Monday 7 April 2014

A Marriage Of 40years

Although so much as been said and written about the institution of marriage, but the need to continue to speak on this issue until the will and purpose of God is fulfilled in our homes cannot be overlooked. So in my post today I will again write just a little on the subject of marriage and pray that the Lord will minister to a home through this post today.
I happen to know a old couple, the husband being in his early 70s while the wife is in her mid 60s. They have been married for a little over 40yrs and their marriage has been in every way and manner less than an ideal marriage with the joy of marriage not being felt in their home. The husband happens to be a very high handed man, the likes of Nabal in the book of 1 Samuel 25, while the wife is gentle and accommodating. But as the years roll by and the wife not seeing any likely change in her husband's attitude towards her but instead of the man growing more matured, as he is growing older he is becoming more of a terror to the wife than a true husband. And this is how they have both lived for the over 40yrs that they have been together.
Just recently a quarrel broke out between these two old but estranged couple and I happen to hear about it, so I prayed. I sought the face of the Lord over the unending marital troubles of this couple. The strange truth is that the wife is a God fearing Christian and this has been the major reason why she has never contemplated a divorce from her trouble marriage or a separation from her unloving husband. But the fact that she is a God fearing Christian ought to be more of the reason why she should have things going well for her in her marriage. So like I said earlier, I decided to pray for these couple and seek the face of God for the solution to the travails of their marriage.
As I prayed the Lord revealed to me that in as much as the wife is suffering so much in her marriage as it is, she has not done enough to be a help to that unloving husband of hers as God has assigned her to be. The Christ in her is not shining bright enough to bring the husband out of the den of his bad behaviour to the position of a faithful and good husband. And although she prays well enough for her husband, yet her prayers have not been accompanied by the ideal behaviour of a wife to a husband. And this will not make for the desired result as the Lord will answer her prayers through the good deeds in her life towards her husband.
I was not really shocked by the revelation God gave me. This wife of over 40yrs has been so badly treated by her husband for so many years that it is pretty difficult to forgive or see anything good in the man. Although she remains married to him for the sake of honouring God, and not wanting the stigma of separation after many years, but speaking about having any feeling of love for the man she married to is non-existent. Now that she is old and the attributes of old age are setting in for her, she gets more irritated and confrontational with her husband, as she has harboured so much resentment towards him over the years.
In all of this narration what I want those reading this post to take home as a lesson is this: In all our service to God, our assignment in the home is of utmost importance. And despite all that your spouse has done wrong to you, your God given assignment to be his suitable help has not changed. Also as a husband, no matter how bad your wife has hurt your feelings, your God given assignment to love her unconditionally has not changed. His/her attitude towards you has in no way excused you from fulfilling your God given assignment to him or her because it is a God given assignment and not man assigned.
Another important point to hold on to is that your prayer with regards to your spouse’s change of attitude will be of little effect if you do not accompany it will good attitude. 1 Peter 3:1-6 teaches the wives that it is by their behaviour that their unbelieving husbands are won over to God. This takes place when the husband sees the purity and reverence in the life of his wife and not just endless prayers. Also 1 Peter 3:7 teaches that the husband who does not treat his  wife with love and respect stands the risk of having his prayers hindered. So we need to be mindful of our attitude as we work towards getting a peaceful home and fulfilling our God given assignment.
The story of the 40yr old marriage in crisis is only so because the couple have not accompanied their prayers with the prescribed attitude of marriage towards each other. The wife is still holding on to the hurt of the maltreatment of her husband and so finds it hard to submit to him as required of her even though she is praying for him. And the husband is still so engrossed in being the boss to his wife and sees no point in loving or showing her respect. Yet these two live in misery of marriage and it has been so for over 40yrs.
In conclusion I will say this, our ego or the will to hold on to the hurting feeling from the attitude of our spouses possess one big danger. There is no matter how much we have worked for God, we stand the risk of losing our eternity over this issue. If we have been unable to fulfill this assignment of marriage given to us by God then all our works of righteousness holds for nothing. May the Lord help us to be faithful in all things.

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