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Sunday, 18 February 2018

Make Your Husband More Responsible for the Needs of His Family

I once had a chat with a lady who has been married for twenty-five years. She raised all her children with her hard earned resources. The Lord blessed her with a very good job and even though she is the wife, she doubles as the breadwinner of the family. And if you are wondering if her husband is alive and well, the answer is a very big YES.
This situation has so eaten this woman up to the point that she has actually lost all the love she has for her husband but she is still in the marriage because she does not believe in divorce and she is a good Christian. She has discussed the issue with her husband on several occasions but it hasn’t yielded any result. So she is making effort to maintain peace in the marriage at the expense of her personal happiness and still maintain the role of the breadwinner of the family.
Personally, I believe this marriage will heal, and the situation of this marriage will improve and the husband will be the man God has designed and assigned him to be again in every area in which he is meant to be head over his family. But there are many cases like it, and I have shared stories like this before on this blog more than once. So how do we get our husbands to be the breadwinner of the family as the Lord ordained it to be (1 Timothy 5:8).
It very natural that a person gets laid back when he/she finds an easy alternative to a difficult task or he/she finds help on a huge task that he/she should have done. Take for example a wife who has a maid, she will not bother about house chores like toilet cleaning and sweeping when she knows she has someone who can take care of that task for her. Some wives even get relaxed on other tasks such as cooking and personal care of the children.
I do not mean to talk-down on wives, I am a wife also and so I understand the pressure we go through and in truth, we need all the help we can get. But as an illustration, I want us to understand that this is how it applies to the husbands too. Once your husband knows that you are financially capable of taking care of the needs of the family he relaxes on his responsibility with the conclusion that at least his wife can take care of things. It starts as a gradual help in picking up bills when the husband is financially down until it becomes the norm in the home. And because we wives are built such that we cannot see things go wrong in the home and not care, we are quick to carry on responsibilities that are not ours thereby leaving our husbands to relax on their duties.
I am an advocate of a wife helping her husband in every way she can and she is needed to. In Genesis 2:18-31, we read that God made the woman turned wife as a suitable helper to her husband. The reason God thought it up to make a woman was to be a helper to her man. But she is made to be a helper and not the primary burden bearer. A wife should assist in helping her husband financially but not taking the responsibility off him. You need to pray for God's guidance to know when helping your husband financially is turning into primarily providing for your home and becoming the breadwinner of the family. 
This is not a general analysis of things because there are husbands who do not take undue advantage of their wives no matter the circumstances they find themselves in, even when their wives are earning more than them. To such men, I applaud you very much and I pray the Lord bless your seed sown into the lives of your family, I pray that it will multiply for you greatly in Jesus name.
Now that we have a little understanding of the problem some wives face in their homes, how can they handle this situation without having to give up their marriage or hurt their marriage in any way? This will be what I want God to help us handle through this post. By human standard, this is tough, but not with God and that is why my first word to wives facing this situation is to run to God in prayer. Falling into hate for your husband will not help, it will only hurt your marriage and the solution we seek is such that your marriage is not hurt in any way. So you need plenty of prayers and leading from the Holy Spirit to pull through. By yourself, you won’t be able to achieve much, but with God, things will change.
When you pray, tell God to open His heaven of abundance on your husband’s finances that he will have more than enough to fulfill his responsibility as the breadwinner of the family. You also need to pray that the Lord will give your husband a willing heart and the urgency to want to take up his responsibility as the primary provider for his family. Its one thing for the husband to have the resources to provide for his family, it’s another thing for him to see the need and have the will to provide for his family.
The second line of action is submission. You would wonder how can one submit to an irresponsible husband who the Bible says is worse than an unbeliever, but in truth, submission has a lot to do with it. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, even if you are married to an unbelieving husband, it is through the purity and reference of your life that he will be won over to God. So when you have prayed hard, you need to support that prayer with your act of submission. In doing this, you are obeying God’s instruction for your life as a wife, and causing Him to do for you what you have prayed for. Prayer to God and obedience to His word is like sowing a seed on a very good soil and watering it and with God watching over your seed you are guaranteed of satisfactory harvest.
Another thing that submission does is that it helps to raise the self-esteem of your husband. It boosts his ego, which invariably causes him to want to reciprocate and love you more and want to do more for you and your children. Because your husband appreciates your submission to him, you become a priority to him and his resources. If and when he has a little to spend, he will want to spend that little on you. 
And the last thing is that the wife needs to very gradually withdraw from the breadwinner role. As a wife in this situation, you can’t pull out suddenly and totally. You need to start by turning away from the little needs of the family and with prayers and submission, you will help your husband take up his role and responsibility in providing for his family.
There is no marriage without issues even if you prayed and sought the face of God before making a choice of a life partner there will still be challenges that will make you pray fervently to God. But from all that we are hearing and experiencing in marriage, it’s important that we seek the face of God over and over again before making a choice of a life partner. Love is not a reason strong enough for any marriage to stand the test of time, even though love is very essential for marriage to grow. Never marry for love alone, marry because you have God’s consent on your decision.
Also, I pray that men will understand that providing for the needs of their home is essential for their personal growth. When a man provides for him home he sows seeds in his own life that is bound to germinate and produce fruits for him in multiples of what he has sown. The Bible says he who sows sparingly will reap sparingly. God does not waste His resources, if you are not spending God’s resources in your life the way and manner He approves of, He withdraws His resources from you and gives it to one who will use it more in a manner that pleases Him. So understand that there is no wisdom in withholding funds from your family when you have to give. What you are doing in ignorance is that you are shortchanging yourself. In no time what you are withholding from them will be taken from you. So please husbands, be wise.
I pray that we have learned a great deal from this. I pray we are able to solve more problems as we continue to trust God with our marriages. 

