homes will be changed to the glory of God.
In my last blog post I shared a message on the importance of communication in marriage and I focused on handling the negative aspect of communication. Aided with the truth of God’s word we learned that no matter how hard or harsh a communication is presented, it should be responded to gently. With this, wrath is turned away and peace is cultivated in the home.
So in this blog post I want us to consider a more positive side of communication in marriage. Not the kind of communication that begins with harsh words with the likelihood of being followed by harsh words, but the kind of communication between a man and his wife that bothers on the growth and development of their home, sharing thoughts and things that bother each other or confiding in one other of plans and goals of the family.
One important purpose of marriage is companionship. God said it is not good for the man to be alone and so He formed a woman from the man as his suitable helper to support him and help him grow while he loves and cherishes her as she gives him strength and confidence to go about his daily activities (Genesis 2:18-25). And then we hear God speak through Solomon in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 that two are better than one because if one falls his friend can help him up and if two lie together they will keep warm.
But there cannot be any companionship where there is no communication, so it is important that for the purpose of companionship which is one of the reasons God established marriage, communication in marriage needs to be guarded jealously and diligently. Both spouses are to ensure there is no gap in communication flow between them.
Again I want to speak more specifically to the woman, not that the man has no role to play in all these, but the woman is the heartbeat of any marriage, for as long as the wife is getting it right, that marriage will always survive unless the Lord decides to put a stop to it by calling home one part of the couple. So I want to ask the wives this question: “If your husband confides in you about an issue that is bothering him and giving him sleepless night, what do you do about it? How do you handle the information that has just been handed over to you? The way you threat this information determines if and how frequent you get more information from him and if for any reason you handle the information trust to you carelessly and he decides to stop or pause the amount of delicate information he passes down to you, the crack in your marriage has begun. You can be sure that his holding back of information or keeping secrets from you is not a pleasant experience at all in marriage. Some homes are broken for just this singular reason.
A woman whose husband has just shared a thought with or an experience he had with someone outside their marriage with and she turns around to call the man a fool for acting that way has just dug a pit in her marriage. A woman whose husband just informed her of a gift he gave someone and she goes behind your husband to harass the one who got the gift in the name of supporting her husband has just caused a crack in the bridge of communication between her and her husband. These actions are not wise at all.
Wisdom in marriage is not literally fighting all of your husband’s battles as if he is boneless and you are in his life to take his place, but while he is handling issues in the physical, you as his wife should be handling things in the spiritual and the Bible says a chord of three strands is not quickly broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12), if at all it is ever possible for it to break.
When your husband confides in you and he does not ask for your input in the matter, please just listen and use that which he has told you as a point of prayer that the Lord will direct his steps to do the right things and take the right decisions. When you have prayed and you have faith, you can be sure that all will be well.
Also if your husband confides in you and asks for your advice on what he has told you, you need to be objective about your advice, if he was wrong in doing what he did, point it out to him politely. Proverbs 15:2a say, the tongue of the wise commends knowledge. The fact that your husband is asking you for advice is a sign that he trusts your judgment and his opened to the advice that you might give. So present your case politely, remember that Proverbs 15:1 says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. When you notice that he is not taking kindly to what you have to tell him, please withdraw quietly from the conversation and pray for him instead.
But if your husband confides in you and request for you active input, then be at his service without overdoing what has been requested of you to do. I have heard a lot of wives complain that their husbands spend so much money on his relatives. Well I always try to put down such talks because rather than fight that trend in your marriage and be labeled a bad wife who wants to scatter brothers, it is safer to pray and let God make your husband more responsive to the needs of his wife and children as the topmost priority of his financial life. But to prevent your husband totally from providing for his now extended family, I will say that is not godly. 1 Timothy 5:8 says a man should provide for his family and this includes his extended family but with priority for his immediate family which is his wife and his children. But for the wife to go against her husband providing for his extended family is totally wrong. Rather than the man to stop providing for his family, he’d rather leave you his wife out of the process. Once this starts, it is the beginning of the man keeping secrets from you his wife and you might not be able to handle what that will grow into.
Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant word are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” What a way for God to describe the use of words. Do you desire to activate the positive side of your spouse and forever keep it activated? Then employ the use of pleasant words always. Put the use of pleasant words to play in your home and you will enjoy peace that words cannot describe. Some might say you are foolish for being so cool, well I’d say that I’ll rather be foolish and have an envious home and a peaceful life than throw away my self-control and engage in harsh words that stirs up anger which destroys. I have made my choice, what will it be in your case? May God bless our homes.    


