Thursday 14 January 2016

Is it Possible For Them to Get Back Together?

Matthew 19:7-9
“Why then,” they said, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

1 Corinthian 7:10-11
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A woman must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

Malachi 2:16
“I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty.

I bless the Lord for the gift of a new day and a new opportunity to share His word to many wonderful people who have been and will always be blessed by the truth of God’s words shared on this blog. May the Lord never cease to always bless your homes in Jesus Name.
We have been receiving insight from God through His word in the Bible to help us build a wonderful home and enjoy a peaceful and beautiful marital life. But I trust the Lord to help do more than that in the lives of many. I trust God to help us rebuild broken homes and reconcile broken marriages. And because I know and believe that there nothing is impossible for God to do, I know that this one longing of my heart will receive answers from God in Jesus Name.
Some days back I spoke to a friend’s sister who had been separated from her husband for well over six months. Initially it started as a fight that eventually led to a separation and hoping that with time these two will miss each other and find their way back into each other’s arms the people around them let things rest. But when I heard that after about seven months there seem to be no hope for reconciliation, I decided to call the wife who happens to be the one I know to find out exactly what the problem is.
She told me so many stories beginning with how she met her husband and how he deceived her into marrying him. But according to her that was a long gone issue, but the recurring problem between them that she could not cope with was the fact that her husband was a laid back person who was not ready to do much in terms earning income but would rather she does all the work while he keeps spending the money. He would not take care of the financial needs of the family and she had absolutely no idea of how much he earns as income and how he spends his money. She also complained of his low moral values and the fact that he sleeps with almost every woman he meets. His low life attitude is so bad that he sleeps with her staffs who work for her in her hair salon. So all these put together, forms the reason why she worked out of the marriage and was not ready to go back into it. In fact she was thanking God she was finally out of the bondage called marriage that she has found herself in.
So many people would probably conclude that she has every reason by human standard to take a walk from the pathetic man called husband that she married and begin to live a better quality life rather than slave for a man who does not appreciate her. But before we conclude so, it’s important to search the mind of God objectively on the matter and know the will of God for this woman and many other husbands or wives out there that are about to be EXed (divorced) for good reasons based on human standard.
For those with marital issues, whether you are already separated or divorced or about to be, I pray that the Lord will sow a seed of positive change in that situation and life will be restored in your marriage and the glory of the latter years of your marriage will surpass the former in Jesus Name.
So we search the mind of God and see what He tells us from His word. I started this blog post with some Bible passages revealing the mind of God on the issue of divorce, and from what we see God say about divorce or even separation, it’s a complete NO NO from God. Divorce was not in the mind of God and still not on His mind. “I hate divorce” says the Lord God of Israel. Jesus went on to tell us that divorce came into being as a result of the hardness of the heart of man. So if the heart of man was not hard but forgiving, divorce will never be in existence. So if I am not going to sound judgmental (which I am trying not to be), divorce is only for those whose hearts are hard.
For those who feel wronged by their spouses and are either divorced or about to be, forgiveness and reconciliatory moves does not make you a weakling, rather it shows the high level of reverence and love you have for God and it depicts the fact that you are a child of God. Matthew 5:43-45 reads, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous. If you consider your spouse as your enemy that you should divorce, the Lord Jesus says rather than hate your enemy, you should pray for them. So rather than hate your spouse so much that you want a divorce you should pray for him/her.
I always tell people when we get to have marriage talks that you cannot change your spouse by mere talking to them. Your complains, naggings, quarrels and fights cannot make that man or woman become what you want them to be. I do not mean that you cannot express yourself politely, but there is more to changing a man than complaining, nagging, fighting them or making quarrels. Consider approaching God in prayers on behalf of your spouse over that attitude or characteristics they possess that does not please you. Then follow up that prayer with good attitude and love, and for the wife, follow it up with submission and politeness. It is just a matter of time for you to start to see the changes in them that pleases you. For as long as the change you desire in your spouse is a Godly trait you can be sure that the Lord will make it happen even through you without a fight or quarrel.
If in the case that your spouse has committed adultery and is marital unfaithful to you, have you tried praying for such a spouse that the Lord who is able to make all things new, deliver him/her from the evils of fornication and adultery and make him/her a new person. Then find a place in your heart to forgive, rather than use the words of Jesus to fan the flames of the hardness of your heart which leads to a divorce. We have all sinned at one time in our marriages and we expect to be forgiven, now rather than be the one to be forgiven why not be the one to forgive.
Genesis 2:18 reads, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.’”As a wife you are God’s divine helper in the life of your husband. The helper provided by God even when he is misbehaving and missing the call of God on his life. You are the mercy of God for his life to help restore him back to God’s will for his life, yet this wife is the one calling for a divorce from the husband she has been assigned to help over issues that she has been assigned to help him overcome and win victory over. Wanting a divorce amounts to you as a wife telling God you cannot do the assignment which He has given you to do. With all of these as God’s plan for the man and his wife we can understand why God says “He hates divorce.” 
Now if you cannot carry out this assignment of being a helper to your husband successfully, how can you prove to God that if He gives you to another man to help you can carry out that assignment successfully. So God says through Paul that if you have to divorce as a result of the hardness of your heart then you should remain unmarried or be reconciled to your husband. 
Proverbs 19:14 reads, Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. As a man, at the point of marrying your wife you had considered her a gift from God in your life, and you are not far from the truth because Solomon says a prudent wife is from the Lord. But when she began to show traits that you did not expect from the wife that God gave you did you bother to take her case back to God who gave her to you as a wife for Him to make the necessary adjustment in her life while you still continue to show her love as the Lord has instructed you to, or did you just throw her like a piece of rubbish out of your life and strolled to the law court for a certificate of divorce? Now again we can understand why God says “He hates divorce.” That piece of rubbish you just divorced or about to divorce is God’s favour for your life. Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from God.” Can you prove to God and justify the fact that if He provides another favour for you in the form of a prudent wife you will not throw her out of your life again when she makes mistakes one too many times like you did the first?
Understand this very carefully when/if God sees that your husband or wife has gotten so way out of control that he/she cannot be tamed by God and that He does through you when you obey His rules for marriage, He will call him/her home and assign another helper to you as a wife or provide another head for you as a husband (Read 1 Samuel 25: the story of Abigail and Nabal). It is only through death which is from God that a marriage covenant can be broken not by you obtaining a divorce.     
In closing, I am sure you will not be surprised if I tell you that the advice I gave the young lady whose story I shared at the beginning was to go and pray for her husband until the Lord causes a change in his life. Her separation would not solve the problem and if she wants to please God, then she is not permitted to marry another man other than be reconciled to her husband. I pray by the special grace of God that testimonies will abound as a reason of this blog post and marriages that otherwise were dead will rise again to the glory of God alone in Jesus Name. 

1 comment:

  1. If I may ask.for.my personal.learning. In submitting to.the husband in all things....does that Include.a.man giving his wife.an ultimatum to join his cult and when she refused he took a walk? The man now lives with another woman but not married totally abandoned.his wife to her fate.

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