If you have enjoyed all that you have read on this blog and have been blessed by them then I should introduce you to my book "Gleanings from the Throne of God." It's the very first book I ever wrote, and writing this book has been a blessing not just to me but to as many as having been privileged to lay hands on it. It's a life-changing book written by me and based on the truth of the Bible and the inspiration of the word of God. This is what my Pastor has to say about the book. 

In reading ‘Gleanings from the Throne of God’, I experienced such a therapeutic feeling that comforted my soul releasing the peace of God in my heart. Indeed when understanding is given to a matter, the result thereafter is peace but in this case, peace of God.
As one reads through the pages, one can easily identify with the author as many of us have had or have the same struggles in matters that are discussed in this book.
Her simplicity, sincerity, and passion speak for itself. I would recommend this book to anyone that is searching for the peace of God that surpasses knowledge. In this book, you will discover that getting to know what God wants us to do is quite different from knowing why He wants us to do it.

Pastor Dapo Williams
The Fountain of Life Church, 

You can read the first two chapters of this book by clicking here. I am so confident that you will not just like what you read, but you will be blessed by it. And then I will encourage you to just take one more step and get copies for yourself and loved ones. It cost just a token. To buy the hardcopy of this book you can click here, or on this link, or you can copy and paste the link address into your browser and you are good to go. And if you would just want to download the book for a lesser token you can click here, or on this link, or you can copy and paste the link address on your browser and just make your purchase. 

I would appreciate a like and a share of this book. Thank you and God bless.  

Saturday, 10 February 2018

Tough Submission

I have shared on this blog quite a handful of times on the issue of submission in marriage, in fact, I saw a video on Whatsapp shared by my very good friend in which a lady illustrated what submission should be for a married woman. She said as a form of illustration, “If you want to take a trip abroad and by virtue of your financial status you can afford the trip but your husband forbids you to take the trip and you obey, that is submission. But if on the other hand, you want to take a trip abroad and you cannot afford the trip but need your husband’s financial backing and he declines and you have no choice but to abandon the trip due to lack of funds and your husband’s refusal, then that is not submission. You are just submitting to fact that you don’t have money.” If in truth you have money then you will not submit. At this point, we need to search ourselves if truly we are submitting as the Lord says we should or not. With everything you think I know, I am still learning as much as you reading this write up.

