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Wednesday, 15 November 2017

When Submission Goes Wrong

Hello people, I trust you are doing very great. This year is rounding up and indeed we are grateful to be alive to praise the living God. I want to apologize that my next series of blog post will not be accompanied by its voice version owing to the fact that editing the voice version takes a lot of time and delays the blog post. But by the grace of God, I will resume the voice when there is less pressure.
Today’s post is what I want to title “When Submission Goes Wrong.” There are a lot of wives who say they have submitted and regretted doing so as they have lost all that they worked for to submission with absolutely no returns to them. They are worse off after submission than they were before submitting. To these ones submission is more of a curse than a blessing.
Some other category of wives say they have submitted to their husbands, and rather than the husband loving and respecting them in return, he has turned back to treat them like a glorified housemaid rather than a suitable helper that God has provided for him that should be loved and respected like God has instructed the man.
Then we have men who now take undue advantage of that God given instruction to the wives to manipulate their wives and force control over them. Men who would ask their wives to work and submit her salary in his account as her head all because God says the wife should submit to her husband. They have absolutely forgotten that God who gave the wife the instruction to submit also gave the husband the instruction to love and respect his wife as himself and as Christ loves the church. Like the word of one of my big sisters in the Lord, submission in marriage has been grossly bastardized.
So we will be looking at these issues and trust God to open our hearts and eyes of understanding that we might be able to differentiate between the true instructions of God in marriage and the lies of the devil. We will learn also from some true life issues that we will use to understand these things better. This discussion will take more than just a blog post, so I will encourage you to follow the series.
In today’s post we will discuss the issues of the wives who grossly regret submission in marriage owing to the fact that they submitted all and then lost all. The first thing we need to understand is that God’s law is perfect, and when you follow the law of the Lord through the help of the Holy Spirit you cannot and will not have any regret. The Bible says flesh and blood cannot please God so we need the Spirit of God in us to enable us do the will of God for our lives.
Submission in marriage is not slavery, and submission in marriage does not translate to the fact that the wife should lose her brain in the bid to submit to her husband. If a wife didn’t need a brain and she only needs to think and rationalize issues through the brain of her husband, then God would have created the woman brainless. But He didn’t create women brainless because our intelligent contribution in marriage is very vital to the success of that marriage.
One important thing that needs to be highlighted and emphasized in marriage is that there is a difference between reluctant obedience/compliance to the husband’s instruction and a willful consent to the husband’s instruction. God who sees the heart and mind judges all based on the heart and mind. We as humans are limited to seeing only actions, but God sees and understands the intent of the heart and the motive behind every action and so because He does not as we see, He doesn’t judge as we judge.
These analysis is what was behind God defending Sarah in her submission Genesis 12:10-17 and in Genesis 20, and then judging and killing Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11. There is a difference between agreeing with your husband on a course of action such that you buy into the idea and you think his idea is good for execution from when you don’t buy into the idea and not agreeing with what he wants you to do, but you pray and do it anyway because God says you should submit.    
Submission in marriage is not a ticket to sin. When your husband's instruction is a sin, then as a child of God who has developed a relationship with God, you need to run to God in prayer and seek his intervention in the matter before going ahead to join your husband in sin. If you don't hear from God go ahead and submit, but not without first letting God know that the action does not have your willful consent in it. This is the difference between Sarah and Sapphira. But when your husband instructs you to sin and you don't see the action as sin or he has been able to convince you to buying into the idea then it is no longer submission, it has become an agreement to sin, you and your husband have become partners in crime. If the consequences of those actions begin to manifest don't blame it on submission, own up to your sin and seek God for forgiveness. 
If your husband comes home to let you in on a fraudulent deal he did in his office and then you both rejoiced for the money that came and even thanked God for it, then you are both partners in crime. If he gives you part of that money and you took it and spent it that is not submission any more.   
Let me use a simple example to illustrate what I am trying to get across: A young couple are faced with a pregnancy they didn’t want or plan for. The economic situation at that time was very tough and they already had two children they were struggling to take care of and now the wife is pregnant again. In one case scenario, the husband was able to convince the wife that they should abort the pregnancy and they can properly plan for a baby when they are more economically buoyant and have enough for a new baby. So the wife thought it through and even though she was scared of the thought of having an abortion she still understood and agreed that they can’t afford to have the baby at that time. The husband succeeded in resting her fears that he would stand by her side all through the process and there was nothing to fear. He promised to take her to a very good hospital to get the abortion done and so she fully agreed and he drove her to the hospital and they went for the abortion. In this case there was full agreement between the husband and the wife for an abortion to take place and abortion eventually took place. This is not a case of a wife submitting to her husband, but a case of a wife being in agreement with her husband to do wrong. If God would judge this case, both the husband and wife are culpable and both are punishable. The wife cannot claim submission in this case before God, even if she claims submission before man. 
But in another scenario; the husband claimed he didn't want another baby and even though the wife understood her husband’s reluctance, she pleads with him that abortion is a sin before God and even though she didn't want a baby at that time also and she knew that economically they couldn't afford another baby in the family, she acknowledges that God was more powerful than their problems. But with all her pleading to her husband, he still insisted that she gets an abortion. Then she goes to God in prayers asking God to come into the situation and take control. She prays that God should soften her husband’s heart to accept the situation they are faced with while not fighting her husband or insisting on her own way, she prayed God will come through for her. 
If this woman eventually got the abortion in submission to her husband's instruction, the blood of that child would be on her husband’s head because God sees her heart and knows her intention and motive. 
This is where we differentiate submission from willful consent. No wife will get a gallon of acid and bath herself with it because her husband asked her to and she is following the Bible in submission. If you as a wife see that your husband is going wrong, the Bible isn’t saying you should join him in wrong doing just so that you submit. What God expects is that you bring such daring situation to Him in prayers without being confrontational with your husband and He (God) will do in that situation what you cannot do.
I have shared my story on this blog so many times and when I was going through my own experiences they seemed tough at that time, but today that I am made to speak life to marriages through this blog I understand better what the Lord had in mind when He made me go through the tough experiences of that time.
When I got married I was earning more than 10times what my husband earned then and he demanded control of my income which I didn’t like. I struggle with that kind of submission but I carried my case to God. The Lord re-enforced His word to me that I should submit which I didn’t have a choice but to obey. Today my husband earns more than 10times what I earned then, and I am a full-time housewife now earning no income. If I had not obeyed the word of God then, I would have had myself to blame if my husband treated me badly now that he earns more because he would be justified in himself for repaying me back in my own coin.
I appreciate that we can’t generalize marriage issues and it’s important to treat and handle each marriage issue in its own merit like my big sister in the Lord would always say. Unity in marriage is very vital, and you need to be in agreement with your husband for marriage to succeed and for you to enjoy the dividends of marriage, but don't agree on wrong doing; don't agree to sin and don't agree in doing evil before God; don't be a willful accomplice in sinning and then hold God and His law responsible for your sins. As a wife you are not designed by God to agree to your husband's sins and wrong doings in the name of submission, but you are his suitable helper to help him become better and become all that God has designed and destined him to be by the power of the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus. 
When you don't agree with your husband on issues don't go confrontational with your him but just pray and when things don't go the way you think they should go, just let them be. God expects that you bring all the issues of your life to Him to solve for you, He understands that you can't handle them alone. When submission is tough, pray but don’t go confrontational. Ask the Lord for His intervention and leading. Don’t compromise your stand in God because you want to submit, yet don't be a nagging and quarrelsome wife because of your belief. Let the purity and reverence of your life be a tool in the hands of God in drawing your husband to Himself.  
In the second scenario of the story of the pregnant wife that I shared earlier, the wife who was reluctant to have the abortion but asked the Lord for His intervention had God's intervention because God came through for her. The Lord softened the heart of the husband and he agreed that his wife should have the child as their third and last child. On the day the wife was to have their baby, the husband got a call from the company he had applied to several months earlier, while at the labor ward with his wife expecting the arrival of their second son and third child, for him to come collect the appointment letter for a job he had applied for but didn’t believe they would take him. That job changed their financial status and they in fact had a fourth child and still grew in wealth.
Reluctant submission is very different willful agreement, do not let your husband talk you into disobeying the will of God for your life. The devil is crafty and can use anyone, even your husband to derail you, don’t fall for it. Let your light so shine that it draws your husband to Jesus. When your husband is leading you off from the will of God, don’t be confrontational, let it not lead to an argument, hold your peace and pray, God will show up. 

