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Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Is Love Good Enough A Reason For You To Get Married

One of the first questions mostly asked intending couples is if they LOVE each other. It is the norm that one of the prerequisite for marriage is love. But I want those who will be reading this post to ask themselves this question very sincerely whether married, about to marry or hoping to get married someday. Is Love good enough a reason for one to get married to a person or not? This is the question I will trust the Lord to help us answer in the today's blogpost.

Song Of Songs 8:6-7(NIV)
6Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like the blazing fire, like a mighty flame. 7Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. 

This passage is a description of love between a man and a woman as found in the Bible. The kind of love described here is the love that is meant to exist only between a man and a woman in marriage. When I sought the face of God for a better understanding of this kind of love, the Holy Spirit opened up my heart to see and understand love as a catalyst feeling that God has put in the heart of the man and his wife to enhance their bonding in marriage. The love described by Solomon here is like an adhesive that enhances the bonding of a man and the woman he is married to.
I will like to share with those reading this post that this love that is talked about is a beautiful feeling. It's the strong bond between two married couples. This love is sacrificial, it's strong, it ignites warmth, it enhances oneness, it enhances a sense of protection between the couple who share this bond as one spouse will always want to protect the other. This love produces peace and it is fun to have. When there is love between married couples prosperity reigns in their midst. I can go on with all the beautiful things that comes with love and so it's not abnormal to be sure that this love exist between any intending couple.
But just as I asked earlier, is this Love strong enough to hold a marriage till eternity such that it becomes the sole criteria for any two people to come into a marriage covenant? If we look at the description from the passage above, Solomon said this love is strong as death and it's jealousy as unyielding as the grave, and so this tells me that this love has its good and bad side. This love is powerful yet can be destructive when channeled wrongly.
Solomon warned in Songs of Songs 2:7, he said"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." From what I am learning in this book of the Bible, this beautiful love that God has made and filled into the hearts of men solely for marriage purpose can be misused, misapplied and aroused or awakened inappropriately. And when this happens, this beautiful additive that God made exclusively for marriage becomes as unyielding as the grave. Then this love that is sweet and beautiful becomes a venom of death. And so we hear and see people become very destructive and doing absurd things just for the sake of love. When you hear someone killed for love, then you realise that it is love that has been misapplied and awakened unnecessarily. Then love becomes as strong as death. No wonder Solomon had to repeat that same warning three times (Songs of Songs 2:7, 3:5, 8:4) within an eight chapter book.
There is a step that precedes the release or the awakening of love, and that is a divine consultation with God. When you see someone you think you might be interested in, the first thing to do is to pray and ask God to reveal to you if that person is the one whom He has made for you or has made you for, before releasing your love to such a person. Because when you allow the release of love before a divine consultation with God you will not hear clearly what the Lord is saying to you about the one in whom you have invested your love.
In quite a number of cases where we hear of people getting their hearts broken, when questions are thoroughly asked, it is always a case of one falling in love with someone they never prayed about before falling in love with. And so Solomon charges all not to arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
In the book of Genesis 24, we find the story of Isaac and Rebekah, and one thing that caught my interest in that story was the fact that Rebekah was willing to marry Isaac despite the fact that she had not met him in person. And when you read through the story of Isaac and Rebekah you will discover that they both loved each other through their troubled times, when they had no child for a long 20years. One secret behind the success of Isaac and Rebekah's marriage was that the choice of who to marry was made by God and nobody else. And love was awakened in their relationship after God had approved of the union. The fact that God was the origin of their union didn't mean they did not have their challenges, but they scaled through them all with their marriage still standing strong.
We discover that those who love themselves so very dearly at the point of getting married might eventually fall out of love for each other to the point of getting a divorce in some cases, and in some other cases the issue of violence and abuse then surfaces in their marriage. Based on this fact, I will then say that love is not a reason strong enough for a marriage covenant to stand on. Love like all other emotional feeling appears and disappears. There are times a person is happy and there are times that same person is sad. In the same manner there are times the love between a couple is very strong and there are times the love between them is almost non-existent. When all that is holding a marriage together is love, then at the point where it fades, trouble starts.
But when you have the hold of the hand of God on your marriage which is bigger and better than any love you can feel, then there is the confidence that your marriage can weather any storm whether you are in or out of love for each other. God is the origin of love and so He knows when to reapply the bond of love when it seems to be fading away.
So from my own discovery and conclusion, I will say that LOVE as an emotion, strong as it maybe, is not a reason strong enough for any two people to enter into a marriage covenant with each other without first seeking the mind of God on the matter. If for any reason you see someone you think you are interested in getting married to, please hold the love in within you and objectively seek the face of God on the step you are about to take before releasing your love to such a person.
And for those who are in marriage and didn't seek God first before taking the decision, we all serve a God of second and third and forth and fifth and endless chances. All you need to do is get wise enough to invite Jesus into your marriage and He will right all your wrongs and rebuild that marriage of yours and do for you and your spouse what you otherwise cannot do for yourself.
 