Ephesians 5:22-25
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This is the same way the instruction for wives to submit to their husbands is in the book of Colossians 3:18 and 1 Peter 3:1-6. And then when we look at the dictionary meaning of the word submit, it says, “To give over or yield to the power or authority of another.” So what God is invariably telling us is to yield ourselves as wives to the authority of our husbands. This is an instruction not from the husbands, but from God.
Before I go further, I want to beg the husbands not to take advantage of this instruction to their wives by God. It’s an instruction that accrues more responsibility to the husbands more than they think they know. If God wants your wife to submit to you as unto Christ then you should understand that God expects that you are like Christ in her life. You will need to shoulder the responsibilities that Christ is shouldering over the church in the life and matters concerning your wife. It is not a small responsibility at all.
And this brings me to the reason why I decided to trust God for this write-up. One of the feedbacks I get the most from wives when they are asked to submit to their husbands or when they read any of my blog posts on submission is this; how can one submit to a husband who doesn’t care for them, he doesn’t provide for the needs of the home, and the wellbeing of the family he is supposed to lead is of no concern to him at all? How does one submit in such a situation to such a husband? I have heard this question over and over again and someone just asked me that same question about two days ago. Someone who follows my blog and has read my writings on submission, and so I decided to visit the issue again.
One thing that is interesting about the instruction of God on submission is that it does not come with any clause or exceptions. So to say that God did not give us the category of husbands to submit to and not to submit to. So no matter the characteristics of the husband you are married to, the Lord still says that as his wife you are to submit to him.
The next thing that will come into the mind of hurting wives or a wife who falls within the category of those not treated well in marriage is that God sees all and He knows how irresponsible their husbands are, why will God still demand that they submit to such men? To answer this, I will first of all say that God is not wicked and He is very mindful of what you are facing. If God says you should submit, its because God needs the resource of your submission to right the wrongs of your marriage and cause a change in the life of your husband. 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells us that God wants us to submit to our husbands so that when we are married to unbelieving husbands, they can be won over to God through our behavior when they see the purity and reverence of our lives.
A wife is a suitable helper to her husband (Genesis 2:18-25) and you are not just helping him as a financial support, a homemaker, a house cleaner, a cook, a childbearing and rearing figure, but you are also helping to mold is character and this the Bible says you do, not by words but when he sees the purity and reverence of your life. If you want a change in your spouse, then you need to be the change that spurs him/her to change. Let the work of God in your life bring forth the light that drives out every darkness in your spouse’s life. Words won’t give you the results that deeds will and if God says you can change the character of your husband through the purity and reverence of your own life, then God cannot be wrong.

If you want to know if this approach works, then I will tell you that I am a living proof of that. Nothing is as effective to solve life’s issues as much as the truth of the word of God. I have shared my story on this blog several times. If everything else fails, God and His word never fail. And if you ask me how easy it was to submit when it was so very hard to submit, I will confirm to you that it was tough. Submission can be tough when you find yourself married to a man who is not performing his duties as a husband. But if you dare to submit, you will reap the benefit and a little secret to it is that God is by your side and always ready to pour His grace on your struggles and help you through. As you make effort in this and pray for strength from God, the Lord will help you through it to victory.  