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Communication: A Very Vital Component Of A Successful Marriage

It’s another beautiful day and another wonderful and gracious opportunity to share the active and alive word of God with the wonderful people of God. I bless God always for finding me worthy a vessel to use in blessing His people. I am positive that just as little drops of water makes a mighty ocean, so is the little things shared on this blog making meaningful impact in the marriages of God’s chosen people and soon we will see a massive turnaround in many marriages for good in Jesus Name and all the glory will go back to God alone.
So again we’ll take a series of learning from the throne of God on the importance of communication in marriage. I trust the Lord to teach us to be able to use our ability to hear and process information to grow our marriage into a master piece of success.

Proverbs 18:13
He who answers before listening –
that is his folly and shame.

Proverbs 17:28
Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent,
and discerning if he hold his tongue

As lead by the Spirit of God, I want to begin this small message with this two Bible scriptures and trust the Lord to open to us the depth of what is contained in this few lines. To say that communication is vital for any successful marriage is to say the least, because I still do not understand how two people can effectively leave together, love each other and help each other grow into the success that God has destined them to be without being able to communicate effectively with one another? The breakdown of communication is any marriage is the beginning of the breakdown of that marriage itself. So we will be learning from the word of God how we can maintain an effective flow of communication in the home.
For both the man and his wife the Bible says it is better to listen and discern before speaking. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” So how do we use our tongues to bring life rather than death to our marriages? Are we such a people that are unable to put a check on our tongues in order to sustain the life of our marriage or are we such people that are just interested in airing our opinions irrespective of its effects on our marriage?
I will first try to speak to the women, this is because they are the ones assigned by God to build the home and so they need all the help they can get in order to fulfill this assignment effectively for God. It is often assumed that women nag a lot, they are the talkative in the home and they talk till they incur the wrath of their husbands. Well that is not always the case. I have spoken to a number of women who have complained that their husbands are so nagging that it's almost becoming unbearable. A little mistake on their part and the husband goes on and on and on non-stop in scolding them as if he were talking to a brainless little child, and that it’s almost impossible not to respond to those nagging mostly especially if they have apologized and still the husband will not stop nagging.
Sincerely I fell these women, cause I have found myself in that situation one too many times. But we know that our assignment is to God and that assignment is to build rather than destroy and we also know that the product of our tongue has the capacity to either produce life or death, and so we won’t throw caution in the air and also speak carelessly. It is important that as a wife the product of your tongue produces life rather than death in keeping with the assignment that God has given you to fulfill in the life of your husband and your home. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”   
God has given us the power of self-control and do we use that power or not is a very important aspect of our marriage that we should note. When your spouse communicates a thing to you in a not-so-good manner and he/she uses an unacceptable approach and your response is with a gentle answer as Proverbs 15:1 says, won’t you agree with me that great damage has been averted simply by your positive and calm response. And if you carry on like this non-stop day in and day out, you are building an enviable marriage for all to see and desire or even copy. It is just a matter of time before the life of your spouse is touched and changed by your calm and peaceful disposition. Then you will win him/her over to God not by word but by the reverence and purity of your life.
I will close this write up with this few words from the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 14:3
A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect them.

Proverbs 18:6-7
A fool’s lips brings him strife, and his mouth invites a beating
A fool’s mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

So I charge all married couples to be watchful of the product of their mouth. For the wives I will say this: if you desire a successful marriage and you are focused on fulfilling your God given assignment in your marriage then you need to ensure that the product of your lips are pure and peaceful. No matter what you are facing in marriage, prayerful deal with what you fill yourself with in order to ensure that what goes out of your mouth are words that builds up and not words that tears apart. May the Lord bless our homes. 


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Wednesday, 16 March 2016

The Application Of Godly Wisdom in Marriage (4)