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Monday, 6 November 2017

Being the Head is a Big Responsibility

To Listen to the voice version of this post, please click on the link below

Hello wonderful people, I trust you are doing great today. I am doing great too and I bless the Lord for your lives and mine.
We can’t exhaust learning, and learning on marriage issues is just so important. And so we will try to learn from a story that I will share in today’s post.
There is this beautiful young lady married to a wonderful husband. She happens to be the breadwinner of her family and she bears the financial burden of the family. She pays the children’s school fees, pays the house rent, pays the utility bills in the house and pays for the nanny that cares of the children; all thanks to her good paying job. Although the husband works and earns less in income compared to the wife, he contributes nothing to the upkeep of the home. And to now make it a little more interesting, the husband’s younger brother leaves with them with his live-in girlfriend and he lives large as a king in a home at the expense of his brother’s wife where neither he nor his brother who is the husband and head of the home contributes no money to the running of the home.
But something happened one day that eventually made this wife come to me. The wife bought a wi-fi modem to use in the house should in case she has some leftover office work to do in the house. And the husband demanded to use the wi-fi to download films and some applications on his phone to which she obliged him and on the second day he requested the wi-fi again at which point she refused and that issue turned from an argument to a fight and she was beaten black and blue by her husband. The husband who contributes nothing in the home destroyed a handful of their home appliances in rage.
I am sure a normal person would simply tell the wife to pack her things and depart from the one sided marriage but we will not look at this issue from a human perspective, we will go back to the word of God and see what God says in His word.  

Ephesians 5:22-25 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as the Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
The other part of that passage Ephesians 5:25-29 reads, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and care for it, just as Christ does the church.”