Monday, 5 February 2018

The Story of a Gay Marriage

Hello wonderful people, I am confident you are doing very great and I am grateful to God for everyone who takes the time to read and share the post on this blog. God bless you all real good.
I read a story on one of my social media platforms and that story really got me thinking. A lady got divorced from her husband and is engaged to someone else. Now in an interview, she gave reasons for the divorce and the reason was infidelity. But if that was all that it was all about, it would have been okay. Infidelity in marriage is not strange even though it’s not acceptable in any way, but she claimed her husband was gay. He only made love to her when they were planning to make babies and the frequency of such intimacy is as far spread as just once in a year. And just like a lot of people will be surprised by this submission, I am surprised too. And the thought that comes to mind is, how does one handle a situation like this?
I have shared a story similar to this in my early days of blogging and I don’t think there is a situation too hard for God to handle. If you find yourself in a deep situation such as this, it because the Lord knows that you have the ability to go through the challenge and come out victorious. The Bible tells us that God will not tempt us more than we can bear.
Working out of a relationship like this is the very quick option that comes to the mind of every one. It's always as if there is no other option in cases as bad as this, more so that Jesus gave infidelity as the excuse for a divorce in Matthew 19:9. But there is a clause to this permission if we will be fully obedient to the word of God and that clause is found in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 and that clause says "if a wife must divorce as the case may be here, then she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband." So the option of getting a divorce and marrying someone else is actually not an option if we have to be fully obedient to the word of God. And God declared that He and His word are the same.
But God is not wicked, and He is not mean. He is the God who knows the end even from the beginning. He has a solution for every problem and victory for every battle. In my previous post before the last one, I highlighted the fact that our warfare in marriage is not against our spouses; the Bible already tells us in Ephesians 6:12 that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, so your warfare is not against your spouse even though the manifestation of the activities of your true enemy which is the devil and his agents are seen through your spouse. When you focus on your spouse, you are fighting a wrong battle and it will end up in a lose-lose situation. We also know that our weapons of warfare are not carnal, neither are they of this world, but they are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4).
If God rightly said that it is not good for the man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), and He has made a wonderful, suitable helper for him in the person of his wife and this man in question is gay, then we have a reason to agree with God that it is not good for a man with a problem such as this, to be alone. Because a man who is gay is a man with huge problems and who needs serious and urgent help.
As a wife, you are your husband’s suitable helper and I am yet to find a husband who is problem free and does not need a helper in his life. For this particular husband his problem is homosexuality, for some other husbands, their problems are adultery with other women; for some it may be smoking, for others it may be alcohol, while yet others it may be their finances and yet others laziness, some others it may be violence and abuse, and for still some they just don’t seem to set their priorities right, some totally and completely abandon their family for other things. Some are consumed with the pursuit of career, and the list is endless. All of these are justifiable reasons for a woman to separate from her husband by human standard, but if this is how we do it and if God permits divorce and remarrying on the grounds of all these excuses, then I am sure we will only have a small fraction of the world’s population as married, while some would have been married to uncountable spouses as though they were animals. Yet God said it is not good for the man to be alone.
If God then restricts our ability to get a divorce once married, it is because He has better options and better solutions to our various marital situations including this case of a woman married to a gay husband. Once again I will say that your struggle as a wife married to a husband with a problem such as this is not with your husband in flesh and blood, but your struggle is against the spiritual forces behind what he is manifesting.
Someone once jokingly told me that cigarette is a spirit, and even though he was joking when he said it, I couldn’t agree less. There is a spirit that controls all that we do, the only thing is that we have the willpower to choose which spirit we allow to control our activities. It’s either we let the spirit of God take the wheel of our lives and lead us to righteousness or through lust allow the spirit of the devil to lead us to hell.
You as a wife with the Spirit of God in you possess a powerful weapon of warfare with divine powers to demolish every stronghold and spirit that is contrary to the Spirit of God in the life of your husband because you and your husband are one in flesh and spirit. Getting a divorce and running away from the problem does not solve the problem. Reaching towards heaven and praying to God to release to you power to demolish the stronghold in the life of your husband is a victorious option for you. You can then look at the newness of the life of your husband and see what God can do through you for your husband. That is more delight for the soul. It’s a better achievement that is far more satisfactory. And then your marriage is intact, there is no divorce and there is a better and more joyful union. If you ask me if this is achievable, I will say yes it, because with God nothing is impossible.  

Thursday, 25 January 2018

Getting Marriage Right

Hello wonderful people, I trust you are doing great, I am doing fine too, and as always I bless the name of the Lord for your lives and mine too.
In all of my blog post I have always had to mention the need of God’s intervention in every situation of our marital lives. This is because in ourselves we are limited in capacity, there are a lot we cannot do by ourselves no matter how well we think we can and the fact that we cannot do these things never mean they can't be done, it just reveals the level of our incapability. But with God everything is possible. He is the God who knows the end of a thing from the beginning and He knows what we can do and what we should avoid doing to get the best result in situations we find ourselves.
With this understanding and conviction, I have learned to lean on God for every and all issues in my marriage and God is yet to fail or disappoint me. Yes I agree that sometimes we get impatient and want to help ourselves in the bid to help God, sometimes we think that we can take the call and handle the issue as everything does not have to be tied to God. But the end result justifies the means. What you arrive at, at the end of the whole scenario determines the effectiveness of the approach you used in reaching the destination you are in.
I have heard a lot of stories about people trusting God and getting burnt at the end of the day and I sincerely wonder how much of faith they really did put into action. God does not fail anyone and I am a living example of that. A wife who is in a troubled marriage and remains there in obedience to the word of God that God hates divorce, must also obey all the other rules for the marriage in order to make her obedience complete. She must submit to her husband, and be prayerful. What God instructs is submission to our husband and not just respect. It's important we know there is a difference between submission and respect because with God ignorance is not a good enough excuse. And then she should be confident that God will change the story of her marriage for the better once her obedience is complete. 2 Corinthians 10:6 says “And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.” It’s not just Paul punishing every act of disobedience in our lives, but God Himself will punish every act of disobedience in our lives when our obedience is complete; remember God said in Deuteronomy 32:35 that it is His responsibility to avenge and He will surely repay. So act in your marriage as if God will repay you for your actions and when He has to repay you for your actions what will the consequences be? This is irrespective of what was done to you or against you.
When you have this at the back of your mind and let it guide your conduct, I can assure you that you will reap positive fruits in your marriage and joy and peace will be your lot in marriage.