Thursday, 19 February 2015

The Foundation Of Marriage

In my two previous posts this year I wrote that most of the post from this blog will be focused on is the issue of marriage and building a successful home. In Genesis chapter two, the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone and so marriage is an institution that almost every one created by God will pass through. It is the norm in all human race that one should get married. But marriage is not just about a man and a woman living together, but that they live together in harmony and love and oneness which is what makes a successful marriage.
An old classmate of mine recently shared a story on group chat we both belong to of  her friend who died recently from domestic abuse. This lady who got married less than two years ago was beaten to death by her husband while she was pregnant. And this is not a case in isolation, there are several of such cases that I have read about on news journal and online news portals and several uncountable divorces cases that occur almost every minute. Several of my friends on the chat platform were of the opinion that the lady should have walked out of the marriage as soon as the abuse started rather than endured it to her death.
I can not totally say they are wrong for making such comments, but could the lady and several other ladies in abusive marriage get a better deal from their marriage is a question I will trust God to help us answer in the series of post I will be sharing on the topic of marriage in the next weeks and months.
In order to have a marriage that shines bright and gives you great to joy and not one that you have to endure, it must be built on the right foundation. Several people have entered into marriage for very wrong reasons and one of such reason is emotions. And when the reason for the coming together of these two wonderful people expires, then we get to hear of things like divorce and abuse in marriage.
Some other people have had spouses picked for them without their consent and without adequate prayer and hearing from God on the choice of spouse they have chosen for their children and wards, so such people are burdened with a marriage that does not make them happy or give them joy. This also is a reason that can lead to divorce or abuse in marriage.
With this said, what then is the appropriate approach to making a choice of a marriage partner? In order to answer this question right, we need to get back to the Bible.

Genesis 2:18; 20b-22; 24-25
18The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

But for Adam no suitable help was found. 21So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. 


The scripture above gives us insight into the origin of marriage. First, it tells us why the Lord instituted marriage, as the Lord Himself stated that it is not good for the man to be alone. The second and very important thing to note in this scripture is that it was the Lord upon pronouncing that it is not good for the man to be alone who made the woman from the rib He took out of the man and then presented her to the man.
When God said it was not good for the man to be alone, He did not ask the man to go in search of a help for himself but rather made a suitable helper for him in the form of a woman and brought her to him. When a man is approaching a point in his life where he needs a suitable helper, he needs not burden himself searching for a suitable helper because that is not a task he can carry out adequately well. All he needs to do is go back to God in prayer, and petition God to present to him the suitable helper He has created for him. That woman whom the Lord formed from the rib He took from such a man.
When your choice of a wife is based on prayer and not emotions, then you will be getting married to God's best choice for you and that lays the foundation for success in your marital life.
Also for the woman the same approach applies to you, please it is better that you pray and seek the consent of God to inquire and know if that man you want to marry is the man from whose ribs the Lord formed you and for whose life's purpose you have been created before you sign off the authority of your life to a wrong head.
And if as a woman you think you are beginning to get old and yet to be married, please don't get so worried and then give yourself off to the wrong man. Please take the time to pray and ask the Lord to present you to that man from whose ribs He made you and for whose life's destiny your were formed.
For those who have entered into marriage without first seeking the mind of God before taking the decision, all hope is not lost. At whatever level your marriage is now, you can start to pray for God's visitation and intervention in your marriage. Pray that the Lord begins to right the wrongs in your home and life and thus make your marriage a beauty to behold. This is something not difficult at all for God to do if you'll sincerely let Him. 
In my next post, I will trust God to help us consider the role love plays in marriage and if love can be the sole criteria for one to get married.