Like I said earlier, it’s important that we don’t look at this issue from the human perspective but from the outlook of the word of God if we want the intervention of God in the situation and all other situations we might be going through.
The first instruction on marriage is to the wife and that instruction says a wife should submit to her husband as unto the Lord. Without adding or subtracting from this instruction what God expects from a wife is to submit totally and in everything to her husband. Again, the dictionary defines that word submit as “to give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” So if God says a wife should submit to her husband, what God is saying without adding or subtracting from that instruction is that a wife must yield herself to the authority of her husband. A word synonymous in meaning to the word submit is the word obey. So we can understand the instruction of God to be that a wife must obey her husband in everything.  
Applying this instruction to the issue on ground, I advised the woman in this situation and would advise all other women similar situation that if her husband asked her for her wi-fi modem, in the spirit of obedience to the instruction of God to her as a wife she should give it to him. Not because he deserves it, but because she is obeying the word of God for her life.
If she does this, first she would have averted the violence that followed her refusal and she would have a ground to go to God in prayer seeking Him to fight her battles for her. If she can trust God to wake her up in the morning and sustain her through the day she can as well trust Him to right all the wrongs of her marriage.
One interesting thing that I believe God will make happen with her obedience is that the wi-fi data will not be exhausted until she is able to adequately complete the assignment for which she acquired the modem. That is why we are able to call God a miracle working God. God is the source of that modem, and God will be the sustaining factor of her supply. 
But I find a mistake this woman is making and which a lot of other women are making which eventually leads to frustration in marriage. Do not assume the role of the head in any capacity in your marriage, not even in financial matters when you are earning more than your husband. The Lord has made your husband the head of the home and everything he needs to be the head, God is making them available for him, if and when necessary according to the ability of the husband to tap into God’s provision and grace for his life. God will not give anyone an assignment to do for him without adequately equipping that person for the assignment. 
The assignment for the wife is to assist and not to lead even when she is earning more. Assist and build a reserve but do not lead in the spending for the home. In truth we find it in Proverbs 31:10-31 that a wife of noble character provide for her family and supports her husband. Even in her providing for the home which I encourage so well, her assignment is to support and assist but not lead.
God didn’t assign the wife to be the breadwinner for her family and to be paying house rent and children’s school fees. These are responsibilities for the leader to do, when the husband genuinely needs help the wife can come in and help. But when she makes it a habit of carrying the breadwinner role, she will give her husband room to sit lazy, it will not be long before frustration sets in because God has not called you to that role and responsibility in marriage. 
When the wife is spending for the home, initially the husband might still strive to be the head in financial matters of the home, but over time he wouldn't see the need for striving anymore because his wife would pay the bills anyway. Even when he has the money, he will not be compelled to take up the task because his wife is already doing it and there isn't any issue. And so we as wives need to be careful not to start what we know we will complain about much later. 
When your husband needs your financial assistance, there absolutely is nothing wrong in assisting him financially because that is what you are in life for and the Bible confirms in Ecclesiastes 4:9 that two are better than one because they have a good returns for their labor. But woe to him who labors alone. Neither you nor your husband would do well alone, but you two would have a better returns on effort when you both put in your effort, but in this equation the husband is to take the lead and the wife is to assist and not the other way round.
Another important area that a wife should help her husband is to pray for him. Seek the face of God to realize into his life all that he needs to succeed as the head of the home and not to just continue to pump money doing what you have not been assigned to do rather than praying. Your husband needs more of your prayers than your money, he just doesn’t know it. When you pray more for him, heaven will open for him and he will be able to fulfill his mandate in the marriage, but when you continue to spend your money he already has the respite and would not see the need to strive more. He would concluded within himself that his wife is capable of solving the problem so why should he bother. Which is the very wrong approach. Supporting your husband is good, but don’t take up his responsibility as your own. It will wear you out.
With due repeat to the men, it is a big act of irresponsibility for a man to leave his wife to carry the financial load of the family when he still alive and well. A man who does that has absolutely no moral justification to accrue to himself the right to be head of his family. He shouldn’t even attempt to claim that title whether or not God called him so, because the Living God who says the man is the head of his wife also says that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).
And then we find in Malachi 2:13 and 1 Peter 3:7 that God says he will not pay attention to the prayers of a man who has broken faith with his wife, who does not treat her with love and respect. What God expects of a husband to his wife is that he makes her a priority in all areas of their relationship together as husband and wife just like Christ has made the church His priority and not exploit her in the foolishness of playing smart. What such a man is doing in foolishness is that he is hindering answers to his own prayers and when God has stopped to pay attention to a man’s prayers how does such a man prosper?
Invariably what the man is doing to himself is placing himself under his wife rather than above her which is his rightful place and then he wants to force headship over his wife. Such is not done. Leadership is responsibility. The power that accrues to leadership also holds with it more responsibility. So beating your wife to submission does not get the job done, you are in fact heaping more curse on your life when you are violent with your wife because God says he hates a violent man (Malachi 2:16). Rather you love your wife to submission. A woman should not be the breadwinner of the family, its like a husband selling his right to be the head over his wife.
A man who lack the means to provide for his family should approach the throne of God and seek the face of God over his financial problems. Deuteronomy 15:4 says, “There should be no poor among you, for in the land the Lord your God is giving to you to possess as your inheritance, he will richly bless you,” and so we see that the blessing of the Lord is richly available to those who seek it diligently. The Lord who has asked you to provide for your family does not expect you to accomplish that assignment without Him, Philippians 4:6 says with prayer and thanksgiving we should make our request known to God and then Philippians 4:19 tells us that God will provide all our needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus and not your wife. So look up to God to provide for you all that you need to be a befitting head over your wife in all things. 