It’s been a very revealing and blessed time this past few days as we try to learn from the Bible on the application of God given wisdom in our marriages. I have learnt deep lessons in this series of messages and I trust the Lord that those who have read these past few posts on this blog have learnt deep lessons too.
Just when I thought we have touched well enough on this issue of godly wisdom in marriage and I wait on God for the next thing He’ll lay upon my heart to deliver on this blog, I realized there is still yet one thing to discuss before rounding off on the issue.
From what has been discussed to say, it is easy to wonder how the wife is to express herself when she is not happy in the marriage. There are times when a wife feels used and bored with her marriage, most especially when it seems she is the only one giving in the marriage without getting anything in return. In such a case what should she do? There are many cases in the world today where the wife is the one who goes to work and make the money that the husband spends. She is the one that will still have to come back home to work and ensure the home is properly run and the man who practically does nothing is well taken care off. Now is she to continue to put up with all these in the name of applying Godly wisdom in order to keep her marriage? These questions are the things I want to trust God to answer for us so we can have a clearer picture of what is required of the wife when it comes to marriage.
The first thing I want to state clearly before we go any further is that for anyone to desire a successful marriage, you first need to desire a close relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Jesus any self-effort at the making of a successful marriage will only lead to frustration, and birth trouble in your marriage. Before you marry your husband, you first need to marry Jesus Christ and ensure that you are consistently yielding to the leading voice of the Holy Spirit in your life. Then when this has been ensured, we can then move on in the pursuit of a successful marriage.
When as a wife you are tired of some negative traits that your husband possesses, an example such as a practically lazy husband or a mean and surly husband, know for sure that you cannot make him change either by nagging, fighting or putting extra effort in providing him with money. This will only lead to more frustration on your part and divorce might be inevitable which is not the will of God for you or your marriage.
The only possible thing you can do is to pray and trust the Lord to make the possible changes in the life of your husband that will bring you joy in your marriage. Without allowing God to make the desired changes in the life of your husband, nothing you do will yield positive results. But a lot of people would say that they have really prayed and prayed for a long time and yet they are not seeing any meaningful changes. The question I would ask next is: What are you carrying in your mind as you go to God in prayers? Because if you harbour bitterness or any form of resentment in your mind as you go to pray, then God will first need to deal with you before attending to the case of your husband or attempting to answer your prayers.
Jesus teaches in Matthew 5:21-26 that when you go to offer sacrifices to God and you remember that your brother has something against you, leave the gift and go and be reconciled to your bother before coming to make your sacrifice. So this tells us that not all prayers are acceptable to God. When you want God to change your husband’s character in anyway, then such a prayer must be done in love.
Then you ask again, is it possible to be angry with your spouse and still genuinely pray for him in love without doing so falsely? Now anger is an emotion which you should have control over. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "God has not given us the spirit timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-control." Be angry for a while but be quick to shake off the anger and proceed to the altar of praying with a clear mind of love as you hand over that which you want God to change in the life of your husband to Him, and you can be sure that it is only a matter of time before you begin to see your husband displaying positive traits which are a result of your prayers being answered.

1 Samuel 25:23-25
When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what you servant has to say. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name – his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent.

Going back to the story of Abigail, she is the ideal example of what I am trying to get across in this post. Abigail must have had to put up with her husband’s mean and surly attitude for God knows how many years, yet she willing and without any reservation pleaded her husband’s course before David who had vowed to destroy him and his household. She never challenged her husband or even bothered to ask him why he responded to David’s request in a rude and negative manner. She didn’t have to because she was aware of who her husband was. When she was going over to mediate his course she didn’t even bother to inform (1 Samuel 25:19), but she did what she had to do as his suitable helper.
So in conclusion, I want us the wives to know that we don’t have to forever endure our husband’s bad attitude but seek a change of that attitude to something positively better. We are agents of change in the lives of our husbands place strategically in their lives to constantly stand in the gap for them before God in prayers until we see the positive change we seek to happen.
For several years my husband was a lover of cigarette and this was a habit I opposed to and didn’t like. I complained bitterly about it and on many occasions it led to arguments between us. When I realized I was not winning I resorted to prayers and totally stopped complaining about his smoking habit. As a matter of fact I stopped betraying any emotions about his smoking and I just blanked myself from it and continually prayed about it instead. About two and a half years after I stopped complaining and started praying he gave up the smoking of cigarette.
This is the practical example of what we need to keep doing in the lives of our husband and we can be sure the Lord will make our home a very peaceful haven for us. A place to always enjoy and not endure. May the Lord bless our homes. 

 Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Sunday, 13 March 2016

The Application of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (3)

Genesis 20:1-5, 11-13
Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelech king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.
But God came to Abimelech in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”
Now Abimelech had not gone near her, so he said, “Lord, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands”

Abraham replied, “I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not my mother; and she became my wife. And when God caused me to wander from my father’s household, I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, He is my brother.” ’ ” 

