Friday, 5 December 2014

Cultivating Joy In A Season Of Thanksgiving

Last week Sunday was thanksgiving Sunday in my church, it was one of the Sundays when dancing and praise giving to the living God dominates the church service for the day with just very little preaching which is also centered around the topic of thanksgiving. And for me personally I always dedicate my entire December month to praising God. So my prayer times in Decembers are always dominated by personal worship and praises. I try hard to make very little request during my prayers and just praise God for all He has helped me and my family through in the course of the year.
On the last day of the month of November I was reminded in my spirit that beginning from the next day I am not allowed to skip prayer times and not to forget it was my month of thanksgiving. But I am sure you'll wonder why I needed to be reminded again in my spirit when I should actually be in the full thanksgiving spirit even in the month of November. Well, in truth, I am going through some financial challenges in recent times and that has caused a heaviness in my spirit. There are some projects staring me in the face that I am trusting God for financial breakthroughs for in order to accomplish these goals. Debts to be paid and bills to settle, commitments to meet up with, goals set waiting to be accomplished. So these are reasons why my heart is heavy and my spirit a little low.
But with all these said, it's still my month of thanksgiving and I will be rubbing myself of great joy if this sting of heaviness is allowed to linger for a moment longer. So I began to make efforts with my night vigils and worship hours, it seemed a struggle to thank God with so much needs and deadlines staring me in the face. But the secret to my breakthrough is hidden in my ability to look beyond the needs of my life and my deadlines and praise God and give him the worship that is due to Him.
One honest truth is that God has been faithfully good to me. He has restored my marriage, restored my dignity, removed shame and reproach from my life and has provided for most of the things I have asked of Him. But then just at this time, things are not going for me the way I expect and want them to go and it has become very easy for me to forget all that God had done in my life in the recent past.
But I bless the living God that even though things are not looking too good at the moment, yet the Lord has been very good to me. As I made frantic effort to praise God in my season of thanksgiving, I was reminded of how the Lord delivered me of another baby boy in the month of April, how He provided for the minor renovation I needed done in my apartment, how He provided for me and my husband in meeting the various needs of our children, how He has prevented me and my family from any form of infirmity even when my country went through and escaped the treat of Ebola, how I and my family are preserved from terrorist treat that is facing some part of my country. That I and my family are able to sleep and wake up in safety and not to forget my husband's promotion that came for him in his office. And I can just go on about the faithfulness of God that is so easily forgotten in the face of the prevailing challenges of my present moment.
So I began to remind myself of these wonderful things God has done in my life and thank Him, worshiping Him for His awesomeness, His unconditional love for me despite the fact that at the moment things are not looking so good. The truth is that they were once looking good and will yet look good again if I can just exercise a little faith.
About a month ago I met an old school mate that I had not seen in about 23years. I needed a favour from her and she readily assisted me, so we rekindled our friendship. One day she called to ask me how I was doing and I had loads to say about having to be a wife and mother of four all at once. She had a good job, or so I think and I feel she has no worries in life. She is single with no children, so for me no cares to worry about. But in the middle of our conversion, she told me she would give anything to be in my shoes. She longs to have a family of her own, a good husband and promising children. Yet what my friend is longing for is what I have and still take for granted.
The beautiful thing I am discovering is that as I begin to look beyond my challenges and give thanks to God in spite of them, God is taking care of my issues gradually. Those things that have been burdening my heart are been handled by God with no effort at all from me.
I know there are one or two out there who feel they have nothing to be thankful for, but when you look intently around you, there are a lot of people who are trusting God to have what you have and are taking for granted. If are enjoying good health and you feel God is unfair to you because you are still not married, then think about millions of people bedridden fighting for their lives and using their hard earned money to pay their way to good health. If you have something to eat and you feel God is not fair to you because what you had for dinner is not what you long for, then take a break and consider those who have to go to bed hungry. Some communities are hoping that one day the war that has taken over their community will end, yet you sleep in safety and take that for granted.
When you cultivate the habit of thanking God for the blessing you have received, you position yourself for greater blessings. God didn't promise us a life without challenges, but Paul said in Philippians 4:6 that "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayers and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God." One secret of an effective prayer is when it is done with thanksgiving. When you remember to show gratitude for the blessings you have enjoyed from God, asking Him for greater things will not be an issue at all.
Joy is a fruit that is cultivated from an attitude of continuous thanksgiving. It is a virtue that produces peace in ones soul even when life's challenges rear their ugly head. When you learn to give thanks in troubled times, you acknowledge the ability, might and power of God in overcoming that challenge. And this acknowledgement strengthens your faith in God which in turn moves Him to act swiftly on your behalf. That is what I have learnt, and I am beginning to practice as I experience God moving in my situation.


Disputes in marriages are inevitable, but when they are not handled properly and taken care of early enough, they degenerate into very serious issues in marriage. I have heard of minor disputes leading to very serious violence in marriages. In some cases it has led to spouses killing each other. Is that little argument worth dying for? Is your husband a violent man or your wife a quarrelsome wife? Learn how to handle dispute in your marriage and enjoy the lasting peace of God in your home from my book "Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement." Available on createspace.com via this link https://www.createspace.com/4309313 or on amazon.com via this link http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement



Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Marriage: God's Rules Of Engagement

Hello beautiful people of God, I really do apologize for the time-out in sharing blog articles. Didn't realize that having to write a book really takes so much energy and time, I have written about 6 books but editing and making them read-friendly is a load of work. But I bless God for His grace. I have been busy working on the book "Marriage: God's Rules of Engagement". In my blog today I will be discussing about this book.
Much of the content of my blog articles have been on various topics relating to marriage. My focus on marriage is based on the conviction that if we are able to give God the free play in our marriages and homes obeying His commands and instructions for a successful marriage, then we are directly giving Him the free play in our society at large. A decay in the home front will invariably translate to a decay in the larger society in just a matter of time.
A man who is at peace in his home is more effective in his work than a man living in a chaotic home. So it's just a matter of time for the ripple effects of what is taking place in our various homes to be felt in the larger community. So with the inspiration from the Holy Spirit and in the spirit of been a tool in the hands of God, I share of my experience and how God has helped me through a challenging marriage to encourage others who might be going through a challenging marital issue.
There are a lot books on shelves in book stores, both online and in stores that deals with marriage, but the book "Marriage: God's Rule Of Engagement" addresses the various challenges of marriage not just from the practical perspective, but from real life experiences. You are reading a book written by one who has been through a similar experience as you are going through and has been able to overcome the challenge and thus sharing with you the possibility that you can actually overcome that marital challenge that you have. This is not a book on the theory of how marriage works, but how it is possible to use the active word of God to overcome the marital challenge you have and help you build a peaceful and beautiful home that God has assigned you to build.
Marriage, like I always say, is not to be endured but enjoyed and the secret to that truth is what I guarantee you'll find in this book. When I was going through my various marital challenges, I felt God was unfair to me. My world felt collapsed around me and all that was coming to my head was to get a divorce and a better life either alone or with another man, until I was able to run to God for help. The lessons I learnt in the process that has brought about a beautiful turn around in my marriage are the truths that I share in this book. No divorce, no separation, the same husband and man, yet better result and a beautiful home to show for it.
Some major highlight topics in this book include: 1) True life stories of challenges faced in marriage and practicable ways of handling them with backup scriptures from the Bible, 2)The making of a life partner, 3) Handling external interference in marriage, 4) polygamy, 5) The purpose of love in marriage, 6) The rules for the man and wife in marriage, 7) Arranged marriage and it's effects, 8) Handling disputes in marriage and so much more. I guarantee this is a power packed book that has blessed me beyond measure. It is a must have for all couples and intending couples.
A few people who have read this book have testified to it's impact in their lives. This is a book I would love to offer for free as a token from me, but because there are bills to pay, the need to place a price on it is inevitable. The book is available on createspace.com via this link: https://www.createspace.com/4309313, or on amazon.com via this link: http://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Rules-Engagement-Aderinsola-Obasa/dp/9789238045/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1417633917&sr=1-1&keywords=Marriage%3A+God%27s+Rules+of+Engagement. For every print copy purchased, you get a kindle copy for free.
Please don't keep this news to yourself, tell a friend to tell a friend about this book. It will be a good act in helping a friend overcome a troubled marriage. 