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Tuesday, 17 October 2017

A Lineage Characterized By Broken Marriages

Hello wonderful people, I am positive that by the special grace of God, you are doing very well. So am I and mine too and so for all I give thanks to God. 
I so excited so announce that you can listen and download the voice version of today's blog just by clicking on this Yes this is how passionate and burdened God has made me about your marital success. God is so very interested in making sure that your marriage succeed and you have it good in every other area of your life too.  
Today I want to share a story with you that really got me thinking. This story is a wakeup call for all, and it shows the need to be very careful about the decisions we make in marriage, it’s not just about us, its about generations to come after us.
A few days ago I went to the salon to get my hair done and while there, one of the apprentice learning how to make hair was being scolded by the owner of the salon, my hairdresser who was making my hair at the time. Out of respect she asked me to join her in scolding the girl and her offense was that at age 17, she was already sleeping with men in their late twenties and early thirties. And on this day, the boss and hacked her phone and intercepted a call coming from one of her male friends who was trying to introduce her to another male friend who was on his way to see her in the salon. The boss had pretended to be this young girl and gotten all the information on the arranged meeting.
But I just didn’t want to scold this young girl, I wanted to know the root of her waywardness and so I began to question her. I asked her about her parents and grandparents and found that her mother is aged 35years which tells me she must have had this young at the age of 18years. Her parents are no longer together and her mother is currently living with another man. Her father used to beat her mum because she keeps late night partying and sometimes does not come home till the next day when she leaves for parties. Her mother built the house she currently lives in with her new lover which is the same house her children are living in with her and her lover. Her father is a driver and has no roof over his head. He sleeps in his commercial vehicle. His grandfather is late, but before he died he was already separated from his grandmother.
And when I asked what caused her parents separation, she told me that her dad was unable to give her mother money for her mother’s father’s burial (her grandfather’s burial) and so he didn’t help her mum for the burial party’s expenses and it was at that point that the father moved out of the house and the mother also moved into the house she built.
I don’t know how you feel reading this narration but I am heartbroken. Broken marriages and careless life style is becoming a thing that parents pass on to their children. I told the boss that I didn’t feel strong about scolding the girl because those to put her on the right path are actually the ones derailing her. She is practicing what she is learning from home. It has become a trend from grandparents to parents and invariably to the child if care is not taken and this is not a case in isolation. I have heard of cases similar to this one too many times.
Now what moral justification does this woman have to correct her child? How can she train her child to be all that God has destined her to be when she has not adequately trained herself? Can one give what one does not have? It’s so important that we understand that when we make marriage decisions, we need to put our children in consideration. Even Jesus says that its better to hang a milestone round your neck and drown than to cause the little ones who believe in Him to sin (Matthew 18:6) let alone your children that you gave birth to and are assigned to train and bring up in the way of the Lord.
Some wives would say they got a divorce and were still able to raise their children well. To those who remained unmarried and committed the rest of their lives to training their children I doff my hat for them in respect but there still remains one thing; if your daughter is married to a man like your husband and faced with similar problems in marriage as you were faced with, would you advise she does the same as you did, leave the marriage and remain single?
I do not subscribe to any wife managing or enduring her marriage because in truth I am not managing mine. I am having a time of my life with the man of my life and we have been married for close to 14years. But we didn’t get to this point of comfort by chance. It was hard work, it took a lot of sacrifice, I learnt obedience and I learnt submission. I sowed my seed in marriage and today I am reaping the fruits of my labor. And that is what the Lord has been using me to open the eyes of many to see and understand.
And I am totally against and condemn in strong terms that a man should beat his wife for any and every reason, but as a wife and a home maker, why would you provoke your husband to anger? Which well mannered wife will leave her husband and children at home and go to a party and not come back till the next day and expect her husband not to get angry. I don't have anything going to parties, but I have everything against being irresponsible about it.  
God has not called any into marriage to make them suffer, but we need to know that marriage is a threefold relationship between the man, his wife and God. The man has been instructed to love his wife unconditionally and as himself in the manner in which Christ loves the church. And the wife has been instructed to submit to her husband as unto the Lord (whether he is a believing husband or not) and God sits on the throne to judge the activities of the two who are united together.
We need to understand that marriage stops to become marriage when any of those in it default in their assignment in the union. The moment the wife stops to submit to her husband, then there is bound to be a problem and the moment the husband stops to love his wife there is a problem. The only constant in this threefold relationship is God. God never changes.
As a wife if you want your marriage to be sweet, please stay within the scope of your instruction. Submit to your husband as unto the Lord. Don’t try to be the judge of your husband’s character for his contribution to the union. Let God handle that, that is His assignment to perform. And as a husband, your assignment is to love your wife irrespective of her many shortfalls. Jesus loves you despite your many sins and He wants you to follow that same pattern in loving your wife. Don’t go beyond scope by judging her character, that assignment is for God, so let Him handle it.
What I have found to be most true is that when you keep at your assignment and you do so in prayers with God in focus, you will please God in the process and you will eventually motivate your spouse to action in performing their own instructions too.
And back to the story of the young girl, like I said earlier I couldn’t do much of scolding because this bad habit happens to be a family norm that needs dealing with from its root. But just that we may learn I will say to parents so that you might deposit good values in the lives of your children for your benefit in old age and for the good of the society at large, try to sow good seeds in your marriage and make it work. When you invest right in your marriage, you will get very good returns on your investment.      
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Wednesday, 11 October 2017

I Want To Keep My Husband From Cheating, What Do I Do?