Its another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of God’s word as we continue to learn lessons on the application of godly wisdom in marriage and by the special grace of God with the divine revelation of God’s word, our marriages and homes will shine bright for the world to see.
When the Lord laid it upon my heart to share on the topic of godly wisdom in my marriage, I didn’t know how deep this was going to get, but I am learning just as I write and share with you how important and vital godly wisdom is to a successful marriage. A wife who has been able to attain peace and rest in her marriage is not because she is lucky, it is the result of hard toil of diligence, perseverance, self-control, and above all godly wisdom that she has allowed herself to be trained in as she passes through the molding of God in marriage.
So we continue picking lessons from the lives of wives who have sought and applied that vital ingredient of godly wisdom in their marriage and the result that it has yielded for them. Previously we have considered the story of Esther and that of Abigail so we now consider the story of Sarah.
It is no gain saying that Sarah as a wife carried in her the favour of God. God ensured that His covenant with Abraham came to life through Sarah despite all odds. She was a woman who went through different challenges of marriage; she endured barrenness, she endured ridicule from her own maid servant, in fact she had to endure sharing her husband with her maid. I can’t begin to enumerate the ordeals of Sarah in her marriage but she conquered all of them and still found rest and peace in her marriage. And if I am to conclude on that, again, I will say that the application of godly wisdom was what earned Sarah the peace and rest she later enjoyed in her marriage.
The theme scripture for this post is one rare example of the application of godly wisdom that takes just the grace of God to see through. Abraham asked Sarah to say that she was his sister rather than his wife. Knowing fully well what might be the outcome of such action yet Abraham who was a friend of God still made that big blunder and his wife submitted to such a request. To a wife in this generation that is a requested that would never be granted no matter how submissive the wife is. Yet Sarah fully obeyed, not just once but twice.
Can she then be foolish? The answer is NO. Sarah wasn’t foolish, she was just applying godly wisdom in order to build her home. For sure her marriage would have been history had she refused to obey Abraham’s instruction to tell a truth-lie of her identity. But she obeyed and God came to her rescue. God was mindful of her dilemma, he knew what she was made to pass through, He tested her will to obey her husband thus obeying God and He came through for her.
Sarah did not try to solve the problem herself, she obeyed her husband’s foolish request and thus obeyed God. That may seem like foolishness to a lot of people, but it is godly wisdom put in action and God’s intervention provoked to effect. And did she keep her home and marriage? Yes, she did.
Coming to our own present generation, there are a lot of things a wife might have to do to keep her home that will appear foolish to the person hearing the story and that foolishness is what God needs to infuse and retain love and harmony in that marriage. For example a wife who personally does her husband’s laundry, polish his shoes every morning and ensures he's totally and completely taken care of might be considered foolish by someone else, but what she does for her husband is what God might be using to retain love in that home. The moment she stops, things starts to look not so good in the marriage. Trivial as those things may seem, they could be the oil in the flame of love in that marriage.
A wife who is totally in charge of the upkeep of the children and ensuring that EVERYTHING in the home is running fine, she ensures the children do their home-work and the house is clean and inviting to come to, might appear foolish and overworked. But who knows, that might be the oil burning the flame of love and peace in her home. The lady next door might see her as foolish for not pursuing a career for herself but rather slaving for her family, but that one foolish act is the godly wisdom that is keeping her marriage and healthy till date. So I ask, who in truth is foolish and who is wise?
When the outside world sees your marriage doing well and you and your husband are having a very loving relationship they conclude that you are just lucky but they never know the amount of godly wisdom that is foolishness to the world that you have invested in your marriage to attain the level of rest and peace that you enjoy and they envy. So again I ask, who in truth is foolish and who is wise?
When you begin to seek and apply godly wisdom don’t expect to see a rapid change or overnight miracle, seeds take time to grow. The application of your godly wisdom that is sown in your marriage will initially die, then begin to germinate before the seedlings starts to grow and then it becomes a full plant. But when you are consistent and you don’t stop, you are guaranteed of an harvest that far outweighs what you have sown. But the larger your seed, the more your harvest. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name. 

Friday, 11 March 2016

The Application of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (2)

1 Samuel 25:14-19, 23-25
One of the servants told Nabal’s wife Abigail: “David sent messengers from the desert to give our master his greetings, but he hurled insults at them. Yet these men where very good to us. They did not ill-treat us, and the whole time we were out in the fields near them nothing was missing. Night and day they were a wall around us all the time we were herding our sheep near them. Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no-one can talk to him.”
Abigail lost no time. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs of roasted grains, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs and loaded them on donkeys. Then she told her servants, “Go on ahead; I’ll follow you.” But she did not tell her husband Nabal.   

When Abigail saw David, she quickly got off her donkey and bowed before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: “My lord, let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what you servant has to say. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name – his name is Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent.

