Wednesday 1 October 2014

Sex and Marriage

I shared a post on this topic sometimes last year and to date, it remains my post with the highest page views. In truth, there is the need to speak and speak again on the issue of sex and marriage. And just like I wrote in my last post, if there is adequate knowledge on the issue of sex and marriage, a lot of marriage issues will be solved.
Sex and communication in marriage go hand in hand, and just like someone quoted, we can't expect a beautiful sex life in a marriage that is lacking in love and good communication. In fact, for some couples, sex is a way of showing love and appreciation for each other. So it is just common knowledge to say that sex and love go hand in hand.

1 Corinthian 7:2-5 (NIV)
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

From the passage above we are able to understand the mind of God with regards to the issue of sex in marriage. There is another view on the topic of sex in marriage been highlighted in this passage. Paul is regarding sex between couples as a duty they both have to fulfill towards each other. Although it is an act closely related to the love a man and his wife feel for each other, yet it is a duty that they have to fulfill towards each other in marriage. 
What this tells me and I will like to share is that even when for any reason you are angry with your spouse and/or you fall out of love with your spouse, you still owe him/her the duty of sex. And for no reason is a man allowed to deprive his wife access to his body and likewise, the wife is not allowed to deprive her husband her body as the Bible says the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to the husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to the wife. 
One interesting thing I have found to be true is that even when couples are having misunderstandings or any form of quarrel and yet do not deprive themselves of sex, it's the easiest way to make up and end the quarrel without having to go through the stress of settling matters verbally. And when I realized this, I acknowledge how deep the wisdom of God is when through Paul the Lord said the husband and his wife should not deprive each other of sex.
Looking at it critically, it's almost impossible for the husband and his wife to carry on with their fight much longer after they have shared each other's bodies. So we can rightly conclude that sex is also a means of restoring love in a marriage.
There are quite a number of functions sex play in marriage, it keeps warm, it produces a sense of love and togetherness in marriage and it yields a fruit that outlives the couples in the children they birth forth. But there are some issues that cannot be overlooked as I summon the courage to share this post on sex in marriage. The issue is this: Is it possible to have a functional sex life with your spouse after you have discovered he/she cheated on you?
Once I was talking to a lady about life's experiences and how it is so very possible to reconcile and move on with marriage after an episode of someone discovering that he/her spouse has cheated on them. The first thing she said was, "If I ever find out that my husband is cheating on me I don't think that marriage can continue because even if I forgive him, I can't give my body to him again." I totally agreed with her, because other than the sense of betrayal one feels, there is also irritation that can follow at the mere thought of knowing that your husband or wife has offered his/her bare body to someone else.
But this is where the grace of God comes in, this is where having a mind of Christ comes in. Mere love does not solve a problem such as this, it takes a mind that has been rejuvenated by Christ Jesus not just to forgive a cheating spouse, but also to be able to continue to carry on with the obedience to the word of God, noting that God said the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, He did not give an exception to the rule. So in fulfilling God's purpose for your marriage, you need to bear in mind that whether your husband cheated on you or not still your body belongs to him and God says do not deprive him of that body. And the same goes for the husband, whether your wife cheated on you or not, your body belongs to her and you should not deprive her of what belongs to her. After all, Christ gave himself for us all body, soul, and spirit while we were yet sinners.
Now to know if this is actually possible in reality because many will think it easy to write this than actually practice it. Well by the grace of God I am a witness to what I write. It was not easy but I am here, past my troubled years in marriage and now a happily married woman. I didn't have to change husbands, but I let God work in my husband to bring the desired change in his life and mine.
By this post I do not encourage cheating in marriage, it breeds betrayal and a lack of trust that is so very hard to store, but by the grace of God what I aim to achieve, is help a marriage restore love and the need to rejuvenate the sex function back into the marriage after the discovery of a cheating spouse. 

Proverbs 5:18-20
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 
A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. 
Why, my son, be captivated with another man's wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

It truth there is no perfect marriage and no perfect couple, but you can work towards perfection and enjoy all that God has in store for you in marriage and learn each day more about making your marriage a success and strife continuously to make every moment of your marriage life a beautiful one. No stranger can work your marriage out for you. It's your marriage and so the effort will have to come from you. May God help us as we follow after Him. 
 


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