Money and Marriage (2)

I thank God yet again for God’s grace to see another day and enjoy another divine goodness of God. It’s something to be grateful for always that we wake up early in the morning well and healthy everyday and our children, spouses and entire family are all well and okay. This is one gift from God that no amount money can buy. When your challenge in life is not that you are on the sick bed, please take a moment to thank God real good. It’s not because you are lucky, or that you are able to take care of yourself more than others, or that your money has bought you good health, it’s just because of the mercy and grace of God that you are as you are. I am thanking God and I hope and pray you are too.

In this post I am trusting God to teach us how we can combine the assignment of God on our lives and also the ability and the need to earn income and make wealth such that our primary assignment from God is not affected. The first thing that we need to place at the forefront of our minds is that at the beginning of time, God did not create us to struggle to eat and have the good things of life. Our assignment on earth is not that we might live to survive. All that we need to survive has been provided for by God even before He created man.

In the process of creation in Genesis 1, we will discover that God had created everything and set them in their places before He created man. God had planted the garden, provided the sunlight that the garden needs to grow well, He had provided the rivers to water the garden, and the rich soil with all its required nutrients had all been provided for before man was created. As a matter of fact God had created all the animals, the birds of the air and the fish of the sea had all been created and set in their places before God created the man. So what we need to understand is that God did not form man without adequately providing for the man He created even before man was created. So we see that of all that God assigned man to do, the pursuit of wealth and the struggle for survival was not part of it. When God created man, He asked the man and his wife to replenish the earth, to reproduce after their own kind, but God never left the man to go struggle for his own survival.

This knowledge is to help us understand how to prioritize our pursuit on earth. Some may argue that after Adam sinned, God cursed man and man would have to sweat and toil hard to eat. But another covenant came into existence after the sacrifice of Noah in Genesis 8, and from Genesis 9:1-3 when God gave man a fresh start He reestablished His initial order and God gave man everything as food. Toilsome labor vanished with the flood of Genesis 7.

This revelation is not designed for man to sit lazy and wish food on his table, but that as man gets busy on his assignment for God, God gets busy ensuring that such a man never lacks, and provisions of his needs are constantly and consistently made available to him. Men who truly pursue the things of God never lack. They may face obstacles and challenges along the way, but those are challenges they are bound to overcome because the word of God never fails. Jesus said we should seek first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness and all other things shall be added unto us. Moses said in Deuteronomy 8:18 that it is God who teaches our hands to make wealth, and King Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 2:26 that for a man who pleases God, He gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. Those are fundamental truth about life that we need to remind ourselves about.

With this revelation, we need to understand that in marriage money is just a means to an end; it is not the end focus and should not be the goal of any marriage. When you have money as the focus of your life, it’s like chasing after a wind. The more you pursue it, the more it runs from you. A marriage that has money as its main goal is most likely to be plagued with selfishness and frustration that ultimately leads to chaos. But when the focus of a marriage is to fulfill the God given assignment for the couples in the marriage, the means to accomplish that goal will be made available to them by God who assigned them the responsibility. So if the couples require wisdom to fulfill their goal which is to fulfill their God given assignment for their lives, then God will make sure that wisdom is made available to them in abundance. Also if the couple requires money to fulfill their goal which is to do what God has assignment them to, then God who gave them the assignment will ensure they have enough money to meet up with that which He has assigned them to do. God will not assign a responsibility to man without providing a means to meet up with the assignment.

God who has assigned the man to be the head of the home and to provide for his family will ensure that He provides for the man what he needs and requires to be the head of the home and to provide for his family be it money, wisdom, understanding and any other thing he needs. Also if God has assigned the wife to be a suitable helper to her husband, He will ensure that He provides her with all she needs to be a suitable helper to her husband and if money is required surely God will empower her with the required wealth.

When a man begins to struggle for survival, it’s likely because his focus and goal has shifted from God to survival. His eyes have probably shifted from God to money. When this happens, all that is required is for the man is to shift focus from money or survival back to God. When a man thinks he can survive outside of God, God does not intercept the man’s pursuit but waits patiently till the man realizes he can’t do it by himself and approaches God for help. Remember it is God who teaches our hands to make wealth.