I am thanking God for yet another wonderful opportunity to share the truth of His word. As long as there are ears to hear, eyes to read and hearts to yield to the truth of God’s word, there will always be His word to share. And when we truly obey the truth of His word we shall eat of the good of the land to the praise of His Holy Name.
So we'll continue to share on the application of wisdom in our marital situation and trust the Lord that our homes will shine for the world to see and the glory will be for Jesus alone. It appears that this phrase wisdom in marriage and its application touches more of the women than the men, I suppose its because the woman holds the responsibility to build the home and not the man. Also when God was giving His instructions on marriage, He addressed the wife first (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7), so that should make us understand that the woman is the bedrock of any marriage. The life and death of a marriage lies in the bosom of the wife. So in order to have a very beautiful marriage that even the husband will be proud of, the wife needs to make use of wisdom.
The importance of wisdom in marriage cannot be over emphasized. Almost all the problems and challenges of marriage will evaporate when they come in contact with godly wisdom. Violence will be a total stranger in a marriage where godly wisdom is constantly engaged and applied. So when you want to make your marriage a success, seek and apply godly wisdom and you will stand to testify of it's efficacy.
In today’s blog message we will see how wisdom was applied in the marriage of Abigail and learn a thing or two from her and her use of wisdom that we might apply in our marriage as we seek to have a home that shines for others to see.
The introduction of the story of Abigail and Nabal in 1 Samuel 25:2-3 tells us the characteristics of the couple and the Bible didn’t hide the fact that Nabal was mean and surly. God in heaven knew that Nabal, Abigail’s husband was surly and mean. Abigail knew and understood that her husband was a wicked man, he was surly and mean. But then she didn’t divorce him because he was surly and mean, rather she built her home on the pillars of wisdom. Until God took the life of Nabal, Abigail remained his wife and she was intelligent and beautiful yet married to a mean and surly husband.
The evidence we have of how Abigail managed her home and husband is how she handled the situation between her husband and king David. The Bible tells us that immediately report of what her husband had done came to her, she was swift into action getting as much supplies of food and drinks as she could possibly get and sent them ahead of her to plead the case of her husband. She went as far as accepting responsibility for her husband’s wrong just so that his life and that of his household might be spared. So we understand better why Abigail’s marriage was intact even in the event that her husband was mean and surly.
There are a lot of mean husbands who would be drawn to God simply by the attitude of their wives when they see the godly traits in her, and they see that despite all that they do wrong all they get in return is love, reverence, submission and respect. With these attitude traits they will want to know what makes that woman thick despite what they are making her go through and when they dig deep all they find is Jesus and the fear and love for God. This will no doubt make them want to seek God too.
Those in troubled marriages might wonder for how long they have to endure the hardship for the change to happen and for peace to finally be their lot in the marriage; well I would say that it will last as long as you allow yourself to be trained by the process. Troubled marriage teaches patience, it trains in perseverance and it trains in wisdom. It trains in self-control and contentment, it makes you tough and soft all in one. It trains you to put your total trust in God and to be able to weather any storm that life may bring your way and when the training course is over you will be a master of your home and a good and seasoned teacher to teach and encourage others. You will have joy at the end of the journey and those who could not weather the storm and fell along the way will call you lucky not realizing what you had to put up against, endure and learn to be able to attain the position of rest and abundance that you have attained
In Hebrews 12:4-11 tells us to endure hardship as a form of training from the Lord, yes it is painful at that time because no form of discipline is easy but hard, but later on it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. The hardship of your troubled marriage is included in this scripture. So be rest assured that if you allow the process to train you as it is intended to, you will later reap the harvest of righteousness and peace.
So in conclusion, we go back to the story of Abigail and Nabal; after Abigail had gone through a time of training by God through the hands of her husband Nabal and it appeared Nabal was not ready to be a good man, God took his life and handed his intelligent, beautiful, well-trained and well-seasoned woman to king David as queen. Abigail moved from just been a wife to a wealthy man to being a queen over the whole twelve tribes of Israel. It was a win-win story for her. Many will say Abigail was lucky, but they forgot the hardship through which she was trained to get to the exalted position of a queen.

So as you pass through your valley of shadow of death in the form of troubled marriage, know that it is a training process, understand that you need to pick up lessons along the way and above all seek wisdom. It is only when you have been tried and tested in seeking and applying godly wisdom will you attain that position of righteousness and peace in your marriage. May the Lord bless our homes.

 Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.

Thursday, 10 March 2016

Application Of Wisdom In Marriage: Lessons From The Bible (1)

Esther 1:10-12

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirit from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him – Mehuman , Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Carcas – to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendant delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come.  


Esther 4:9-11, 15-16

Hathach went back and reported to Estther what Mordecai had said. Then she instructed him to say to Mordecai, “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law; that he be put to death. The only exception to this is for the king to extend the gold scepter to him and spare his life.” 


Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: Go, gather all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” 


Esther 5:1-2

On the third day Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the palace, in front of the king’s hall. The king was sitting on his royal throne in the hall, facing the entrance. When he saw Queen Esther standing in the court, he was pleased with her and held out to her the gold sceptre that was in his hand. So Esther approached and touched the tip of the sceptre.

