Understanding Sex and Emotion In Marriage

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except for mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 

In today’s post I believe the Lord wants me to share on an interesting topic that a lot of people always want to hear about, and it is a very important and significant element of marriage. And this topic is on sex in marriage. I have noticed that sex in marriage is becoming a trending gist on social media and I have received quite a lot of voice and video messages on my phone that has dealt with the issue of sex. About three years ago when I first wrote a blog post on the topic of sex I got the most number of page-views from that post and then I realized that really people are eager to have this topic discussed.

But for this blog post today, I trust the Lord to help us understand and be able to deal with the relationship between our emotions, whether anger, hatred, love, joy, excitement, happiness and our sex life. I am tempted to believe that when either the wife or husband is not happy with his/her spouse, it is most likely that sex between them will be a non-issue. Also it will be difficult for a wife who is not happy with her husband to willing submit her body to him for sex and if she attempts to out of a sense of duty it will be most assuredly a miserable experience.I have heard a lot of women say that if they ever discover their husband is committing adultery then they can never allow such a man access to their bodies again.

I am also tempted to believe that most men don’t attach emotions to sex and so it’s not going to be a serious issue if the husband, though not happy with his wife but he still able to have sex with her (I might be wrong on this as I am not a man). But this cannot be generalized in the case of all men. So I am tempted to conclude that sex and emotions are closely knit together. And this explains why it is unhealthy for a man and his wife to have prolonged disputes as this will affect their sex life and since sex and nature are also intertwined then we have cases of either party going outside their marriage to obtain the sexual satisfaction that their body yearns for. This ultimately leads to great sin.

Now that I have been able to struggle through identifying the problem, I trust the Lord to help us through a solution. Since everything God made is beautiful, all of His ideas are unmatchable and they are there for us to enjoy as the Lord has declared this to us in Jeremiah 29:11, so how marriage is designed by God for us to enjoy and not endure, and also sex in marriage is God’s idea for the man and his wife to enjoy and feel a sense of warmth, love and oneness and not manage through the act.

So these are some of the things I will advise when you are faced with this kind of situation; when you are angry with your spouse and your spouse is showing you signs that he/she would love that you both make love, first try to understand that whatever is the cause of the issue that is making you angry or causing the hatred you feel only affects you and not your spouse and in that case you need to quickly deal with the issue within you and move on. Don’t bother to wait for a verbal apology; the interest shown by the longing for sex with you should be sign enough to you that your spouse is sorry.

Also you can do a quick internal prayer that the Lord would help you overcome whatever it is that bothering your mind and get in the right mood for a passionate love making with your husband. Don’t be embarrassed to pray about such, because God is not embarrassed answering you that request. And by the time you get in the right mood with your husband/wife every other issue bothering your mind fades away. And again I will say never allow a dispute to last longer than necessary, give it the shortest possible life span and free yourselves of the burden of anger and hatred that can possibly plague and injure your marriage.

It’s natural to have a mix of sex and emotion, but when the emotion begins to overpower the sex in the negative then you need to prayerfully make a conscious effort at reversing the trend. If sex with you souse is subject to you feeling happy and good, then ensure that you are always feeling happy and good so that your emotions does not affect your duty to your spouse as the Lord demands that you do not deprive each other. If as a wife you have come to the understanding that your husband’s mood determines his sex drive, please ensure at all cost that you make him happy, if possibly you should prayerfully do so. And if as a husband you have come to realize that showing love to your wife and pampering her helps her sex drive, please prayerfully try not to let the love lack.

Intentionally depriving your spouse of sex just to get at him/her for a wrong done is something that does not have God’s approval. The 1 Corinthians 7:5 says “Do not deprive each other except for mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.” So prayer is the only excuse for a couple to abstain from sex and it should have mutually agreed by both and only for a time. Depriving each other of sex as a form of vengeance is a sin, since it does not have the consent of God. Forgive one another of any wrong done and move on with the good health of your marriage as a goal to be achieved by the two who has become one in flesh and spirit. God will be the judge of any wrong done and will make appropriate sentencing if and when necessary.  May the Lord bless our homes.