With all that has been said, the question that comes to mind next is that; with all that we have learned of God’s provision, should a man then bother to work or should he sit and trust God for his provisions? Proverbs 18:9 says, “One who is slack in his work is a brother to one who destroys,” then Proverbs 12:24 says “Diligent hands rule, but laziness ends in slave labor.” “If a man will not work, he shall not eat” was the rule Paul gave in 2 Thessalonians 3:10. A man sitting idle and trusting God alone is a lazy man and poverty smiles at him if he does not wake up from his slumber and put his hands to work. It is what you put your hands to do that the Lord promised to bless in Deuteronomy 28:3-14 and not your laziness or idleness. If you long for the blessing of the Lord on your financial life then you need to present a work that you do for God to bless. And you also need to ensure that the work you do is in line with the ability and talent God gave you, and you are not pursuing after another man's success. Then if you honor God with your wealth and use your wealth in a manner that pleases God, you can be sure increase will not depart from your work. Growth and promotion will always be your portion as long as God and His will is your focus.   

The economy of this present day is very harsh and it is an understatement that it is beginning to affect many homes and marriages but this should not be. God did not design your marriage for struggles and survival. When others are complaining and groaning in the hardship of the present economy, you can live a life of abundance and your marriage enjoying a divine refreshment when you and your spouse have God at the center of your pursuit and you have His assignment for your lives as your goal. May the Lord bless our homes.

Another Question To Answer

It’s another beautiful morning and yet another beautiful opportunity share the truth of God’s word to bring life and health to our homes and marriages. I have hoped and looked forward to sharing my next post on marriage and money but yet I am going to put it on hold to give a response to a comment on my last blog post. I bless God for those who have taken the time to share the message of this blog and bless those who take the time to read may the Lord bless you all richly. I also appreciate the questions and comments, with the help of the Holy Spirit all questions will be dealt with through the truth of God's word and I pray that more homes will be healed to the glory of God alone.

The question asked and will be dealt with in this post is as follows:

May God bless you real good and continually increase your anointing. On a final note, when a man becomes abusive as a result of external influences (e.g. a strange woman) which you have dealt with before in one of your previous posts, and decides to throw his wife out of the house (may be so the other woman could move in), can this woman still forcibly stay put and work on her marriage from within? How about those whose husbands have thrown out due to no fault of theirs, and before you could spell OUT, another woman has moved in and started having kids... should she still wait for possible reconciliation? Discussing this with a friend; she asked a question... "What have women done wrong?"

The first thing I want you to help me communicate to your friend is that women have done nothing wrong. The magnitude of your trial is in direct proportion with the magnitude of strength and ability that God has placed in you. God will not tempt us more than we can bare, and so if you are going through it, its because God knows that you with His help and support you can pass through it victoriously and better off. We need not dwell on the challenge and magnify the trials, but rather hold on firmly to the power of God with which you can overcome all troubles. David was not consumed by the strength of Goliath, but rather faced Goliath by the power of God. There will always be issues on our journey in life and those challenges are obstacles that God has provided a way for us to overcome.

In dealing with main question, I want us to take a look at some Bible scriptures so we have a scriptural understanding of how to deal with an issue such as this. 

1 Corinthians 7:12-15

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 

Before we cling to this scripture as the right thing to do, we should note that Paul has stated that he is the one talking in this scripture and not God talking through him. This is Paul’s solution to the matter based on his own perspective. But it is a scripture that fits well to answer the question that has been asked. For as long as you are a believer in Christ Jesus, you should not be the one initiating the separation. But if it’s your unbelieving spouse that wants to leave then you are not bound by such circumstance as Paul puts it. And for the wife, God says submit to your husband as unto the Lord, if your husband says leave, then in obedience please leave.

But the clause to all this is that you are not allowed to re-marry as long as your husband is still leaving. The fact that Paul says you can leave does not amount to the fact that you can go marry someone else. It is only death that terminates a marriage covenant by God’s standard. But before I appear as a prophet of doom, we will look at the scriptures again for a lasting solution to the problem. 

Genesis 21:8-13

The child grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking and she said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.”

The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned her son. But God said to him. “Do not be distressed about the boy and your maidservant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned. I will make the son of the maidservant into a nation also, because he is your offspring.” 

Malachi 2:13

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 

Like I said earlier if your husband insists that you leave, then in the spirit of obedience and submission leave. But when you leave, you are not leaving and giving up on your marriage. Your husband acting in that manner show he is obviously not acting with his senses intact; he is a man who needs help. You are hurting no doubt but you are still God’s vessel in bringing him back to whom the Lord designed him to be and whatever effort you make in his recovery you will receive joy in abundance to the glory of God. You are then leaving to fight the battle from the outside while the effect is felt in your home that has been stolen by another woman.

