In my last post I wrote about the story of a 40year old marriage that is less than perfect and I wanted my readers to learn from. One of the responses I got misunderstood the purpose of the post and thus concluded that I was judgmental in my write-up. I have since responded to that response, but will want write a little more of my own personal experience and the wisdom of God with which I have been managing my home and able to get relative peace in my marital life. This story is very recent and it's about me, my very own personal experience and I pray that someone reading this post will learn from and take advantage of it as they work at having a peaceful marital life with the grace of God alone.
Like I said earlier I just had my forth child barely 2weeks ago, and the delivery was through a caesarian operation. I was in the hospital for about 4days after the birth for monitoring and then allowed to go home. There is the stress of carrying a pregnancy and then the stress of delivery, and the added stress of having the baby through an operation which requires time for the wounds to heal and the pains to go away. In the middle of this, it is expected that the mother and child are allowed enough rest time to recover. Post-natal depression can be a serious issue if not well handled.
But in the middle of all these my husband found it convenient or maybe appropriate to pick a fight with me. He started getting edgy and nagging over every little and unnecessary thing the moment I got back from the hospital. I tried to manage the situation for a couple of days. It was so bad that when I serve him food, he’ll refuse to eat and then I’ll have to cook another food for him no matter how late in the night it was. Yet I was carrying on with the pains of the operation and the fact that I had to take care of a new baby in addition to attending to the needs of the other three.
Initially I was getting really pissed off by my husband’s attitude. He still expects that I’ll carry on with the usual house chores with the body pains that I had to bear with and the added responsibility of a new baby without any helping hand from him and he still feels justified to complain. I was growing very angry and withdrawn from him by each passing hour. I thought to pray, but was getting too angry with his selfish attitude than to even bother to pray.
At some point I decided to confront him. In cases like this I’ll rather send him a message on his phone rather than discuss with him in person to avoid an argument knowing fully well that I was getting edgy myself. He responded to my message that he is angry because I am not taking care of his needs anymore. That got me more pissed because I wondered if this man who is meant to be my husband understands my health condition. So I wrote him a message and asked who then takes care of my own needs and that of our four children if all I am supposed to be worrying about is meeting his needs at this very stage.
At this point I found a little strength in me to pray. So I asked God in the shortest possible words of prayer to help me through the situation and visit my marriage with His love. Then just from the blues I remembered the doctor had advised I take paracetamol tablets every six hours to help me through with the post delivery pains. So I began to take the medication. Although I was still very angry with my husband, but I started finding the strength to carry on my usual role in the house. I was able to wake up in time to make him a sandwich and a cup of tea before he left for work, I was able to help organize his wardrobe that had been disarranged, and then drive to drop his cloths at the laundry.
Within the next two days he noticed the change and start to care more. He apologized for been hard on me and for the first time in about 10days that I had put to bed, he demanded to see my stitches and find out how I was healing. It wasn’t that my husband was such a bad husband, he had paid more N400,000 in hospital bill for me to get the best medical care, he was always there to meet the financial demands as they arise. But the devil is at the watch waiting to cash in on any available opportunity to disintegrate the unity and peace of the home.
If I had not put a check on my emotions and remained obedient to my edgy husband even when I was very pissed with him, I will not be able to write this post to you today. If I had remained adamant on not attending to his needs owing to the fact that I needed attention and bed-rest myself, my marriage will be taking a gradual sleep to a break up and I will feel justified for my actions. But I bless God that I prayed. I bless God that He came through for me. I bless God that my marriage will forever be victorious over the schemes and devices of satan.
Sometimes we might feel we have the legitimate right to be angry. But the Lord has given us power over our emotions. 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” Against your justification for anger is the spirit of power, love and self-discipline that God has given you. Use what the Lord has deposited in your life to conquer that which the devil opens your heart to as right.