Roman 4:18-20
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be. Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead – since he was about a hundred years old – and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised.

The ability to have faith in God is a very important aspect of the life of a Christian, and I am sure we all know that we need faith in God to run a successful marriage, and more faith in God to walk through a troubled marriage and still have the marriage standing and in full health of joy, peace and love after all said and done.
It’s very easy to talk about a mustard seed faith, but how easy is it to have a mustard seed faith in the face of grave challenges and troubled situations staring one in the face? The passage above has helped me a great deal and I pray you have something in it to hold onto and build your faith on in Jesus name.
For us to be able to have faith, we must know God and believe in Him. It will even be of great help if you are able to keep records of the good things you have enjoyed from God because that helps you to trust Him to do more.
But in the passage above we find the secret of Abraham’s faith, and that secret is found in the 21st verse and it says, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised. So what we should notice is that Abraham had experienced God enough to be fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised. He understood his situation, he accepted the fact that by himself he couldn’t get what he wanted and attain that which he longed for, so he approached God and got a covenant from God. He got a promise from God and He knew that God would not just fail on His promise, but he was confident that God had the power to fulfill that which He had promised.
I am not sure what your personal situation or marital situation is, but whatever it is, do you need a change for the better? Do you accept that by yourself you cannot attain the positive change that you desire? Then first, you need to develop a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Your experience in God will prove to you that God has the power to do for you that which He said He will do.
If God says He hates divorce and violence in marriage, then it’s because He has something better for you in that marriage; one you cannot attain by your limited self, but that you can trust God to fulfill a promise in your marriage that only He has the power to fulfill, so learn to trust Him. In all that you have learned about marriage on this blog, please learn a little also about faith in marriage; it will help you go a long way.  
In my next post, I think I should share a story I came across about a troubled marriage, and then for the post after that I think I should gist a little about sex in marriage. Some interesting things coming up on the blog so don't be far from a here. 

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Tiny Things to Know About Marriage

Hello people, it’s another wonderful opportunity to learn a little from the throne of God about something useful that can help our marriages move from where it is now to where God has destined it to be, being mindful of the fact that our marriages are designed and destined by God to be a promised land for us who are in it; a land flowing with milk and honey, a place of comfort and rest and an abode of joy and happiness.
Some marriages are already enjoying a glimpse of this promised land, while some still have their marriages as a valley of shadow of death in which they are making effort to endure rather than enjoy. But all that is needed to get to where we want to be is as simple as following God’s instructions for our marriages to the tiniest detail and then letting God rearrange what He alone can rearrange in our marriages.
But sincerely there are so many trivial issues that the devil is using as opportunities to steal away joy and laughter from many homes. And when we are not on our guard the devil uses these trivial issues to gain foothold where it should not until he destroys completely the joy of the marriage and in a lot of cases not just the joy but the marriage itself. In my post today I want us to look at one or two of these trivial issues as examples and then we can look at our own marriages in view of this and be on our guard.
I will use my own marriage as the first example, and here is the story. I share the same tablet of bathing soap with my husband, and my husband is a very meticulous personality, quite detailed in his view of things. Personally I take my bath with the soap in the bathroom and when I am done I clean the bathroom area where I must have splashed foams of soap while bathing and then leave. But my husband is so particular that I wash the tablet of soap after every bath. He had complained about this once or twice and when I realized it was becoming an issue, I made it a point to always remember to wash even the soap when I am done bathing. I would not allow the devil use this very simple thing to steal my joy away. Things as simple as this has been the foundation of some broken marriages.
I also heard of the story of a wife who cannot stand her husband eating in their bedroom and the husband on his part finds it hard sitting on the dining table to eat his meals. He would rather eat his meal in bed while watching a movie. This is an attribute of the husband that freaks the wife out so badly. It so gets on the nerves of the wife that her husband would rather eat on their matrimonial bed than on the dining table. It was an issue that she had been trying to correct without success. This simple issue had been eating into her peace and making her grouchy as a wife. It had affected her effectiveness as a wife. And after a while she decided to damage the television power outlet and pretended she didn’t know how it happened. This invariably forced the husband to resort to eating on the dining table since the T.V he loved to watch while eating wasn’t working any longer. At least there would be a form of peace for the wife till the television power outlet get repaired.
Interestingly my husband loves to eat in bed too and I sincerely don’t see anything wrong in it, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good or bad habit or that another wife has no right to detest the habit, it just simply means that every day we have very trivial issues affecting our marriages and we need to be on our guard. Sometimes simple sacrifices will do to solve the problem, but sometimes we need to look a little deeper.