In order for a wife in this situation to understand her right and the support she enjoys from God, I would like us to consider the story of Sarah. True, it was Sarah who offered her maidservant to Abraham in desperation for a child, but when it was time to send the intruder packing, it was the same Sarah who did the job and the Lord backed her up. As a wife you might not be able to confront your husband physically over an intruder in your home, but you can and will send her packing by issuing the instruction on your kneels through prayers and heaven will back you up. At the beginning God said what He has joined together let no man put asunder. When you speak the word of God back to Him, He acts on it with urgency. Heaven and earth will pass away, but not a jot of the word of God will go unfulfilled.

Nobody born of a woman, no principality or power from the pit of hell has the authority to take over your home when you are not dead. When you stand your grounds and exercise your authority in Christ, then no power can overcome you. More so a woman with good manners, who submit to her husband and whose prayer life is not dead, then your husband will have no reason to consider taking another wife. Remember that Paul said an unbelieving husband has been sanctified by his believing wife. As a child of God you are a shield over your husband. When you are not prayerfully sleeping and you put up your best attitude in the home and diligently make your husband the king of your home, he will have no cause to consider another woman.

God said he has shut his ears from the prayers and rejected the sacrifice of a man who has broken faith with the wife of his youth. Note that God is not particular about just any wife, but the wife of his youth. Yes you are hurting about your husband’s action of sending you out of his live because he wants to take in another wife, but you are favored by God. The Lord Himself is fighting your course so you don’t need to hate or get bitter; you just need to continue being a child who pleases the Lord.

Have you ever considered why God did not fulfill His covenant with Abraham through Ishmael the child of his maidservant who is suppose for be his first child. Well it’s because that was not the child of promise; a covenant child must be a product of a covenant relationship. Sarah was the wife of Abraham’s youth, she was his covenant wife and God will only fulfill His covenant through a covenant relationship. God’s standard has not changed and His pattern remains the same, as it is with Sarah, so shall it be with you. You carry your husband's favor in you and so he needs you even though he does not realize it yet, so just keep praying and trusting God. No matter how far and for how long your husband has strayed away with another woman if you keep declaring the truth of God’s word that “what God has joined together let no man put asunder” on your marriage, surely your declaration will find a means to manifest and your latter days will be more glorious than the former.

Just To Answer Your Question

I thank God again for a wonderful day with another wonderful opportunity to share God’s word. I thank God again for His word that is changing lives continually and I also thank Him for the lives that are being changed and homes that are healed. If you have been blessed by what you read on this blog then don’t keep the goodness to yourself, share with a friend and bless a soul, bless a home and put joy in the life of someone.

I was planning on continuing on the issue of money and marriage, but I am halted by a comment on the post titled “Handling Domestic Violence.” The person who posted the comment wants me to address a question, so I’ll do just that in this post before continuing on the topic of marriage and money. The question asked is as follows: 

God hates divorce. How about separation? Is there anywhere in the bible that says do not separate from an abusive man/marriage? We all have different pain thresholds, some can stay in the same marriage and pray, while some are better off far away from the abuse... and pray. (Pls ma'am address this)

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 reads “To the married I give this command (Not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." This passage to a large extent gives an answer to the question asked. God not Paul says a wife must not separate and if she does then she should remain unmarried or be reconciled back to him.

I am tempted to say that what we lack is not pain threshold but self-control and the ability to trust God with our problems. A wife in an abusive marriage can overcome that challenge without even leaving home if she knows how to discern her husband’s attitude, avoid confrontation of any kind and pray. Often times, it is what a wife says or does that triggers the monster on an abusive man. This she might do intentionally or innocently. Once you notice that trend, it is important that you as the wife test run your speech or rehearse your words within her before presenting same to your husband. When you are married to an aggressive husband you don’t do things spontaneously, you think well before you act or talk. You keep up with this till you are able to conquer the demon in him.

When a wife separates from her husband, the chances of reconciliation are very slim. Such marriage might never get back together. (Please note the word might). It is better to fight the war from within and watch the progress made. You can’t nurse a sick person to health when you are physically not present with him/her, it amounts to you not nursing the person at all.

But it’s not an impossible case to run in the face of danger. You are more a vessel for God being alive than dead. When you separate from an abusive man with the mind of pray and you still have the success of your marriage at heart but had to leave for the sake of the present challenge I don’t think God will persecute you for that. If you are separating then you should know that its not for the purpose of another marriage. When you are done praying it’s important to pack your bags and baggage and return to your place of assignment, which is in the life of your husband.

I hope this has puts clarity to the issue and we are beginning to have a clear understand of what God requires in this matter. May the Lord bless our homes.