I am really sorry for my break, my device had a problem and that stopped me from being able to circulate the post. But I thank God all has been fixed. 
So in my last post we started a topic on how to prevent our husbands from cheating on us and I shared with you my own approach that has given me peace and has helped me to trust my husband to be faithful to me. But there are a little more that needs to be done in this regard, so we will look more and find out more in today’s post.
One important thing we should realize is that all things being equal, without any external influence (one very prominent external influence being peer pressure and extended family influence), once you have secured your husband’s love, you will secure along with it his commitment to your marriage. When he is committed to the marriage, he will most likely be faithful to your marriage. I don’t subscribe to the fact that most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, that is so against common sense reasoning, and I have seen and heard of husbands who ill-treat their wives just because there is another woman somewhere who has so captured their love and attention that they begin to disdain their wives and she becomes an irritant to them.
So I know for sure that when you secure the love of your husband you give him less reason to be unfaithful to you. If you believe that to be true like I do, then securing your husband’s love for you is something to consider and work towards for the peace and health of your marriage. And when you add prayers to your effort, you are guaranteed of a perfect mix.
Though I am not a man and I have heard of men who say they truly love their wives and still cheat on them (still thinking on that though), but most issues of infidelity in cases like this happen due to peer pressure and the association of friends these husbands keep. They go overboard just to level up with their male friends and fit in to expectations among their friends. But when peer pressure is removed these men act right. In as much as you cannot determine the friends your husband keep, you can at least commit that aspect of his life to God and let God do in the life of your husband what you cannot do in his life (this also I have found to be very effective). If you can trust God with your ability to wake up everyday then you can as well trust Him with your marriage and the friends your husband keep. 
But when you remove external influence from a marriage situation, another reason a man can cheat on his wife is when he loses his love for her or probably is not getting the desired satisfaction from being married to her and there is another woman doing a better job for him than his wife. This is where the wife needs to up her game. Rather than throw blames and call her husband names and fight him thereby worsening the already bad situation why not find out how you can make him love you/more.
In doing this you don’t just do things based on assumption, don’t even attempt to think you know what to do or how to do it, because you will be surprised that the least thing that could come to your mind would be what tickles your husband’s fancy. You need God to teach you what to do to draw your husband’s attention and love. What turns Mr. A on in marriage might be very irrelevant to Mr. B. So what to do to draw your husband’s love and attention cannot be generalized and that is why we need God to show us what is peculiar to each husband’s likes that makes him want to love is wife. When you keep trying things out and you are not hitting the nail on the head, there is the tendency that you get frustrated and give up. So don't waste effort, rather pray that God will direct your effort and lead you to the secret that will dig out your husband's love for you and begin to act on it. 
Some men love stay home wives, some want their wives domesticated, some love their wives to have a career and some men love their wives fat, while some love them slim, so the likes wildly varies. But know for sure that money can’t buy love so don’t think spending your life’s savings on your husband will get the job done.
I once shared the story of a man who cheated on his wife just because she was always too busy when he felted like talking to her and needing someone to talk to. Each time he is burdened and wants to just pour his heart out to someone, his wife is never there. In as much as it appears as a trivial excuse to a lot of women and even some men, that was a big issue for this man and it should be looked into by his wife if she wants her husband to be faithful to her. And this is why I say again that in knowing what to do to keep fidelity and trust intact in your marriage and secure the love of your husband you need the leading of God. A woman who will be successful in every area of her life is a woman who has and is maintaining a strong relationship with God. No self-help can do the job right for you.  
But generally speaking, from what I read in the Bible, a wife is required by God to submit to her husband and from my personal life in following this instruction, I realized that submitting to my husband has helped build my marriage is no small measure. But understand that submitting alone might make you appear weak as we have seen in one of the posts I shared some time ago of a husband who felt his wife was too timid and does just what he says like a zombie. So when you submit to your husband, please do so prayerfully. 
Then let God be your focus of submission, submit to your husband as unto God. If God is not your focus of submission in marriage, I tell you one truth that submission can be a huge burden most especially when it appears initially that your husband isn’t reciprocating with love. And on your own you cannot please your husband no matter how hard you try. Humans are irrational beings, what he likes today mighty not be what he will like tomorrow. With time you will wear yourself out trying to please him. But when you let God be the focus of your submission and you are submitting to your husband to please God, know for sure that you cannot please God without your husband getting pleased. God created your husband, so causing him to love you is no issue for God to handle. And never shy away from the fact that you will be pushed to talk back sometimes, but never let that be all the time. Tame your emotions and keep a rein on your anger.
In marriage, you need to show some level of intelligence. Abigail in the book of 1 Samuel 25 was the intelligent of the two couples. When you act as if you lack any sense of direction outside of your husband, then you appear weak and unappealing. You are suppose to be your husband's suitable helper, you cannot fulfill that on an empty brain. Always ensure that you feed your brain and let your husband know that you are not an empty brain. Make intelligent suggestions to him, render intelligent help to him, wow your husband with the things that you know. In marriage your intelligent contribution is highly required. Your husband needs your intelligent help to be all that God has called him to be. You two should be able to have some intelligent discussions that would make you earn your husband’s respect. So make the most of every opportunity to show your husband how intelligent and a problem solver you can be. But never force your opinion on him, never insist on your way. If you show him what you know and he rejects it please don't argue, drop the issue and let God take up the matter from there. Resolve the rest on your knees in prayer. 
I am sure some would expect that I mention sex as one of the ways of keeping a man from cheating on his wife, well I will say that even though lack of sex in marriage can drive either of the couples into infidelity, excellent sex life in marriage does not guarantee faithfulness either. But that is not to say that excellent sex is not essential in marriage. Sex in marriage should not be overlooked, it is important and it should be given adequate priority.
Then other issues like being domesticated have also been forms of excuses for men to cheat on their wives but just like the case of sex, being a super cook or house manager does not translate to the husband or wife being faithful to each other, but this is also an essentials in marriage that cannot be swept under the carpet of irrelevance. It is important that a wife is able to manage her home well.
And lastly, lack of communication in marriage; this is another marriage killer that should not be allowed in any marriage. Husbands and wives do not have any business keeping malice with each other. And just like the two points above, even though perfect communication is not a guarantee of faithfulness in marriage, lack of it also destroys marriage and it does so fast. Never allow any bridge of communication in your marriage. Unity in your marriage is a must and so you need to do all that you can to keep it sacred.
So with this, I hope we are well informed on what to do in keeping our husbands faithful to us. If you have been blessed by this, and you have learned much from this eye opening marriage write up, you might want to check more books inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by me on My Book Store here. These are books written based on the truth of the Bible, and are guaranteed to make a huge and positive difference in every area of your life. They are worth more than their money value and they will bless your life greatly. If you buy now, you will enjoy great discounts on purchase. But nevertheless, you will always have a seasoned word from God on this blog that will bless your life absolutely for free.