Ephesians 6:12-13
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after everything, to stand. Stand firm then.  

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

It’s important that we are mindful of the fact that our marriages are battlefields, and when I mean battlefields, I do not mean battlefield for a husband and his wife to destroy themselves, neither is the battle in question between the husband and his wife, but between the marriage unit (which consist of husband and wife) and the devil. The devil is not interested in the success of any marriage because unity in marriage is a vital key to success in the individual lives of those in the marriage. When there is unity in the marriage, impossibility is eradicated and success is sure.
And so the devil brings up these seemingly trivial issues in marriages just to destabilize the marriage and introduce chaos in that marriage unit. Once he is successful in this, he is not just destabilizing the marriage, he is destabilizing every other area of the individual lives of the married couples and thereby introducing into their lives all sorts of negativity that will prevent them from reaching the full potential of their destiny and attaining and possessing all that God has laid in store for them.
When you allow trivial issues to take a foothold in your marriage then you have given the devil a head start to have a free playing field in your marriage. The Bible says we are not ignorant of the devices of the devil.
Handle these trivial issues as soon as they rear their ugly heads before they take a foothold in your marriage. If you need to give up your stand just to let peace reign then it is worth the sacrifice. Paul said in the passage above that “we demolish arguments and pretentions that sets itself against the knowledge of God and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). When things that could cause contention and strife in your marriage is stared up, nip it in the bud, swallow your pride and work for peace, and above all pray. Arrest any thought within you that would not work for the good of your marriage. Never let those thought have a resting place in your heart.
The trick of the devil is to make you feel that your spouse is your enemy, but as Christians we should know better. Paul said that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against rulers, authorities, power of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Your spouse is not in the heavenly realm, he/she has flesh and blood just like you and so the fight is not against him/her. The real enemy are what Paul has highlighted for us in the passages above.
Just like you are in the battlefield fighting, so is your spouse. You will both do yourself a lot of good when you join forces together to fight your common enemy which is the devil. Your husband or wife might not be acting right, but they are not the problem, they are just what the devil wants you to see as the problem, the victory lies in you looking beyond your spouse to fight the real enemy of your joy which is the devil and whatever force is behind your husband or wife's inappropriate actions and attitudes. And good enough the weapons you fight with are not weapons of this world. They are weapons with power to pull down every stronghold.
Trivial issues, as trivial as they may seem have destroyed many marriages, its time to wake up from your slumber and destroy that which is aimed at destroying you. Hold unto God and enjoy peace in your marriage. I pray you remain blessed.