Money & Marriage

Good morning beautiful people of God, it's a beautiful day that the Lord has made and it is a day to rejoice and be thankful for. Never mind the situation you are in right now, never mind the challenges you are facing at the moment. When you learn to praise God through your challenges, you are consciously telling God you trust Him enough to pull you through whatever it is that you are going through that seem so tough for you to handle alone. And you can be sure that those who trust the Lord can never do so in vain.

In today’s post I will trust the Lord to teach us some vital lessons on the issue of financial responsibility in the home. Is this become a big issue in marriage? Without blinking an eyelid, the answer to that question is a very BIG yes. Money which the Bible says “answers all things” and also says “is the root of all evil”, has been the root of many evils in marriage when not  handled properly.

A responsible man will tell you that the man should be the sole provider in the home and he’ll quote 1 Timothy 5:8 which says “anyone who does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” to back up his claim. With this Bible passage every man should understand that as the head of the home, he is saddled with the responsibility to financially take care of his family. This is his God assigned responsibility and it will be much easier if he sees it as God sending him on assignment to take care of a set of people He has kept under his watch rather than seeing it as an obligation to his wife and children. The man will fair better in taking care of his family when his focus is on God who sent him to carry out the task above those who are the beneficiary of the task.

But life generally is full of ups and downs, the road of life is never straight and so there will be times when the man though willing to but is unable to meet up with this task of financial provision for his family. God who knows the end from the beginning has provided a wife for the man as his suitable helper to make up for the down times in his life. She has been assigned by God and equipped by God to help her husband whenever there is a fall in his life, and even the financial fall is not excluded.

So many times I have written that we have allowed baseless traditions to erode God’s original design for marriage. There is nowhere in the Bible where a woman is prohibited from assisting her husband financially from providing for the needs of the family. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes the wife of noble character as one who brings her husband good all the days of her life. She is described as one whose trade is profitable and one who brings her food from afar. The Bible says she is like a merchant’s ship who does not eat the bread of idleness. This is a woman who is well prepared to support her husband if and when her help is required. She is the crown of her husband’s life.

I agree that the man and wife cannot share equal responsibility in meeting up with the financial needs of the home, and I also will state that God has not called the wife to be the breadwinner of her family, but she is a prepared and readily available support to her husband when it is required. As a wife you need to know that it is your responsibility to support your husband financially and in every way he needs support when he needs the support.

With this truth laid out, I have heard a lot of women say that once their husband knows that they have money or they are making money, these husband begins to shelve their responsibility of providing for the home claiming that since they (wives) are working they can as well pick the bills. This is turn has caused a lot of issues in the home. Now the question from these beautiful wives is: Should they start to keep a secret about their financial status from their husbands so he can fulfill his responsibility and not shift this burden on them as wives. They also wonder what their husbands are doing with their own income that it has all of a sudden become impossible to pick up the family bills while they are still working?

Like a said earlier the man is the principal provider for the family; he is the head of the family and he should understand that he can only effectively exert control over his family if he is financially providing for them. 1 Peter 3:7 and Malachi 2:13 reveal to us that a man who deliberately refuses to take care of his family stands the risk of having his prayer unanswered by God. This act of irresponsibility is a big hindrance to the prayers of the man.

But in marriage deceit is very costly; I will not advise that a wife keeps her financial status a secret from her husband most especially if he demands to know about her financial standing. The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:24 that a wife should submit to her husband in everything, and that includes your finances. But when you have obeyed in this regards whatever action your husband takes with this information is an action he is accountable for and he will bear the consequences or benefit of whether his action is positive or negative.

I will say to the couple in marriage that whatever you sow into your marriage whether in deeds or in money, are all seeds sown that will germinate and produce a harvest in multiple of what was sown. It is common occurrence that when a man makes the sacrifice of providing for his family, such a man prospers, and the moment he stops providing for his family his financial life begins to take a negative down turn. It’s simply because he has stopped to sow the seed that are bound to produce the expected harvest for him. And when it’s his wife that taking up the responsibility and does the needful, she also begins reap a harvest in the measure of what she has sown.

The economic situation the world over isn’t looking or feeling friendly and it has taken its effects on many homes. I will say that in order to forestall its negative effect on our homes and marriages, its time that all hands will be busy generating the required income to run the home. Its not a time to let the husbands bear the husband alone and also it is not the time for the man to shy away from his God given assignment just because God has blessed the wives. When both couples are making effort then the home will be protected from the negative wind sweeping through the world’s economy. May the Lord bless our homes.