In my last post I noted that wisdom in marriage is very vital, in fact it is with wisdom that a matrimonial house is successfully built based on the revelation of the word of God in Proverbs 24:3-4 and Proverbs 14:1. So we continue in that line of thought and find from the same Bible the application of wisdom by godly wives of old. I am so very confident that with the application of wisdom many marital issues will be a thing of history and marital life will be a beautiful thing rather than an enduring experience.
In the theme scriptures for this post, we see two queens married to the same king approach marital issues differential and as would be expected got different results. The difference between the approach of Vashti and that of Esther is simply the application of wisdom. One queen lacked wisdom and thus lost her throne as queen and the other applied wisdom and got what she wanted from her king.
Lets us totally remove the fact that Vashti’s removal as queen had the hand of God in it as could easily be concluded, but I will choose to hold on to the fact that if only she had been wise enough to obey her husband’s command, her throne would have been established in all the provinces of Susa. And this is the lesson of wisdom that I hold on to and share. Obedience to the word of God is great wisdom. If the word of God then says submit to your husband as the church submits to Christ then obedience to that word coming from the throne of God is great wisdom. Selective obedience to the word of God is no obedience at all. If you will obey the word of God that calls you into a leadership role in your church then why is that same word of God that instructs you to submit to your husband difficult to obey. Probably because you have assumed that your husband is not worth submitting to. But what you do not understand is that submission to your husband precedes your call to that leadership role that you covet so badly because if you have not handled your home-front properly and with care, then you cannot handle the church of God. If you have not been faithful with little, God will not commit bigger things into your care.
So we see Vashti who by virtue of been the queen was the woman leader in all the 127provinces under the control of her husband been demoted and sent off her highly exalted throne because of her unfaithfulness with the micro assignment of her home in the area of submission.
But yet there is another queen with a different approach to things. Esther was not just beautiful but she added to her beauty humility which is a very important component of wisdom. Esther was not just humble, she maintained her boundaries, she understood what her husband wanted and she didn’t go against his instruction. Personally I still wonder what stopped Esther from approaching her husband and laying down her grievance to him, at least he was her husband. But she humbled herself and followed through with his instruction. If king Xerxes does not want anyone coming before him without being summoned then as far as Esther was concerned she was not an exception, even though that instruction should be with the exception of the queen, but yet she obeyed.
So I ask a lot of women, how many times have you considered that your husband’s instruction is not worth following through with and you just throw such instruction into the trash of cannot be obeyed list of items. I totally agree that some of our men’s instructions are totally off, but still the Lord instruct that we must obey. In as much as I don’t and will not encourage slavery in the name of marriage, I will preach to the wonderful women of God reading this post that if your husband has expressed his likes and dislikes to you, and you know his dos and don’ts then it will do you a lot of good and it’s just plain wisdom to abide by his rules in order to enjoy peace of mind in your marriage.
One important thing we should notice in Esther marital conduct was the way and manner by which she contravened her husband’s instruction. First she prayed and fasted for three days. She had placed the matter before God, and by this she handed the situation at hand for which she was contravening her husband’s command before the Lord. In doing so she applied wisdom, and I am sure a lot of women would agree with me on that.
Then she didn’t not just pray, she ensured that she put her best foot forward as she approached her husband in a manner he ordinarily would not approve of. She dressed well, and walked towards where she knew she would be easily noticed by her husband. So in the bid to do what she knew her husband would not approve of, first she prayed, and then she prepared her appearance before walking towards where he would see her. With all of this done by Esther is it then possible to say that she will not have a peaceful home? Here is a woman who is handling her marital issues with utmost care and wisdom, yet to some she will be regarded as foolish. But while being foolish to some, she carries the wisdom of God in her with which she is building her home. No wonder her story is recorded in the Bible.  
So coming back to the application of Esther’s approach in our today’s world; first it is important that as a wife, you carry out your husband’s instruction to the least detail. If for any reason you need to work against his instruction, you need to be careful in doing so, and it is also very important to place the matter before God before you act. When you have prayed before acting, then you can be sure that if what you are about to do is what God approves of He will prepare your husband’s heart ahead to be favorably disposed to you and he’ll willing bend the rules for you. 
These lessons may appear as hard teaching, but when you seek the peace of your marriage and you let go of pride these lessons will be good for you. It’s the pride of life and the hardness of heart that makes a wife not to submit to her husband, but to obey ones husband is great wisdom displayed as you pursue building a successful marital house and in the event that you have to go against your husband’s instruction please do as Esther has done, pray well before taking action and tread carefully. In doing so you cannot go wrong. Such attitude as this is what the Lord seeks from a godly wife in order to win her husband unbelieving husband to Himself. May the Lord bless our homes. 


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.


Tuesday, 8 March 2016

The Importance Of Wisdom In Marriage

Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 24:3-4
By wisdom a house is built and through understanding it is established;
Through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.