Thursday, 20 November 2014

The Joy Of A Housewife

Going through my  blogger dashboard, I realized that it's been over five weeks since I last shared a post on my blog, and I sincerely apologize for the unintended break. But even during the break, I am still actively working for God. And I bless God for the lives of all those who take out time to read my post.
My post today will be on the joy of being a housewife. A couple of days ago I went for the Parents-Teachers Association meeting in my daughter's school. It was the first of such meeting I was attending because she is new in the school. While at the meeting the parents were asked to introduce themselves for recognition, as there was scheduled to be an election for the new PTA executives. So when it was my turn to introduce myself I gave my name, and my occupation as HOUSEWIFE. Those were the information we were asked to give.
When I introduced myself as a housewife, everyone in the hall cheered. There was clapping of hands by almost everyone in the hall. The side talk being, "what a boldness to introduce oneself as a housewife." I could have introduced myself as a businesswoman, because I get to do some petty trading when the opportunity presents itself. I could have introduced myself as an Indie Author, cause I have about six books I am working on at the moment. Trying to edit them and make sure they are friendly to read. I could have introduced myself as someone who blogs, that's what I am doing at the moment and people make loads of money blogging, although I am not yet doing that.
But I chose to introduce myself as a housewife, because that's why I reap a large chunk of my satisfaction from. Being a mother and a wife is my first assignment from God and it's what gives me the most joy. Unlike what quite a number of people believe, it is the most tedious of all task a woman can ever be faced with, if she has to deliver very good products that the larger community will benefit from. If you want to have a home that gives your husband joy and the willingness to always return to after each day of work, then you will have your hands very busy from the very early hours of the day, till late night.
So that you'll appreciate what I am trying to put across, let me give you a rundown of my typical day. My alarm wakes me up by 5a.m, I then say my prayers and wake my daughter up to prepare for school. Her school bus picks her up by 6a.m, and by then I would have ensured that she is ready for school and has taken a slit breakfast. Once she leaves, I do a little chores, like clean left over dishes, air the cloths that has been washed in the washing machine over the night and then wake my other two boys up to prepare them for school. I'll drive them to school by 7.45a.m and by then I would have ensured that my husband has all that he needs to get ready for work which includes his morning tea.
When I return from taking my two boys to school, it's time to take care of my 7months old baby. I'll feed him, give him a bath, when dressed, he is ready for another round of morning sleep. I get done with this by about 10a.m, and to my relieve, my house keeper resumes work. You'll probably think that with the presence of a housekeeper I'll rest, but not so fast. That is the time to power on my computer and either write a blog or edit a book. In between, I am on the phone solving extended family issues and running errands for my husband as I double as his personal assistant. My mother calls or she wants me to do something for her urgently. The demand never ends. I run this course till about 3p.m and then it's time to pick the children from school. Once that is done everything else slows down cause my attention is required by all four children almost at the same time. We run through their school's homework, make sure they take lunch and I then have settle pockets of fight between them. If I am lucky, I get about an hour of sleep in between. Then it's time to make dinner. Dinner cooked, and it's time for the daily Bible study. I ensure they take their night bath and its time for bed. Before now my husband would have been back from work so I'll need to be available to hear the rundown of how his day went at work. So by the time we are through with our discussion and I have taken care of all four children including my 7months old baby, it's about 10p.m. I try make out another hour or two for my blog and books and so I get to sleep at about 12midnight. 5days out of the 7days of the week this is how my time is spent.
I am so sorry to bore you with the breakdown of my typical day activities, but in truth, this explains why I cannot feel ashamed to tell the world that I am a housewife. It is my duty to ensure that my children are up and well. To know about any happening in their lives and ensure that they grow well by the grace of God. It is my duty to know about a cut on their skin and treat it, observing it till it heals, to make sure their flu is treated and they see the doctor when the need arise. My duty still to ensure that they grow with the right values and Christ is impressed in their lives. My duty still to be a wife to my husband, a shoulder to lean on for him, a listening hear to his complains, share his joys and pains with him, share his worries with him. My duty to pray and fast for him and my children.
It is my duty to ensure that there is ample supply of what we need in the house: food, drinks, cereal, milk, beverages, toiletries etc. Then I am to know that all the pipes are working well and that a broken pimp is fixed. Not necessarily by me, but I need to be sure that every aspect of my home is running well.
One beautiful thing about my job as a housewife is that I am never on vacation. My children take breaks from school, my husband takes leave from work to rest, but I am never on leave, neither am I on holiday even though my work can be stressful and demanding.
But there is a big joy in what I do. The satisfaction that I can watch my children grow well under my care and that I am striving towards giving the society quality citizens that will impact the lives of others positively is a joy to me. That I can share my wisdom with my husband and share in his wisdom such that it is impacting on his work life positively is big joy to me. And will there be a reward for the big task that I engage in? Yes there will be. The Lord who sees what I do in secret will surely reward me in the open.
My husband often passes a comment, he says "Derin, a lot of people see you glow and say your husband is taking care of you. If only they know that you take care of me the more, cause I am who I am today because of the strength with which you support me." This is my joy for being a housewife. This is what keeps me going, it is what makes me want to do more than I am doing at the moment.
The Proverbs 31:10-31 wife is not a joke at all, it is not for lazy hands. But the Lord has truly built the wife of noble character to be all that. When you learn to draw strength from God, you will surely put that strength to work in your life and home and you will in no time be called by the name "a wife of noble character." Then you will not be ashamed to tell the world that you are a housewife with your head held up high.    
In closing I wish to go on a holiday too. Trusting God for that, and yes I was made an executive member of the Parents-Teacher Association in my children's school just as I am a housewife with joy.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

A Polygamous Life

My blog today is based on the story of a man with two wives. In the part of the world where I come from polygamy is no strange phenomenon, it's just part of the culture that a man can marry more than one wife at any given time. But the state of the home that such a marriage will produce leaves much to be desired.
So, this man from Nigeria is married to two wives and it has been so for well over 30years. But when he sits and recounts the events of his life, the greatest regret he says he has is entering into the polygamous life style.
As it is impossible to love both women equally and also impossible to love both women as himself unconditionally as the Lord has commanded the husband to do, his home is hanging imbalanced. Naturally he feels a little more affection for the second wife above the first, yet the first wife tends to hold him in high esteem and treat him with more respect and love more than the second wife.
In the Nigerian culture, with the older generation, there is rarely the case of divorce. We find divorce been heard of more with the younger generations but not with the older ones who have been married for upward of 30-40years. So this man is not thinking of divorcing any of his wives, he is unable to bring the two women together as one entity, and so his marital life is in a way, a big mess.
However, one thing I discovered in this marriage situation is that God has favoured the first wife above the second. Her own children are doing better in life as adults than the children of the second wife. The success rate of the children of the first wife is higher than that of the second wife. And who is it that does not want to be identified with success? So this man in question wants to be known as the father of the children of the first wife more than the children of the second wife, yet he loves his second wife more than his first.
In all of this I see God's unsearchable wisdom, He has decided to be fair to the unloved wife and then bless her with successful children who will love and care for her in old age. But I always ask myself this question, is the pleasure of having two wives worth the trouble of having to cope with the strife, malice, jealousy, and even hatred associated with polygamy?
From the days of the Bible, going by the examples of polygamy found in the Bible to this present generation, it is common knowledge that polygamy is usually characterized by things like malice, strife, jealousy and hatred. It will take the grace of God for a polygamous home to enjoy as much peace, love and harmony as that of a home built on one man and one wife marriage.
In as much as God has not spoken against polygamy directly, and a polygamous man is still opened to receiving grace and favour from God such as one received by Jacob and David, yet Paul says a polygamous man is not allowed to hold a position of leadership among the congregation of the men of God.

