1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
So many women have come to see marriage as a coming together of two individual who they regard as mates and equal partners in the relationship. In as much as I do not wish to comment on the hierarchy of marriage, it is important to emphasize the importance of a wife showing respect to her husband in marriage.
Based on the English Dictionary, the word reverence is defined as 1) a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration, 2) a gesture indicative of deep respect, an obeisance, bow, or curtsy. From what Peter says, the reverence which is a sign or gesture of deep respect from the wife to her husband is a tool in the hands of God in winning over an unbelieving husband to Himself.
Several times women will complain that they are not bound to show respect to a husband who does not respect them in return. I totally agree that respect is earned and cannot be forced, but as a woman of God based on what the Bible is teaching us in the passage above, if by any chance you desire a change of attitude in the life of your husband and wish him to know the Lord and develop a relationship with God, which will in turn develop in him the realization of your value in his life thereby making him love and respect you, then you need to reverence him first, which based on the English dictionary means you need to show him deep respect tinged with awe.
The kind of respect that the Lord demands of the wife to her husband is not just any kind of respect, but deep respect and in fact based on what the dictionary is making us to understand, it is a deep respect that is accompanied with gestures. True, a wife might have developed a great level of closeness with her husband that might not require her to bow or curtsy to him, but still the respect from the wife to her husband should be deep respect.
I have learnt over time to reverence my husband and by the grace of God I have enjoyed the benefits of doing so. I have learnt to treat my husband like a king and he has also grown to see me as his queen. So when he has issues that he needs advise on, he talks to me and in most cases adopts the advise I give to him.
Once I was with a friend who is not a Christian and she heard me talking to my husband over the phone. After a while my husband came to meet me and my friend and she said it was not until she saw my husband that she realised that he was the person I was talking to on the phone. She had thought I was talking to my father noting the level of respect with which I was talking on the phone. She then said, now she has learnt something new in marriage and from that day on she will show better respect to her husband. I so blessed God that day that at least from my attitude I have been able to touch a marriage for the better.
The book of Esther chapter 1 tells the story of how queen Vashti was deposed as queen just by reason of her lack of respect for her husband. You should not expect to be queen in your home when you have not learnt to make your husband the king in the way and manner in which you show him respect. When you have learnt to respect your husband, then you lay a good example for the rest of your household to follow and emulate.
It is only when you have made your husband the king of your territory in your mannerism towards him that you also become the queen of that territory. Also not that the change your desire in your husband will come to be when you have contributed your own input and let God contribute His. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus Name.
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