Its another beautiful day and another beautiful opportunity to share the beauty of God’s word. Over and over again we keep coming across negative stories about marriage and in most cases it appears as though the wife is the victim. The next question to ask God then would be is it okay by God to allow His beloved daughters waste away in the hands of cruel men in the name of husbands? If God is not partial why then will He allow some women have understanding husbands and a beautiful marriage while He allows other women fall into the hands of monsters as husbands? These questions are issues I will trust the Lord to answer for us in this blog post and a series of blog post that will be coming up in the course of the week. If you are such a person who wants to hear God’s response and learn the secret of enjoying a peaceful marriage, then I will beg you to follow on the blog posts that I will be sharing in the course of the coming days
In Genesis 2:18 after God had created all things and certified that they were good, He looked around and realized there was still one thing missing. Yes, the man God created was good, but he was not perfect, and so God decided to create perfection in him by creating from him a woman that will fill in the gaps of perfection in the man. So one truth that we as wives should always know and understand and appreciate is that what will bring about the perfection that we so long for and desire in our husbands resides in us. We are the entity that God has placed in the lives of the man to complete him and perfect him. What is required to make your husband perfect as God has designed him to be is within you his wife. No wonder Solomon says in Proverbs 18:22 that “he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from God.” He also said in Proverbs 12:4 that “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like a decay in his bones.” With what Solomon is saying, the input of a wife in the life of her husband has a lot to do with the turn out of the husband’s character. Just like it is important for the man to sow good seeds in the life of his wife, so also is it equally important for the wife to sow good seed in the life of her husband.
So as a woman how do we go about this task of helping our husbands become perfect if indeed we are the entity required to bring about the perfection in our husband’s life that we desire. In the theme passage of this blog post, Solomon said a wise woman builds her house. That tells is that wisdom is the most active virtue that a woman requires in order to attain success in marriage. A godly and wise woman will in no doubt make a very success wife to a successful man.
According to what the Bible reveals to us in Proverbs 24:3-4, it is only by wisdom can a house and your marital home be built, no other way round it will work. If you are having problems with your marriage the big advice I will give to you is to pray to God for wisdom to build your home. You need wisdom to be the God given suitable helper that God has made you in the life of your husband.
I have come to realize that there is no husband who is faultless, as long as he is human and has red blood flowing through his veins, he will get on your nerves, he will upset you and make you angry every now and then. And big of all, he will betray your trust, he will disappoint you on more than just one occasion, but when you have the wisdom of God you will be able to grow beyond the betrayal and still remain the God given helper that God has appointed you to be in his life.
Without God given wisdom, you will remain a foolish wife who tears her house down with her own hands. By saying wisdom I don’t mean getting advise from friends who don’t understand what you are facing and the peculiarity of your spouse or the assignment God has given to you to do in his life, but seeking wisdom from God who created your husband and molded you from him to be his suitable helper. Because it is God that created your husband, He knows perfectly how to handle him. He also created you from him and so knows perfectly well what He has placed in you that should bring about the perfection that is required in the life of your husband. These are deep things that you possess but might never know are there within you or might never know how to use it. Your friend or mother or sister or even the paid counselor isn’t going through your stuff with you, so they have very little understanding of what it takes to be a wife to your husband. But God know because He formed you both in your mothers' wombs.
After you have gained wisdom, also seek understanding, know the pattern and trend of your spouse and handle him with the knowledge of who you know him to be. Some men are by nature introverts while others are extroverts; some are cool headed, while some are short fused. Humans are by nature irrational, you cannot generalize behavioral traits as though men are static, human behavior is not constant. So the Bible says you will build your house with wisdom, establish it through understanding and beautify it through knowledge.
The issue of building a matrimonial home is an individualistic experience and no one but God can help you build it no matter how close the person or group of people are to you. Your mother cannot build your matrimonial home for you no matter how she much of love she has for you. She can prepare you in advance and give you bits of guideline that might or might not be applicable to your circumstance as your husband’s traits might be totally different from the experience she has. So if you are one to depend on your parents to help you build your home, permit me to say without sounding judgmental that you are foolish and with your own hands you will work at tearing your house apart.
In as much as it helps to seek help from those who have godly experience and they can share with you from their wealth of experience whereby you pick what you know will work for you and drop what the Lord has laid on your heart that will not work, but the ultimate responsibility lies in your hands to build your home. Seek God for help, work with the instructions He lays on your heart and follow through diligently and you will enjoy positive and lasting result that will give you peace. 


Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.


Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Share Your Views On The Issue of Violence In Marriage, Here Is Mine

One news that keeps coming to me in forms such as a prayer request for a woman in a violent marriage or a woman experiencing some form of mental disorder as a result of the challenges in her marriage. Just yesterday I read the story of a woman who was allegedly butchered by her husband and the picture of her decapitated body posted online was terribly graphic. Even though I have shared several messages on this blog with regards to handling disputes in marriages, I can’t but seek the face of God again on the matter most especially with the fact that God has stated over and over again that He hates divorce. By human standard it will just be okay to say that the victim in the marriage runs out of the marriage and out of harm’s way just to keep safe and maintain some level of sanity, but the word of God does not change and if we will please God, then it is important to trust Him wholly with regards this marriage issue.
I will appreciate that those who read this message will drop a comment on what they truly feel on the issue of violence in marriage, yet I will drop my own thought on the matter too. I wish to learn from those reading this as much as I would want to share my own thought with them too. I will be sharing a few scriptures mostly from the book of Proverbs to help us get a better understanding into this issue. 