Handling Domestic Violence

Several times I have heard people say things like “this woman has so suffered from the hands of her husband, yet she is submissive and meek.” The person telling the story speaks with so much passion that one is tempted to wonder how cruel can God be to watch this meek and gentle woman suffer humiliation and hate from the hands of her husband who is suppose to love her, care for her and treat her with respect. Yet God says He hates divorce.

Some people have attributed some issues in life to be a misery that can only be unraveled when we leave this world and this illustration is one of such miseries. But God is not a cruel God and He does wish that the people He created should have to suffer anything. In fact the heart of God bleeds when He sees His children suffer. But just as God created the one who is being humiliated, He also created the one who is causing the humiliation so to say. He is a fair God who alone sees the two sides of the coin. He does not judge as we do, and He does not approach issues in the way and manner which we do. He is God, the One who sees the end from the beginning. Just as He longs to save the one who is humiliated, He likewise wants to save the one who humiliates.  

God said His people perish for lack of knowledge and then He also said, we should call on Him and He will answer us and tell us great and unsearchable things we do not know (Jeremiah 33:3). And so that tells me that if a wife genuinely seeks the face of God for an understanding into the secret to the problems and challenges she is facing in her marriage, the Lord is always willing, ready and available to answer her.

One truth about handling a situation that seems so hard to crack in marriage is that in approaching God for help and truth in that misery of a situation, what we carry in our hearts as we approach God matters. And we should be ready to find a solution in God's way and approach through the instructions He gives us rather than our own way. It is very easy to hate a husband that maltreats you. It is convenient have resentment towards a husband who has turned you into a punching bag. So what you most likely will be praying for is vengeance against your husband who has invariably become a monster in your life, forgetting that though God loves you and does not approve of you been maltreated which He has expressed clearly in Malachi 2:16, yet He loves your husband too and He longs that your husband will have a change of heart and character. Just as you need help, your violent husband needs help too, and all of these God sees and knows.

It’s like a mother whose children are always fighting each other; yes one will be on the wrong while the other is right; one will be the bully while the other is the bullied, yet they are siblings born of the same mother. And even though the mother does not like what is happening between her children, still she loves them both and will keep making efforts to mend the broken relationship between her children. She won’t kill one for the other neither will she disown one for the other. This illustration is what we put God through with dispute in our marriages, and for as long as the heart of both spouses are hardened towards each other they not only damage one another emotionally and even physically, they break the heart of God who loves and cares for them both.

No matter how bad or terrible a man is, God has still made his wife a suitable helper for hm. And no matter how bad a husband can be, the combined forces of God and his wife will tame him. Often times an abused wife wants vindication for how she has been treated, she wants vengeance for how she has been treated. What she seeks from God is often to punish her erring husband and when this not the case, she follows her heart and seek for a divorce in the name of running for her dear life and even praises God for it. But if God says He hates divorce and He has not changed His mind on that declaration then I am tempted to say that God did not ask you to divorce neither is He happy you did. Will God forgive that decision you made? I think the answer is yes, but this is not a thing to climb a church podium and give testimony about as a lot of people do today.

In Genesis 2:18 God gave a reason why He created the woman, and that reason is to be a suitable helper to the man who is suppose to be her husband. In that pronouncement of God, He did not specify the area of the husband’s life where the wife is to come in and help, He just said the woman who has become the wife is the suitable helper to the husband. So in any area of the man’s life where help is required, God has provided a helper for him in the person of His wife. Even with the man with a terrible temper and violent nature, still his wife is his suitable helper. And God would really love to use that wife who is her husband’s suitable helper as a vessel or an instrument to bring about a valuable change in the life of the man He created and loves despite his terrible nature.

It is important to pray hard before making a marriage decision, it is also important to check for signs to see and know if your husband has a tendency to be violent once in marriage and retrace your steps on your about to be sealed decision or better still cross check with God properly before signing that certificate. But people change, a man who was not violent before may end up being violent due to circumstances he finds himself but cannot help or he is unable to handle properly. Some men fall foolishly into the hands of evil strange women who are agents of darkness with the mission to spoil the good thing God has provided for your home and steal your joy. They influence your husband and take over his senses and he begins to act strangely. In some other cases the economic of times in these days is enough frustration on its own and a man who is increasingly finding it difficult to cope with the responsibilities on his shoulders gradually becomes violent. Not that he means to, but he has grown to be a frustrated man. In all of these, the wife is still God's vessel in bringing healing to her husband. She is God’s tool of change in the life of her husband.

She will apply the forces of prayer and good attitude, sensitivity to her husband’s mood and plenty of love to fight the war raging in her husband’s life and she will win. You cannot win a war against negativity by been negative too. You can only conquer the negative with a positive and that is why a wife can win any attack in the life of her husband that is affecting her both body and soul by been positive and prayerful.