1 Timothy 3:1-4
Here is a trustworthy saying: If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect.

It is important to know and appreciate that one quality the Lord looks at as He picks a shepherd over His people is that such a shepherd is not married to more than one wife. Such a leader is suppose to be one that leads by good example even as it entails the issue of marriage and the home. This is so because a leader is unable to lead effective in an atmosphere of hatred, malice, chaos which are major attributes of polygamy.
When God observed that it was not good for a man to be alone, from the ribs of the man, He formed a wife for him. It was okay by God's design that a man can afford a missing rib out of which a wife was made for him. But there will be an imbalance in the bone structure of the man if God had to take more than one rib, thus taking two or more ribs to form wives.
If only the men can understand and appreciate that they carry more weight than they are designed by God to carry when they marry more than one wife. Based on God's plan for the man, there is room for just one wife as it is just one rib missing in him. If for any reason more than one rib was extracted by God from the man, there will be a bigger vacuum in the man's life where more than one wife will be required to fill. But God who created man and who knows what lies ahead for the man He created has made room in his life to accommodate just one wife and the only wife needed to make the man complete and fulfilled.
My little word for the man is this, just as it is important for the woman to seek and obtain the approval and leading of God before accepting a marriage proposal, so is it important for the man to seek the face of God and allow the Lord lead them to the woman He has made for them. When you let God make and present a wife to you just as He did for Adam and also for Isaac, the need to take a second wife will not arise, because the Lord will present to you the exact match of you in your wife noting that the God who created her made her from the rib He took out of your body.
When we consider the polygamous stories of the Bible we will notice that those who went into the polygamous style of marriage where those who did not seek God before picking a wife for themselves. There is no marriage crisis that is beyond the reach of God to solve when we are wise enough to hand over the situation to him. But when because of the lust of the flesh a man decides to take a second wife for himself, he is tending towards over-stuffing the vacuum in his life that most probably will lead to more chaos than he originally bargained for.
In order to avoid polygamy that culminate in marital crisis, its important that a man seeks the face of God before making a marriage covenant with any woman. As for you woman I will advise this, a man who has a wife in his life and home is not God's best for you to marry. There is a man from whose ribs God formed you. Seek God's face for that one man and marry him. May the Lord help us.

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Sex and Marriage

I shared a post on this topic sometimes last year and till date it remains my post with the highest pageviews. In truth there is the need to speak and speak again on the issue of sex and marriage. And just like I wrote in my last post, if there is adequate knowledge on the issue of sex and marriage, a lot of marriage issues will be solved.
Sex and communication in marriage goes hand in hand, and just like someone quoted, we can't expect a beautiful sex life in a marriage that is lacking in love and good communication. In fact for some couples, sex is a way of showing love and appreciation for each other. So it is just common knowledge to say that sex and love goes hand in hand.

1 Corinthian 7:2-5 (NIV)
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

From the passage above we are able to understand the mind of God with regards to the issue of sex in marriage. There is another view to the topic of sex in marriage been highlighted in this passage. Paul is regarding sex between couples as a duty they both have to fulfill towards each other. Although it is an act closely related to the love a man and his wife feels for each other, yet it is a duty that they have to fulfill towards each other in marriage. 
What this tells me and I will like to share is that even when for any reason you are angry with your spouse and/or you fall out of love with your spouse, you still owe him/her the duty of sex. And for no reason is a man allowed to deprive his wife access to his body and likewise the wife is not allowed to deprive her husband her body as the Bible says the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to the husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to the wife. 
One interesting thing I have found to be true is that even when couples are having misunderstandings or any form of quarrel and yet do not deprive themselves of sex, it's the easiest way to make up and end the quarrel without having to go through the stress of settling matters verbally. And when I realized this, I acknowledge how deep the wisdom of God is when through Paul the Lord said the husband and his wife should not deprive each other of sex.
Looking at it critically, it's almost impossible for the husband and his wife to carry on with their fight much longer after they have shared eachother's body. So we can rightly conclude that sex is also a means of restoring love in a marriage.
There are quite a number of functions sex plays in marriage, it's keep warm, it produces a sense of love and togetherness in marriage and it yields a fruit that outlives the couples in the children they birth forth. But there are some issues that cannot be overlooked as I summon the courage to share this post on sex in marriage. The issue is this: Is it possible to have a functional sex life with your spouse after you have discovered he/she cheated on you?
Once I was talking to a lady about life's experiences and how it is so very possible to reconcile and move on with marriage after an episode of someone discovering that he/her spouse has cheated on them. The first thing she said was, "If I ever find out that my husband is cheating on me I don't think that marriage can continue because even if I forgive him, I can't give my body to him again." I totally agreed with her, because other than the sense of betrayal one feels, there is also irritation that can follow at the mere thought of knowing that your husband or wife has offered his/her bare body to someone else.
But this is where the grace of God comes in, this is where having a mind of Christ comes in. Mere love does not solve a problem such as this, it takes a mind that has been rejuvenated by Christ Jesus not just to forgive a cheating spouse, but also to be able to continue to carry on with the obedience to the word of God, noting that God said the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband, and the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife, He did not give an exception to the rule. So in fulfilling God's purpose for your marriage you need to bare in mind that whether your husband cheated on you or not still your body belongs to him and God says do not deprive him of that body. And the same goes for the husband, whether your wife cheated on you or not, your body belongs to her and you should not deprive her of what belongs to her. After all Christ gave himself for us all body, soul and spirit while we were yet sinners.
Now to know if this is actually possible in reality, because many will think it easy to write this than actually practice it. Well by the grace of God I am a witness to what I write. It was not easy but I am here, past my troubled years in marriage and now a happily married woman. I didn't have to change husbands, but I let God work in my husband to bring the desired change in his life and mine.
By this post I do not encourage cheating in marriage, it breeds betrayal and a lack of trust that is so very hard to store, but by the grace of God what I aim to achieve, is help a marriage restore love and the need to rejuvenate the sex function back into the marriage after the discovery of a cheating spouse. 

Proverbs 5:18-20
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 
A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. 
Why, my son, be captivated with another man's wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

It truth there is no perfect marriage and no perfect couple, but you can work towards perfection and enjoy all that God has in store for you in marriage and to learn each day more about making your marriage a success and strife continuously to make every moment of your marriage life a beautiful one. No stranger can  work your marriage out for you. It's your marriage and so the effort will have to come from you. May God help us as we follow after Him. 
 


Monday, 29 September 2014

What Are You Looking For In A Spouse.

I have heard of women who have mentally drafted a list of what their ideal husband should and should not be. If for any reason a suitor seeking their hand marriage falls short by one point of what their ideal husband should be, he is most definitely going to be turned down or rejected. Such people in the process of being to selective of their choice of spouse end up turning down God's ideal choice for them.
This explains why we have a considerable number of woman who are still unmarried when they are gradually crawling past their marriage age. And for those who are lucky enough to find their ideal husbands or wives are quick to run out of the marriage if for any reason their spouse no longer meets up with their set standard of a spouse to be married to.
Such people do not give room for the mind of God in making a choice of a life partner, neither do they look in the mirror at their own selves to see if they are fit and good enough for the selection they are trying to make. As time passes by, they become miserable and frustrated as no man will be willing to marry them in their old state.
In order to help these category of people, and those who are still in the business of setting high standard for their choice of spouse, I will trust God to use this post in revealing His mind on the ideal and best way to make a choice of a life partner.