Friday, 12 January 2018

The Travails of a Betrayed Spouse

It’s another beautiful opportunity to have something to share with you on this blog. Sometimes when I feel tired and the nudge to give up the blog, I get a push from one or two comments I see of people wanting to read more and learn more from this blog. I pray that the Lord will always have something to share through me to you in Jesus name.
I was with some wives a couple of days ago and we were about fives wives seated together and in no time we found ourselves discussing marriage. We shared views and learned from each other things we could do to improve the status of our marriages. Among the five of us seated there, none was less than ten years in marriage so you can guess that we all had our fear share of experience in marriage with stories to tell about our marriages.
But one of us had a bitter taste in her mouth about marriage, she has resolved in her heart that all husbands are cheats and cannot be trusted. And in her opinion, there is nothing a wife can do about it. No matter how a wife tries to improve herself in her marriage, her husband would still cheat on her if he wills. I am so very sure that a lot of women share in this school of thought, but it’s all so faulty. I do agree that a handful of men have grossly betrayed the trust their wives bestowed on them but I am also convinced that a handful of faithful husbands still exist.
Its understandable that a woman whose trust has been betrayed would come to a conclusion such as this, but the same goes for the man whose trust has been betrayed by his wife. He would easily come to the conclusion that women can never be trusted and all women are cheats. So there is the need to look at this matter and try to get a better understanding in dealing with the issue of trust in marriage.
I have written about trust in marriage several times on this blog, but it’s just important that I keep writing about it until we have a very clear and matured understanding of this issue.
The man or woman you are married to is human, and that means such a person is liable to fall and fail at any time. Even the man or woman with very high moral upstanding is susceptible to fall if he is not keeping rein on himself/herself and being very watchful and on his/her guard against any and every form of temptation and deception. Most extra-marital affairs begin with simple friendship of when a man and a woman who are not married to each other begins to enjoy each other’s company more than that of their spouses; and then they begin to share problems together and then help each other solve problems, then there are chances this bond outgrows it bound. Its always start as a harmless simple friendship and neither would know when the so-called simple friendship spirals into an uncontrollable attraction unless they make conscious effort to set a limit. 
The man in this friendship would tell you he is still very much in love with his wife but he is not sure what took over him and the same goes for the woman who finds herself in this situation. They will tell you with all honesty that they love their spouses so very much and would not want to hurt the feelings of their spouses but are still not ready to let go off the friendship that has posed a problem to their marriage.
As a wife married to a man who has found himself in this position, it’s not that you have done anything wrong or that you are not good enough. It was never your fault your husband walked his way into the devil’s trap, and truth be told, it’s also not that your husband doesn’t love you or does not want to love you. But when you find yourself in this position it is also not the end of the world nor the end of your marriage. It’s just time to let God do for you and in your marriage what you cannot do for yourself. This is the time to pray and commit the situation into God’s hands.
I agree that it hurts so bad when the one you have trusted with your life betrays that trust whether intentionally or not, but it’s also in order that you forgive and work towards the healing of your marriage than to keep reminiscing on the wrong done against you. The fact that you have been betrayed does not mean that everyone is evil. We all have wounds and we nurse it with the hope that it heals, and the emotional wound inflicted on you by the betrayal of a spouse should also be allowed to heal without leaving a scare on your life or marriage. 
In as much as I encourage trust in marriage which is a key component of a successful marriage, but I will say that there is a very healthy way to trust. When you learn to trust the healthy way you will seldom get disappointed to the point of being betrayed. This kind of healthy trust works well for every kind of relationship you find yourself in and marriages inclusive.
Jeremiah 17:5-10 talks about this healthy trust. When you trust healthy, you trust God rather than man, and even when a human is involved like it should be in every relationship, you trust that human through God. When you learn to trust this way you won’t be disappointed or feel betrayed. If every one else fails, God never fails. He will not disappoint your trust in Him, neither will He allow your trust in Him be betrayed. 
In case you are wondering how it is possible to trust a man through God or trust a woman through God, this is the way it happens: first you must believe in God, then you must have a trusting relationship with God. If you are one who believes in God and you believe that God hears and answers prayers and if everyone else fails God never fails, then you are on the right track of healthy trust.
The next thing to do is to pray. When you want to trust your spouse or anyone else you need to trust, you will commit that your spouse or who ever you need to trust into God’s hands and ask the Lord to lead his/her life such that they will only do those things that will make you trust them. If you believe God answers your prayers, then you should believe that God will answer this prayer too and there is no point acting in doubt or continue to be suspicious. Just believe that God’s eyes will be on your spouse and by the grace of God he/she will not make a mistake. Not because by themselves they cannot make mistakes, but because committing them into the hands of God, God will not let them make mistakes. You know the heart of Kings are in the hands of God and like a water course, He directs them as He pleases (Proverbs 21:1). When you do this you can be at peace in your marriage and rest assured that trust in your marriage will not be compromised because it’s a trust built on God’s faithfulness.
This has worked for my marriage and I am so very convinced it will work for yours too. Even when your spouse has betrayed your trust countless times this kind of healthy trust still works wonders and your marriage can be at peace because what you cannot do by yourself, God can, and will do for you.

