Matthew 19:4-5
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female', and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?
Ephesians 5:31
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh"
Genesis 2:24
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
A lot of times I see things in the Bible that somehow appears as a mystery and I always want to know why it is so. Of such mystery is the very continuous emphasis on the fact that a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife in marriage. Noting that a man can remain under the tutelage of his parents and still get married is very much as possible situation. I am sure you will agree with me that a man can still be living under his father's roof and watch and take a woman in as his wife is not an impossibility. But when God designed marriage at the very beginning he designed it such that a man will totally be removed from his father and mother and then be united to his wife.
When we take a look at the word leave as it is continuously mentioned in the issue of marriage in the Bible we will have the following words as similar in meaning or close alternative for leave: go away, depart, abscond, run off and disappear. And so what the Lord says about marriage is that "a man will go away from, abscond from, depart from, run off from and disappear from his father and mother and then be united with his wife."
The interference of a man's close relatives and loved ones in his marriage has also been one of the hidden problems that marriages face from time to time. As it applies to the man, so is it with the woman/wife. The unity of the man is with his wife and not with his wife and her mother, father, sisters, brothers, cousins and any other form of relative.
I have experienced and also heard of a lot of damages that relatives either intentionally of otherwise have caused in the marriages of their children or loved ones. A man who loves his parents so much is naturally caught between satisfying their request and that of his wife. For some parents who are overtly domineering, its always a big problem for their children because such parents will always want their voices heard and their commands and instructions obeyed whether it suits their children's marriage situation or not. As far as they are concerned they know best. A daughter or son in-law who does not give in to their dominance becomes a bad egg that must be thrown out fast, such an in-law is not good enough for their child or ward.
In order to have a clear picture of why the Lord wants the man and his wife to leave father and mother behind as they unite and start a new life together, I will like us to consider the call of God on the life of His man Abraham. I have seen a lot of similarities in the call of God for Abraham and that of every man into marriage.
In Genesis 12, we will read about how God called Abraham to a life of separation telling him to leave his father's household and go to a place where the Lord will show him. Abraham left as the Lord instructed in the company of his wife Sarah and his nephew Lot. Although Abraham obeyed the Lord but with one tiny disobedience, and that is, he took just one tiny extra luggage with him which he was supposed to have left behind and that was his nephew Lot.
By the time the story got to Genesis 13, Abraham had grown in property and wealth and so did Lot, as he shared in the blessings of Abraham. But the land then grew insufficient for both of them to co-exist, Lot's herdsmen and Abraham herdsmen began to quarrel over pasture land for their cattle and they had to part ways. This same land was the promised land that the children of Israel would eventually inherit, yet it was insufficient for Lot and Abraham.
In the same manner that home that the Lord has established for the man and his wife will eventually become insufficient when the mothers and fathers begin to co-exist with the man and his wife and so with time quarrels will start. The Lord that designed the home at the beginning designed it for the man and his wife alone. Not with the man's father and mother or the wife's father and mother, but for the man and his wife alone.
Our parents, siblings, cousins and all other loved ones we have, have been placed by God in our lives for a purpose and He wants us to always love them and care for them. 1 Timothy 5:8 teaches a man to provide for his relatives, and this includes all the loved one I have mentioned. But when it comes to the marriage issue, they are to remain outside the unity of the man and his wife. As the Lord said, the man and his wife are to leave these loved ones behind as they unite in matrimony. They are extra luggage that are not essential for the journey ahead. Ecclesiastes 4:12b tells us that "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." This cord I believe represents the man, his wife and the Lord Jesus Christ.
In the real sense we might need to borrow wisdom from our parents as we journey on in marriage, but we need to know and understand when to draw the line and how far they are allowed to interfere in our marriages. As for the parents, this message has not undermined your guardian role over your children, but the control you are able to exert on them reduces drastically when they have grown enough to head a home themselves or be a suitable help to a man in themselves. At this point the head of the man is Christ and the head of the woman is her husband (1 Corinthian 11:3).
Proverbs 22:6 says "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." If as a parent you have been able to train your child well in the way he/she is to go just as the passage above says, then when they are grown enough to marry you can be rest assured that your child is well prepared for his/her matrimonial journey in life with God watching over them, and your mind can be at rest as you carry on your own journey fulfilling your divine assignment to your spouse and to God.
In many occasions married couples have been burden with the over-bearing influence of parents and guardians on decisions of their homes, while not wanting to hurt their feelings or appear disobedient or rude. I understand that situation well because I have been their before, but when you know the truth of God's design for your marriage you are able to take a firm stand on issues of your home without being rude or confrontational to external interference. You also need to stand onthe truth of God's words and pray off any external interference that might be affecting your home even with good intentions. The Lord is able to and will help you uphold your home and marriage, just keep on calling to Him, He will show up.
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