Genesis 2:18, 22
The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The passages above shows God's pattern of how a man and a woman should come together and be united in marriage. For a woman seeking peace and comfort in marriage rather than myopic ideals that might not last, its important that such a woman seek the face of God realistically and objectively without any form of bias before going ahead to accept or refuse a marriage proposal.
I have come across quite a number of women in their 50s that are yet to be married and at that age, are not enjoying the loneliness that has accompanied their state of life. It will be rather wrong to say that all single ladies gradually crawling past their marriage age are still single due to their high handedness with suitors in their earlier years, or high standard set for an ideal husband. But for those who have fallen victim of singleness as a result of their own making, I am sure they will look back and wish they had not set those unrealistic high standard for a prospective husband.
I have come across a number of women who will not marry a man who is not rich or at least have a good paying job. One of the deciding factor for parental consent when someone close to me was seeking his parent's consent to marry the lady he loves was whether he was financially capable of taking care of the woman he wanted to marry.
I totally agree to the need to be financially prepared for marriage, but that should never be a major reason for a man or woman to marry. I have come across couples in which the husband was very well financially stable and rich enough to take care of and provide for the needs of the wife he is about to get married to just before they got married. But a few years down into the marriage the story changed and what seemed more than enough became barely enough for one person not to talk of two and with a marriage that has produced children then we speak of more persons to care for.
Yet in another story I have come across a man with close to nothing in his pocket before getting married, yet a few years into the marriage his fortunes changed and the Lord had mercy on him and birth him in favour such that he is not only able to financially provide for the needs of his family, but also their wants.
So if one of the major reasons why you have decided to marry that man was the weight of his bank account, or his physical build and facial appearance then in that marriage their are no guarantees. At anytime the tables may turn and then what becomes of that marriage? And if this person decides to walk out the marriage for yet another money bag or handsome man and still the tables turn, one will then wonder how many husbands such a woman will have to give herself to before hitting the grave. And what lessons of life will she teach the children she has birth into the world?
But when you look beyond your ideal standard, and let God make you and place you in the life of the fitting husband He has created you for, then you are guaranteed of peace and comfort in that marriage. Once I came across the picture of my husband 19years ago when we first met, I looked at the picture and then looked at a more recent picture of his and wondered how he has evolved from the less than appealing man he was then, to the very handsome man he has grown to become. A lot of ladies have made advances at my husband in the recent past years, and I wondered if they would have done the same 19years ago.
But for me, it was not the money he had, because he didn't have much at the time we met up till the time we married. But I prayed to God because I didn't want to make a mistake in marriage. I never had any set standard for a prospective husband, I just wanted what God wants for me and someone who will make me happy. But with time, in that same one man, I have a husband who now can financially provide for me and our children and who is also good looking physically. All these because I allowed God direct my steps to His choice for me. At that time he didn't seem like one who is an ideal husband for many with high standard, but a lot of ladies see him now and wish they had been married to him.
There is never a time too late for God to shine down on someone reading this, and bless such a person with a loving husband. But you might just miss the choice of God for your life if you allow yourself get blinded by unnecessary setting of standards that you also might never be able to meet using the other persons yardstick. A perfect loving husband, or a perfect loving wife is attainable only with the help of God and not by human standard.

Saturday, 20 September 2014

There Shall Be None Barren In The Land

There are many things I have experienced in life, and a handful of them in my marriage. So that explains my passion for marriages to work as God has planned it to. But one area of life where I lack experience is in the issue of barrenness, as God has blessed me with four wonderful children as a gift in my life. But tonight my heart goes to those who are trusting God for the gift of the womb. It might appear as though I lack experience in this matter, but there is the truth of God over this issue that will never fail if we are wise enough to exercise enough faith to move the hand of God.

Deuteronomy 7:14
You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young. 

Roman 4:18-21
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Just as it is required of us as children of God to have faith in order to receive and retain the blessings and promises of God, so is it required to have faith to receive the promise of the gift of childbirth. So I hope and pray that the Lord will through this post ignite the faith of someone still waiting on God for the gift of children in his/her life and marriage.
If you are yet to be aware of this, in the promised land of God for His children, none of God's men or women should be barren. This is not just a promise from God, but a verdict directly from the throne of God. And so the fact that you are yet to have children is not the expected situation or circumstance in the promised land of God for his children.
Now if God has given a verdict that in the land which He is giving his children as inheritance none of the men or women there shall be barren, then no circumstance or situation can upturn that verdict. And so the only thing stopping you from having that verdict operative in your life and situation is your inability to believe God through to your miracle.
I do not mean to sound insensitive to what those who are in this situation might be going through, but I want us to learn some lessons from what Paul revealed of the situation of Abraham in the book of Roman 4:18-21. I might not have experienced the situation in my life, but there it is in the Bible. One important fact that Abraham did not deny was that his body was dead and his wife's womb was equally dead. But there was something that was not dead in Abraham's case and that was his faith in the promise he had received from God.
Abraham knew one truth which kept him going as he waited on God for the gift that was promised to him. And that truth is: God has the power to do what he has promised. Just as Abraham knew that truth about God, so will I encourage all those who are waiting on God for the same gift as Abraham was, to have the same truth at the center of their mind; that for God to give a verdict that no man or woman shall be without a child in the land, He the Lord has the power to fulfill that verdict.

Number 23:19
God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfil?

The passage above was the basis with which Abraham believed. He knew that God will not promise what He will not fulfil and neither will God speak when He does not intend to act. And so Abraham against all hope believed in God. He understood the facts on ground yet he knew he had a truth that far outweighs the fact about him. He had a promise from God that will never fail, because the God who had promised had the power to make good His promise.
There are some fact that might have been revealed to you about the conditions surrounding your inability to bear children. Those facts cannot and will not be denied, but there is also a truth contained in the verdict of God that there shall be none barren in the land. One thing is very sure in this matter, the truth far outweighs the facts, but until you believe that truth and hold on to that truth you will not receive the gains of that truth. Abraham believed and so became the father of many nations, and so if you dare to believe you will have your quiver full of arrows as sons will also be born to you in your youth.

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

The Wife And Her Unmotivated Husband

The Lord God said that it is not good for the man to be alone, and so He made a fitting/suitable help for the man in the person of a woman and then brought her to the man to be his wife (Genesis 2:18-25). Since I began to understand the full meaning of this passage, I knew that I had a very important role to play in the life of my husband and an assignment to fulfill for God in my husband's life.
Noting that God did not specify the aspects of a man's life where the wife would be required to come in and help, then it means that in every area of a man's life where help is required, the suitable/fitting help that God has made and provided for him in the person of his wife is to come in and help in accordance to the plan and purpose of God for marriage.
But then for the purpose of this blog post, how is a wife expected to handle and deal with a lazy or better put, an unmotivated husband? Mindful of the fact that the wife is suppose to help her husband but definitely not to assume his responsibilities as her. Some men who understand their roles and responsibilities as the head of the home, who have been assigned by God to lead the family unit and shepherd the family unit in every way, are self-motivated and as such strife to meet up with what God has assigned them to do for their family.
But not all are self-motivated. As a matter of fact some men take comfort in the fact that if they do not carry out their assignment, their wives will take up these roles. This happens the most in cases of financing for the home. Quite a handful of men rest on this particular responsibility on their lives due to the fact that they know that their wives have good jobs, or earn good income and as such they do not have to strife just as hard to make money for the family as the money required for the home is already provided for by their wives.

1 Timothy 5:8
If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 

2 Thessalonians 3:7-10
For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone's food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, labouring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." 