Monday, 8 January 2018

Raising Godly Offspring : Manoah's Story

I thank God for another opportunity to drop a small piece for you on this blog, and I pray that what you read here blesses you and makes a great impact in your life to the glory of God.
In my last post I started to write about the product of our marriages and one of such important product is the offspring that we have been able to produce for God from our marriage union. God said in Malachi 2:15 that He made the man and his wife one in flesh and spirit because he was seeking godly offspring from their union, and so if we will be diligent to fulfill this one of our marital assignments to God then we need to take the parenting assignment on our marriages a little more seriously.
We looked at the father in Job in the last post I shared, and learned a few lessons that should help us understand the scope of our assignment as parents, and in today’s post, we will learn a little more from another parent figure in the Bible.
Judges 13, tells us the story of the birth of Samson and there are so many lessons to learn from this story and I pray the Holy Spirit will open the mind of God to us and reveal to us the deep truth and lessons of this passage.

Judges 13:2-5
A certain man of Zorah, named Manoah, from the clan of the Danites, had a wife who was sterile and remained childless. The angel of the Lord appeared to her and said, “You are sterile and childless, but you are going to conceive and have a son. Now see to it that you drink no wine or other fermented drink and that you do not eat anything unclean, because you will conceive and give birth to a son. No razor may be used on his head, because the boy is to be a Nazarite, set apart to God from birth, and he will begin the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistine.”

This might appear as just an ordinary story but the first extraordinary lesson in the story is the role Samson’s mother played in the realization of her son’s destiny. The Bible said the angel of the Lord appeared to Manoah’s wife who was sterile and childless and gave her the good news of her childbirth, but the angel didn’t stop at that. If that was all there was to it, it would have been easy. But she had a role to play in the whole matter. She was to consecrate her own life for the sake of the child in her womb. She was to abstain from things that could alter or affect the destiny of her unborn child.
In the same manner as parents we owe God the duty to consecrate our lives for the sake of our children. Do you desire a child set apart for God, then begin by consecrating your own life for the sake of your child/children. Set apart your life that your children might have an ideal role model in you. Set apart your life that you might have the moral justification to right the wrongs in the lives of your children. You will agree with me that it’s easier to lead your children by example than to direct them in one path and then you follow another.

Deuteronomy 7:9
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands.

Number 14:18
The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet He does not leave the guilty unpunished; He punishes the children for the sin of the father to the third and fourth generation.

In the passages above we find the relationship between the consecration of the parents and the destinies of their children. Good or bad what you do affects your children’s lives either negatively or positively depending on the course of your own action.
Manoah’s wife had to consecrate herself because of the destiny and assignment of her son. She had to stay away from those things that could contaminate the destiny of the child she was to carry. It’s not just Manoah’s wife that has to do this for her child, we all have to because under our care are the generals of the Lord. The army of the living God assigned to bring down the Kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven. By consecrating our lives, I do not mean abstaining from food and drinks, but abstaining from actions and deeds that will not glorify God in your life or that of your children. 
God says He is seeking godly offspring from our marriage union, and one of the ways we can make this happen is by living exemplary lives that will bestow on our children the love of God to a thousand generations after us. As long as the Lord still seeks godly offspring from our marriage union, then our children are Nazarites to the Lord, just like Samson was a Nazarite to God. Our children are the army the Lord seeks to bring His Kingdom down to earth as it is in heaven, just as Samson was destined to bring about the deliverance of Israel from the hands of the Philistines.
And just before I round up this post, I would want us to consider the role played by Manoah who was Samson’s father in the whole consecration issue.

Judges 13:8
Then Manoah prayed to the Lord; “O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born.”

So we see that the consecration was not just about Samson’s mother, but his father had to pray for the Lord to teach them how to bring up the special son to be born. Are fathers still praying that the Lord  would teach them how to raise the army of the Lord or they are adopting their inadequate understanding on this matter? Manoah prayed and so should all fathers. Manoah sought clarity from the Lord and so should all fathers. So to be able to please God in this assignment, you need the help of God to lead you and see you through to success. If you have not been praying now is the time to start.
So we have learned that in order to succeed in producing for God the godly offspring that He seeks from our union we need to consecrate ourselves for the sake of the destiny of our children and we need to pray that the Lord teaches us how to train our children such that their lives pleases the Lord and they fulfill their destinies. In doing this we will succeed well. And so till I come your way again. I pray that you remain blessed. To learn more on raising godly offspring for the Lord, you can get my book "Because the Lord Seeks Godly Offspring." It available on My Book Store through this link