When you are submitting to your violent husband, its not because you are weak, it because the battle you fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and forces of darkness in high places. And your weapons of war are not harsh words and unbridled tongues or even the fist, but your weapons of war are mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.

A wife who appears weak and unable to win the war against her husband’s rage of the fist is missing something vital. She might have prayed to God on the matter and be submissive to her husband, but what is she carrying in her heart concerning her husband? Is she able to forgive him truly and genuinely as she prayers? Does she see in her husband a man that can change and become a better person with the touch of God on his life? One too many times we hear wives of violent husbands say things like “he can never change or he is a failure,” when you have made such a negative declaration over the life of the person whom you have been assigned to help, then you complicate issues for yourself, because what you have declared will find a means of manifestation in him. Yet you have been assigned to help him and God has not changed His mind on that. What you say to and about your husband when you are hurt is very important and needs to be watched carefully.

In truth, it is hard task dealing with a violent husband, to have to work on someone who has not just dealt with you physically but more so emotionally is a big assignment. But the grace of God is available for you at all times. I know a lady who overcame an abusive marriage without having to go through a divorce, still with the same husband, but now there is so much love and peace between them. At every opportunity her husband thanks her for sticking with him through the past ugly days. When asked how she coped and was able to turn things around, she said it was and still is only God. She was at the point of depression and had so much resentment for her husband like everyone else in her situation. Then the Lord opened her eyes to His word that she was the suitable helper God has assigned to help her husband become a better person. It was hard for her to comprehend because she didn’t know how and was unwilling to do any good to the man she had grown to hate.

But she loved God and wanted to please God. She could not divorce her husband because she knew that would displease God, yet she hated the man she was living with. So she began to pray that God should help her overcome the resentment she felt for her husband. She prayed that God would love her husband through her because on her own she could not love the man again. Did God answer her prayers? Well her story today tells it all. God practically took control of her situation. When her husband comes home ranting and shouting and nagging, somehow she found herself not responding. No matter what her husband says, no matter the insult, she either was not talking back or would only say “I’m sorry”. Even those words “I am sorry” provoked her husband the more yet she says no word. In the midst of it all she was always praying within her and because she was praying she almost was not hearing what her husband was saying in his rants and shouts.

She submitted to him nonetheless and tried to ensure that all she had to do for him as his wife she did well. Today she tells the world she can’t say for sure how she managed through those days, but God always took over her body and senses that she becomes numb to her husband’s actions. This went on for years and over time she tamed her husband. Not by words but by actions and prayers. They are best of friends now and her husband respects her so much and she has become a model even for him. Till today, this lady still handles her marriage on these values, when her husband is angry she gives him space once she notices he is not willing to open up to her. When he calms down they talk and try to solve the problem together.

In closing I will say, there is nothing impossible for God to handle if we will let him. As a wife you should not compare your husband with anyone else. He is your husband and he is uniquely for you. If you know you are married to a man with a short temper, then you should understand that you have to deal with him with care. If your husband raises his hand to slap you, please never wait for the second slap or even try to challenge him. Run away from the scene to a safe place and lock yourself up till he calms down; the explanation can come later. Where you need to explain something to him in defense or you want to demand an explanation from him, leave it till the demon controlling the air at that time is conquered. While in your hiding place please pray and pray and let the power of God fill the environment where you are and where you husband is. All other things will come after the power of God has saturated the air. You can win the battle with all things still looking and feeling good. May the Lord bless our homes.

Domestic Violence

It’s another beautiful day with another beautiful opportunity to share the truth of the word of God. It’s been a while since I last shared a post on this blog and I must apologize for this. I have been a little bit unmotivated lately and I sincerely crave your prayers. Nothing too serious, I am just a little overwhelmed.

Well with my apology tendered I should then go ahead and be God’s spokesperson to a heart needing a word from Him today. And I want to say something about domestic violence. Despite the fact that I have been unmotivated the Lord has been laying it on my heart to share a word about the issue of domestic violence.

Domestic violence has been a trending topic lastly on all social media platforms and even in the news in my country. There is been a recent case of wife been beaten to death by her husband and it’s not a case in isolation. It is gradually becoming a one too many occurrence of very extreme case of domestic violence that has ultimately led to death.