The passage above shows the expectations of God from the shepherd of God over a family unit. Looking up the meaning of the word shepherd from the dictionary, I found this meaning that really relates to what this blog post is all about.One of the definitions of the word shepherd says "a person who protects, guides or watches over a person or group of people." So if the man is regarded as the shepherd of the family unit, that confers on him the responsibility of the one who protects, guides or watches over the family. In the course of doing all these, he needs to be the one who provides for the family too. So it is not strange when Paul said in 1 Timothy 5:8 that a man who does not provide for his relatives, especially his immediate family has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Such a man is not working or operating according to the plan of God for the family. He is deliberately running away from his God given assignment.
But even to this man described above, a wife has been assigned to him as a suitable help. What role is the wife to play in the life of this man? Is she to assume his role of the shepherd of the family or try to motivate him to assume his God assigned responsibility?
These questions are what I trust God to help us answer through this blog post. 1). The wife is a helpmeet and not the original burden carrier. She to assist the man in fulfilling his responsibility and not to assume the responsibility herself. 2). She cannot neglect the identified problem in her husband's life as one who lacks motivation and the will to fulfill his God given assignment as one who provides for his family. 3). She can try to motivate her husband, but for a hardened man who is not willing to change, she will be seen as one who nags rather than one who is wanting to help. So the wife can be seen as one who is at a loose at what to do.
But there is one option that cannot fail the wife who has been saddled with the responsibility to help this man as described above. That one very sure option is prayer. There is no problem that bets the reach of God. And there is no problem that is above God's solution. When a wife is fervent in prayer and holding firmly to God night and day over the identified problem in the life of her husband, it is just a matter of time for God to create an urgency in the life of that man that will awaken him from his slumber and trigger in him the need to raise up and begin to work in fulfilling his God given assignment.
There is no need for you as a wife to loose heart at your husband's nonchalant attitude to life and his responsibility. When you have learnt to pray heard for him, God will awaken in him the need to do that which he is required to do as the head of the family and the shepherd of your home. But while waiting on God, you are also needed to help take care of the needs in the home so that the problems in your family is not visible to the outside world. 
I will want to emphasize at this point that if the husband is genuinely making effort and striving hard to provide for his family but is having some bottlenecks in his effort that it is just ideal for the wife to come into the picture and render support. If she temporarily becomes the sole provider for the family it is okay as long as its still a support role. May the Lord uphold our homes to the glory of His holy name. 

Monday, 8 September 2014

Marriage Investment

The main aim of making investment is to earn profit when considering it in monetary terms. But not all investments are done in monetary form. Parents invest in their children with the hope that the values invested in them will make them better people in future and thus produce for the parents children that can take care of them in their old age or at least give them some form of peace and less to worry about when they are old and grey. Also people ought to invest in marriage, and these investments are bound to yield returns for the one who has made the investment. The important truth is that no investment made is useless, because even the so-called bad investments have lessons attached to them that should be learnt to prevent future mistakes and makes the investor wiser.
But in this blog post I want us to look at Marriage Investment. What you put into your marriage determines what you get from it, and also the amount of investment you put into your marriage determines the value of reward or returns it yields to you. So to say that if you invest little into your marriage, you should not expect a bountiful harvest from it. And also if you have not made any investment at all into your marriage, then you should not complain when are not receiving the dividends of marriage. What you put in is what comes back to you.
First I want the women to consider this issue of marriage investment, the instruction that God gave to the woman is to be a suitable helper to the husband. The help that is required, suitable, fitting and ideal for the man in all of his life's challenges is what the Lord has called the wife to be in the life of her husband. The woman has not been called into marriage to sit as a beauty queen and expect to be waited upon. Rather in addition to the fact that she is to help her husband overcome the challenges of his life, she is also assigned by God to build her home. These are the investment the Lord expects the wife to put into her marriage for which she is to be and should expect to be rewarded.

Proverbs 31:10-31
10A wife of noble character who can find? she is worth far more than rubies.  11Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from from afar. 15She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16She considers a field and buys it; out of her earning she plants a vineyard. 17She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19In her hands she holds the distaff and grasp the spindle with her fingers.
20She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seats among the elders of the land. 24She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29"Many do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.


Proverbs 10:10-31 the passage above, detailed out the expectations from the wife of noble character, these are some of the investments expected to be made by the woman into her marriage. And for these investments made, the Bible says she is to receive the well deserved reward that she has earned.

Ephesians 5:22
22Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1-2
1Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of their lives.


Colossians 3:18
18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

The instruction of God in the passages above, commanding the wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord is another form of investment in marriage that deserves a reward and for which reward is earned. Obedience to any and every command of God is an investment made, and no investment made in the things of God goes without it's reward/profit in whatever way we wish to view it.
Been a suitable helper to your husband as the Lord has designed marriage to be at the beginning is an investment made into marriage. It is the fulfilling of God's command that will surely be rewarded when done truly and in accordance to God's will and purpose.
It's not just the woman that is expected to make investments in marriage. Though I always discuss marriage issues mostly in the direction of what is expected of the wives, but the husbands also have big roles to play in the matter. The man who is expecting to reap the dividends of marriage should know for sure that he needs to invest something. And just as it is with the wives so it is with the husbands. The quantity and quality of what you should expect out of your marriage depends on the quality and quantity of what you have invested in it. If you have put little into your marriage, then you should expect little in return. And if you have invested much in that marriage it is just natural that you should expect much from it.

Ephesians 5:25-28
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Colossians 3:19
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.


1 Peter 3:7
7Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.


In these passages are some of the investments that God expects of a man in marriage. He has been instructed to love, be considerate and treat with respect the wife that God has blessed his life with. One important thing for the men to note is that the love referred to here is not just ordinary love, it is the unconditional love that overlooks all wrongs, forgives unconditionally and one that makes the man ready to die for his wife just in the manner in which Christ loves the church. That is the love we are talking about here, that is the investment that God expects the man to make in his marriage.
Investments are like seed sown, for them to germinate they need to be nurtured, water, and cared for to grow. When a farmer plants a seed, he just does not abandon it, but he watches over his seed, he waters the plant, and tries to remove the unwanted weeds that are growing alongside his plant. So also we need to watch over our marriage investment so as not to labour in vain. We need to pray heaven down into our homes and marriages alongside the investments made. We need to invite and retain the Presence of God in our homes and marriages.
When making your investments, don't grumble when your spouse isn't responding favourably at the beginning. Seeds take time to grow and investments takes time to yield results. Beware of negative thoughts within you and also watch and war against external influences that might want to grow and crush the seed of your investments before the harvest is ripe.
Marriage is a beautiful thing. An institution that is worth investing in. No man should be alone, and no man should live in misery of marriage, but you should be ready to invest in marriage to be able appreciate and enjoy the full joy of marriage. I just saw a quote on google by Amy Grant that says "The more you invest in marriage, the more valuable it becomes." With this I totally agree, and I believe you share the same agreement too.

Friday, 5 September 2014

The Sacrifice Of A Wife

I was driving and listening to a radio station that was airing a program with a very interesting topic. It was a call-in discussion on a specific issue on marriage. Although I didn't get to hear the topic on which the program was based, but from what I heard of what was discussed I realized it is a discussion worth seeking the face of God on.
The thread of discussion I was able to gather was based on women who had given up their dreams in pursuit of the family dreams and in the process had bottled up resentment that turned into rage or better still anger overtime. And as would be expected of bottled up emotions it results in outburst.So I felt this would be worth discussing on this blogsite. As mentioned in some of my earlier blog posts, my blog posts in times to come will feature a lot of topics on marriages.
So as women, how do we handle situations whereby we have to give up our dreams and aspirations for the sack of our family's needs or even wants? Giving up our own dreams in order to run our husband's race with them?
To start with, I am also finding myself in that same situation, and I can tell you that a lot of women are in one way or the other having to give up something precious that sometimes might be in the form of a dream or life's pursuit just on concentrate effort on the success of their family. But how to make this sacrifice and not have bottled up emotions that will result in any form of outburst that might endanger the peace of the marriage and home is what I will trust God to help us realize through this blog post.
Based on the account of marriage in Genesis 2:18-25, the primary assignment from God to the woman is to be a suitable helper to her husband, but this does not in any way prevent her from having dreams and pursuing after her dreams. But the way and manner with which she handle her dreams go a long way to tell how far she will be able to realize those dreams.
As a child of God, when you are making effort in pleasing God in the assignment He has laid on your hands of which one of them is your marriage, then you can be sure the Lord will also make efforts in pleasing you on the issue of the desires of your heart.
Having bottled up emotions on your pending dreams and desires is dangerous to your marriage. One truth that we should know and always remind ourselves of, is that no matter how much we want to blame our spouses for these pending dreams, it ultimately not their call, but God's call with your cooperation. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed," all those beautiful dreams of yours will only be made successful by the Lord and not your spouse.