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.


Proverbs 12:23

A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly.


Proverbs 17:9

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.


Proverbs 20:3

It is to a man’s honour to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.


Proverbs 18:2

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions


Proverbs 18:6

A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites a beating.


Proverbs 15:14, 18

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.


Proverbs 16:32

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.


I can go on searching and digging out from the word of God the underlying cause of violence in the home. A friend once shared that for those yet to be married, a man should avoid marrying a woman who cannot control her tongue and the woman should avoid a man who cannot control his temper. This cannot be more true. When the temper and the tongue are properly checked and put under proper control such a marriage will enjoy good peace and harmony.
The true strength of a man is not in the weight of his punches or the hardness of his slaps, nor is it in his ability to use the whip but in his ability to put his temper in check and handle his situations with maturity and wisdom. Unlike what most people believe, the Bible is telling us that it more honourable to avoid strife than to be quick to quarrel. It is better to be patient than to be a warrior. It is equally better to control ones temper than to take a city. When you engage in a fight and overpower your opponent, you have this temporary sense of pride, but how long does it last when by so doing you have gained for yourself an enemy that is unnecessary. More so when this enemy is one that should be closest to you and one whom the Lord has asked you to love like you love yourself.
A lot of times you console yourself that life is better off without her, but deep within you is that truly the case? Haven’t you allowed pride create in you an unneeded vacuum that is unnecessary for you and might also lead you away from the presence and goodness of God?
And for the wife; Is that talk and the pouring out of the venom in your heart through your mouth worth the beating and mutilation of your body that might possible ensue? Will keeping quiet even when your husband keeps nagging disfigure your face or body? In my opinion, sometimes it is the woman’s mouth that actually inflicted on her the beatings rather than the punches of her husband. Rather than air your opinion and cause for yourself the trouble that might follow, I will say please share that opinion with God. Let God see reason with you and act accordingly on your behalf. Proverbs 16:14 says “A king’s wrath is a message of death, but a wise man will appease it.” So if an earthly king’s wrath is a message of death what can we say of the wrath of the King of all kings. The God of the heavens and the earth. Just think about. Can you fight your battles better than God can fight it for you? God says “It is His to avenge and He will repay.”(Deuteronomy 32:35) And then Paul says give room for God’s wrath (Romans 12:19).
Do you know that when you keep quiet rather than talk it is more dangerous for the offender because by so doing you are leaving room for God’s wrath which is a message of death for the person who is offending you? I didn’t say it, but that is what the Bible says. So rather than speak whether you are right or wrong and fetch beatings and bodily harm for yourself wouldn’t you just be quiet and pray and let God handle it for you.
When we do these things we will seldom have cases of disputes in the home not to talk of quarrels or fight that invariably births violence. What we see and hear of quarrels, beatings, fights in marriages are avoidable issues that the hardness of our hearts and pride have brought to bear in our homes.
On last thing I have noticed with us women is that submission to our husbands has been an instruction we find hard to obey. An average woman will respect her husband 100% but will only obey his instruction 50%. That is not what God has asked us to do. Ephesians 5:24 says we should submit to our husbands in everything, just as the church submits to Christ. You and I constitute the church so we understand submission to Christ. Is it possible for a wife to see her husband and reverence him in the manner with which she reverence Christ? If we must know that is what God has asked us to do. Nothing less is acceptable to God.
To submit according to the dictionary is to “yield oneself to the power or authority of another.” So God is saying you should yield yourself to the power or authority of your husband. When you yield yourself to the power or authority of your husband you will not argue with, you will not challenge his instructions and orders even when in your view they are not right. When you do this you will avoid quarrels in your home. When he maltreats you and does not show you respect as the Lord has asked him too, let God in the know of the situation in prayer and continue to obey. In due time the Lord will avenge. Your been quiet is not a sign of your weakness, rather it is you giving room for God’s wrath which is a message of death for those who do not repent.
Now you ask, is this doable? I say with confidence that it is doable, it has worked for many and it will work for you if you don’t habour hatred in your heart for your spouse.
So I close by saying, for the man you possess a shameful strength if what you do with it is to bully your wife. And for the woman I will say, if you cannot put your tongue in check and be the wife that improves her husband irrespective of……., then you are not fulfilling destiny. Do not let your tongue and bad attitude drive you to an early grave. 
As mentioned earlier, I look hearing from me what this issue. May God bless our homes.

Books I authored are now available in hard copy. You can get details of the books and order a copy by just clicking here or by clicking on the book of your choice. They are also available on createspace.com, links are provided under each book title. Get copies for yourselves and sow into the lives of your loved ones. These books are guaranteed to make big and positive impact in your life and that of your loved ones. You and yours are blessed in Jesus Name.