Some have said that human beings are irrational and as such there is no clear cut rules for marriage to work because what applies to Mr. A might not apply to Mr. B. In as much as it is true that human beings are irrational, the Lord who instituted marriage, instituted it with some basic rules that if applied to any marriage wholeheartedly they are bound to yield positive results. The Lord who created the man and the woman and brought them together as husband and wife has set some rules by which they are to live together, and adherence to these rules guarantees success in their marriage and home.
Ephesians 5:22-31
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
1 Peter 3:1-4, 7
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine cloths. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentile and quiet spirit, which is of greater worth in God's sight.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
God's basic rules for the man and his wife in marriage can be found in these two passages. In discussing these rules, we will begin with the rules for the wives. It will be assumed that the instructions from God will be directed to the husbands first as they are the heads of the homes. But God decided to give his instruction from the mouth of Paul and Peter first to the wives.
God is addressing the wives first because they are the bedrock of the marriage. I once heard a quote that says "a man is the head of the home, but the wife is the heart of the home." Biologically speaking, if the head stops to function, the body cease to function properly, yet it is still alive. But if the hearts stops to beat, the body is immediately pronounced dead. When the hearts fails the entire body dies, including the head. So, this tells us that the woman plays a very important and significant rule in the life of her husband and her home as a whole. The lifeline of the marriage has been handed to the woman by God yet she is placed lower in the hierarchy of the home in submission to her husband.
Now the rule to the wife in marriage given to her by God the creator of marriage says "WIVES SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBANDS AS TO THE LORD." This instruction or rule is written in the same way in every passage where you find it rule in the Bible (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter 3:1, Colossians 3:1). In order to better understand what God requires of us when He instructed the wives to submit to their husbands, here is the dictionary meaning of the word submit. To submit is "yield oneself to the power or authority of another." So what God has instructed the wives to do is to yield themselves to the authority of their husbands.
If we know well what God has instructed the wives to do as He gives the rule "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord," the next important thing to note is why will God instruct the wives to submit to their husbands when as a wife you feel you hold in your hands the key to the success of the marriage? Figuratively, you are the heartbeat of that marriage.
Genesis 2:18, 22
The Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Then the Lord made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
From these passages refering to the origin of marriage, the wife was created as a suitable helper to her husband, and so the Lord made her from the rib He had taken from the man, not to rule over the man or to be equal to the man, but to be a suitable helper for the man. And so if the wife is to be what God created her to be and perform her duties in life assigned to her by God effectively and efficiently, then first she needs to submit to her husband whom the Lord has created her to help. For a wife to help her husband she needs to yield herself to the power and authority of the man from whose ribs the Lord made her and for whose life's destiny she was made to help.
In years past I was in a turbulent marriage, several times I contemplated divorce. True, my husband didn't really abuse me physically, yet what I was going through in my marriage was far above physical abuse. I was very miserable in the marriage. I was a good Christian then, and so I felt since I had a relationship with God which was weightier than the relationship between my husband and God, I felt I was right and he was wrong. And in truth my husband was not caring at all. I prayed to God to get me out of the miserable marriage and yet I knew that getting a divorce or a separation will be a dent on my Christianity.
Then the Lord opened my understanding to the rule He issued to the wife in marriage. The Lord told me that as mean and cruel as my husband was then, I should go back and submit to him in all things. Before then I was submissive, I was not confrontational at all, but my submission was selective. But the Lord told me to submit in all things and leave everything else about the marriage for Him to solve. Today, I am overwhelmed at the transformation in my marriage. I am not just happy, but I am loved by my husband. So loved that I will say I am over-loved (although I am not complaining). I am treated with respect and dignity by a man who once saw me as a piece flesh that he has to cope with. And today my husband looks at me lovingly and thanks me for coping with his excesses back then and sticking by him when he neglected me and didn't appreciate me. It was tough doing what God asked me to do then, but I am happy I obeyed the rules of marriage and today I am enjoying the fruits of the seed I sowed in tears.
1 Peter 3:1 says "Wives, in the same way submit to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives." So if you have an unbelieving husband, that is not an excuse to undermine his authority. It is then the Lord requires you submit to him the more, because it is through your submission to your husband as to the Lord, when he sees the purity and reverence of your life that has been enveloped in Christ Jesus that he will be won over to Christ. You, through your actions and behaviour are the instrument that God desires to use in winning your husband to Himself. Thus you will be fulfilling your role and duty in the life of your husband as his suitable helper.
There are so many other rules for the wife in marriage, and we will be discussing and applying them in other posts, but the rule of submission is the foundation laying rule of any successful marriage. When the wife is in submission to her husband as to the Lord, then she is laying the foundation for her peace of mind in that marriage. A wife has not been created as equal to her husband, but as a suitable helper to him.
NOTE: Being submissive to your husband without being prayerful is like one having the substance without power. You stand the risk of humiliation by your husband if he is an unbeliever. And when you are prayerful but lack that attribute called submission then you are no better than an hypocrite. The Christ in you is to be seen in your life of purity and reverence in submission to your husband rather than plenty prayer that are going nowhere. But when you desire a successful marriage, then you become a submissive prayerful wife. You combine your character qualities with the power of God in prayer and a beautiful marriage is yours for the keeps.
In my next post, we will consider God's rules for the husbands in marriage. It is an eye opener, so please wait for it.
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