Tuesday, 3 October 2017

How Can One Prevent Her Husband From Cheating

Hello wonderful people, I trust you are doing great, with God I expect nothing less for you all in Jesus name. So we will try to find something interesting to gist about in today’s post and I find one question coming from most women very interesting to discuss on, I think we should look at that question in today’s post. And the questions says “How can wives stop their husbands from cheating?”
Before I pen down anything on this topic let me first of all show you something I found on one of my social media groups and then I can begin to write.

A lady posted this. She's been married for over 25 years and in her mid 50's..
1). Most men cannot have sex exclusively with just one woman, for the rest of their lives.
2). Men are created with varied sexual appetite, some men can do without sex for a year, others cannot do without sex for 2 days.
3). A man who's madly in love with one woman may still have sex with other women but still love his 'woman'.
4). Some of the best husbands have concubines or mistresses. Their extra marital affairs play a role in keeping the man sane and free of sexual tensions, especially during mid-life crises.
5). If your man is just having sex with some sweet sexy teen or babe, DO NOT WORRY. It's part of the game.
6). Before you choose your man, ensure he believes in AIDs, STDs and protected sex. That way, chances are that he will not bring HIV and other STDs into your life.
7). Most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly have extra marital affairs.
😎. Most 'extra' loving husbands have concubines, these concubines keep the man abreast on new ways of making women happy.
9). Your man's mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby's phone. She and your hubby just have a sexual understanding or partnership which helps both deal with peculiar individual issues.
10). As a woman, if you go all out in a bid to catch your husband red-handed cheating, you WILL succeed. Then what next? If you listen hard to your domestic servants in their private discussions, you will certainly hear them insult you, so why listen?
11). Judge your man by his responsibilities towards you and the kids, and NOT by who he's giving 'Sexual style' to outside
12) A man who will cheat will cheat irrespective of what you do! Stop checking his phone, don't go through his mailbox! Stay away from it.
Enjoy a most rewarding week, Friends!!!!!

What you are reading above was not written by me, I just stumbled on it and I think it makes a very interesting discussion point. As a matter of fact these are the kind of posts that are widely circulated for young women to base their marriages on and invariably be miserable for the rest of their lives.
These are the kind of post that you read and it makes you feel like a slave in marriage and then you are advised to resign to fate and endure the marriage far above enjoying it. Now the age of the writer of this post and her number of years in marriage tells us a lot on the fact that it’s not how long you’ve been married or how old you are in age that tells how best you will be able to handle your marriage issues.
A woman who has been told that her husband was made and designed by God to cheat on her and there is nothing she can do but live with it is ultimately told that God hates her so to say. The Bible tells us that our God is a jealous God, and the Bible also tells us that we are made in the image and likeness of God so what that tells me as a person is that it is not a sin to be jealous. In fact we find in the book of Songs of song 8:6-7 that deep love and jealousy are closely related. So if you tell a woman not to be jealous over her husband then you are invariably telling her to kill her love for her husband, if that happens permit me to say that that marriage is dead. If you are a man and your wife stops to be jealous when you do some certain things that ordinarily should arouse her jealousy, then you can as well conclude in your heart that you wife is no longer in love with you. Her heart no longer belongs to you.
I can remember days when I used to have issues with my husband over his late nights, we quarreled over that one too many times and I realized nothing I did made any difference. So I made up my mind not to fight with my mouth but on my knees in prayer. You know there is absolutely nothing too small to pray about. And the Lord gave me peace and told me He would handle it for me, so I stopped fighting my husband on that issue. Then one day he went out and I was so busy writing blog posts that I didn’t even check the time to realize it was already very late into the night. So he called me at about midnight and sounded quite upset that I didn’t bother to call him to come home as he didn’t realize it was already midnight. He told me it must mean that I didn’t love him anymore since I had stopped caring how long he stayed out. I couldn't help but laugh and I just simply told him in a very funny tone that if he loved me, he would not wait for me to call him to come home. And that ended the issue.
That said I will chip it in that as a wife, what you do with your emotions of jealousy is very important. You have control over all your emotions so I will advise that you handle them right. When you suspect your husband is not been faithful to you, physical fight will not make him change, abuses (whether verbal or otherwise) will not make him change, so we will look at how to keep your husband faithful to you and you alone.
I have shared my findings on this topic many times on this blog and I am going to share it again that trusting your husband will not fetch you the peace and confidence you seek in marriage, yet trust is so very vital for a marriage to attain success. The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 17:5-10 that cursed is one who puts his trust in flesh, and this is because flesh will fail. But God never fails and God has the ability to watch over that which you have entrusted to Him and God has the ability to direct the steps of any man to do His will (He literally had to force Jonah to do His bidding, so making your husband do His bidding is not a task for Him) . So if we know all these to be true about God then commit your husband into the hands of God, tell the Lord to help you cause your husband to be faithful to you, then trust God to do for you what you have prayed for and sit rest assured that God will help you keep your husband so occupied that he wouldn’t have the time or resources to be unfaithful to you. And with God you can watch your marriage grow in love, peace, wealth and harmony.
If you ask me if its that simple, I will say yes. And if you ask me if it is doable, well in truth that is what I am practicing in my marriage and I have peace in my life and when I think my husband might be deviating I don’t bother to investigate if my suspicion is right or wrong, I simply return to God to whom I have entrusted my husband and marriage to and ask if indeed I have a reason to doubt. Believe me the devil will bring so many silly ideas into your head and will play with your mind in no small measure but when you know the God you serve you will stand your ground that your marriage is secured in the hands of God and if everything else fails, God never fails. 
If you have been blessed by this, and you have learned much from this eye opening marriage write up, you might want to check more books inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by me on My Book Store here. These are books written based on the truth of the Bible, and are guaranteed to make a huge and positive difference in every area of your life. They are worth more than their money value and they will bless your life greatly. If you buy now, you will enjoy great discounts on purchase. But nevertheless, you will always have a seasoned word from God on this blog that will bless your life absolutely for free.

