Tuesday 5 January 2016

How Did I Get Myself Into this Mess Called Marriage

It’s just by grace that we are privileged to be among those who will see the beginning of another year. One truth about the fact that we are still alive is that we are still relevant in God’s plan, we still have a purpose to fulfill for God, there is an assignment from God for our lives that is yet to be fulfilled and I pray that we will not leave the face of the earth without emptying ourselves of that which God has deposited in us for use on earth. I also pray that by the special grace of God, this time next year we will gather together to celebrate God’s goodness. None of us shall be missing.
So the time for rest and holidaying is over and we are back to work. And for us in God’s business, it’s time to kick start the year. And I trust the Lord that His word will not be scarce on this blog site, and more lives will be touched by the messages that comes from the throne of God through this blogsite in Jesus name.
In the course of the holidays I was in touch with a friend of mine that I seldom get in touch with and she told me how she has been using the messages that from this blog to bless many lives. As we chatted on several issues; we discussed about marriages and she forwarded several stories of abuse in marriages in different forms and degree to me, and sincerely I realized that there is so much still to be said and done to assist couples as they strive for better marital lives and experience. I pray that the Lord will use me in doing great things in the homes and marriages of many people in Jesus Name.
Some of the stories my friend shared with me included wives whose husbands married them just because they had money and they are the ones paying their husband’s bills and not the other way round. Any attempt by the wives not to make available funds to their husbands on request or demand was accompanied by abuse of different forms including physical abuse such as beating. In some other cases the husband will start to give negative report about the wife saying she is unfaithful to her marriage vows.
One instance that sounds so interesting was that the said wife had exhausted all her income and savings on her husband and when the man realized there was no money left he asked her to go sell her parents belonging and bring the money to him. And when she refused he walked out of the marriage.
 Another story of abuse saw the husband beating the wife to death all because she had no money to give him. Another case of marriage abuse led to the separation of the husband and the wife with the wife going back to beg the husband and having to give up on her career for her husband.
These are stories that I trust the Lord to help us find solutions to and hope and pray that people will similar problems such as this or if possible those whose stories have been shared will read this and get a lasting solution to their marital problem.
First I want to sympathize with wives experiencing such intense abuse in marriage such as this, but still I will say that this problem is there because their marriages were built or established on a wrong foundation. I am tempted to say that these people got married for the very wrong reasons. God will not place His beloved ones in harm’s way in the name of getting married. People who have gotten married out of desperation or in the name of love without divine consultation with God before entering into marriage are most prone to the kind of stories I have shared above. But nonetheless, whatever the marriage situation you are in at the moment, it is not beyond the ability of God to remedy and making a beautiful end out of the mess called marriage that you have as long as you are wise enough to run to Him and drop your mess at His feet.
Nobody can help you in this kind of mess but Jesus. Nobody can bring about the change in the life of your husband except the Lord who made him. Proverbs 21:1 says “The king’s heart is in the hands of God; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.”  If anyone tells you your husband will change outside the touch of Christ he/she is only lying to you, only the Lord can direct the heart of your husband as He pleases. And if anybody tells you your husband cannot change and the best and safe thing to do is to leave the marriage, they are also lying to you. And so again I’ll trust the Lord to help us find a lasting and beautiful solution to this problem.
As a wife the first thing is to recognize that your husband has a problems and he requires your help. It’s not by draining yourself financially and dumping your life savings at his feet to waste away as he likes, that you’ll be helping him, but by genuinely running to God on his behalf and seeking the face of God to make him the ideal responsible husband who is not lazy but diligent at his work and able to provide for his family as the Lord has destined him to be. A man who will work diligently and take care of his family rather than being lazy and bullying his wife into meeting his frivolous wants.
In Genesis 2:18-25, we read and understand that a wife is the suitable helper placed in the life of a man as God’s divine provision for the man in times when he needs help. So a man who is abusive to his wife and an extortionist rather than a protector of his wife is a man who obviously needs help. He needs help to overcome his abusive life style and he needs help in the area of laziness. And from the revelation of the Bible his wife is God’s ordained help for his life even in this area of his need.
A woman married to such a man like this needs wisdom, prayers and understand. This woman first needs to run to the throne of God and remain there. This wife needs to ensure that she has truly established a relationship with Jesus Christ and she lives a righteous and holy life before the Lord, then she will be able to approach the throne of God on behalf of her husband and marriage and be sure that she will get an answer. As she continues to stand in the gap for her husband in prayer and faith, it is just a matter of time for her to begin to enjoy the beautiful results that she has always yearned for.
As she listens to God and obeys His word for her life and that of her husband and marriage, she will learn to submit to her husband even though he has issues. 1 Peter 3:1-3 says that if a wife is married to an unbelieving husband, it is through the purity and reverence of her life that the husband will be won over to God. Your attitude towards your husband is a tool in the hands of God in bringing about the change in him that you desire. Even when you have to decline your husband’s request on his never ending demands for money, do it will politeness and reverence rather than being confrontational or sound insulting. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” So even in your refusal, try and be gentle. Your presentation matters a lot.
I mentioned earlier that those who marry out of desperation or out of love rather than divine consultation with God before getting married are more prone to this kind situation, but this is not limited to those who married for the wrong reasons. But running out your marriage is not a solution, running to God and learning to trust Him to help you handle your marital mess is a surer and lasting solution that will give you peace of mind and you will enjoy the beauty of marriage as God intends it to be. May the Lord bless your homes in Jesus Name.

1 comment:

  1. Amen!!! Thanks for this write up. May God bless and water your ministry

    ReplyDelete

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