One of the spouses dies and the other is also just as good as dead just because they both have not been able to master the act of controlling their emotions and exercising restrain when necessary. In situations like this the woman who most likely is the one that dies becomes the victim while the husband is the beast. This is just so natural because the man holds the strength of power, he carries the muscles. But we almost always forget that the wife carries the tongue and even in some cases carries some hidden venom that kills faster than the strength of the muscle. So in my submission to you in this post I will not be one sided, neither will I apportion blame. But by the help of the Holy Spirit we will be looking at this issue from a balanced point of view. 

Malachi 2:13-16

Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accept them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?”It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth; because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. 

Has not the Lord, made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

"I hate divorce, says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. 

So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith.

In the course of writing the book Marriage: God’s Rules of Engagement, I came across one hidden truth about marriage in Ephesians 5:22-31, Colossians 3:18-19 and 1 Peter 3:1-7 and this truth is that God in dealing with the issue of marriage begins with the wife. God instruction concerning marriage is first issued to the wife. Why the wife first and not the husband, who God says is the head of the home? It is because the success or failure of any marriage resides in the ability and wisdom of the wife. A wife is the heart of every marriage is what we like to say. When the heart is not functioning well the whole body is in trouble. If the heart does not recover the body dies. This is exactly what happens to marriage. If the wife begins to misbehave then that marriage is dancing swiftly to the rocks. If this wife is not awakened from her slumber her marriage dies.

Before I direct my writing to the man in marriage I will like to share a few passages from the Bible for the wives to consider so they know that there are consequences to their actions whether good or bad. As a woman you need to understand that you cannot sow the seed of hate and expect to reap love. When you want to be treated as a queen then you must endeavor to treat your husband like a king. Life is about cause and effect. 

Proverbs 21:9, 19

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. 

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. 

These two passages are meant to be a food for thought for all women; we need to personally assess ourselves to know what kind of a wife we are. Are we the manipulative wives, the quarrelsome wife, the wise wife or the wife of noble character? Genesis 2:18 states clearly the reason why God made the woman; our primary reason for being in existence is to be a suitable helper to our husbands. As a wife are you fulfilling that purpose? 

Proverbs 21:23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruits. 

Proverbs 18:2, 6

A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.

A fool’s lips bring him strife, and his mouth invites beating. 

Proverbs 14:3

A fool’s talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect him. 

Like I mentioned earlier, life is about cause and effect. When you sow a seed you must be ready to reap its harvest. When as a wife you do not learn to sow wisely then you should be ready to reap foolishly. Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Those who have applied this quote wisely in their homes are reaping the harvest of peace and love.

In marriage a woman fights her battles on her knees with God and not reflexing muscles with a husband you cannot match strength for strength. There is nothing your husband is bringing your way that you and God cannot handle. When the wife has a deep rooted relationship with God and she is sincerely following the leading of the Holy Spirit on the affairs of her home she can never be subjected to any humiliation by any man in the name of husband. If God cannot change your husband’s heart to love and care for you like he should, then the Lord will call the husband home and you will be free from the marriage covenant while He hands you over to a man who can love you like the Lord will want him to. God did it before for Abigail and it is at His discretion to do it again if the need arises.

If you as a wife do what you are supposed to do as a wife, doing it to please God, then you can be sure that peace beyond measure will reign in your home and even your husband will call you blessed.With this said, I then want to address the men.

In Malachi 2:13 God, addressing the men, said they weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to their offerings and does not accept their sacrifices with pleasure mainly because they have broken faith with the wife of their youth; the wife of their marriage covenant. Men who don’t treat their wives right don’t have to wait till they get to hell before they are punished. They start to get the response of their deeds while still on earth. I am sorry if I sound hard, but that’s the truth of the Bible. 1 Peter 3:7 says be considerate with your wife and treat her with respect so that nothing will hinder your prayers. So a man who does not treat his wife as the Bible says he should is at the danger of having his prayers hindered.

Then Malachi 2:16 God says He hates a man covering himself with violence as with his covering. This is not just any violence that God is speaking of, it is violence against your wife; the wife of your marriage covenant. The Bible says who can stand the wrath of God. If God says He hates a thing and you do it, then you invite His wrath. When that God comes, can you withstand it?

So many men have nosedived from grace to grass, from abundance to absolute lack and poverty owing to the way and manner in which they treat their wives. They cry wolf and blame it on household witches; it is no household witch, it is the Lord who stands as a witness between you and the wife of your youth that has refused to hear your cry for help and thrown your offerings back at your face. He will not tolerate any man treating His precious being violently. Change your ways and see how things will turn around in your favour.