Friday, 29 September 2017

I Wish I Had Married My Ex-Boyfriend

Hello people I trust you are all doing great, we thank God for the grace to see another end of month and for this we are grateful to God. I want to use this opportunity to obey my pastor's instruction by inviting women within Lagos to the discovery for women program in my church coming up this Sunday 1st of October. It's promises to be a wonderful time in God's presence. Please see the flier below.
In today's post, I want us to learn from the story of a wife in a troubled marriage. I pray to God that this wife whose story I share will stumble on this post and learn and heal, and also that someone needing it will get to read it and heal too in Jesus name.

A young and gentle wife is married to a husband who has absolutely no regard for their marriage vows. His wife earns more than he does so he is she is the breadwinner of the family. She takes care of the bills in the house, and it has gotten so bad that even if the husband manages to pick up some of the bills and pay for stuff for the family, he finds a means of getting a refund from his wife. It is also on good record that he is having extra-marital affairs, so the money he can’t spend on his family he is spending it outside of his marriage. His wife has prayed and trusted God but this man just wouldn’t change. His wife is one of those gentle spirited beings who can’t seem to hurt a fly and it just seem this man is gladly taking her for a ride. She has tried to meet and satisfy his demands and at no point will he ask her for money and she would refuse him. She just gets to do it to avoid his trouble.
Accidentally the wife came across her ex-boyfriend that she dated while in the university who also seem to be having troubles with his marriage and he has become her source of comfort since they meet again. He is never too busy for her and always eager to help her with any trouble she may be having. She confides in him on everything that is happening to her and he always has the right words for her. This ex-boyfriend seem to be all that her husband is not and now there is the regret of why she didn’t get married to him in the first place. Or maybe his return to her life is just God answering her prayers more so that he is also in a troubled marriage as she is in now.

I will start by saying that temptation is still not a sin. To be tempted is not the problem, falling into that temptation is where the problem is. God will not answer a prayer by making the person praying commit a sin. The first thing that I will advise this woman and any other woman in this kind of problem is first to run from anything that looks like sin. If your husband is looking for a way to do away you then you give him all the reasons in the world to achieve what he wants and if you say that ‘but he is also cheating,’ well that doesn’t translate to you cheating too. Two wrongs never make a right. The comfort you are getting from your ex-boyfriend while being married is false, it’s evil and will lead to trouble so run away from such ungodly comfort.
I have mentioned it in one of my post that when you pray about your marriage, you don’t just sit in and wait for a magic. Prayer without deed is dead. But when you pray about your marriage, ask the Lord to show you what to do that will bring about the desired change in the situation you are praying about. When you ask God to change your husband, understand that you are still the instrument with which God will make a change in his life. Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1-2 that even if you are married to an unbeliever, it is through the purity and reverence of your life that your husband will be won over to God. So you are God’s change agent in the life of your husband and so you need to seek God to know those changes you need to effect in your life that will bring about a change in the life of your husband and ask also to help you make those changes.
When you have prayed, then listen to the voice of God. Pay attention to what He tells you and backs up with His word in the Bible. God will not ask you to take an action that is contrary to His word found in the Bible. If what you hear in your spirit man is contrary to what you read in your Bible then it is not God speaking to you. And when you have crosschecked the instruction that God has laid upon your heart with what is written in the Bible and they are one and the same, then run with it. Obey that word and never get tired of obeying until you see the result that you seek for.
You can’t buy love, so live in the reality that no matter the amount of money you spend on your husband if he wouldn’t love you, he would not. He will keep collecting that money and still misbehave. So don’t depend on money to make it happen for you. Keep your focus on God. There are things you can do to attract his love, so prayerfully find out what those things are and start to do them. 
The Bible tells us to submit to our husbands in everything as wives (Ephesians 5:22-24), so if your husband demands for the money give him in obedience to the word of God and not as a means to lure him to love you more. Let God and His word be the focus of everything you do in your marriage. It’s an investment that would yield it returns in good season.
And gentleness is not a guarantee of a successful marriage. Even in marriage there is a time to speak and there is a time to be quiet. But just make sure that God is the focus of any action you take in your marriage. There will be a time the Spirit of God will lead you to speak and there will be a time the Spirit of God will instruct that you be quiet. Prayers and submission in marriage work miracles and I can testify to that in my personal life.
Your marriage will come alive again and your husband will be all that God has destined him to be, but you are going to play a very big role in making that change happen with God leading you in it. Don’t think you know what to do or you can make it happen by yourself. If you have not made it happen till now it’s because you can’t do it on your own and you need help. So seek God for that help and be willing and ready to do exactly as He instructs. If you are confused get your Bible and read. The word of God is alive and active and it brings about great and positive changes if you are willing and ready to do what it says. 
If you have been blessed by this, and you have learned much from this eye opening marriage write up, you might want to check more books inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by me on My Book Store here. These are books written based on the truth of the Bible, and are guaranteed to make a huge and positive difference in every area of your life. They are worth more than their money value and they will bless your life greatly. If you buy now, you will enjoy great discounts on purchase. But nevertheless, you will always have a seasoned word from God on this blog that will bless your life absolutely for free.