Psalm 37: 5-6
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Learn this secret today about your dreams, aspirations and wants; first commit those dreams to the Lord in prayer, never mind whether you discuss them with your husband or not, first discuss them with God and lay bare before Him what it is you are planning to do.
Secondly, take time to please God. Get busy doing something meaningful for the Lord that truly deserves a reward. Remember it is God you are doing it for and not man. The aim is to please God in what you are doing. One act of reverence for God is reverence for your husband. You show forth the hand of God in your life when you show reverence to your husband. You should also make every effort at working towards building a peaceful and beautiful home. This is one assignment that God has given the woman to do. Wise women build homes. And a wife of noble character is the crown of her husband's life. These works are worth all the reward that God has to offer for them.

Proverbs 21:30-31
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

The book of Proverbs 31:10-31 says so much about the wife of noble character and all she gets to do as a woman who fears the Lord. And just at the end of the passage it speaks of her deserving a reward. So when you desire your dreams coming to pass, get into the business of pleasing the Lord by making effort at being the wife of noble character that God has called you to be. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." In truth there is a reward for the work you have done.
As a wife I have many dreams that I have had to put on hold because of my family. Some of my dreams I have shared with my husband and most of the time his views are always very different from mine as he does not appreciate my own aspirations. But that has not stopped me from dreaming, neither has it caused me having negative bottled up emotions for my husband. In fact he shares more of his dreams and goals with me more than I share mine and I have had to agree in line with him even when I see things differently because I have learnt about the power of unity.
But more than I speak with man, I commit my dreams and desires into the hands of God. Several times my husband has gone against my desires because he does not appreciate what I am working towards but eventually overtime has comes to adopt my method and often times he has been the instrument God has used in fulfilling my desires that I have prayed about.
It's okay to put your dreams on hold as a sacrifice for your family for the meantime, but its not fulfilling to give up on your dreams. It's also not good and healthy to have bottled up anger towards your spouse because of unfulfilled dreams, because the realization of your dreams is not a factor determined by him in the long run. He can only make you feel good or bad about your dreams. It's just his encouragement that will be missing. Learn the secret of engaging God in your pursuits and be patient for Him to bring to reality that which you have prayed to Him for. He alone makes all things beautiful in His time.







Monday, 1 September 2014

The Leaving & Uniting In Marriage

I thank God for another beautiful opportunity to share the word of God to inspire and give hope to someone somewhere needing hope today. I bless God for the month gone by and the grace to see another beautiful month. And I pray that the word that will be shared on this blog today will make a positive impact in the lives of many to the glory of God.
I will be sharing someone's experience in my post today and I pray many will learn a thing or two from it.
A couple who have been married for over 10years need to help a family member needing somewhere to stay for sometime. Because the one in need is a family member, this couple felt obliged to welcome him and his wife into their home. Along the line what was suppose to be a brief stay was gradually turning into weeks and eventually into months.
With time the visiting couples were constituting a nuisance in the home of their host couple. They offer not much assistance in the home, and take too much advantage of the hospitality shown to them not caring in any way how the house is kept clean and other house chores. In fact they wait for their laundry to be done for them.  They became too comfortable and where beginning to feel like co-owners of the home. There was no word from them to their host on any progress made on their mission to the city and no feedback to their host on how much longer they needed to stay in order to complete what they came into town to accomplish. With time the host couple began to feel uncomfortable in their own home and so resolved to spend as much time in the confines of their bedroom to avoid contact with their over-stayed visitors and thus avoid any confrontation that might result from the frustration they feel at the unplanned intrusion in their home. What started as a kind gesture was growing to be a thing of regret, yet they don't know for how much longer they have to cope with the situation in their hands.
This story I believe is happening to not just the person I know, but too many couples who are at a loss as to how to deal with external interference in their homes. This external interference in marriages is not just restricted to relatives coming to stay over, but friends and family trying to interfere and dominate the marriage. They want to give advise and insisting that their so called advise be followed and adhered to. This also comes up with parents and parents in-laws, and so we will trust the Lord to help understand how to deal with situations like this.

Genesis 2:24(NKJV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 19:4-5
And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?

There are two important things that must take place in every successful marriage, and they are: 1) the leaving and 2) the joining or uniting. For every couple who has learnt the secret of leaving and joining for their marriage, they are working along the path of God's design for marriage at the beginning.
From the beginning when God designed marriage, he designed that all family relations be left behind on the journey of matrimony and the husband firmly unites with his wife. If for any reason a man unites with his wife without first leaving his father and mother and his household behind it will not be long before strife crops up its ugly head in such a home. And same applies to the woman.
I have come to realize that the calling of man to the journey of matrimony is very similar to the call of God in the life of Abraham. And just in the same way we see God call Abraham in Genesis 12, to leave his father's household, take his wife Sarah and begin a journey to a place where only God knows. This journey was supposed to be a journey of separation, but for some unknown reason Abraham embarked on that journey with Lot his nephew. This journey was supposed to be a journey of blessing as the Lord had pronounced blessings on Abraham along with the call.
But not long into that journey in Genesis 13, there began a quarrel between Abraham's herdsmen and Lot's herdsmen. The land was not able to support Abraham and Lot together (Genesis 13:5-7). And that is exactly what happens when you carry with you the relations and father and mother that the Lord has asked you to leave behind into your marriage. The home that is meant for you and your wife on the journey of matrimony filled with blessings and the favour of God (Proverbs 18:22) becomes insufficient for you, your wife and your relations. With time strife and quarrel will start. If this is not recognized early and checked quickly, it destroys the home and marriage.
Either the wife is caught between her family and her husband, or the husband is caught between his wife and his family. If you as the wife is not wise enough to let go of your family in order to hold onto and unite with your spouse, you miss out on God's design and purpose for your marriage. There is never a portion in the Bible where God permitted external interference in the marriage union, there is a leaving and then a uniting/joining to happen for a successful marriage. Jesus said in Matthew 19:6b that "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
As a man, no matter how right your mother or father maybe, once their interference in your marriage is causing a strife in your home, then it is time to leave them behind and face the business of your marriage squarely, letting God direct your steps as to how to make a success of your marriage. Also as a wife, once your relation/s that have come to seek temporary accommodation under your roof are beginning to turn you and your spouse into prisoners in your own home, then its time to politely and with good respect show them the door. You can assist in providing alternative accommodation that will not infringe on the peace and comfort of your home as long as you can afford it, but you should not compromise the peace and comfort of your marriage for any external influence in the name of family, relations or friends. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus name.
Before I close on this, I want to state that you owe your family respect, and this should be duly paid for in full. In the bid to shield your marriage and home from their interference, do not be rude to them or show disrespect. But politely make it clear to all that your marriage and home is not a public affair. The Lord will bless you as you make every effort to make your marriage a success.

Friday, 22 August 2014

The Essence Of Showing Respect To Your Spouse (2)

I am so very glad to be sharing the word of God again this beautiful morning. It's worth all the praises we can give to God to be alive again today. Today's post will be a continuation of the last post a shared on the essence of couples showing respect to one another. By the grace of God the last post was directed to the women, but its not that the Lord does not require the men to show respect to their wives, so in today's write-up I will trust God to open the hearts of men to the need to show respect to their wives.