If as a husband you abuse your wife and you are violent towards her, true she cannot match your strength, but there is someone who handles the case on her behalf whose strength you cannot comprehend. She might appear a weaker one to you and a ready prey for your outburst, but when she begins to pray I’ll advise you start to beg for forgiveness and retrace your steps because what will be the after effect of that prayer you cannot match it in any way. No matter how masculine and overbearing a husband is, he cannot match the powers of a praying wife. He might appear to win in the physical, but the real war is in the spiritual. When your wife has secured victory spiritual she has ultimately won even in the physical. It’s just the manifestation that comes afterwards.

Marriage is not a battle field, it is a land flowing with milk and honey where God has brought the man and his wife together as one people combining strength to wage war against the various challenges of their lives. Marriage is not for the husband and wife to battle against each other, but to combine forces against external forcing threatening their union. We need to always be reminded of this because it is based on this truth that God will demand an account from us on how we have performed on the assignment He has placed on our lives. In everything in life which includes marriage there is an effect for every cause, and there is a cause for every effect. Sow the right seeds so that you can reap good harvest. May the Lord bless our homes.

One More Thought On the Issues of Unity In Marraige

Much has been said about unity in marriage and now I am thinking “how can this be achievable between a husband and wife such as Nabal and Abigail.” As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, unity in marriage does not just come by chance, it is not a byproduct of love as most people would like to believe, but unity in marriage is an attribute that needs to be cultivated. It is something that has to be worked for and pursued as a goal in marriage.

It is often said that nothing good comes easy; this saying might be likened to the issue of unity in marriage. The devil will throw a lot of tantrums at your marriage to ensure that unity in that marriage is not attained. The wife and her husband will have conflicting opinions about more than one issue in their marriage but nonetheless they need to always have their minds focused on unity in their union in order to enjoy the benefits that accrues to those who have attained the goal.

A husband who has the unity of his marriage as his focus is a husband who bears the feeling and opinions of his wife in mind when making instructions or engaging in any action. A husband who has the unity of his marriage at heart is not a husband who is selfish in what he does. He is a husband who listens to the opinions of his wife, deliberate on issues with her before taking a decision or taking action on issues. Unlike what some tradition teaches, this husband who is one with his wife is not a weakling as some may think, but he is a man who knows that the prosperity of his life and the success of his assignment on earth is closely tied to the cooperation of his wife. He is a man who knows and understands that as one people (himself and his wife), nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them to do. This is a man who understands well his assignment for God and how to achieve much successfully.

A wife who has the unity of her marriage as her focus is a wife who knows the importance of submission. She is a wise woman who is not selfish in her ways and is not easily influenced by the outside world, but has her mind set on God. She is a wife who knows that her primary assignment given to her by God is to help her husband succeed in all he has to do and that is her main pursuit on the face of the earth. She knows that if her husband succeeds then she succeeds all the more. She is not in competition with her husband but strives to complement him while not attempting to take over his role or getting overzealous. She is not selfish but pursues the peace and prosperity of her husband as a means to the peace and prosperity of her own life. If her husband prospers, she prospers all the more. When things are done this way in marriage, then nothing the husband and the wife plans to do will be impossible for them.

Often times women have walked this line that I just described in marriage and when the husband becomes a success he begins to misbehave and forget that the success was not achieved on his strength alone but there was a lot of work done backstage by the suitable helper God has provided for him in his wife. Not too long after success is achieved that the husband begins to disdain his pillar of achievement. He forgets that it was when he was one people with his wife that success was achieved. In same manner the wife grows bitter and the bond of unity is broken and impossibility is allowed entrance into their union. So with this illustration, it is very important that the husband and his wife guards with all diligence the bond of unity that exist between them whether when successful or not.

Unity and communication are two inseparable entities in marriage because, how can you unite with someone you don’t communicate with? How is it possible to deliberate on goals and objectives when the husband and his wife have communication problems? So when there are quarrels and misunderstandings in marriage it is important that communication is not broken. Eat up the pride and mend fences with your spouse whether you are wrong or right because the communication space in the union cannot be left as a vacuum. Never be too proud to forgive and even beg because the unity of your union is important to your joint success and also your individual success. Communication enhances unity and unity produces success, peace and prosperity. All of these things take conscious effort to attain; they don’t just appear in the union by chance. They are not dependent on love, although love is a catalyst in the process. In fact all these positive attributes are byproduct of unity. You can unite with a person that you don’t love, but if unity lingers long enough love will appear in the union.

To achieve and retain success as a married couple, unity between the husband and his wife is very important. Pride and ego destroys good character, and they are enemies of success. So when success comes as a result of joint effort neither the wife nor the husband should allow pride or ego to consume them. This is a vice to guide against diligently as it will spoil the good that has been achieved. May the Lord bless our homes.