Monday, 25 September 2017

Even After Forty-Five Years God is Still Healing This Marriage

I welcome you to a new week and new grace and blessing from the Lord for us all this week in Jesus name. Today I want to share a very funny but true story. And each time I consider this story I just marvel at God awesomeness. I can tell you for free that the wisdom of God is matchless.

There are these couples where the husband is in his mid-seventies and the wife in her late sixties. They have been married for well over forty-five years and their marriage has been plagued with so many challenges and issues but despite it all, they are still managing to hold it together. And though neither of them is enjoying the dividend of a good marriage they are still managing to keep it together as married enemies. The husband has absolutely no regard for his wife, in fact I should say wives because he is married to two of them. But the one he is living with is his first and the God ordained wife for him.
The wife was a gentle spirited being as a young woman and wife and she tolerated and stomached all of her husband’s excesses. She wasn’t loved yet she managed to stay in the marriage any way. And because she was not loved, she was also not treated fairly among the two wives and still she remained. Soon she gave her life to Christ but it wasn’t easy just forgetting all that her husband had done to her more so that he was not repentant.
As she grew in age, so did the resentment she had for her husband grow. The one person she regarded as enemy in her life was her husband, and as much as she wanted to give it all up to God, she just can’t seem to get past all that her husband had done and is stilling doing to her. And for her, divorce was not an option. She would always say that she prays her husband would not be the reason for her to end up in hell after all her service to God. She was not going to harm him in anyway, but it was tough forgiving and letting go of the hatred more so that the husband had not changed his wicked ways. Each time she makes up her mind to let go, the husband would do something that will upset her again and bring back all the stored up anger. And let me not forget to say that her husband physical abuses her. He beats her up like a child. And so in that situation I am sure it’s easy to understand why this wife is bitter about her husband.
But because of God she began to pray. She asked God to help her through her hate for her husband as she didn’t want to carry the hatred to her grave and the more she made an effort at forgiving, the more the husband does something that upsets her.
Then one day the husband fell sick and was admitted in the hospital. The wife took it upon herself to take care of him as much as she could. And then one of the relatives who came to visit the husband on his sick bed confided in the wife that she had gone to check the family history and made ancestral findings in the husband’s family line and discovered that the husband’s family had the history of unnoticed mental disorder in their lineage and that explains the irrational behaviors experienced in the lives of some members of their family including the husband who was in his mid-seventies. She gave examples of members of the extended family who exhibited traits of mental disorder and sometimes acted weird and all these story sounded so true to this troubled wife in her late sixties as she noticed that traits and symptoms mentioned to her were things she had noticed in her husband in their forty-five years of marriage.
She began to think that in the over forty-five years she had been married to her husband he had mental disorder and she didn’t even suspect. To her, it explained a lot of her husband's unexplainable irrational behaviors and for the first time she had the load of hatred lifted off her. She took comfort in the fact that whenever her husband acted unloving or harsh towards her for no reason then it would be the times when he had bouts of his mental disorder triggers. So rather than get angry or upset, she would willingly forgive him thinking he doesn’t even know what he is doing. When he shouts at her, she doesn’t respond and nothing he does gets to her anymore.
Now, whether this man and his family line truly does have history of mental disorder or not, nobody knows for sure. But that theory has given the wife a reason to truly forgive her husband and heal old wounds. It has also helped their relationship, because now the wife doesn’t react to her husband’s harshness anymore and because the wife has stopped reacting to her husband’s tantrums, the husband himself is downplaying on the frequency of his harshness towards his wife. Now when he talks harshly, he doesn’t get a response and so he is learning to talk politely to his wife. The wife's prayer and tender approach towards her harsh and mean husband is causing a positive reaction from the husband too. I sense these two will enjoy the best of their marriage is the very later stage of their lives.
So you see why I said the wisdom of God is matchless. See what God had to do to heal a marriage that has been plagued with lack of love and hatred for over forty-five years. I hope you have learnt something new and interesting from this.  
If you have been blessed by this, and you have learned much from this eye opening marriage write up, you might want to check more books inspired by the Holy Spirit and written by me on My Book Store here. These are books written based on the truth of the Bible, and are guaranteed to make a huge and positive difference in every area of your life. They are worth more than their money value and they will bless your life greatly. If you buy now, you will enjoy great discounts on purchase. But nevertheless, you will always have a seasoned word from God on this blog that will bless your life absolutely for free.