1 Peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.


In truth, the word of God is always balanced. The Lord created the man and also the woman and He is not bound to favour one gender above the other. So when He gives an instruction to one gender requisite to fulfilling their assignment effectively, He gives also the other gender instructions requisite to fulfilling their assignment effectively.
In the passage above, the Lord will want the husbands in the same way to be considerate and treat their wives with respect. When we look at the instruction God gave through Peter, He wants the husband to be considerate with their wives and treat them with respect, and then He gave the instruction through Paul that the husbands should love their wives in the manner in which Christ loved the church. From these two passages, we can now conclude that the kind of respect the Lord requires from the husband to his wife is one raped up in love.
It is important for the husbands to realize and understand that their wives are the personification of God's favour in their lives. Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from God." So when as a man you understand that your wife is the symbol of God's favour in your life, you will learn to value her more, your will learn to be considerate with her and respect her and you will learn to love her. Doing these things over time will develop in you a sense of great value for your wife that you will be willing to give yourself for her just as Christ gave Himself for the church.
Do you desire a change in the character and attitude of your wife? Try show her some love and respect and with the hand of God on your effort, it will not be long before you start to see some changes in her. I have heard it said that women have the gift of multiplying whatever seed that has being sown in them. When you learn to saw the seed of love and respect in your wife then you should expect to reap a harvest of greater love and respect from her.
Peter concluded that verse by saying "so that nothing will hinder your prayers," and this appears to me as a warning for the men to show that failure to be considerate and treat their wives with respect can lead to God not paying attention to their prayers.
This same warning is seen in the book of Malachi 2:13-14 "Another thing you do: You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, 'Why?' It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant." It really looks to me that God is not taking this issue lightly at all. God requires that the husband will treasure his wife and this should be evident in the way and manner in which he shows her love and respect. Failure to do this will make the Lord turn His face from the man.
When I wrote the post for the women two days ago, I felt the Lord might be asking for a little too much from the women on this issue of showing deep respect for our husbands. But by the time the Lord opened up His word to me today on what He requires of the man to his wife on the same matter, I kind of feel God is treading softly with us women. We will have it all good when we learn to show our husbands deep respect. It brings great love and peace in the home.
A man will work into his blessings faster and better when he has learnt to treasure God's favour in his life. He becomes a richer man in every area of his life as he shows God his ability to handle well God's first point of favour in his life. May the Lord help us build a home and a relationship that delights His heart.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

The Essence Of Showing Respect To Your Spouse (1)

A beautiful evening to the wonderful people of God. I pray that the Lord will shine down with favour on your and all yours in Jesus Name. It's being a while I wrote on the marriage topic, not that there is nothing to say, but I always have to write as the Spirit of the Lord leads. But I am trusting the Lord that the next few posts on this blog will be an encouragement for married couples.

1 Peter 3:1-2
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

So many women have come to see marriage as a coming together of two individual who they regard as mates and equal partners in the relationship. In as much as I do not wish to comment on the hierarchy of marriage, it is important to emphasize the importance of a wife showing respect to her husband in marriage.
Based on the English Dictionary, the word reverence is defined as 1) a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration, 2) a gesture indicative of deep respect, an obeisance, bow, or curtsy. From what Peter says, the reverence which is a sign or gesture of deep respect from the wife to her husband is a tool in the hands of God in winning over an unbelieving husband to Himself.
Several times women will complain that they are not bound to show respect to a husband who does not respect them in return. I totally agree that respect is earned and cannot be forced, but as a woman of God based on what the Bible is teaching us in the passage above, if by any chance you desire a change of attitude in the life of your husband and wish him to know the Lord and develop a relationship with God, which will in turn develop in him the realization of your value in his life thereby making him love and respect you, then you need to reverence him first, which based on the English dictionary means you need to show him deep respect tinged with awe.
The kind of respect that the Lord demands of the wife to her husband is not just any kind of respect, but deep respect and in fact based on what the dictionary is making us to understand, it is a deep respect that is accompanied with gestures. True, a wife might have developed a great level of closeness with her husband that might not require her to bow or curtsy to him, but still the respect from the wife to her husband should be deep respect.
I have learnt over time to reverence my husband and by the grace of God I have enjoyed the benefits of doing so. I have learnt to treat my husband like a king and he has also grown to see me as his queen. So when he has issues that he needs advise on, he talks to me and in most cases adopts the advise I give to him.
Once I was with a friend who is not a Christian and she heard me talking to my husband over the phone. After a while my husband came to meet me and my friend and she said it was not until she saw my husband that she realised that he was the person I was talking to on the phone. She had thought I was talking to my father noting the level of respect with which I was talking on the phone. She then said, now she has learnt something new in marriage and from that day on she will show better respect to her husband. I so blessed God that day that at least from my attitude I have been able to touch a marriage for the better.
The book of Esther chapter 1 tells the story of how queen Vashti was deposed as queen just by reason of her lack of respect for her husband. You should not expect to be queen in your home when you have not learnt to make your husband the king in the way and manner in which you show him respect. When you have learnt to respect your husband, then you lay a good example for the rest of your household to follow and emulate.
It is only when you have made your husband the king of your territory in your mannerism towards him that you also become the queen of that territory. Also not that the change your desire in your husband will come to be when you have contributed your own input and let God contribute His. May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus Name.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

Achieving The Impossible

Luke 5:1-10
One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret, with the people crowding round him and listening to the word of God, 2he saw at the water's edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. 3He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.
4When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water, and let down the net for a catch.”
5Simon answered, “Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”
6When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. 7So they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.
8When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus' knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10and so were James and John the sons of Zebedee, Simon's partner.
Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don't be afraid; from now on you will catch men.”


A very beautiful morning to the wonderful people of God, I really bless God for my on-line family and pray that the Lord will pay attention to you and grant you the desires of your heart.
In my last post I wrote about my big dream and tried by the special grace of God to encourage all those who dare to have big dreams including myself. It was a post that really encouraged me and I was glad to share those words with someone out there who is also daring to achieve something far bigger than him/her.
The passage above is one that has helped my faith. This passage is loaded with lessons that will turn the lives of those who dare to have faith in God around for the best. Dreaming big is a beautiful thing and you will get encouraged and it's easy to have hope when all is going as planned or anticipated. But that is not the case when everything looks blink and unrealistic and if the one who dreams lack the will to persist to push against all odds to attain and achieve the desired goal then dreaming big becomes a waste of time.
I have learnt a lot of lessons from the passage above which is a very good encouragement for those who have tried hard to work at the realization of their dreams and are already thinking of giving up. Peter was a very good fisherman, he understood the techniques of fishing so well, but on that fateful night, he had tried all that he could based on his own ability but he could not achieve anything.
Just when he was about to give up and retire for the night, the Lord Jesus needed his boat for use. The Bible tells us that Peter was already washing his net which is a sign that he was done with any attempt at his trade for the day. But just at that time Jesus needed to sit in his boat. After the Lord Jesus was done with His sermon He said to Peter "launch into the deep for a catch". In order words, just when Peter was finishing with his own attempt and he had exhausted his own ability, the Lord was coming into the situation and taking Peter through an experience he would never be able to accomplish on his own effort and with his own ability.
The good thing Peter did that is worth emulating was that he obey Jesus. He acknowledge the fact that he could not achieve the goal alone, Luke 5:5 says Simon answered, “Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” But the beautiful thing about the story is that Peter dared to obey Jesus.
Now the lessons I have learnt and will like to share are these:
1) It was not until Peter had tried and was about to give up that the Lord noticed his boat and wanted to make use of it. Had Peter being busy still that night, he will be in the deep waters and his boat will not available for Jesus to use. So I learnt to make myself available for Jesus to use and in doing so, give Him room to help me accomplish my very big and many dreams which I can't achieve based on my ability and effort. Psalm 37:4 says "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
2) Although Peter had worked hard all through the night and caught nothing, yet he obey the Lord as Jesus asked him to let down the net for a catch. So no matter how hard you have tried to make those dreams a reality, there is still an ability that far outweighs your ability. Don't give up, hand that dream over to God and be ready to obey his voice as he directs your steps. He his able to help you make the millions that your limited ability cannot make for you.
3) The Bible tells us that when Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus knees. Falling at the knees of Jesus is a sign of worship, Peter worshipped at the marvelous catch that he would otherwise not have caught by himself. So we should learn to worship and praise God as He opens heaven for us and pours on us the desires of our hearts. Those things we would not have been able to do ourselves. Remember when praises go up, blessing come down.
Proverbs 12:24 says "Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labour", and Proverbs 10:4 says Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. Diligence is not excessive hard work at achieving nothing, but diligence is a persistent hand that does not give up until the goal is reached. But you don't have to work the road alone. Let God lead and you follow and you are sure to achieve more than the catch of fish that Peter caught as a result of obedience to the voice of God.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Dare To Dream Big

A new month has began and with it comes new aspirations and new things to trust and hope in God for. I pray it brings with it a new beginning for many people aspiring new and beautiful beginnings in different areas of their lives.
I pray specially for me and my family as I trust God for something really big and massive which by human standard and my present financial state, appears like a big tall dream, but not so with my God. And I am sure I am not alone in the field of dreaming big and trusting God for massive projects which might be too mighty for them and so I will want to trust God to speak to people like me through this post.

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. 

1 Chronicles 4:9-10
Jabez was more honourable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request. 

Some people profess to be realist because they only limit their dreams to what their realty tells them. They dare not go beyond what their limited capabilities are. For such people, dreaming big is like chasing shadows and burdening themselves with things that they have concluded can never come to pass. And in truth they will not go beyond the limit they have placed themselves in. They have by themselves limited their aspirations and if they are not aspiring it, then they might as well not pursue after it and invariably not get it.
But for someone like me, I dare to dream big. David said in Psalm 16:6 "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance," and such is my confession. Just like David, I will not set my boundary lines close to where I am at the moment, I will allow God set my boundary lines far beyond my present reach such that He will have to hold me up to attain that which He alone can help me attain.
Some things I want to run with as I pursue my giant dreams and same I want to share with someone who like me dares to dream big.

1) I will commit my dreams to the Lord. I will commit what I want to do or better still what I want God to help me do to Him who alone can help me attain my dreams.

2) Then I will sow a seed, no matter how small it may be, towards my dream. Something small that the Lord can breathe on and make big in my hands. Remember the law of seedtime and harvest. The seed might not necessarily be in monetary form, but anything that you can sow, please do sow.

3) I will put myself to the pursuits of my dreams following only after the steps that the Lord will lead me through. Luke 5:1-11 tells the story of Peter and the miraculous catch of fish, and one lesson I learnt in the story is that when Peter obeyed the instruction of Jesus and launched into the deep when Jesus asked him to, he caught fish more than he ever did in his entire life of fishing. So what you are unable to do in your own strength, you can achieve even more when following strictly after the leading of the Holy Spirit.

4) And lastly when I have realized my dreams because with God I surely will, I will not take it for granted. I will acknowledge God who made it happen in my life.

Jabez made a request of the Lord, and just as he asked, same was granted unto him. Nothing was deducted from the request of Jabez. So I tell myself and I tell someone out there that "don't be afraid to dream big, don't be afraid to have huge aspirations, don't set limiting boundaries on yourself." One thing is for sure, when you commit that dream to the Lord, He will make them succeed, because heaven and earth will go away but the word of the Lord will not go without accomplishing that for which it has been sent. If the word says you should commit your plans to God and He will make them succeed, then be sure He will make them succeed irrespective of the time factor. He makes all things beautiful in His own time.


Wednesday, 30 July 2014

The Diligent Hands

Good to share a word with the beautiful people of God again this evening. May the Lord always bless someone with His word shared on this blog in Jesus Name.
The last post I shared was a little reawakening word for us on the issue of time as we come to the realization that this year is fast approaching its end. For some, quite a lot of expectations have been met, while for others there are still a handful of issues to wait on God for and I pray that you will not wait on the Lord in vain because those who put their trust in God are never put to shame.

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.

Proverbs 12:11
He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgement.

Proverbs 12:24
Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labour.

Proverbs 10:4
Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.

By the grace of God, I am trusting the Lord to speak to someone through today's post on the importance of not giving up. When you read through the words of Solomon in the passages quoted, one would have interpreted diligent in those passages to mean hard work, since it is used in direct contrast to laziness. But I am persuaded to check up the meaning of diligent from the dictionary. So I found diligent to mean the following: (1) Constant in effort to accomplish something: attentive and persistent in doing anything. (2) Done or pursued with persevering attention; painstaking.
With this truth in mind, let us consider the words of Solomon again. First it says "diligent hands will rule" and second, it says, "diligent hands  bring wealth." So we have two things that are synonymous to diligence and they are wealth and leadership. These are the two end gains of those who are diligent in the work they do. They will be able to gather wealth and rule in their field of work.
Now one thing we need to bear in mind is that diligent hands are not working hard hands, but they are hands who do not relent but persist in their pursuit and persevere when they meet obstacles in the way of their dreams until they reach their goal.
If one works so hard but gets tired along the way and gives up the pursuits, they are not guaranteed of the end result or goal of their pursuit because they did not see it through to the end. Don't work as though it is a crime to rest, but that you pursue your dreams and work at your goal one step at a time, not giving up but learning from your mistakes and be ready and willing to try again.
One secret that can help you become diligent with your work is when you work at it as if you were working for the Lord. When you make God the boss of your work, it enables you work with all your heart. It also keeps you going when you come across obstacles and feel like giving up.
I do not advocate that a man overworks himself, but in the pursuit of your dreams, be persistent, be committed, learn to persevere and lastly be attentive. The word of God will never lie, if you put all these attributes to your work, surely it will bring you wealth and you will rule in the field of your expertise because by the time you approach the finish line you would have learnt enough to make you a master of your trade.
Just as I share this, I also learn from it and will not give up on my dreams.


Saturday, 26 July 2014

The Time Factor

Good morning beautiful people of God, I trust the Lord that we've all had a wonderful week, now it weekend again. It's so nice when we eagerly wait for the weekend to come and we can relax and rest from the busy schedule of the week gone by. But in as much as we look forward to the weekend, one important truth is that time is ticking and the days are going by.
Not too long ago it seemed like, that we began the year 2014, and today we have gone past half of the year and the month of July is rolling to an end. In no time at all the year 2014 will be regarded as history. As time is ticking and moving fast, our individual journey on earth is also marching on. Our days of existence is moving, and the question that we need to always remind ourselves of is if we are making good use of our time.
The Bible tells us that we should learn to number our days, that we might apply our hearts to wisdom. That tells us the importance of being conscious of time and making the most of it. Time is a factor that is very independent of all other factors. It does not recognize anyone and respects no-one. Those who have used their time wisely have the rewards to show for it, while those who are yet to take full advantage of time as a factor are still in the business of foolishness of envying those who use their time wisely and they are busy criticizing other people's success.
One truth that I have found out with the time factor is that it can be easily neglected, and in some cases totally disregarded to our own detriment and disadvantage. Also it so happens that very unnecessary and unimportant issues can so easily steal our time away while we are not watching and if we do not check this quickly we might have lost very valuable opportunities that life holds for us.
Time is so valuable that it should not be spent chasing shadows. In pursuing your genuine and godly dreams, don't waste any time on failed projects. Be wise enough to recognize your mistakes early and make necessary corrections before the factor called time runs off with your valuable opportunities.
If you are one who is lazy and unconscious of time, then you need not complain when hunger and lack becomes your trademark. Proverbs 10:4-5 says "Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands brings wealth. He who gathers crops in summer is a wise son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son." This passage shows me something interesting and that is: there is a time factors attached to wealth. So diligent hands doing the right things at the right time are assured of wealth. You can't sleep during harvest (harvest time and time factor) and expect to gather wealth. So if you have not invested your time in doing something productive, then you should not expect to earn returns on work not done.
So if we have spent the first seven months of the year not being conscious of time and putting our time into productive purpose, then its time to make a change. The Lord will bless the work of our hands, and the crops of our field, He will also bless our kneading trough and so many other promises found in Deuteronomy 28:1-13. But one thing the Lord will not bless is our waste of time.